[Open] Save tonight, fight the break of dawn

[justice_is_blond]

WHO: Anders and OPEN
WHAT: The last open log with J!Anders before Justice is gone
WHEN: Mid-Justinian, from around the 8th to the 15th
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Anders, as usual. Prose or brackets work, I've just started everything in prose because that's less html I can screw up.

Healing Tents

Anders (and kitten) are constant sights in the healing tents in Skyhold from morning until evening. One of them works. One of them prefers to play, and is currently most fascinated by a slowly-unraveling string from a scrap of cloth that the larger of the two made sure was dangling down to draw attention.

"Watch the cat," is the warning someone coming in gets first, before being nodded toward the nearest table right away whether they've got a visible injury or not. That they're here for medical reasons is the safest assumption.

Library

He can be found here an early evening, paging through older books with a few pieces of parchment next to him where he's taking notes. Or hoping to. The top page is mostly blank, though, and Anders is frowning as he closes one book and pulls another off one of the few stacks he's made around himself.

People walking past don't even get glances, he's busy and he doesn't care if there are glares shot in his direction right now. People who stop get a glance up with a raised eyebrow and neutral-as-he-can-make-it expression.

Training Circle

It's early. Ridiculously early, early enough to be considered late the next day and that's why he's here now, working with his staff against a dummy. An opponent would be better, but few are here at this hour, and no one who was there when he arrived is someone he'd trust to work instead of actually attack. That being said, for once he's not seemingly radiating irritation and aggravation and he's even looking over as other people start to show up. He could use a hand and he knows it.

Hot Springs

He enters a little hastily, freezing after sweating in the cold and needing to get ready to head into the healing tents. There's not a lot of time to linger. ...but that thought fades away once he's fully in the water. It's so warm that he's sinking in to his chin almost right away, and really only leaving his face above water so he can keep an eye on Purrelden as the kitten chases a beetle.

Courtyard

Not since his Detlef days has he actually sat out here for a time. Dinner tonight is a simple affair, a few strips of meat washed down with a weak excuse for ale along with some a handful of fruit and nuts, but it seems better out here in the open air. People passing by get a nod whether they look at him with a smile or a scowl; he's actually not in a mood to fight right now. In a week's time he might be dead, he might be entirely without hope of having his head to himself again, or he might be alone in his head. It's an odd feeling, and the chill breeze and stars seem perfectly suited for it. There's room on the bench to join him, a cat on his shoulder, and he's... at peace.

[For Cole]

Since River and Simon's disappearance, Anders has been looking out for glances of Cole more often, just... checking on the boy. He's worried about River, and while she and Cole aren't exactly the same, thinking of one brings the other to mind often. Popping up to the third floor of the tavern one evening bears fruit and Anders smiles as he heads over to join Cole.

"Hello. I... I realize I've not actually thought of what to say when I do run into you. You're doing well?"

[For Zevran]

This speech, however, he's practiced repeatedly, and as Anders knocks on Zevran's door with a package in hand, there's a whole lot of amusement in his voice.

"Zevran? I know you said not to bring back a cow, but..."

[For Nate]

It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous, and potentially useless, and there's not a chance that Nate will hate the wriggling animal in Anders' arms because Nate is Fereldan. In fact, he'll probably love it. Anders is counting on that. He hadn't exactly been counting on Purrelden being confused, though, so the cat on his head digging small claws in as she struggles to stay perched and far away from the tiny confusing barking thing is not something he'd been prepared for. Anders ducks into their tent awkwardly, hoping Nate's in there and talking without even looking.

"A little help, please?"


Wildcard me!

[Want something with Anders? Come on in! Start a header, or poke me on Plurk at Nadat for one. He's easily found around the healing tents in Skyhold and around Camp Shady Fucker/the Warden camp.]

