Not Quite Damsels, Definite Distress

[justice_is_blond]

WHO: Anders, Alistair, Zevran, Nathaniel, Teren, Merrill, Ciri, Jamie, Cyril, Velanna
WHAT: Rescuing two princesses who went into the wrong castle
WHEN: Around Haring 10th
WHERE: A village handwavily somewhere around Skyhold, on the Fereldan side of things.
NOTES: Minor violence warnings for now. Signup Post.

Sometimes people vanish. Sometimes there's a trail to follow, and luckily for these two, there's some information about where they were going.

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[justice_is_blond]

He listens, curled in close. There's a weight in his chest and throat, the threat of panic lurking close to the surface even now, and guilt is easier to deal with than that. But Nate's working away at the guilt. Anders shivers and takes a shaky breath... before words fail him.

"I don't know what to say." His voice is little more than a whisper. "I don't know what to do. I don't know where I go from this. What if all of the other letter-writers are like Ashton? Where do I... What do I do? How can I help people who don't think I'm me because I don't want to destroy everything and rebuild from the ashes anymore? It's..."

Another exhale as he reaches up to gently pet a stirring Purrelden. "How can I hope to effect change when no one thinks I can change? When in their eyes, in Skyhold, throughout Thedas, I'm simply the, the terrorist who murdered people and helped start a war that cost even more lives? What chance do I have of... anything?"

[pinprick]

Nathaniel strokes golden hair as he listens, and he allows silence to linger between them for a moment. Anders has a damn good point. But he also believes--has to believe--that Anders has the solution.

"Remember what's important is that the change is made," he says slowly, "not that you are the one to make it. If you keep running into this difficulty, maybe you can enable those who are trusted. Let them write the letters while you run things underground."

[justice_is_blond]

"It's so hard to trust." He'd put himself in a few hands upon arriving to Skyhold, and they'd carried him and kept his faith. Nate's one of them. Anders has absolute faith in Nate. But part of that had been why he'd extended his trust to the Resolutionists and gotten burned here, caged again, and he shudders at that thought.

"And everyone... There's so many agendas, so many people who prioritize differently. I don't know how to find people I trust among the mages who want a future free of the Circles. And clearly they don't trust me or they'd not have, have..." Anders buries his head against Nate's neck.

[pinprick]

"Don't," Nathaniel sighs, tightening his hold on Anders. "We'll think of something later. But I promise you we will think of something. Right now, just breathe. We've left that place behind. You're free, and you're right here in my arms. Everyone around you loves you and will keep you safe."

[justice_is_blond]

He takes Nate literally, because he needs to. Breathing is the best he can manage since it's not like he's about to figure anything out.

"And you came for me." Nate, and the others, had gone looking. They'd wanted him back. Sure, he hadn't been the only captive, but every single face who had come had been a friendly one. He hadn't been left alone, and he isn't alone. "No one's... When things have gone wrong, I've always been alone after. You all came for me."

[pinprick]

"I will always come for you." He combs his fingers through Anders' hair, slowly and soothingly working out the tangles. "Perhaps if I'd been with you, only out of sight, nearby, we might have avoided the worst of it. Maybe people wouldn't have had to die. But when the worst happens, I will always come for you. And I think I won't be the only one. I love you."

[justice_is_blond]

Nate's fingers in his hair is a familiar, calming feeling, and he starts to relax against the man.

"What you were doing was important, love." He can't leave Nate feeling like he bore any of the responsibility for this mess. "And the request was nothing out of the ordinary. Having you lurk around every time I'm sent somewhere isn't practical." If it was, he might be all for it. Right now he feels more than a little exposed and vulnerable, and the thought of having someone watching over him is comforting even though that would be far too much to ask of Nate.

"You came for me and you love me. That's all I need." It's more than he's ever had before, and it's a mark of him starting to accept himself that he doesn't say it's more than he deserves. This is a part of being loved, and he'd do the same for Nate in return. "I love you."

[pinprick]

Fingertips brush over cheekbone, soothing little caresses to communicate love and comfort.

"You are so strong," Nathaniel says quietly. "I know you don't feel it. But you have been through so much, and you still won't retire. You are the strongest, bravest person I know. And I'm marrying you."

[justice_is_blond]

Nate's right. He doesn't feel it. But Nate has such faith in him and sees what Anders can't, and that's invaluable.

"And you've the best heart of anyone I know. I am, I am so lucky you chose to give me a chance despite Justice, despite everything." He's marrying this man, this magnificent, handsome man who has stood with him through so many months now. "You are my rock and my joy, when I thought I'd have neither in this life."

Even now Nate's being his rock again, holding him and making it so clear how much he matters.

"You are the one part of my life that has gone so right."

[pinprick]

Nathaniel holds him tightly, cheek against his hair, feeling Anders' heartbeat against his own. They go quiet for a while, holding each other, warming each other, comforting each other. It feels good to have Anders back in his arms, and as the minutes go by, Nathaniel's fear and rage begin to relax into a hazy-warm post-adrenaline state. He feels he almost dozes, until he remembers questions left unanswered. A hand rubs Anders' back to gently wake him, if he fell asleep.

"Did they use Alistair for blood magic?" he asks, barely above a whisper.

[justice_is_blond]

He's drifting when Nate rubs his back, and at first the only reply he makes is a grunt. Then he realizes that's not really an answer.

"Yes," he says, sadness in his voice. "Ashton and Aleigh. That's why she wanted to keep him, I think." It had been difficult to process while in the cell and drugged, but now that he's out it's so much easier to think and the drugs are starting to leave his system. Anders burrows closer, as if it was possible.

"He came here to help them and they... I don't understand why they turned like that. Why would you hurt someone who was trying to help?"

[pinprick]

"It does seem a great trouble to go through, to lure someone just to--why Alistair?" The more he thinks about it, the less sense it makes. "Why not any other mundane non-mage, willing or no? Someone with a lower profile, easier to keep?"

[justice_is_blond]

"They didn't lure him. Or, he wasn't the target of the trap." He presses his eyes closed. He'd heard bits, things he didn't have the knowledge to thread together, but also things that aren't his to share. While Anders doesn't want to keep any secrets from Nate, this time he has to.

"I'm sorry, love. There's something I overheard, but it's not mine to say."

[pinprick]

There's a bit of a pause, only out of surprise, but Nathaniel nods.

"I trust you. Don't worry about it." He leans in to give a little chaste kiss, just to assure him there's no hurt over this. "Is he all right, at least? He was still giving cheek in his cell, so I think there's hope for him."

Because what hurt Anders so badly couldn't possibly have hurt Alistair just as much, right?

[justice_is_blond]

"I don't know. I need to ask him, to find out." Guilt weighs down his words. Alistair wouldn't have gone through any of that if not for him. "I owe him such a debt, and I don't know that I can ever repay it."

And it's not like giving cheek means someone's doing well. He's certainly managed snark when suffering.

"At least I've some skill at seeing past deflective jokes. Takes one to know one, and all that."