faderift | [closed-ish] we live and dream in an ancient hallowed land

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[closed-ish] we live and dream in an ancient hallowed land

WHO: Sina with Nari, and with Korrin and Araceli (let me know if you want a specific starter)
WHAT: the aftermath of this thread
WHEN: the following night and a few days after
WHERE: the Dahlasanor tent, the tavern, wherever others want
NOTES:The third prompt is open to all!

Directly after her argument with Pel, Sina made a beeline for the tent she shared with Nahariel and all but dove inside, immediately flattening herself against her bedroll and burying her face in her modest pillow. Small, angry crying sounds emanated. (Nari)

The following day, Sina went to the tavern of her own volition for the first time. Not to drink, of course; perhaps it was because it was the last place anyone would look for her. She sat by a window with a cup of tea, her knees drawn up to her chest, melancholy emanating from her very being. (Korrin + Araceli)

Over the next few days, she could be found ghosting around Skyhold, avoiding most people, particularly Clan Ashara. When not out and about, she threw herself into her gardening with a tenacity unusual even to her. (errbody else)

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Ellana has no idea what's transpired, and so she goes to the usual meeting place for Sina's lessons, not yet knowing that she's being avoided. When Sina doesn't show, she's worried, thinking maybe her shard is hurting her more than usual. She searches around, but can't seem to find her friend, nor anyone who has seen her. But if something was really wrong, surely word would pass to her through one of the other Dalish in Skyhold, since Ellana is usually the last to be told anything. So she waits.

The next day, she searches again, starting with the garden. But Sina isn't there. Now Ellana is really worried. However, when she comes across the young First sneaking around like she's trying to avoid being seen, her first reaction is relief. She's well enough to be up and moving. Quickly jogging towards her, Ellana stops off to Sina's side.

"Sina?" she asks gently. "Is something the matter? You didn't turn up for our lesson yesterday."

Sina is at first startled and then mortified by Ellana's question. As gentle as it is, she's calling her out, and Sina knows she's failed at being subtle about the situation.

"Ir abelas," she says, blushing and looking down, "I... I don't know." Based on Ellana's question, it sounds like Pel hasn't been talking much about what happened, but one can never be too certain.

"It's all right. I'm just glad to see you up and moving. I thought perhaps the shard... well. I'm glad I was wrong." Ellana tilts her head, trying to get Sina to look back up at her. "Is it something I can help you with?"

"Oh. No," Sina says with a small, uncertain laugh, touching the as-of-now dormant shard. She meets Ellana's gaze and hesitates, her smile drifting off again. She isn't sure how much to say, or even what to say.

"I wasn't certain..." she begins, and trails off, thinking. "...how is Pel? Do you know?"

"Pel?" Ellana asks, not sure why Sina wouldn't know herself. If anything, Sina would probably have a better idea than Ellana would. Outside of the council, she and Pel don't speak much.

"The same as ever, I suspect. Probably researching in the library. I haven't spoken to her in awhile. Why do you ask?"

Sina hesitates again, then steps a bit closer, keeping her voice low. "Do you know about..." She isn't sure if she should say. But then, Ellana is an Ashara, and a fellow mage. She deserves to know, if only for her own safety. Sina owes her that much.
"...the Templar," she says quietly, "who's courting her." Her brow knits as the thought occurs to her: maybe Ellana will be like Pel, and not see an issue with it?

Oh. Is this why Sina seems shyer than usual today? Ellana can understand that. And she must have worries about this situation. She dips her head in reply, face serious.

"I did know. I heard it from him. Would you like to go somewhere quiet and talk about it? I think you must have concerns."

Sina blanches, then blushes, then nods. Ellana is very calm, and that concerns her as much as anything else.

"Let's go to the garden," she suggests quietly. If nothing else, she feels secure there.

"All right." Ellana leads the way, not yet saying anything about the issue. Perhaps a person who has spent so long fascinated with humans and their culture isn't the best person to be talking with Sina about this, but she is who she is, and nothing will change that.

Once they're safely set up in a quiet place, Ellana gives her friend a gently encouraging look. She shouldn't be afraid to speak up.

"How did you find out?"

Sina sits and wraps her arms around herself, looking increasingly worried. "I saw them," she says at last, "and I spoke to Pel. ...we... disagreed on the matter." She looks away, her expression glum but also strangely stubborn.

"You're her clan-sister. How do you feel about it?"

It doesn't surprise her that Sina and Pel would disagree, especially about an issue as big as this.