Comments

Library [oh lort here we go]

[solutus]

When he looks back on it later it’s going to feel ridiculous that Fenris didn’t notice him sooner. Didn’t somehow sense his proximity through some innate rage-imbued radar that might’ve prepared him somehow for exactly the scenario he’s imagined a thousand different ways, especially in the past months, each and every indulgent fantasy ending with Anders’ heart slowing as it beat heavily in his palm, removed cleanly from his chest.

Of course it doesn’t go this way though, because the Maker is apparently fond of jokes and Fenris doesn’t expect to come across him so casually, standing in the library like he has every right to be reading and breathing and occupying the same space as everyone else who isn’t an Abomination who single-handedly caused devastation on an scale bordering unfathomable. He's avoided Anders for some time, impotent and resigned in his fury out of respect for the Inquisition's law and Hawke's decision, or so he tells himself as much as it's a constant unscratchable itch under his skin.

He doesn’t see him at first. Instead he’s looking down at the books he’s chosen to smuggle out of the library with plans to steal them back to his room to boggle over for a few days in attempt to riddle out the secrets of written language. It’s his own fault too when he all but collides with the man, an easy smile and a quick apology at the ready before he sees exactly who he has nearly toppled.

Eyes narrowing, Fenris bristles like a cat, a silent hiss curling his lips instead. “You,” he says, low and pointed.

One more time, everybody feelin' fine?

[justice_is_blond]

"And to think the day had been so nice until now. I should have known." He'd seen the change, and it's satisfying in a way. He likes that his mere presence can infuriate Fenris still, can set the mage-hating fool on edge. Sure, he's also been hoping that what might be his last week would be peaceful, but he's never had his hopes granted.

"But what, does this mean you simply go around shoving into mages without any care who they are? That seems petty even for--no, it doesn't. I simply forgot what you were like." It was probably an accident. He doesn't give a care. "It's been some time. Too bad it wasn't longer."

And then, in a direct attempt to imply Fenris was a particularly old and toothless cat, Anders turns a page in his book and bends down to make a note on his sheet. He doesn't actually see something worth noting. He simply wants to be an ass.

[solutus]

Fenris glowers, taking a step back and snatching his book to his chest like Anders is something that could be catching. “Of course not, if I’d known you were here I’d have done far worse than shoving.” And if Anders’ sheer ubiety isn’t incensing enough, of course he’s going out of his way to be provoking. He’s very good at it and once again Fenris is vividly envisioning disemboweling him right here amongst the bookshelves. They both knows his threat is benign though and it hangs there, the air between them crackling with palpable tension. “The end of time wouldn’t have been long enough.”

Expression deepening into a scowl, Fenris doesn’t miss the insult and shifts his weight as Anders drops to the floor. Though he’d not intended to be rude initially, he’d certainly changed his mind. He extends his food and pushes Anders’ parchment with his toes, sliding it so that his ink makes a line across the page. It’s petty and beneath even him, but it feels good nonetheless and his lips quirk smugly.

[justice_is_blond]

He sees the smug look, knows the nudge was deliberate, and contemplates exactly how low he wants to go. ...He might die in a few days here. Why not get the last jabs in? It's hardly like Fenris can hate him more, or deserve Anders' ire more.

"I'd ask if you'd any idea of how important the research I'm doing right now that you've smeared ink on is, but that would be pointless. Why do you even hold a book in the first place? Are you pretending at something? There might be words with more than one syllable in there, you might want to see about getting a mabari to read it to you."

Hatred is not right. Hatred is not just. It can, however, be utterly satisfying.

[solutus]

If there’s a shade of affront in Fenris’ face it’s gone within a beat, dark eyebrows knitting in annoyance. The jab had hit close to home, Fenris can’t read the book he’s clutching, but he reminds himself that it doesn’t matter one bit what a monster thinks about anything and does not get to stand in judgement of his reading skills.

Dropping into a squat, Fenris meets Anders’ eyes squarely and holds them, lowering his voice so as not to attract the attention of anyone else diligently reading nearby. “If anyone is pretending at anything, it is you pretending you deserve to keep drawing breath, Abomination. I do not care about your research. I care that you still walk about despite the things you and your resident demon have done.”

