Sam definitely knows he has that option, certainly wants to take it, but he knows if he does that he might not find the strength to say what's on his mind. He knows he has to say it at some point, but how do you go about bringing up something like this? He couldn't when he first got back from the future... it had been too fresh, too raw.

"No... yes..."

Sighing again, Sam pulls his leg back so that he could lean on it slightly, arms crossed over his knee while he pressed the lower half of his face into his arms. "I saw and learned a lot during the time I was away..." he starts, but stops, brows furrowing as the words get choked in his throat. With the palm of one of his hands he rubs at one of his eyes quickly and takes a few calming breathes.

"I had to watch you and Jim die... and I couldn't do anything about it..."