All My Limbs Can Become Trees [closed]

[arlathvhen]

WHO: Merrick and Beleth
WHAT: Talking about the clan, feelings, and the future.
WHEN: Late Solace
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Probably mentions of violence, will add as they pop up.

It's been a while since they've spoken, but things are starting to get set into motion, things that will affect...all of them. But Beleth feels reasonably sure of the reactions that most of her clan will have. She knows where most of them stand. She's not as sure about Merrick, and with his relationship with Metaari--

Well. There are things that need to be discussed. For him, and for her.

So she arranged a meeting with him on the rooftop, a safe place to talk without anyone listening in. And she sits there, staring up at the night sky as she waits for him to come. She's still not entirely sure how much she should tell him--the important things, obviously, but things of a more personal note? He's got more important things to worry about now.

The silent ambiance is broken by a sigh, and then the sound of joints popping as she stretches out, trying to keep her mind from dour thoughts already.

Comments

[dalishious]

Merrick has been lying low since Weisshaupt; things are stirring in Orlais, a political quagmire in which he has no desire to immerse himself. It's...been slower as a result, and Merrick contents himself by staying firmly out of the affairs of others-- unless, of course, they're people he cares about.

Unable to make an entrance like a normal person, he climbs the wall and hops up over the parapet to where Beleth is sitting on the roof, an apple in his mouth.

He goes to sit by her and pulls another apple out of his pouch, which he hands to her.

[arlathvhen]

It would be weird if he had made an entrance like a normal person. As it is, Beleth gives him a warm smile as he appears, and accepts the apple with a whispered thanks. Words don't come right away--she studies the sky for a little bit longer, tossing the apple between her hands. She knows that Merrick will wait for her, so she tries to organize her thoughts before she speaks.

When she does, her eyes lower to stare at the apple.

"Sina and I made a petition to the advisors, to give our Keepers sending crystals. They'll only be linked to each other and some official Inquisition channel." Just in case Merrick was worried about Deheune joining in on the latest round of Hot or Not. She keeps fidgeting with the apple as she continues. "I don't know if they'll accept or not. But if they do, we're going to get a group together to go back to the clan and deliver them personally."

Now she turns to Merrick, leaning against his shoulder. "We're...going back home." And she can't help but feel guilty that her tone is full of more trepidation than excitement at the prospect.

[dalishious]

The moment Beleth's head is on Merrick's shoulder his arm goes around her, holding her firmly. His eyes are fixed on the night sky ahead, his expression unreadable. He's quiet for a while, in the sort of way he always is during a conversation as he carefully measures his response.

"Do you want me to come?" he finally asks.

[arlathvhen]

At his touch, there's a visible dissipating of some of that tension that's been building within her, and Beleth closes her eyes, relaxing info the feeling of security. She lets him think--there's plenty of things to turn over with this news. His question makes her open her eyes again, blinking up at him. Well, that wasn't particularly fortuitous.

"That's what I wanted to ask you," Her voice is quiet, and she shrugs. "I know that there are...considerations to be made. For you, and for anyone else who might go." Even her. "If you don't want to, no one is going to make you. I want you to do what feels comfortable for you."

[dalishious]

"I'll go," he assured her, punctuating the statement with another bite of apple. He chews and swallows, his thumb moving in soothing circles on her shoulder.

He knows it'll be hard, but it'll be harder for her. The least he can do is be a strong presence for her. That way he'll be distracted from how much he doesn't want to be there.

[arlathvhen]

The crunch of the apple reminds her that Merrick probably didn't give her one just to nervously fidget with, and she begins eating, too. Sweet, tart, and fresh. It's a stark reminder of the kinds of things that Skyhold has, and the clan lacks. Think about the small things you'd have to give up. That's what Zevran said, and the advice seems more relevant than ever.

"Thank you." She leans up to give him a kiss on the cheek. Knowing she'll have his support makes it easier to think about going back. "...I should be excited to go." She stares at the apple in her hand, lips a thin line. "I should be thrilled. I mean--I'll be glad to see everyone. Especially my brother. I'll be delighted, once I'm there." Her tone is stern, like she has already decided, and she won't accept any alternative from herself. After a few moments, she turns back to Merrick. "...Are you going to tell them about, um. Metaari?"

[dalishious]

Beleth's strained relationship with her mother is no secret to Merrick. If she wants him there as support, he'll be there, no questions asked.

His brows knit at her question. "I'll tell Kali," he replies with a shrug. "Maybe Paros. I don't see why anyone else needs to know."

[arlathvhen]

She nods at his decision. Probably for the best, really. She can't imagine anyone else in the clan would be particularly amused with him dating a qunari, even one like Metaari. But it did raise another question.

"Have you thought about the future? For you and Metaari, and for you and the clan. I mean--you can't have both, Merrick." Though he doubtlessly already knew that.

