faderift | [OPEN] I can't get by pretending it's okay

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[OPEN] I can't get by pretending it's okay

WHO: Bruce ~~Banner~~ and Anybody Else
WHAT: Everything Is Fine And Nothing Is Wrong: a premier by Bruce
WHEN: Haring 16 onwards
WHERE: All over Skyhold
NOTES: Mostly open post through the rest of December - prompts and such are under the cut. I'm starting in brackets, but feel free to switch to prose and I will follow accordingly! Also warning for angst and Bruce being Bruce.

one. making the rounds. (courtyards, most of skyhold)

[Almost one week later, Bruce still can't quite shake off the entire incident from his mind. Or rather, he can't shake off the image of the dead mage in his head when he finally made it out of the garden, the poor soul gone for good after what Adelaide and the others had done.

He couldn't blame them, of course - they were only doing what was necessary, what was right - but all the same it still reminded Bruce of the reality of what he was and how people would perceive him if they ever knew the truth. The moment they knew... nothing would ever be quite the same, that he was certain of.

He tries not to dwell on it too much, but it continues to haunt him through the day as he does his daily rounds. Having denied himself the use of his magic save for that one time with Cole, Bruce is still healing from the injuries he suffered from the abomination. There're bandages around his head and arms and chest (although the last is hidden underneath his clothing) but Bruce doesn't let those get in his way, just as he doesn't let the occasional throb or ache of pain from his still healing ribs stop him from doing his work. Some of his more familiar patients do ask him about it, but Bruce is quick to brush them off and turn the attention back to themselves. They are all far more important than he will ever be, after all.]

two. fixing the garden. (the garden)

[With how things had been that night the abomination had more or less left a good part of the garden damaged. That, of course, included the herbs that had been growing, which was most likely going to cause some issues in the near future.

Still, at least its not like they're gone forever. Bruce drops by the garden whenever he can, helping to get the earth ready once more so that a new batch of herbs can be planted with the hope that they'll grow properly and without interruption this time around. It hard labor, yes, but at least the work helps Bruce to temporarily keep his mind off the more dangerous lines of thoughts that he knows he shouldn't dwell on. How long that works, though, is another thing entirely.]

three. midnight wanderings. (battlements and library)

[The thoughts never leave him, not really, and Bruce knows full well that he's going to have to deal with a good while of not being able to sleep properly. Sleepless nights are practically an old friend to him now.

That doesn't mean he will let himself waste his time - since he is awake he might as well make full use of what he has. On some nights he can be found on the battlements, brewing potions up there in the quiet that's only broken by the footsteps of the night patrol. On other nights he might in the library instead, perusing several books and if one manages to catch him at the right time, will see that it pertains to abominations and other such things related to them.]

wildcard.

[Feel free to throw in your own prompt or PM/contact me to plot out stuff!]

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"Excuse me." His voice is hushed as he gets up from where he'd been leaning against the wall and comes over to the bandaged man. He knows he looks a little rough and ragged around the edges, but being on the run did that. "Could you use some help?"

Maybe he should stick to the shadows a little longer, keep a closer eye on the place while he decides how safe it is or isn't, but neither Anders nor Justice feel good about not helping out when someone clearly could use it. One day it might get him killed. So be it. He'd already lived past when he expected. At least he wouldn't be utterly stupid and use the name that everyone knew.

"I'm a healer, Detlef, only just arrived. If you'd like I can take a look at what you've got wrapped."

Bruce pauses in the middle of his walk at the unfamiliar voice, and then he turns, blinking at the stranger who's moving off from the wall he had apparently been leaning on. He looks entirely haggard and more like he could use some taking care himself rather than Bruce, but he doesn't voice that thought aloud. Bruce was hardly one to speak. Still, the offer of help was appreciated, even if Bruce did have to turn it down.

"It's fine," he returned with a shake of his head. "I'll heal up in time." He gave a smile, then, wanting to reassure the stranger that it wasn't any of his fault. "But I appreciate the offer. You should turn to others who need that healing more than I do, however."

There will always be people turning down offers of healing. He knows this, and he's no stranger to it. More often than not it's hastily refused in fear, but this? Oh, he's fairly certain he's familiar with this type of refusal and it's entirely different. It's the tough-guy sort of refusal. The Warden-, Hawke- and Aveline-sort. The 'I'm fine, ignore the fact that my blood's spattered on the walls' type. ...But in the same way as he's fairly certain that's what's going on here, he's also fairly certain that any pushing will result in more refusals.

Anders shrugs. He can do nothing more, and he's not being rejected just because he's a mage. He'll settle.

