CLOSED | You're so high, then I'm solo

[keenly]

WHO: Audra and Colin
WHAT: A reunion.
WHEN: Present
WHERE: The Gallows general store
NOTES: TW under the cut. Look, I'm quoting Poe lyrics, it's not gonna be a happy meeting.

[tw: mention of sexual abuse by a Templar and a crapton of misplaced blame.]

He is older and taller than she would remember, dressed in a green tunic and tan trousers with a wide belt instead of purple apprentice robes. His hair is a little longer and braided messily, revealing a steel loop in the cartilage of his right ear. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbows and he is standing at the counter, counting money.

Colin had been a shy apprentice, quiet as a mouse, covering up a deep-seated anxiety and fear of humiliation. Knowing Audra had helped, somehow. Having grown up with older sisters, he had felt her a sort of stand-in. She had protected him, gave him company when he retreated inward, and listened when he felt like talking. She had let him cope with the tower the way he needed to.

Then she was gone.

It has been eight years or so since then, but he is still unmistakably Colin. He slides a stack of coins to one side--ten silver, immaculately lined up with each other--and begins to stack more. When the door opens, he glances up briefly, not long enough to recognize her, and keeps counting.

Comments

[winterwinds]

Audra hasn't changed much since the last time Colin saw her. She's maybe a little leaner with sharper lines in her face from maturity, but overall she likely looks very much the same as she had when she'd left Kinloch Hold.

She'd heard his name around a few times, and then heard him speak on the crystals, but it felt silly to announce herself over them. She wanted to find him in person, and that was easy enough when he had announced where he was working.

When she walks into the store and he doesn't acknowledge her she's not dissuaded, stepping towards the counter she clears her throat.

"Excuse me, I was wondering if you could help me find someone. Young man, goes by the name Colin?"

[keenly]

He doesn't recognize the voice immediately, but he looks up and...

It has been eight years. It takes him a moment. Everyone changes, as do memories. But when he does, his default pleasantness fades. His parted lips show teeth beneath his frown. His brow furrows.

How can she be so chipper, after what she did?

"Audra," he says flatly. "Hopefully you found your dad, after all this time. You need something?"

[winterwinds]

The cold greeting catches her off-guard. She'd thought they'd left on well-enough terms. Her smile fades, replaced by a concerned frown.

"I came to see an old friend. Are you no longer my friend, Colin?" She clearly hadn't gotten the memo, but then it might've been hard for him to send letters. She'd told him where she was going, of course, all her friends at Kinloch Hold had known, but she'd only received a few letters.

[keenly]

He flashest the fakest of all fake smiles that he can. Then it's gone. He goes back to counting money, making a noncommittal noise in answer to her question.

"You need something?" he repeats stubbornly.

[winterwinds]

"Oh come on, Colin." Audra huffs, crossing her arms as she regards him across the counter. She's wracking her brain, trying to think of what exactly she could have done to cause such a response. Others from Kinloch Hold had been delighted to see her. Why was Colin so upset?

"I'm not leaving until you tell me why you're being so cold to me."

[keenly]

Something truly, dreadfully cruel in him awakens. For an instant, he wants to tell her. Every detail, every instance. And he doesn't rule it out when the instant is over.

He stops counting coins and flattens his hands against the counter, squinting at her as his shoulders square.

"Things changed when you left. Now they're different. Live with it. And buy something or get out."

[winterwinds]

That answer doesn't satisfy her. She tenses her shoulders, pursing her lips and frowning, looking around her before grabbing something off the closest shelf and slamming it down on the counter.

"Fine. I'm a customer. What changed when I left? We were friends when I left. I wrote you letters, but I never heard back!" Sure she hadn't been good about the letter writing the past few years, but who could blame her for that?

[keenly]

Slowly, Colin blinks. He takes the item, he checks the price at the bottom. Then he stretches out his hand.

"You'll have to pay for this, miss."

[winterwinds]

She sighs, pressing her lips and staring at him for a moment, before digging around in her pockets and pulling out her coin purse.

"Great. What do I owe you?"

[keenly]

"Two silver, miss."

[winterwinds]

"Fine," She fishes the coins out of her purse and presses them into Colin's outstretched hand. "You're not going to talk to me, are you?"

[keenly]

He folds his hand around the coin. It's warm from her hand. He thinks about how much it used to mean, to talk to her. To confide. And he has been so, so desperately without confidants in the years since she left. She was one of the very few who wanted to be.

He doesn't look at her. He adds her silver to the stacks he is making.

"Not everyone is cut out for Circle life," he says quietly. "Not everyone is good at...that. At being independent. I wasn't. I was very, very bad at it. I--"

[winterwinds]

Oh. The irritation on her face melts away and is replaced again by concern as he speaks, and she slowly puts her coin purse back in her pocket.

"You were doing better when I left, and I'd asked a few people to keep an eye out for you."

[keenly]

The vulnerability vanishes. Colin steps away, cold again. "Yes, well. That's assuming my main problems were things like panicking, or uncontrollable crying, not being raped by a Templar."

