faderift | (Open) They'll steal your patents for the sun

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(Open) They'll steal your patents for the sun

WHO: Cosima and YOU
WHAT: Open post/catchall
WHEN: Kingsway
WHERE: Gallows and environs
NOTES: Prose or brackets are fine. If you want to talk about another scenario/your wildcard ideas before diving in, DM me or hit me up on plurk/discord. All comers welcome!

I. Infirmary

It's almost easy to forget that she's not in good health, sometimes, which Cosima supposes does credit to spirit healing. But she also never misses her twice-monthly appointments, too conscious of the potential consequences. Since she's here anyway, she brings a few goodies from the kitchen for people well enough to have them but not well enough to fetch them on their own. She's conscious of people who seem to want to be left alone and people who could use a friendly word. And of course, by now she knows the regulars, staff and otherwise.

II. Cosima's lab, the Gallows

Damn, Cosima, back at it again with the microscope. Ever since the phylactery negotiations -- and arguably, since Tevinter, though Cosima wasn't even there herself -- she's thrown herself into her work, harder than ever. They still have so much to learn, and it feels like the conflict is multiplying faster than they can keep up sometimes. She's doing her best, and frustrated she can't do more, though she keeps the latter sentiment to herself.

III. Docks

There's nearly always activity at the docks, so it takes some doing to find a spot that isn't in anyone's way. But Cosima has managed it, and is using her find to watch the water. She's alert enough to her surroundings, since it never pays to let your guard down out and about in Kirkwall, especially as a rifter. But the water makes her feel better. Not like home. It demonstrably isn't home. But as if it's a place that at least makes sense to her.

IV. Wildcard

[Choose your own adventure.]

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She laughs, a little. "Yeah, I mean. Pros and cons? There are things I miss about home, but there are things here that are amazing we don't have. And hey, both our worlds invented music and art, as well as alcohol. All kinds of ways to cope."

With a smile, she adds, "But hey, thanks for listening. I know the particulars are confusing, but you definitely got the point. Even if I didn't know them until recently, they're still my sisters, and I'm glad to have them. And I don't know what it was like, in a Circle, but I can imagine it was hard to be cut off from your family without your say."

"I know it's tougher for some people than others," Cosima says, muted. "My sister, Sarah -- she has a kid. And even if a different Sarah is there with her, this Sarah might have to deal with the idea of never seeing her again. That sucks, straight up. But people having lost things they care about isn't an excuse to act like Thedas isn't real life. Natives have lost things and people they care about too, and it doesn't take a long time to notice that."

She takes a small drink of wine. "Three years, though. I've been here a little over two, and it seems like I've already got more in common with some of the natives than with the new arrivals. I want to... I wish I could help them see it more clearly."

For their own sakes, yes; Cosima's naturally compassionate. But also she can see how little some of the most eager to agitate are putting the entire group of them in a precarious position. She remembers Herian coming to blows with a couple of men in a tavern, all because Cosima wasn't better at blending in, no matter how she feels about Thedas.

Dutifully, she takes a moment before replying, does not simply say all is well and leave it be. Ever since those grim days where she looked to Tranquility, there has been a balancing act. Even when she is on easy, solid ground, she remembers that the abyss exists, and she needs to watch her footing, and let Cosima help her where need be, just as she wishes to help Cosima. It's a clumsy metaphor, she suspects, but such things have never been her gift.

"I am... sorry that Saoirse has departed from Kirkwall, for now. She is a dear friend. And I am... I wish I had made more time to acquaint myself with Prompto, before..." He disappeared, as rifters sometimes do. If she tried to say his disappearance had not been jarring, had not terrified her on some level about what could happen to Cosima, she would be lying.

Even so, she gives Cosima a smile. "I cannot control all things. I am... trying to be better from moment to moment, and not dwell on what has been or what may be." With a little tilt of her head, acknowledging, "Some days I remember that better than others. And you?"

"An admirable goal, but..." He cocks his head. He's curious and his eyes spark.

"You don't think they'll find a way to send us back after this is all over? Resigning yourself to life here?"

A pause.

"Or is it you would rather not go back?"

"And dancing!" Because what is music without dancers enjoying it?

"Of course, Cosima. I will always listen." Her expression turns a bit sheepish, which is rare for her. "I confess I find myself so deep in my work that I am missing out on getting to learn about those closest to me. A failing I wish to rectify." She exhales a breath and takes one of the cookies.

"I could say a good deal about my Circle experience, and you would never hear the exact same story from anyone else. We all experienced things differently in our minds, even if we went through the same events. Needless to say, I missed my family very much, but fell out of touch with them quite early on. Other mages were allowed to write, receive gifts — even visit home. As you can imagine, those were the rich ones, or those who excelled at playing the Game."

She laces her fingers with Herian's, and gives her hand a squeeze. "I'm sorry too, about Saoirse. I didn't get to know her well, but she seemed pretty great." People come and go from the Inquisition all the time -- some purposely, some less so. It doesn't get easier.