There's another reason to settle, though, and it has nothing to do with learning more about Skyhold. There's something about the man that feels... he doesn't know. All he knows is that it seems he should know, while at the same time he can't think of any time he's felt it before. It isn't quite like the man's a spirit healer. Maybe time will help.

"Are there many of them? Has there been an attack?" Going by the sound of hushed conversations he'd passed, the answer is yes, but he has no specifics. "If you can show me to where my abilities are needed, I'll assist."

Bruce does appreciate that the offer isn't being pushed any further, since usually Bruce is not very good at turning down repeated offers because then he would feel bad. But at least this time there's something of an understanding and that's, well, good. Kind of, anyway. He still hurts all over, but at least the healer wasn't intent on trying to make him better now.

"There was... an incident, yes," he replied only after a moment's pause - he wasn't entirely sure on how the policy of spreading news of the abomination attack was exactly, but unless specifically asked Bruce wasn't going to talk about details. It was better to play it safe, he figured.

He gestured in the direction of where the majority of the injured were settled at the courtyard. "Right this way. I'll bring you over." And probably stick around to help ease the discomfort of the people there - after the attack by the abomination, most people were rather touchy about the whole mage thing once more.

"An incident?" He might not push on healing, but he would on this. Or he would a little. The last thing he wanted to do was draw attention by being a nuisance. At the same time, though, he was here to figure out if this place meant a future for mage freedom or if it was a threat to mages everywhere. Whatever details he could get, he would.

But even as he asked the question Anders was following Bruce toward a set of tents that looked like they'd been there for a time. He frowned, looking around. Skyhold was a massive fortress, but the injured were kept out here? That seemed poorly done.

"There's no room inside for a better set-up? Or is it a low priority?" A small part of his mind thought he should keep his nose out of this. He and Justice didn't need yet another cause on their slate. That part was crushed by the rest of him. If the Inquisition was to help people, it needed something better than tents for its patients. They were too exposed to the elements otherwise.

"There was an attack. Nobody was prepared for it, so there was damage done before it could be resolved." And of course, the damage it had done - it was considerable, even if it wasn't entirely crippling. But it was still bad and everyone was going to need time to recover from the shock of it all - Bruce himself too, though for different reasons.

But at least for now, his attention could shift onto the patients. Indeed there were a good number of patients that had to be set up in the courtyard, but there was a good reason for that, and one that Bruce explained in response to the other's question. "There's not enough space, unfortunately. The attack left a lot of people injured - some healers themselves included. We've done what we can and had the more grievously injured moved indoors - most people out here are the ones with minor injuries and such that can hopefully be treated in several days or a week maximum."

The way Bruce was frowning as he explained showed that he wasn't a big fan of the arrangement himself, but with how everything was, it was the best they could do.

The description wasn't vague at all. What had attacked? Why was this man keeping it hidden? Had the Templars done something and this guy didn't want to worry a new mage? It probably was the Templars, really. They couldn't be trusted. But he couldn't dwell on that. Getting Justice worked up was not something he wanted to do, and thankfully this man's semi-explanation about space was a distraction.

"So there is an indoors facility for the injured. This is simply overflow. Or is it that the seriously injured lucked out more than usual and the tents are the usual? And I... don't believe I caught your name."

He'd given his, or he'd given his current alias, at least, and it was awkward walking with someone and not knowing what to call them. As he speaks, he's kneeling next to the nearest patient and looking them over, getting an idea of what looked wrong before he started to get to work, operating under the assumption that if mages were common here, a healer would be welcome.

"There is an indoor space for the more injured, but its not exactly the best space that we can have as well." That much at least Bruce can admit, because it really wasn't anybody's fault - until the Inquisition could manage to fix more of Skyhold they were all just going to have to make do with the current structure. They were already rather stretched thin as it was and with everything that's happened, they were stretched even thinner now these days. "All of us are simply trying to do the best we can."

There was a brief pause after that, one as the healer - Detlef, he had to remember the name - started to look over the patient closest to him with the intention to treat them. The patient himself look incredibly wary, which of course was understandable, but Bruce went around to the other side and quickly reassured him that it would be alright - and if he really didn't want to then he wouldn't force him.

He grimaces at the mention of the space not being the best. Sure, there are things that require excellent rooms - food, records, books - but patients should really be a high priority.

"I'm new, but maybe I can assist in figuring out better shelter for the injured or ill after seeing to some of these. There's got to be something that can be shored up with earth and stone, after all."

Talking about it helps distract him from the way the patient was nervous about being healed. Yes, he's possessed, but this guy has no way to know that and most mages aren't. This is the Chantry's fault more than that of the poor mage who turned abomination.

