The sweet bewilderment, in better circumstances, would have made him laugh. Maedhros can feel a heavy wave of nausea bearing down on him. I'm hurting him again. I'm tainting him. Like I did to Kano. Like I did to...everyone. Maybe even Fëanor too. Maybe it has been his fault - his failure, his doing - all along. His tears are hot on his cheeks, burning like the sparks that pop off a burning log.
"I ruined...everyone. Kano...myself... The jewels rejected us." he tries to make himself deaf to the comfort, but his body trembles, aching for it, "Our hands couldn't hold them! We were unworthy after committing so many evil deeds."
Maedhros cannot think for a moment, his mind wiped blank by the kiss. He presses as close to Fingon as he can get, heart pounding.
"Finno, you must leave me. I will only hurt you and I won't be there when you most need me." his voice cracks, his throat dry, "That is who I am. I stand beside those I claim to love and then, when they need me most, I fail them. I abandon them."
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"I ruined...everyone. Kano...myself... The jewels rejected us." he tries to make himself deaf to the comfort, but his body trembles, aching for it, "Our hands couldn't hold them! We were unworthy after committing so many evil deeds."
Maedhros cannot think for a moment, his mind wiped blank by the kiss. He presses as close to Fingon as he can get, heart pounding.
"Finno, you must leave me. I will only hurt you and I won't be there when you most need me." his voice cracks, his throat dry, "That is who I am. I stand beside those I claim to love and then, when they need me most, I fail them. I abandon them."