faderift | My hands are small, I know

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My hands are small, I know

WHO: Kallian and Pel
WHAT: Hair-braiding and an Important Question.
WHEN: Current
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Pel has been giving Kalli "Dalish lessons" for a few months now. There has to be a reason why. Right?

"I like how the pale flowers look against your hair." Pel tucks a star-shaped white flower into the elaborate braid she has begun for Kallian. "It's so beautiful."

A lock is drawn away from one of Kalli's pale, pointed ears and drawn into the braid.

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"Thank you." Kalli's response is soft, a little shy, but warm.

"I think you look pretty with blue flowers in yours."

"That's very kind." It's a tad patronizing, perhaps, but Pel can't accept a compliment unless she's bound and gagged. "I didn't realize you saw me at the party. I certainly saw you. You were amazing."

Pel was wearing violets then, and a gown of green and silver.

Kallian blushes.
"Thank you. I was so nervous. I'm just glad I didn't mess it up somehow. But you, you were so pretty. I'm surprised everyone wasn't asking you to dance."

"Mostly everyone was asking me to fetch them a drink. Dressed like I was, and they still thought I was a servant."

A long pause.

"That's...something you probably experienced every day, before coming here. Wasn't it?"

"Being treated like a servant? Well... yes. I mean, I had paid work back in Denerim, as a shopkeeper's assistant, but... yes. Generally, elves in the cities are there to be of service. It's not so bad, I guess. I like helping people."

"Everyone in a clan helps each other. The difference is we're not using other people as some cushion to prop ourselves up so we can sit at the tall table. We help because we're a clan, not because some sneering rich folk will give us a black eye if we don't. That's wrong. That's cruel."

"Black eyes are actually one of the less harsh punishments," Kallian says softly. "But in the alienage, most people try to help each other, too."

The things she's heard about alienages make her think they must have a clan atmosphere, to an extent. Pel braids in silence for a moment, considering.

"I've been meaning to ask you something. Why is it you're taking lessons from me?"

For a while she's quiet.
"For my father," she finally answers, "I don't... I never knew him. And I don't think he knows I exist. He's Dalish and... I guess... if I can't know him... at least I can know about his people, their traditions, and songs. That's how he and my mother became a thing, was because he taught her songs. Wouldn't any Dalish father want that for his daughter? Learning about the Dalish, it's... not a replacement for him, or anything, but... it feels like I carry a little piece of him with me that way."

There's a rather long pause. Pel's face changes slightly, her eyes slightly wider and glassier. But it's mainly her voice that changes, developing a tight breathiness, the cadence of her speech more halting.

"I...didn't know my parents for a long time. The first I can remember of them, I was around fifteen, and it was at the Arlathvhen. Just for two days. They gave me presents and told me stories and it's...so hard, to honor someone you barely know. Even if you know they love you. I guess I can understand."

There's another pause as she resumes braiding, letting things settle.

"Do you want to join the Dalish? Is that part of your purpose?"

Kallian takes a long breath. Did she want to join them?

"I... don't know," she finally answers. It's an honest one. "When I was young, I dreamed of meeting the Dalish, maybe finding my father, learn about them and their culture... But to truly live as one... To become fully Dalish... Well, I imagine the reality is far less romantic than what we imagine in the alienages."

"It doesn't have to be," Pel says softly, coming around to perch beside Kalli, braid finished and tied off. "It just has to be better than the life you had. We work very hard, but so do you. We don't have very much, but neither do you. But we are free, and we love our ways. And there are a surprising number of clans who remember why we keep the lost lore, and take in our city brethren when they come to us.

"But it's not like city life. We don't have buildings, we have aravels and tents. The only space that isn't crowded is the outdoors, and that is spacious indeed. So most of what we do is outdoors. We earn everything we have, and look out for one another. You have different things to worry about, like...getting your clothes wet. Damp clothes when it's chill out can be deadly, unless you're near a fire or have spares."

"There's almost always standing water in the alienage, so I know what that's like. Lots of mosquitoes, especially in summer. I guess the biggest differences are that we have houses--sort of. And apartments. But all of our big celebrations are done outside. We don't have any one building in the alienage that can hold everyone, so we use the common spaces."

She looks at what she can of her braid, and smiles in approval.
"Oh, thank you, it's beautiful."

She sucks her lower lip thoughtfully.
"Would it... be a bad idea to maybe just... try it? See what it's really like for a few weeks or months and... really experience it? Would a clan allow that?"

"I could write to my Keeper. She should be fine with it. Is that what you want?"

Kallian considers carefully before nodding.

"I think, in time, I would. At least to try it. But I do not think I am ready yet to leave Skyhold for too long."

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My hands are small, I know

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