Not aloud anyways. But he's thought it now and then when Samouel batted those big eyes at him or made some joke. Completely insufferable but he had loved it. Still did, except those were far off memories.

Oh, that noise. He knew it so well and it tore at his heart, made his breath hitch and his whole body tremble. His knuckles turned white as they gripped Samouel, his kiss harder, trying to soak up as much sensation as he could, afraid that this was nothing but an illusion and Samouel would disappear when his eyes opened.

He pulled back, lips tingling and he knew they would bruise later. "How dare you leave me like that," he whispered. "Five years, Samouel. Five. Years."