faderift | [OPEN] Running with my roots pulled up

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[OPEN] Running with my roots pulled up

WHO: Bruce ~~Banner~~ and whoever else
WHAT: Rumors abound. Bruce is good at pretending he can't hear anything. A dracolisk makes everyone's life hell.
WHEN: Across Justinian
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Belated open log thing for the remainder of June; prompts and such are under the cut. Starting in brackets but feel free to switch to prose and I will follow. If you want specific prompts/starters, let me know @

knightblazer or PM this journal!

one. trouble on four hooves. (stables)

[It's not exactly the first time the horsemaster is on his case and it probably won't be the last as well, if the current situation is to go by it.

Horsemaster Dennet wasn't exactly thrilled with the dracolisk that had decided to trail all the way back here with him (muttering along the lines of 'as if one of them wasn't enough'), but the one that Bruce... was stuck with had a tendency for more collateral damage. Nothing major, at least, but after breaking three gates and four fences in its apparent nightly ritual of getting out of the stables there were some lines that needed to be drawn. Thus, this current situation.

The hammer in his hand pounds loudly against the nails as Bruce does his best fixing up the damage the dracolisk had caused in the last few nights. The sleeves of his threadbare shirts are rolled up, for even with the chill here pounding away like this still made him sweat quite a bit, especially as he continued to toil away the hours.

Beside him the dracolisk chewed delicately on some hay, clearly much calmer and less prone to violence now that its human was around.]

two. not quite back to business (healing tents, courtyard)

[It was impossible to ignore the rumors, even if they weren't that hotly circulated, for better or for worse. But still the damage had been done and it would be a lie if he said that things were the same as before.

Nothing was the same as it used to be. After the fallout with Adelaide things didn't really quite look up. Patients who once came to him for help now avoided his gaze entirely and went to others, and the new ones who came in now looked at him with wariness, with all the suspicion that frustrated Bruce more than anything else. This was one of the reasons why he hid his magic away, why he stuck to herbs and what he could do with nothing but his head and his own two hands. He was here to help and he didn't need his magic to do it. It wasn't worth any of this.

(But of course, he deserved it. He knows that. He deserves every bit of this.)

Still, regardless of everything, he came here to do a job and despite all that had happened, there were always going to be people who needed help. So Bruce does the best he can, going around the courtyard to treat whoever was willing to accept his help and aiding anybody who came to his tent while he was in there.]

three. midnight mulling (battlements)

[The battlements had, in a way, become something of a sanctuary to him now. When the night gets this dark and most of Skyhold is asleep, the biting chill of the cold and the silence of the night comforts him well.

On most other nights he'd have the excuse of potion brewing to be up here but tonight that desire isn't there. He sits on the floor, back against one of the walls as he glances out to the mountains that surround them, the sky above that twinkle with countless stars. When everything feels so vast and overwhelming its easy enough to lose himself into the sight, to let them take him away from the chaos of his mind and his soul. To find that momentary peace within himself again, when every part of him rages for something else otherwise.]

wildcard.

[Feel free to throw in your own prompt or PM/contact me to plot out stuff!]

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[Anders ducks in, looking for an extra basin, and he raises an eyebrow at Bruce.]

Welcome to mage life.

[His voice is dryly amused.]

There are worse things to be known as. At least you don't have to deal with those.

[Yet.]

What spirit are you telling people you're using, even? Or are you not going as a spirit healer, and hoping that nothing will be noticed?

[Anders is probably the last person Bruce wants to see - let alone talk to - but then its not like he can delay that forever. Might as well let the other have his last laughs and get on with life.]

I've never called myself as such. [Just with a small bite to his voice, though Bruce is doing well to keep it civil.] Didn't get that far in the first place. [And its not like he had been using his magic at all, even after what happened.]

[He presses his lips together, considering. Maybe it's simply because Anders is possessed he can feel the spirit there. It could explain why no one had picked it up before.]