"When he first told me, I was so shocked that I had to sit down, because I thought my knees were going to give out." Ellana pauses to chuckle at her behavior. It seems so dramatic now. "I was surprised. He doesn't seem like Pel's type at all, at least when you look at him as what he is: a human and a Templar."

Her expression shifts to something more thoughtful. This is something she's been thinking about a lot since she came to Skyhold.

"But I've been trying to look at people as individuals, instead of just what they represent." If she hadn't been doing that, she would have dismissed Krem and Felix right away, simply because they're humans from Tevinter. Neither approve of elven slavery in their homeland. "And they do seem more alike, now that I've spoken with him. He wishes to be respectful of the Dalish, and will apologize if he makes a mistake, or an assumption." Ellana gave him a couple tips there, so he knows now not to make any assumptions about the Dalish and he should wait until they volunteer the information.

Sina steels herself for more anger, but finds that none comes. She listens warily to Ellana, her lips pursed in a flat line all the while.

"I admit... it's something I've had to do too," she says, looking thoughtfully downwards, "...seeing people as individuals, that is. But I also know that my choices are not always mine." She rests her chin on one hand. "I like many of the humans here. Perhaps even love them. But coupling with one...? There's...." She winces and shakes her head. "What if she gets pregnant? The child will be human. It will never be able to join the clan. And what if..." She shudders now, her eyes fluttering shut for a moment. "...what if he becomes angry with her? He's not just a human, he's a Templar. He could be a danger to all of us, but especially to her."

She knows that she is becoming increasingly alone in her point of view, and the weight of it seems to drag her down. "As Firsts, we're tasked with continuing the line. Of preserving what we can. Not of... diluting our elvish blood until our People disappear, as well as everything that belongs to them. We're tasked with looking out for our own, never doing anything that could willfully endanger them." She rests her face in her hands. "She may have stepped down as First, but I still don't understand how she could throw everything away. Just for this."

"He seems an honorable man," Ellana says. "But I can understand how you can worry. Sometimes people aren't what they seem." Atlan hadn't been. Ellana knows that a charming smile can't always be trusted, but why bother getting to know people at all if you always assume the worst of them? Ellana refuses to assume that.

She watches Sina carefully as she lowers her face into her hands. Sina may be young, but she's been given such a responsibility as First, and she respects it deeply.

"I'm going to tell you something I've never told anyone before," she murmurs. "I've always been jealous of Pel, and of all Firsts. You are trained to lead and guide our people. You have your path set out for you from a young age. You never have to worry about where you belong, or how you fit. You know. My Keeper taught me to use my magic and resist demons, but I was never taught how to make plants grow or the whole history of the People to carry it forward. I had no path. I wondered why I was a mage if I couldn't do anything more than keep the fires lit with magic."

Here she pauses and lets out a sigh, dropping her gaze and feeling ashamed of herself for her jealousy.

"But here I'm finding my purpose. I can help people. I want to explore elven ruins and write about what I see so the People can have that information in the future. And Pel, she doesn't want that set path she's been given. Maybe I wouldn't want it either, had I been First instead. But I think she's finding herself here, as am I. It's true that if this courtship lasts that she won't have elven children, but I think she can help the People in other ways. So can I. I hope you won't think badly of us because our hearts lie outside the clan. We still want to give something back, and not turn our backs on them."

Sina leans forward in an almost conspiratorial manner when Ellana begins her confession, and the First's expression changes to one of dismay as Ellana speaks. How heartbreaking.

"I think... in your position, I'd feel similarly," she says, her face grim, "especially knowing that some clans are without a First at all." What a waste, and, in many ways, an insult. Being in the Keeper's tutelage is all but a birthright for mage-born Dalish. "In my clan, it is only the Keeper and I. If something happens to either of us, the entire clan will be in peril." She tries not to think about the shard, which glimmers as aggressively as ever through her shawl.

"I don't understand how anyone could take for granted how few we are. How every time one of us turns from the clan, we're turning from our history and the Creators. And--" This almost comes as an afterthought, but she says it emphatically. "--you, Ellana, you're invaluable as a voice for us on the mage council. You and Pel both, but it worries me that the Templar might influence her vote. "

She sighs wearily, falling silent for a moment. Then she smiles, almost bitterly. "You could be a great Keeper," she says, blushing a bit, "if you'd been given the chance. You're so important here, to us." She pauses, chews her lip, and adds, "..to me."