No sooner had this patient grudgingly consented to letting Anders help him than a couple of others nearby were protesting. Anders could feel a headache growing from Justice's frustration. They were so brainwashed they would turn away help, so full of fear that they'd cost themselves and this Inquisition. It was unacceptable... but he had to accept it anyway. Forcing healing on someone would only cause more trouble.

"Some of these, or just the one." His voice was tight as he worked, creation magic guided in to knit bones back together and strengthen places that had torn. He'd make the others regret not accepting aid when this one walked out of here, even if it meant possibly spending a little more energy than he should on just one patient. "I'm about to pick a name for you, I'll have you know, and I'm not particularly creative."

There was probably going to be no real way to truly appease the people right now - the abomination had left them all terrified again, and Bruce couldn't blame them for their reaction. It wasn't fair, yes, but there was nothing one could do about it either. Bruce only escaped all of the scrutiny because he had kept his own status as a mage under tight wraps and hadn't used any magic at all save for the times he had been forced to - and even then he made sure it was out of sight from everybody else.

"That would be appreciated. Any form of help would be useful right now." He gave Detlef a tight nod while still doing his best to calm down the rest of the people, not really wanting any kind of argument or disagreements to occur. If they were truly against it then they were free to turn down the offer for help, although Bruce made a note to go check up on them later to see what he could do for them. It wasn't the best plan, but one that would do considering the circumstances.

After a while the protests died down for the moment, at least, and he turned back to the other healer, giving him an apologetic grimace. "I apologize for that. Everyone's just tense because of what happened recently." A pause after that, as Bruce realizes that he had not introduced himself, and he quickly inclines his head. "And you can call me Bruce. It's a pleasure to meet you."

He took a slow, steadying breath as soon as the other man was speaking with one of the protesting patients. Yes, they were being ignorant and allowing fear to rule them. Yes, they were being hateful. But there was nothing to be done about it right now except for what Bruce was doing - talking to them and calming them down. Snapping at them would do nothing, despite what Justice thought.

"They don't understand. It's the fault of the Chantry more than it is theirs, however." That was said in part to Bruce, but also in part to Justice. The Chantry is the problem. Individuals did stuff their heads up their asses and ignored that mages were people, but it's because of education. That, and if they started lecturing basic, run-of-the-mill idiots, they'd never get anything done.

"But the pleasure of meeting is mutual." There was a bright spot in all of this... mess. Maker, he still wasn't even sure he should be here. There were so many risks, and the payoff chance was low. At the same time, though, right here was proof that he could make a difference - injured people who could use healing, and need to see mages as people.

Anders sighed. He'd chosen to do what he could to help. He was here. It was time to truly focus on matters at hand. "Right. So going by the 'we' earlier, I take it you work with the healers? Doctor? Assistant? And they know you to be stubborn, which is why you're still wearing bandages?"

The Chantry--well. Bruce had no qualms against the Chantry itself, per se, but he did understand where Detlef was coming from. Still, he felt like he was in no place to really judge what was right or wrong in these circumstances - there was no reason why somebody like him should even matter.

He doesn't voice any of that, of course. Instead Bruce nodded to the question, confirming the other's thoughts. "I work as a surgeon, though I do work with the healers on occasion when needed." Obviously he doesn't touch the second part of that question, since its not like anything he say would help anyway - and anything he could say would just be a lie more or less.

With the initial stirrings from the crowd relenting, Bruce started to direct them so that Detlef could attend to them one by one - or at least, those that were willing to be seen to by a mage. The more vocal dissenters did leave, but aside from a passing glance, Bruce paid them no mind.

Surgeon. So definitely known to be stubborn, because who would leave a surgeon in that state, otherwise? But that also means there's no chance of persuading Bruce to let Anders help him, no matter how much more useful a healthy surgeon might be right now than a healer, with the peoples' attitudes the way they are.

Instead of dwelling on this, Anders began to lose himself in the work. This was easy. This was important. Bones knit back together, tears closed, making right what had gone wrong. After some time had begun to pass, though, Justice drew Anders' attention to a sense of... they didn't know. There was something about Bruce that seemed familiar and yet not.

"Where are you from?" He spoke during a break in the patients, while washing his hands. "I only ask because there's something... I feel like maybe I've seen you before."

It wasn't that. He'd not recognize most people he'd met, but he couldn't find any other way to ask. At least he could be sure the man wasn't a Warden.

Bruce helped out as much as he was able to while Detlef did most of the actual healing work, reassuring the patients and occasionally taking over some of them when they absolutely insisted on no magic whatsoever. For the most part everything seemed to work out well, and eventually they made enough of a dent on the people outside by the time they paused to take a break.