Right. How far did you get? With training to be a healer.

[The mockery is gone from his voice. If Bruce hadn't finished learning, there's not a chance Adelaide will be willing to teach him. And while there's not a great chance Bruce would want to learn from Anders, at least Justice accepts that this might do more good than harm.]

Everything up to any actual territory with spirit healing.

[It's... well, its easier, when the talk is strictly professional. Bruce can keep the emotions at bay, voice clipped and businesslike and straight to the point. Easier to focus on the work and little else.]

I've read the texts, but its been years and I've never had occasion to go back to them. [Especially since the spirit inside him happens to be not a spirit at all and Bruce knows better than to try his luck.]

[This is such a grey area, and Justice hates grey areas. Bruce is dangerous. But frankly, so is Anders. Anders presses his lips together before sighing.]

Do you need a refresher on any of the basics, since seeing as you're still around here I'm guessing that you'll be assisting regularly with magic? And would you like to work on... Maker, I don't know if it's a good idea or the worst idea, but possibly working with it, [he jerks a chin in Bruce's direction to signify that he means Rage,] to help with healing?

[Of all the bad ideas you had, Anders, that was probably one of the worst. Perhaps save blowing up a Chantry, because that's on a whole other level.]

No. [He snaps out, a kneejerk reaction to the mere suggestion of tapping its power. A moment passes after that, and then Bruce lets out a sharp exhale, lips pursed tightly together before he speaks again.] I didn't--my apologies.

[Another pause as Bruce recollects himself.]

I can work just fine without requiring external help. [It's harder, yes, but Bruce refuses to touch its power any more than he already has to. It's far too uncertain and volatile and Bruce doesn't want to cause even more risks than the ones he already carries around.] I'll still stick to non-magic healing for the most part, unless somebody specifically requests it of me.

[His expression turns cold in an instant, and while it softens back to neutrality once Bruce has apologized, Anders' eyes are still a little narrow.]

Skyhold's population grows by the day. Spirit healers keep being sent out on various missions. The least you can do is to pitch in magically now that your secret is out. Don't mess with the one thing, that's fine, but sticking to measures that aren't nearly as effective is a waste of your time and the time of every other healer here.

[Plus there's no telling yet if Anders will be dead in a day or so here, and that would bring them down another spirit healer.]

[Both of them know that his magic isn't the only secret - or the real one. Bruce almost says as such, but stops before he does. It's not like saying that is going to help the situation in anyway.

Instead he exhales sharply through his nose again and turns to glance aside, not quite meeting Anders' gaze.]

It's not a waste of time. Forcing things on people who don't want them is only going to make things even worse.

Please.

[He gets wanting to hide, but it's not an option now.]

Those who don't want magic won't want you around them anyway anymore. Something you've likely already discovered. You are a mage, a healer, and we've plenty of people who can pass out elfroot and wrap a sprain. The only way to avoid all of what you are is to leave. You're not about to do that. Fix those you put at risk by being here with all of your abilities, not what anyone can do.

[Leaving has occurred in Bruce's mind more than a few times at this point. To be fair, its been on his mind for more than a few months already. Recent events have made him consider it again, but--its true, he can't leave. Not when he still has obligations beholden to him. People who still need his help.]

There is more to what I did besides passing out elfroot and wrapping a sprain. [His voice is just a little tight. Bruce doesn't like the fact that what he did in the past is belittled like this; just because he has reason to use magic now doesn't invalidate what he did before. Years of choosing this life, if anything, has given Bruce more of a reason to live without the need of his magic. He's managed it all this time and he sees no real reason to change it.]

Semantics. You know what I mean, and what I'm saying.

[He's deliberately simplifying when maybe he shouldn't have. But his point still stands, and he crosses his arms and tilts his head.]

You are one of us, no matter how much you don't seem to want to be. It's no choice. And if it's self-loathing that has you in hiding, perhaps you should considering wandering outside of Skyhold and punching yourself in the face a few times.

