faderift | [Open] [I can move mountains, move mountains.. ]

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[Open] [I can move mountains, move mountains.. ]

WHO: Bethany Hawke and You
WHAT: Exploring the Inquisition
WHEN: The next few days of Wintermarch
WHERE: The garden, the tavern, the courtyard, the library.
NOTES: Content warnings, OOC notes, links to other relevant posts, etc.

The first thing Bethany did after arriving at Skyhold?

A bath. A beautiful, long hot bath where she soaked with nice soap and some sort of fancy oil and just ... cleansed herself from about a week's worth of sand and dirt. After that though, well.

Bethany used to be the sort of person who would keep to the edges to not be noticed. Kept herself hidden, to keep herself from being taken to a Circle. Her family went through such risks to keep her free - keeping her head down seemed to be a small sacrifice to make.

Now, nine years - almost ten! - years a Warden and she still observed quietly from the background. Yet now, she would step forward. Move more boldly, with more confidence and a great deal more poise. She also, as she had been apt to do even in her days in Kirkwall, stopped to help people.

So there you will find her, all around Skyhold, quietly soaking up everything, or chatting happily with someone as she helps them carry firewood or food out to the hungry troops training in the yard. The first thing you will know is that smile - dimples and bright, and completely unfeigned. Who knows, maybe it's just pointing at you.

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The fire's dying down. It's a minor nuisance, but someone was supposed to have brought more wood earlier, and the fact that he's got a patient means Anders can't go fetch more. Or go looking to see if the person assigned to do the task tripped on something hidden under the snow and needed healing. At least he's not the only healer here, though. That's a nice change.

He brings up a wisp to provide a little more light as he finishes making sure he's got everything out of the nasty scrape on his patient's back, frowning in focus. There's someone approaching by the time he's finishing up and patting the patient on the shoulder, telling them he can leave, and Anders gets up and turns to see a smile that he's not altogether sure he wanted to see. The firewood in her arms, yes. Her? Is every single person he knew from Kirkwall going to be showing up in Skyhold?

The tent all the way at the far end of the camp, and while Bethany managed not to trip, thank the Maker, she was fairly slowed by the bundle of wood she was carrying with her. When she entered the tent, she bit her lip as she looked at the blonde healer with his back to her, taking care of the wound on a soldier's back.

Instead, she went immediately over to the fire, and started to feed it a few logs, keeping her back politely turned while the patient dressed. Only then did she rise and speak, juggling the last few logs and smiling bright, "I'm sorry about the delay -- I had to make a few trips to get the wood for every ... "

The logs slipped out of her grasp as she stared at the man in front of her. A man who had saved her life and then turned around years later and destroyed all of Kirkwall. Blood drained from her face, before her jaw tightened and her golden brown eyes flashed. She stepped over the logs, stepped lightly over to him, lifting her hand and SLAP -- smacked him as hard as she could.

Then while he was gathering his wits about him, her face broken down into tears as she stepped forward and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist, burying her face into his shoulder as she sobbed, "Oh ... you ... you ... stupid, careless ... IDIOT."

The slap made him furious. Absolutely, blindingly furious, and for a moment there's a dangerous crackle in the air because how dare anyone? He had saved her life, and of all people she should have seen how horrible things were getting for mages in Kirkwall, but before there was the chance for him and Justice to gather too much steam she had arms around him and she was crying... and he was left standing there in some shock from the emotional whiplash.

All he could do at first was blink and feel joined anger subside. Anders took a slow breath, let it sink in that she was hugging him, and finally lifted his own arms to hold her back. She was Bethany, slap aside, and he'd cared for her a great deal.

"Right, so how do you really feel?" His voice was bewildered. Slaps tended to mean rage and hatred, hugs tended to mean liking. Maybe she meant both. It wasn't like hearing the song really helped one keep their head straight, and Corypheus was doing his darnedest to make that song ring out.