Eight years it has been and the anger is still so close beneath the surface, as if it had been yesterday, that control is no longer an object, that a wave of spirit magic ripples out from him without being called. Stacks of coins jump, carefully-poised objects on shelves are toppled; something shatters and he has no idea what it is.

"You said you would protect me," he says lowly. "You're going to--you're going to pay for whatever just broke and then I want you out of my shop."

[winterwinds]

That revelation is like a punch in the gut, and that shows on Audra's face. She tries to think back, who could have done such a thing, but the faces of the Kinloch Hold templars are a blur. She'd never come to know any of them well. But clearly one of them had decided that she was dangerous enough to stay away from those she had kept under her wing, and had decided to prey on one of them when she was gone.

"Oh, Colin..." Her instinct is to wrap him up in a hug, but she knows that won't help anything, not right now. The magic, called in anger and clearly not controlled worries her, and she knows she should leave, though it feels like the wrong thing to do in her gut.

"I'm sorry. I wouldn't have left if I'd known." She reaches into her pocket again and pulls out a gold coin, placing it on the counter. "If that's not enough for whatever broke, let me know. I never meant for you to be hurt."

She'll turn and leave after that without another word, face screwed up with the effort of keeping in the tears she won't cry in front of him.

[keenly]

"Audra?" Her name comes out of his lips before he knows it, his voice sounding small. There is no gratification in this, in hurting her with this. Maybe if it had been like he'd believed and she really had forgotten about him, or stopped caring, there would be. But she's hurting, she's already gone, and he is left to think about what he just did.

that evening

[keenly]

Colin shifts a basket of winter flowers to one hand and knocks. In the hours since they spoke, he has only felt more and more wretched. Finding her quarters has taken some doing, but he couldn't apologize over the crystals. Maybe she's at home. If not, he's determined to camp outside her door until she turns up.

[winterwinds]

Audra is in her room, nursing a cup of tea and wrapped in a blanket, feeling entirely miserable. She had felt when she left Kinloch Hold that she was doing something right, that she was building bridges, not tearing down someone's entire life. The knock on the door surprises her, and she pulls herself up from her chair by the fire after a moment, shuffling to the door to pull it open, wide enough so she can see out, but her hair falls on either side of her face, an attempt to mask the fact that her eyes are red from crying. She doesn't need anyone feeling sorry for her.

When she sees it's Colin that surprises her more than any other person could have. She straightens a little, swallowing the lump in her throat.

"Was the Sovereign not enough?"

[keenly]

He swallows and opens one hand to reveal her sovereign, offering it to her.

"I wanted to blame you," he says in a small voice. "I want it all to have been avoidable. But it was beyond wrong to say what I said to you. It would be a horrible thing to make you bear. It really was all my fault."

He offers the flowers now and finally looks her in the eye.

[winterwinds]

She stares at him silently for a heartbeat, before pulling her door open the rest of the way and pulling him into a hug, ignoring the flowers and the coin. She doesn't care if he blames her or not, really. She's going to blame herself, from now on.

"Oh Colin, I never would have left if I'd known. I shouldn't have left." She'd reconnected with her brother, true. But her father was still in the wind, for all she knew, he was dead.

[keenly]

Colin bristles, stepping back with hand raised, fingers splayed. "Don't pity me," he says sharply. "This is why I never told anyone, that, that reaction there. It didn't--it's not like that." He starts ticking off reasons. "It wasn't happening when you left, you couldn't have known it would happen, and I took care of it. So stop."

[winterwinds]

Audra steps back, realizing her mistake and letting out a breath, shaking her head.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make it sound like--" She pauses, frowning as the rest of his words sunk in and she tilts her head, curious. "What do you mean you took care of it?"

[keenly]

"...Can I come inside?" Colin looks a different kind of uncomfortable now, glancing down the hallway.

[winterwinds]

"Oh, of course," she replies, moving out of the way so he can step into her room. Once he's inside she closes the door, moving back to where she'd been sitting earlier and picking up her abandoned mug.

"Do you want some tea?"

[keenly]

"Um, sure." He glances around her room and gravitates naturally toward the fire. "I could cook something. Or we could cook something together." Cooking always relaxes him. Makes it easier to talk.

[winterwinds]

Audra raises her eyebrows before nodding her head.

"Sure, that sounds good. I do prefer to make my own meals sometimes. The cooks work very hard of course, but I did all my own cooking on the road." It had been something she'd taken to surprisingly well, for a former supposed daughter of a noble house.

[keenly]

"You should come down to the store 'round noonish. I always have something cooking." He starts going through her pantry for ingredients. There's potatoes. An onion. Eggs. Oil. Very standard winter fare. He pulls everything out and sets it on the table. "Let's get potatoes peeled first, and I'll chop them up."

[winterwinds]

"Is this something you picked up after the circles fell?" Audra asks curiously, fetching knives to peel the potatoes with and a basket to throw the peels into. A lot of the mages she knew barely knew how to boil water without help, cooking wasn't wholly common. She'd spent some time with a few friendlier camps when she'd been searching for her father, and every time they'd treated her like some miracle worker when she baked bread or threw together a stew that wasn't just water with mushy carrots.