[Self-loathing is only part of the reason - though it is a big factor. No, he has many reasons why he chose to hide. Reasons he can never talk about, even with what Anders is already aware of. There are some things he will never speak of.]

Being a mage doesn't change what I did. [He was still helping, even before any of this. Just because he chooses not to use magic doesn't invalidate what he had done.] I don't need to use magic to help.

You can help without magic. But we've so many more of those than we do of people who use magic to help, Bruce. If you are staying, then you need to step up. Do what you are capable of, rather than wasting it out of... what? Fear? Disgust?

[He shakes his head.]

Hiding does not help. Skulking as if you're a danger, even though you are, only hurts other mages because if you seem to believe it, so will others.

[The whole point is that he is a danger - Bruce knows that, and Anders said as much. Maybe if he had been a 'normal' mage... sure, perhaps. But he isn't a mere mage; he has more dangers lurking within, dangers that bring so much more harm.]

I do what I must in order to keep people safe. Doing otherwise completely ruins the whole point of what I've accomplished.

Which is... what? Managing to not lose control so badly your name is known everywhere for it? Yes, that's something you've done, congratulations, but if you are here, the danger is also already here. You're not keeping people safe; you're making others work harder. Why keep hiding?

[The whole fact of the matter is that simply being in proximity with people was dangerous. Bruce had slipped in his control with Anders, it would be altogether too easy for him to slip up again. Anders knows.]

[To be fair that moment had been... it was an intense moment for Bruce, and one that comes by very rarely. He's clamped down much more on his emotions since then - and after what had happened in the Approach. The reminder of what the Nightmare gave to him had done well to keep himself in check.]

I don't need to use magic just because I'm a mage. [His jaw sets as he says that; this is one thing Bruce isn't going to budge. He's built the little he had of himself around that and he isn't going to turn on one of the few things that he can still hold onto.] If people ask then yes, I will provide. But if they don't, I'm not going to force it on them, either.

So hold out unless people know who you are and aren't struggling too much to ask for far more efficient help, continuing to not help as much as you could... why? Are you just that selfish? What's wrong with you beyond the obvious? You are what you are. You've magic for a reason, and that reason is not hoarding .

[He'd known Bruce was an asshole from the attack. He just hadn't realized how much of one the man is. Despite trying to remain calm, Anders is glaring as Justice rants.]

[Anders doesn't understand. As much as perhaps Bruce can't understand Anders in turn either, in some ways. Anders may have Justice and his problems with it but it will never be anything like the problems that he faces everyday. They may in the same boat but they are also worlds apart at the same time.]

I have my reasons for the life I choose. [Depending on magic, relying on it - those are the things that makes mages what they are and a mage is what Bruce doesn't want to be, despite nature telling him to. He doesn't want to be what nature dictates, refuses to be as such, and he'll do anything to go against it. A proof to himself that he can be more than what others believe him to be.] I'm not going to compromise my morals.

Which include assaulting someone, and not stepping up to help at the level you could.

[Bruce's morals are worse than Justice's, in Anders' opinion. They're callous and will only hurt.]

How could I possibly expect you to deviate from those? You're right. You've... morals, I should let you get on with that.

[He doesn't expect Anders to understand. How could he, with what he had done? And it is perhaps callous to think that but honestly its not like Anders has many points on his end, just as it is likewise. Bruce isn't here to make friends in the end - he came here to do a job.]

Maybe you should. [There's no point trying to argue otherwise. Bruce has his own reasons and Anders will never need to know. Bruce doesn't need to explain himself.]

This subject won't be dropped. Simply postponed.

[They need another spirit healer. They're at war, and there's no room for cowardice. Neither Anders nor Justice can wrap their minds around this stance, but right now they don't need a fight. With one more glare, Anders heads off to get back to work.]

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[OPEN] Running with my roots pulled up

2, healing tents

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so many more rivalry points

IT KEEPS HAPPENING