The question came then in the middle of said break, and Bruce glanced up from where he had been rummaging through his bag of supplies, blinking at the inquiry. "Well, I know I haven't seen you before." He was usually pretty good at remembering faces, but of course there was always the chance that it could have been a passing glance. "I'm from Ferelden, originally." Not that he sounded very Ferelden these days unless one paid close enough attention, or if his accent slipped through.

"Mm." That didn't help, but Anders hadn't truly expected it to. "I've been through parts of there. Perhaps that's it." It was something else. Something... Fade? Except the man's not a mage, and even if he was it wouldn't quite make sense because it wasn't the feeling of a spirit healer.

Maybe it didn't matter. And maybe it was something that had nothing to do with Bruce, some sort of hallucination brought on by Corypheus, for instance. Anders well-remembered how badly things had gone when he'd been in proximity to the thing. Now it walked Thedas freely and who knew what sort of side-effects he'd be dealing with?

"Sorry. It's likely nothing." Looking for a new topic, he nodded toward the area that had been full of patients not too long ago. "You work well with them. Thank you. It's not easy, healing and dealing with people who are angry about magic in their presence at the same time. If you've a regular shift schedule, if anyone does, I'd like to request matching ones. If you've no objections, that is."

He doesn't always work well with others. Often it was quite the opposite, really. But he could work with Bruce, if this was any indication of how things would go around here.

There was a moment of confusion from Bruce at the words, but since Detlef wasn't going to push it then Bruce was fine with letting it drop. He didn't sense anything bad, anyway, so he was probably safe. For now.

At the compliment Bruce only smiled and shake his head, trying to wave it off because really, he didn't deserve something like that. "It's nothing. I've just had some experience out and about Thedas." And he was only doing what he should do, in the end.

But it would be good to have a mage helping him around, especially since some times he would come across things where only magic would work and there was only so many times he could find Adelaide or the other healers. Bruce wasn't very used to the idea of possibly having somebody around to help, but it was for work, and it would help others, so there was no reason to decline it.

He nodded after a moment's pause. "We don't have much of an official schedule, but we have our own times and patients to attend to. I wouldn't mind at all if you decide to follow mine."

"I'm fairly well-traveled, personally. But I can't say I truly know how to pacify people who are afraid of mages. ...I can't say I truly understand." He didn't care about their fears. They didn't deserve to dwell in fear when that very dwelling lead to mages losing their lives. So be it if they don't want their burns healed or bones fixed, but they shouldn't enjoy the luxury of imprisoning others for that. It made him angry, but that was something he needed to keep careful control over.

He sighed to try to relieve some of that presure, reaching up to push a piece of his hair out of his face. It was getting longer again. He'd need to cut it, or risk pulling it back, soon.

"Once I'm official, I'll look into it. My lack of patience for that group will likely not go over well with them, and I've rarely had opportunity to see a surgeon work. Thank you." Anders held out a hand.

"People are always afraid of what they can't understand." And magic by nature had always been a mysterious, unknowable thing. No matter how much people studied them, researched into them and used them, there was always going to be something new that nobody had ever expected. Its not so hard to see why people would be so afraid of it, especially the ones who never experienced it for themselves.

But enough about that. Bruce nodded again to Detlef's words, managing a small smile at his thanks. "Don't mention it. Thank you for wanting to help out the people here." He reached out and grasped the man's hand in his and shook his hand, still smiling. "I truly appreciate it."

They are. It's a response that's healthy in, say, preyed upon animals like Halla, but humanity needs to outgrow it. All it does is hold people back. More exposure to mages could fix it, but people had to be willing to be exposed. Until that happens, fear will prevail, as will persecution.

They can work on that, here. Mages can mingle and the fearful who choose to leave behind ignorance can at last realize mages are people too. He will work on that. And Bruce is a good first connection to make, there. ...As well as a good person to meet. Not everything and everyone has to be defined in terms of what they can help accomplish.

"I appreciate what you're doing as well." Not villainizing mages, working as a go-between, all of it. Anders gave him a nod once the handshake was done.

"I'll see you around; I'm off to see what I can find out about a corner to lay my head in the future, preferably with some sort of cover overhead."

Bruce gives another nod in response to Detlef's words, drawing his hand back once their handshake was done. "I just hope I'm able to help out. I know a lot of mages here who aren't having an easy time." It wasn't much, perhaps, but it was the best he could do in these times.

That aside, he supposes he shouldn't keep the other occupied and so inclines his head in understanding. "I'll see you around, then. Hopefully with a proper place for you to rest." And of course, if the other intended to stick around. Bruce would understand if he didn't want to, but any kind of extra help would be appreciated.

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[OPEN] I can't get by pretending it's okay

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