[justice_is_blond]

"Do you practice being wrong all the time, or does it come naturally?" He meets Fenris' gaze, trusting that whatever keeps the elf here in Skyhold is keeping Anders' heart in his chest. There's been no pretending he deserves to draw breath from him. Others, that's where his strength is coming from. People want him alive.

The other part, though, is only partially wrong. Justice is corrupted in part. He's no longer purely spirit, and many know this. Too many. And what Justice is makes him a danger to the people he cares about... and not the person in front of him.

"Maybe this is why you're always alone. No one wants to spend all their time around someone who is so wrong." Not like they want to spend a lot of time with an abomination, really, but he'll say nearly anything to get away from a topic that actually hurts.

[solutus]

Fenris ignores the barb, glaring back sharply, meeting Anders' eyes levelly and refusing stubbornly to be the first to look away. He searches his eyes boringly, like he's looking for something Whether or not he finds whatever it is is a mystery and he sneers, upper lip curling derisively.

"You are one to speak of wrongness," he scoffs, accompanied by a derogatory laugh. He does not want to stray from the topic, seeing the attempt at diversion, but he's waited a long time for his chance at confronting Anders and his anger hasn't dissipated in potency since Kirkwall. He might have given up (for now) his lust to be the one to end him but he can't just let it all go, either. How the others can is beyond him and it rankles, another mage committed atrocity being swept under the rug. There is no punishment harsh enough. "You, a mass-murderer. Despicable agent of chaos and destruction. You may have some here fooled, mage, but I will never stop watching you."

[justice_is_blond]

Anders snorts, looking back at his papers deliberately.

"And how many have you killed, all told? Your count is likely higher than mine, with just as many innocents scattered in because you refuse to believe any mage is innocent." Fooled. At least he's safe from that accusation. He doesn't have to lie to anyone anymore, and it's a bizarre relief.

He corrects the smeared line, remembering what it said. "Watch as you'd like. You'll not find the opening you're so desperate for." Unless Justice has something to say about matters, but they're working on that. Hopefully Anders will never lose control again because Justice will be in the Fade. Then, then, he really can stay clear. "Maybe you'll be the one to slip up. Kill the wrong person. That would be satisfying."

[solutus]

A flicker of blue, lyrium flaring for the breadth or a heartbeat and dissipating again. He can get angry without losing control, he reminds himself, locking it down. That he had rule of his own faculties was one more thing that the Abomination did not.

"I do not kill all mages on sight, otherwise you would be long dead and a lot of trouble spared," he says more calmly. Had Fenris killed innocents? Yes; he wasn't free of his own guilt, especially of the things he'd done under Danarius' orders, but he resents that even Anders thinks that he goes about murdering mages regardlessly, especially when he's seen otherwise first-hand.

"Also, you misunderstand. I'm not looking to kill you. It's you that will slip up. You and your Demon will eventually, and I will be there. To protect those who stupidly trust you from you, I hope."

[justice_is_blond]

The flicker is satisfying, despite how Justice wants to get after Fenris for the demon comment. Anders is getting to Fenris. He likes getting to Fenris.

"You live with your head so far up your ass that you don't even know what's been going on. It's no wonder you're so misguided; you're behind. Clueless. Ignorant. Nothing new, really. You'll never have the opening you seek, and you don't know why."

Granted, if the last ritual doesn't work Anders might be getting a return visit from Fenris and that's something he very much does not want. Adelaide had said something about other possibilities, though. They won't be completely out of options.

"You should learn some things. Open a book. Stare at the words you can't read and wish really, really hard that they made sense to you. Who knows? The Maker seems to like to listen to those who murder mages. You could get lucky."

Ice enchantments. That triggers a thought in the back of his mind and he frowns before adding that to his notes too. Later he can figure it out, when he doesn't have this waste of his time nearby.