He wants to. Maker, he wants to. Anders would feel like he could breathe if walking into the dark with Nate were an option. But his network would crumble. He'd let more people down. And he doesn't think Nate will let him.

"I would. But I can't let him down even more. I have to try." And maybe fail, but the story of his life is failure so he's not certain that will surprise anyone. Anders takes a breath and looks away. "Even if it's all I do, I have to do it."