Squeezing his eyes shut in a grimace (at least as well as he can, with the swelling), Cade feels the words wash over him like poison. Perhaps it sounds nice, but all it does is drive the infection deeper.
"And what has that mattered," he snaps, slowly getting to his feet and folding his arms over his chest, "even if it were there. What good has it done, what point is there to it? It was wrong. Commitment," he breathes, his voice breaking on the word, "commitment to an Order that I could never satisfy, that I--"
Suddenly feeling weak, Cade takes a step to sink onto the bed, pressing his face into his hands in what is now an all-too-familiar gesture. "--I never will. I never will."