Ellana nods, her expression sad. "It came from a place of kindness, at first," she says. "My parents had died the year before I came into my magic, and Keeper Deheune didn't want to send me away after that blow. But she also decided to only teach Pel and Sorrel fully. I'm disappointed in her now. That she put so much time and effort into Pel only to change her mind and let her go."

Her eyes dart up to meet Sina's and she winces. "Please don't tell anyone I said that?" She can't help but feel as she does, but she feels guilty for feeling that way when Deheune kept Ellana in the clan with the familiar, instead of sending her away with strangers.

"Sina... what you've said means so much to me. I want to be someone who helps other mages. Who helps the People. Thank you." She smiles gratefully, but it soon fades as she goes over Sina's words once more. We're turning from our history and the Creators. Ellana isn't doing that, is she?

"Don't you think that an elf can chose their own path in the world while still respecting where they came from, and still respecting the Creators? I do; I promise you I do, but I have things I want to do when all this is done, and I can't do it while with my clan." Not to mention her heart is leading her towards a human that plenty of elves would think is just as inappropriate a choice as a Templar.

Sina puts her hand to her mouth and shakes her head reassuringly-- she won't speak a word of what's told to her in confidence. She lowers her hand again to smile, her face reddening a bit further, though her expression is still sympathetic.
And then... the smile dies.

"..I don't know," she says honestly, with the slightest twinge of hurt, "...I don't know if that's possible." Not for her, at least. "At least... not without knowing that it's in the clan's best interest. Doing it to benefit them somehow, or the People as a whole." She'd never really thought about it this way before, and it scares her. "If we don't fight to preserve the People, every day... we just... won't be here anymore. Shem'len took everything from us, but if we don't work to recover, to maintain what we have, then... we might as well be agreeing with them. That the elvhen don't deserve to exist anymore." Her eyes are dry, but hopelessly sad. Like Pel, Sina has been First from a very young age, and in turn has taken the burden of the entire race onto her own shoulders.

Ellana's eyes search Sina's, and she wishes she could say all she's thinking. What are they preserving? A hatred of anyone not Dalish and rejoicing in the hunt? Day in and day out, all the Dalish do are repeat stories and gather around the hunters' bounty to make food and other goods from it all. Is that all they are? What about the future? Ellana wants the elven people to have a brighter future. She wants better lives for them than the lives they lead now. But how can that happen when so many look at what they have and are satisfied? Who is she to say it isn't enough? All she can do is try to give something to the People, like a closer look at ruins they'll never get to see, and hope they enjoy it.

"You're right that they took everything," Ellana says quietly. "And there are humans today who feel as their ancestors did. But there are many who don't. I don't feel that choosing my own path means that I agree with the ones who hate us. I still know who I am and where I came from." Now she bites her lip, unsure if she should reveal anything more of what's in her heart.

Sina nods glumly, hunching her shoulders as she looks up at Ellana's face. "...I think there is a way in between," she says, her tone both thoughtful and weary, "but I could hardly tell you what it is." Her eyes drop to focus on the ground, and takes one of the herbs she's planted recently. It's flourishing, and that brings a faint smile to her face, even if the rest of her still looks downtrodden.
"Perhaps by the time I'm Keeper, I'll know the answer," she says softly, more to herself than to Ellana.

"Perhaps you will," she agrees. "Or perhaps I'll find a way when I'm out in the world. That's what I want to do." She tilts her head a little, smiling at Sina's expression in the hopes she's coming around.

"Sina, would you still be my friend if I promised to remember our past, help the Elvhen, but courted a human too?" She can no longer hold back. She needs to know. If Sina was this upset about Pel's choice, what will she think of Ellana and her growing feelings for a Tevinter?

Sina's smile grows, her brow knitting in anguish when Ellana begins a sentence with 'would you still be my friend'-- she hopes that would never be in question, and worry over it almost makes her miss the next part of the sentence. Her smile seems to stick almost too long, then it slowly dwindles, the color in her cheeks rising as she looks at Ellana. She's not angry; if anything, she looks like Ellana just delivered the most devastating news she's ever heard.
After a moment, she remembers to speak, looking away distractedly. "Um," she stammers, "...of course." Another smile follows, this one clearly masking something far less happy. "Ah, I should go. Appreciate the chat..!" Without waiting for Ellana to respond, she gets up and hurries out of the garden, Pel and her Templar now the farthest thing from Sina's mind.

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[closed-ish] we live and dream in an ancient hallowed land

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