She could feel the magic pushing through Anders, just like she could feel the Blight in him and for a moment she closed her eyes and the Calling was all but pounding in her head -- but then he closed his arms around her, Justice curled back and she was still crying, Maker be damned.

She looked up at him at his words, before she let out a surprised, choked laugh. She wiped at her eyes, sniffling slightly, "How I really feel is happy that you're still alive, and angry enough to give you a good shake. If that's not the definition of mixed feelings, I don't know what is." She took a deep breath, taking a closer look at him. He had looked ... better. Her lips press together.

"You shouldn't be here. They'll kill you if they find out who you are." She said seriously, putting her hand on his arm, "I don't even know how you're hiding in plain sight -- but sooner or later someone will figure you out. Maker, how have you avoided Cullen Rutherford at all?"

He could live with happy he was alive and angry enough to shake him. It was simply hard to realize people still cared for him, that he wasn't as alone as he'd felt fleeing Kirkwall. That day he'd expected to die, and knew he'd ended every single friendship he'd ever had, and he'd been wrong on both counts.

"First and foremost, it's easy to avoid the pompous asshole. He's never actually seen mages. We're just beings that should be dead, unless we're pretty like the one mage he stalked in Kinloch Hold." There was a pause and his voice darkened. "...With that thought in mind, be careful around him. I doubt that's changed. He's called for the Rite of Annulment and he was Meredith's second; we're not people to him. But," and his voice returned to mild, "again, he's easy to avoid. He has followers, hangers-on, that are always around. If I see one of them, I know he's in the area. Fenris is the difficult one. And that doesn't matter. I have to be here, Bethany. I have to help."

Even if it wound up costing him everything.

Yes, well, he should have realized he made friends with the Hawke sisters. Carver probably wouldn't have been so lenient, but then Carver never had to live with magic, and what was wrought with that.

She pressed her lips together at that, shaking her head a little. "Don't underestimate him, A - " She stopped, and bit her mouth, because he couldn't be going by that name now, and there was the all too real possibility someone was listening. She stepped closer, brown eyes searching his own. "I'll be careful if you be careful. He's not the only Templar here, you know." She paused, before her eyes widened again, "Does Fenris know you're here?"

He couldn't. Otherwise Anders would already be imprisoned. She sighed, lowering her gaze, "I know you do - and I am glad that you are." She looked up at him again, "But there's a lot more going on than you realize. You've been hearing it, haven't you?" The Song, ringing through his head. Through all their heads.

Edited 2016-01-25 05:04 (UTC)

"Detlef. Call me Detlef." It was the answer to the unspoken question, and an answer she needed sooner rather than later. Anyone hugging him needed the alias especially. Though it won't protect them once he was known, and as more people gather here he got more worried. How many could he put at risk for the greater cause? No one will believe that Varric, Isabela, Merrill and now Bethany didn't know who he was. Nate, maybe, because it had been so long. Zevran was safe enough. The other mages and Wardens who recognize him might be safe. But he was tired of hurting people.

There was also nowhere to go and no way to stop hurting them.

The asked question got a nod once he knows Bethany realizes Fenris can't possibly have a clue that Anders was here. "I've heard it. It's not as distracting as I've heard it described, though. I'm wondering if... If a certain situation means I've a little protection. There's no way to know, though. There are no writings about these sort of circumstances."

He wouldn't wish possession on anyone else, but there were many, many times when he wished there were books to reference.

"Considering..." He took a breath and glanced around. No one was too close, and beating around the bush would only lead to confusion. "It may have more of an effect on my friend, considering the last time we got near Corypheus. He may, he may be taking the brunt of it." Which was a worrying thought. If having Anders' rage messing with Justice wasn't enough, the Spirit had to deal with a demon too?

"Detlef." Easy to remember, a little ridiculous considering it was Felted backwards, but beggars couldn't be choosers. Her name on the road had been Beth, after all. She searched his face again, looking for those flashes of justice behind those still kind eyes.

