Asher takes a deep breath for the count of three, holds it long enough for the world to blur black and grey, then exhales slow and steady. The nod is slight but his body relaxes and stiffens in different places; legs heavy, chest and abdomen tight from where the skin is too sensitive to stand.
"I know. I know." A hundred memories of his mother, how Asher took up too much, the impression of being undeserving of all of it that has followed him all of his days. "Sorry," he gives her half a smile.
"Never thought I'd want someone to be here for me like this, seeing me like this but...I'm glad it's you. I know it's not that long. Not now." No one else has heard this, no one else will hear it until he's sure he's talking hours and minutes, not days. If that makes him a coward well they don't know what it feels like to die this way. "Just having to lie here. And feel it. Accept it. Asher Hardie can swallow anything except this apparently." That's a joke, it's a bad one, he's sorry but he has the right as the dying man to make terrible jokes since she's the only one who will still tell him his jokes were bad.
Softer, should anyone else ever hear him: "I'm sorry you know how to do this. How to be here for this. None of us should unless we made some choice with our kin like the Augurs, or those who oversee the Rites for the Dead." Gjurd will know already, Hulda will be making what preparations she can back at the hold, and his kin will have tears in their eyes waiting for Asher to return to them one last time.
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"I know. I know." A hundred memories of his mother, how Asher took up too much, the impression of being undeserving of all of it that has followed him all of his days. "Sorry," he gives her half a smile.
"Never thought I'd want someone to be here for me like this, seeing me like this but...I'm glad it's you. I know it's not that long. Not now." No one else has heard this, no one else will hear it until he's sure he's talking hours and minutes, not days. If that makes him a coward well they don't know what it feels like to die this way. "Just having to lie here. And feel it. Accept it. Asher Hardie can swallow anything except this apparently." That's a joke, it's a bad one, he's sorry but he has the right as the dying man to make terrible jokes since she's the only one who will still tell him his jokes were bad.
Softer, should anyone else ever hear him: "I'm sorry you know how to do this. How to be here for this. None of us should unless we made some choice with our kin like the Augurs, or those who oversee the Rites for the Dead." Gjurd will know already, Hulda will be making what preparations she can back at the hold, and his kin will have tears in their eyes waiting for Asher to return to them one last time.