[dalishious]

Honestly, Merrick doesn't think about the future much at all. He has to force himself to live in the present, lest he stray into the past and lose himself there. That, and he's always been impulsive, acting according to the ebb and flow of his emotions.

He isn't stupid; he knows where his place in the clan is, and that's far away from it.

Releasing his hold on Beleth, he takes a few more finishing bites of his apple then chucks the core down to the grounds below. Then he leans back on his hands, eyes drifting up to the stars above.

"I don't want both," he replies at last.

[arlathvhen]

Beleth spends a lot of time thinking about the future. About the immediate future, and the implications of actions on future generations, on sacrifices made for the greater good. It's...not very fun. And Merrick's statement makes for plenty to contemplate regarding that. She continues nibbling on the apple, silent as she thinks it over.

"When we first came here, I made you a promise. I told you that I'd go wherever you went." She says it quietly, but firmly. "I stand by that. I'll be here, as long as you want me around. Even if you have Metaari now." She pauses, trying not to flinch. That sounded a lot more bitter than she'd wanted to sound. "I'm glad you have him."

[dalishious]

Merrick notes that bitterness and ignores it for the moment. He finally looks at her, his expression both confused and quietly stunned.

"You'd leave the clan for good?" he presses her. "Bels, I'd never ask you to do that."

[arlathvhen]

"I know you wouldn't." She replies, apple finished, but the core now utilized for more nervous fidgeting. Does she actually want to leave? It's something that has been playing in her mind for months now, weighing the overwhelming knowledge of her utter failure as a Dalish, as her mother's daughter, as everything she's spent her life aiming for, against....her own happiness. There's a lot to think about, and Beleth takes her time sorting through it, before she makes a decision.

"When we were in the clan...I thought that we were going to bond, some day." Her confession is quiet, eyes turned down, unwilling to look at him. "You were the only man I could imagine following for my entire life." She flicks the apple core over the edge, and only feels a little guilty for hoping it hits someone. "I know that the rest of it won't happen, but I'm still pretty sure you're the only person who can tolerate me for any extended period of time. So I'll go where you go, until that changes."

[dalishious]

The confession take a little while to creep in, and Merrick feels his chest slowly tighten until it's almost painful. He knows his connection to Beleth, feels it acutely, always there and always strong. It's just natural, a thing that feels like an extension of his own body. It had never needed words to describe itself before, at least not for Merrick.

But he isn't Beleth-- she needs that clarity, that voice. Merrick had always known he'd be comfortable with whatever label or description she wanted to use, but this? He'd never imagined this.

The emotions that result are a complex tangled mess-- and as always he feels like he's too small for them, like they're about to detonate and blow him up from the inside. He grits his teeth and bites back on them, something he's getting better and better at doing.

"I don't know where I'll lead you," he replies, guilt calcified around his words.

[arlathvhen]

Beleth is constantly vigilant for signs of someone disliking something she said, of her doing something wrong. Merrick is harder to read than most people, but she's got enough experience at it that she can frown, and reach out for his hand, seeking reassurance.

"I--I trust you, Merrick." She tells him quietly, then tilts her head, worry marking her face. "I'm--That was dumb to say, wasn't it? I'm sorry. Please don't be upset. I'm not mad, I just--I wanted to let you know that this has always been something I've been willing to do. I'm sorry if I upset you." And she leans against him again, trying to stay at least kind of calm. She trusts Merrick. He wouldn't hate her. But she doesn't want to see him upset, especially because of something she said.

[dalishious]

Merrick just sighs. They've done this dance many times before-- she freaks out about something and talks a lot, he realizes he's hit his quota of words and they meet in the middle somehow.

He grasps her hand tightly. "Shh," he tells her, and lifts her hand to his lips to kiss it firmly.

[arlathvhen]

And she does shush at his words, like she always does. Merrick's always had a talent for figuring out how to get her to shut up. She does give a little sigh, because she got all worked up again. One day, he'll get sick of it, probably. But that's not now, and she focuses on the now.

Slowly, she leans forward, and gives him a quick peck on the lips, before she presses her forehead to his.

"It'll be okay," Her voice is low, speaking to both Merrick and herself. "Everything will work out. Neither of us are doing this alone." And she squeezes the hand holding Merrick's own. "You think I could do it, right? Live outside of the clan? I mean--beyond this crisis." Long term, not just helping out the Inquisition, but living outside the clan. She was being trained as a bard--would she really be able to do that successfully? To be able to survive like that? The idea was...worrying.

[dalishious]

Gripping her hand tightly, Merrick sighs. She knows he isn't good with words, so why does she always come to him for advice? It doesn't occur to him that her reasoning might be just that.

"You'll be fine," he says gruffly, eyes focused the stars, on that wide and terrifying horizon beyond the confines of their little clan. "I won't let you fall apart."