Maker, if she could tear that spirit from him she would in a heartbeat. Except ...

"If it is, I'm glad for it. I can ..." She sighed, closing her eyes. "If I think, put my mind on mundane tasks? I can shut it out. When I'm doing magic, it flees, so perhaps the Fade itself can block it out completely."

She paused, going pale again at the thought, "Oh Maker ... I hope not. Whatever is going on, I hope your friend is just silent because he doesn't want to get you in trouble." For once, was the unspoken thought. "Well - perhaps it is safer for everyone if you are here. If something happens ...at least you'll have people here who can help you."

The thought of Justice not wanting him to get into trouble was laughable for all the wrong reasons, but Anders wasn't about to remind Bethany of that. Justice was not Compassion, nor was he Wisdom. His fixation had already caused danger and likely would cause more before it was all over; all Anders could hope was that he'd find a way to contain it, to keep it from hurting people he cared about again.

Anders looked away from Bethany, and when he spoke, his voice was heavy. "Yes. I'll have people here I can drag down with me."

He wanted her around. He wanted them all around so very badly. But he was going to hurt every single last one of them all over again. He took a breath and shook his head.

"Sorry. But let's be honest - as glad as I am to see you, to have you and several others around again - there's nothing safe about it." He'd lied to them all in Kirkwall, but there was no reason left to lie. He preferred to tell the truth anyway. "But I'll do what I can to not hurt people."

Oh, Bethany was all too aware of what Justice was, an abomination and a spirit that controlled her friend. She had heard Nate's stories about the spirit from their days in Amaranthine, and honestly she wasn't sure she saw a difference between Justice then, and Justice now.

She looked back at him, her lips pressing together, before she said firmly, "Detlef, in case you haven't noticed -- we're all around here to make a difference, one way or another. To save lives. Your ... sins are yours to bear, and to answer for. But if you think we are going to let you sink in again? No, Detlef. No. We let you go once, and we lost you altogether. This time, you're stuck with every last one of us, and if we have to drag you back by the ear -- I swear to the Maker and Andraste and all the various body parts they have -- I'll twist your ear myself."

He took a shaky breath, looking at Bethany, listening to what she's saying. The thought that someone wants to stand by him and help him be strong is utterly unfamiliar. Not just unfamiliar. Incomprehensible. He can't forgive himself for what he's done, but she's willing to back him up?

"You..." Anders shook his head. "I don't understand why you'd do that. Why you'd want to do that. But I won't turn the help down."

Since Kirkwall, things had been easier. The veil hasn't felt so odd, he'd been able to let Justice fulfill his function with bandits and templars, and he'd been helping a cause again. There was no guard hounding him. He wasn't being hunted and hiding. His friends weren't dying. Mages were still dying, certainly, but in less numbers and he could actually see a future where fewer will face anything he or Bethany ever had to deal with. In short, Anders felt almost sane again. The last thing he wanted to do was let Justice lash out, or take control. It wasn't fair to the spirit, keeping him trapped, but currently Anders had no other solution.

She looked up at him, brown eyes serious as she took his hands in hers and squeezed tightly.

"You saved my life, at risk to yours. I know the Wardens could have dragged you back then. I know you could have been captured by the Templars. You risked it anyways. How can I not risk this for you?"

She gave him a long look, before she sighed softly, "And I don't know how we're going to help you - not when I still have to help all the Wardens. But we'll find a way. We Hawkes always do."

Clearly, she was going to be spending a lot more time studying spirit magic than she had before.

It was true that the Wardens could have taken him into custody right then, and it would have been the end of everything. He'd done it because it was the right thing to do. Risk hadn't really been a factor. It seems like that was basically the same for her, and he stopped his objections. It wasn't like he'd needed Hawke's pained need to try to save Bethany, after all.

