One of the things Morrigan never expected to learn when she had a child was how to let herself soften. Flemeth had brought her up to be so hard, to be someone who knew how to survive and Kieran does, there's no avoiding that because this is Thedas, it would be irresponsible of her if she didn't, especially when he carries what he does. But when she held him, she learned that yes, she could be gentle, she could be kind, that it wouldn't cost her to be those things, and that she could prepare him in ways her mother never prepared her. Flemeth made Morrigan in her own image ready to step into, she wished to strip the will from her. Morrigan takes those lessons and when Kieran fails she urges him to try again, to do better, to see where he has gone wrong, to know he will have her, always. If sometimes she had to line his cradle with spidersilk then what of it, it was strong, it was hers, it kept the chill of the winter out. If she curled about him as a wolf then nothing dared to come close.
It would be easier if she could do that now, instead all she can do is offer Leliana a hand, an ear, a word, the knowledge that yes, she's changed, that somehow she is the one who is capable of being honest when it comes to the big things. That they've both hurt, and are so very good at finding the right places to strike at when it comes to others.
How long they spend running, the fleeing remark is perhaps more cruel than anything they ever said ten years ago.
"I do not believe that is all. You hurt those that can afford it, but you help many or more and more would not join the Inquisition each day - you would not have a spy network that has all of Thedas gasping," and now it is no secret, that it was absolutely Morrigan who phrased it so to one of her prospective scouts, "and you would not be arguing for freedom. For truth. For justice. For all of those who have been hurt if that is all you think you do."
This could all go horribly wrong. Honestly she's amazed it hasn't devolved into some sort of petty sniping and a demand to be returned, that she has important matters to attend to, and she's daring to hope.
"Whatever you wish to be Leliana. You had your entire life ahead of you ten years ago when the Archdemon lay dead. You are passionate about what you believe in, your faith and the cause of the mages but you do not need to be the Left Hand to do that. It matters because…because I care." Embarrassment makes her defensive, when she doesn't have better words because she doesn't really understand herself, hasn't sat down and picked apart at it. It simply is, it exists, it lives, it breathes, she only questions it late at night in the dark when Kieran crawls into her bed when the nightmares come and keep her awake, her hand stroking through his dark hair. "Am I not allowed to care?" The last part is so quiet she isn't sure she's voiced it until she catches her lips moving in the reflection of one of the broken eluvians.
"She gave you the tools, Leliana. What you did with them was up to you. You saved yourself."
no subject
It would be easier if she could do that now, instead all she can do is offer Leliana a hand, an ear, a word, the knowledge that yes, she's changed, that somehow she is the one who is capable of being honest when it comes to the big things. That they've both hurt, and are so very good at finding the right places to strike at when it comes to others.
How long they spend running, the fleeing remark is perhaps more cruel than anything they ever said ten years ago.
"I do not believe that is all. You hurt those that can afford it, but you help many or more and more would not join the Inquisition each day - you would not have a spy network that has all of Thedas gasping," and now it is no secret, that it was absolutely Morrigan who phrased it so to one of her prospective scouts, "and you would not be arguing for freedom. For truth. For justice. For all of those who have been hurt if that is all you think you do."
This could all go horribly wrong. Honestly she's amazed it hasn't devolved into some sort of petty sniping and a demand to be returned, that she has important matters to attend to, and she's daring to hope.
"Whatever you wish to be Leliana. You had your entire life ahead of you ten years ago when the Archdemon lay dead. You are passionate about what you believe in, your faith and the cause of the mages but you do not need to be the Left Hand to do that. It matters because…because I care." Embarrassment makes her defensive, when she doesn't have better words because she doesn't really understand herself, hasn't sat down and picked apart at it. It simply is, it exists, it lives, it breathes, she only questions it late at night in the dark when Kieran crawls into her bed when the nightmares come and keep her awake, her hand stroking through his dark hair. "Am I not allowed to care?" The last part is so quiet she isn't sure she's voiced it until she catches her lips moving in the reflection of one of the broken eluvians.
"She gave you the tools, Leliana. What you did with them was up to you. You saved yourself."