i’m afraid of men who raise their voices and of women who do not yell back

[elegiaque]

WHO: Gwenaëlle Vauquelin + Anders.
WHAT: Gwenaëlle also has bad dreams.
WHEN: Also recent!!!
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: There's no sweaty sex in this one, sorry.

The idea of talking to him again - about this - is about as welcome to her as discussing it in even so stark and sparse terms as the first conversation had been. She enjoyed it not at all and has little to no desire to relive the experience, except: his mixture did work better than hers, mostly, and maybe if she talked to him it could be more than mostly, and the breathing that he showed her was useful and Bellamy wouldn't like it, talking to him on purpose, but it helped. And it was better. And he'd probably like the alternative less if he actually knew what the alternative was, she reasons, so if he finds out and he's angry about it, she can just tell him what she was doing before that, and then he can be angry about something different that she can promise not to be doing any more, and everything will be fine, probably. She could offer, she supposes, to see a different healer, but -

She didn't want to have this conversation once. She doesn't want to have to have it twice, with someone else again. The fewer people she ever has to discuss her affairs with, the better. King Bellamy of Not Telling People Things And Being Mysterious About It Mountain can understand that.

When she turns up in the opening of Anders' healing tent, she has a leather bag with her and she looks a little less like she might blow away in a stiff wind. There's still something uncharacteristically restrained about her, difficult to pin down, an unhappiness that shrouds her and pulls everything in tighter - she takes up so much less space, all of the fuss and motion that makes a small thing seem bigger than she is pared down to necessity - but she isn't quite so drawn, eyes a little less huge, manner a little less shocky.

"I came back about your tonic," she says, instead of 'hello' or 'do you have a moment'. "Also other things." Since he'd been so helpful the first time. Her new request is less personal, and therefore more comfortable to make; she is much more at ease with things less about her.

Comments

[justice_is_blond]

He looks her over when he speaks, noting the change. It could mean it's working somewhat, or it could mean that something else has improved in her life. Anders knows so little about her life and her comings and goings that it could be almost literally anything.

"Talk to me," he says after a beat, gesturing to welcome her into the tent. "I'm all ears, and I've time. There haven't been many patients today." Which is a nice change. Not the great amount of time while he sat and messed with herbs and had too much time to be in his thoughts, but the fact that no one was in urgent need and danger. He likes his gift. He likes when people aren't in need of it even more.

Anders starts tidying away what he's been working with, putting things back in their containers, brushing chopped herbs into new ones.

[elegiaque]

"I keep this," she says, starting with the part that's easier - puts her bag down on a clear space and opens it properly for him to see that it's actually a quite well-organised kit of emergency healing supplies for use by someone who doesn't have the benefit of his healing gifts. Pots of salves and bandages and a very particular sort of sewing kit; tonics including something to provoke vomiting and what he will likely recognise as the mix he'd prevented her from taking.

(That time. Gwenaëlle is not unaware that if what he said about the damage it could do is true, he has absolutely not caught her quick enough to prevent any.)

"And I wondered if you had ideas to improve it?"

Something she might have not thought of, or just not heard of, not known she could use.

[justice_is_blond]

He steps close, away from the herbs, so he can start to look through the kit. It's impressive, far more than he sees carried by anyone that isn't calling themselves a doctor or healer. Slowly he looks through the little pots, sniffing carefully, raising an eyebrow at the blood, before tucking them back in.

"A few things, but this is impressive. Did you have a teacher, or is this from books?" Anders moves to the side to pull a couple of things from shelves. Some of what he's selecting she likely wouldn't have had access to before, magic-enhanced potions and salves. "...And would you like a teacher for learning to make other things? I've discovered I enjoy teaching."

He also particularly enjoys when somehow someone he'd pissed off can talk civilly with him again. It's a rare occurrence, made all the rarer by how little he tries to pursue reconciliation. Trying, after all, feels like an admission of weakness, like he wants approval or appreciation or the like. He does. He just doesn't like showing that.

[elegiaque]

"I - yes," swiftly, before she can second-guess it and think better. It doesn't mean she trusts him, just that she's pragmatic - she doesn't examine that it's as likely because she isn't in the habit of trusting anyone as because she imagines him to be particularly, singularly untrustworthy.

There are a lot of things she prefers to leave unexamined, many of them in her own heart.

"I would like that. I didn't have - some of our servants know a few things that are useful and it was," she chooses her words carefully, "necessary for me to know them, too. I didn't have a proper teacher. Some books, eventually." Not at first - but anything she does, she sets out to do well. It had been inevitable that eventually she would at least make the effort to improve her knowledge, for all that it remains relatively rudimentary and she'd despaired of knowing which authors to trust.

[justice_is_blond]

"Books lay a good foundation." He's not about to talk down a book-based education, and it's not simply because he doesn't want to insult her. "Some authors are... idiots, for lack of a better term, but there are plenty that do research into what they're writing about, and by the look of things you found some of the latter."

As he talks he's finishing up lining up the bottles and herbs for running through.

"Let's start with the ointment for easing pain, shall we? You've a basic one there, but we can improve upon it. Would you like to take notes or would you prefer I write it down? Either is fine by me."