"I want to help the Wardens as well. I have to keep my distance, right now. But if I can be of any aid, I'd like that. They were... They were something to me, once." A something he missed sorely, but that was also the fault of the Wardens. He would have stayed with them until his true Calling if not for the Templars they brought in.

"What makes it even easier is that Justice wants to help the Wardens. I don't enjoy when demons cause problems, but at least it makes things simple."

There was the right thing to do, always, and Bethany strove to live her life that way. It was how their father taught them, what even when Marian in her darkest hours tried to do. So in this, he had saved her. The least she could do was try to save him.

"...I would greatly appreciate that -- and honestly? What I need is instruction. I need to know spirit magic, so I can understand what he is trying to do on the other side of the fade. I also need to know what you know about the Tevinters here, outside of Felix. Can they be trusted?" If they were going to go to them for information -- then she needed to know.

Now that? That caught her by surprise. "Why does he want to help us?"

"I'd gladly instruct." He'd never seen himself as teaching material before, but helping Adelaide with her students has shown him a side of himself he'd not expected and he's definitely enjoying.

"As far as the Tevinters, I've no idea. What I've seen of them hasn't screamed blood magic. The other answer should be obvious, though. The last time we ran into Corypheus..." Anders looks around. No one is close, but he drops his voice anyway. "We summoned demons. That he can do that threatens Justice's identity and purpose. And I'd rather not ever do that again."

"And I will gladly learn." Anything to save a friend, after all. Besides, it would give her peace of mind to know more about spirit magic, just in case of, well. Justice.

She felt something in her chest ease, and she let out a deep breath, "The last time ... well. This isn't the last time, is it? This is hundreds times worse. And if he can do that to you -- I don't know what it means now for me. He couldn't get into my thoughts like he did yours." She folded her arms over her chest, her thoughts troubled. "I certainly do not want him inside your head, or my head."

He nods to the first. Then teaching will happen, as much as he is able. Knowing things of the Fade is difficult at the best of times, but he has reason to work on it.

"I... I would guess that you're more safe. You don't have as much of an opening as I do. So to speak. Justice, it felt like Justice was a sort of beacon, a focal point, and Corypheus had that connection. But you're not entirely safe. No Warden is. And I wish there was a way to block it off, to... Something. I don't know. I've no theories. It's not even definitively Fade-related, because he's messing with Wardens in general by the sounds of things. It's the Blight."

Which puts some disturbing veracity behind the claims that those ancient magisters had made the Golden City black and started the whole Darkspawn issue to begin with while chasing the Maker away. Anders doesn't appreciate that at all.

"How do we block the influence of something that's in our very veins?"

Her expression sobered at the very thought, before she sat up a little. Her jaw set, her brown eyes blazed before she stated firmly, "I've spent enough years feeling sorry for myself, who I am and what I've become. I'm not wasting another moment of life, a breath of it, on some bastard Calling that's not even mine. I don't know about you, Anders, but I'm going to fight it. I'm going to use every ounce of my will -- and I've got a lot to spare."

Her jaw set, "I haven't gotten to decide a great deal of my fate. But I will be the one who decides when I die, thank you very much."

Anders exhaled.

"I can't say I've had a great deal of control over my own life either." One thing after another, cascading forward, and almost all of it driven by Templars. At least, for the short time he's here, he has some say in what happens. "But maybe I get to pick my end. And perhaps help a little for the time that I've left."

Because let's face it - they'll discover him before too long. He's never been good at staying free and unnoticed.

She looked over at him, before she took his hand again in his hand squeezing it as tightly as she could.

"Then let us get through this together - and live our lives ... our way. I don't know how many more years either one of us has? But let's help as long as we can, by helping one another."

After a short beat, he squeezed her hand back. She'll be another on the Disappointed Yet Again list, likely, but he'll take this comfort and do what he can for her while she's around.

"It's agreed."

Maker, he'd better hope not. Even Bethany was not going to give him a third chance. She's only so naive, after all.

For now though, she smiles at him and squeezes his hand in turn.

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