"I'm... OK, mostly. It's nice, having my sisters here, but strange. And I don't know how much I should tell them about..." She gestures vaguely with her free hand. "We don't know for sure how Rifters work, but if some of the most common guesses are right... part of us never left. Which means this part of us probably never goes back? And I'm coping with that, but Sarah's got a kid, you know?" It's quiet, but honest. Making herself be, as much as she's not entirely comfortable.

It's hard to know how to respond. She cannot truly grasp what it is to be ripped so completely from what she knows. Even with being taken to the Circle, the knowledge of those had been with her all her life, and the world still went on as normal beyond the walls, even if her own life was transformed. To be taken completely from your world?

Herian's free hand gently traces Cosima's knuckles, her wrist. "I wish I had an answer for you." What to say, or do. "Perhaps when... so much is uncertain, and we do not know beyond doubt what is, the kinder thing is... not to stoke that anxiety and loss."

It's an unsatisfactory offering, and her smile is apologetic. "Tell your sisters what you feel comfortable sharing. If it does not feel right in the moment, trust yourself, and the instinct."

"I have a girlfriend - that's never the same as a child I just can't even picture myself with one - at home. And when I realised I'm not going to see her again unless she ever appears here was--" Well it was, that's what this conversation is, isn't it? It happened, she threw out all her old letters into the sea, maybe if there's a rift they haven't found on the water or if the maps don't know where the waters end they'll have made it somewhere she doesn't know. "You know we only had one war where I came from? Just one. Here they've had and still have so many and that's in, what, fifteen or twenty years? The whole time I would've been alive. Most of the people we know just accept it. This world runs on war. It oils the gears, the world doesn't know how to turn without a war on the horizon."

They're talking about peace, about what comes after, but Thedas lurches for the next one, and the next, and the next, so that in the discouraging moments that's all she can see: everything that's left after to sort through until she's done, until the spirit stops dreaming or she dies, works herself down to the bone. "When I've spoken to people that are angry and wanted things to change I've said to get involved in the projects, to be part of the change. They'll get to see what's going on around them, be there in the world more than just our bubble. It's not always a pleasant bubble but Kirkwall and the Gallows aren't the real world either. But if they won't join then maybe that's it. You have to just leave them to fuck up and build your own life, see who throws who into the scales when it comes time for checks and balances."

The future is a looming thing, towers, circles, mages as bitter about it as rifters who'll cut their noses off to spite their face then wonder why they don't have a nose, who cut it off, where is the healer?

She rubs the back of her neck, absently. "Neither, exactly. It's, um. I've been here for more than two years, and I've seen a lot of people come and go. But I haven't seen anything to convince me that they can send us back on purpose, or that we can control how that works. Maybe that'll change one day, or maybe I'll go involuntarily, but I can't plan for that."

Cosima shrugs, a bit. "No one knows, yet, how long one of us might be here. But I think my time is better spent assuming I might stay than hoping I might go and not having anything to do about it."

"Hey, I'd never blame anyone for burying themselves in work. I know how that goes." She's definitely done it, more than once.

"I never really know what's OK to ask? Not like I think most people I know would get offended, just more... I don't want to bring up something painful through ignorance. I know the Circles were different from each other, but it sounds like there were varying experiences even for people in the same particular Circle."

Cosima can't help thinking (briefly, guiltily) of Delphine. They were sort of... what had they been? It was complicated, though future-Delphine had suggested it certainly got more intense. But for Cosima's, that's a might-have-been. Less real, now, than Herian in many ways.

"One war," she says, instead. "That's... wow. I mean, I'd never been directly touched by a war at all, at home, but they were always happening. I was just lucky enough not to be in those places. Granted, nothing on the scale of Corypheus, not in my lifetime, but..." She shrugs. "Of all the things that are strange to me about this world, sad to say the conflict isn't it. What the conflict's about, yeah, that's new, but now the actual fact of it."

"I agree with you, though. The best thing for people is finding a way to get involved that works for them. Even my sisters have joined a division, and neither of them are really, uh, joiners by temperament. I think just sitting around seeing what's wrong isn't good for anybody, native or Rifter. The difference is, for now, the rifters can't just leave."

Maybe one day. Maybe never. Still to be determined.

She smiles back, nuding Herian's shoulder fondly. "Whatever I do is right, so don't worry about it?" fondly teasing. "Thanks, though. I'm trying to figure it out as I go along. I don't want to panic them with guessing, but I don't want them to feel lied too either."

Softer, "Someone asked me, recently, if I wanted to go home. I don't even know if that's possible, but god, I hadn't thought about it like that in so long. You know? This is my home now, and I try not to worry to much about the parts of the situation I can't control. And I know you've got to think about it sometimes, but I hope not like... too much?"

It's a little clumsy, but well-meant.

Herian makes a quiet sound, like she's trying to come up with a response that isn't quite so Cosima-biased, and like that effort is kind of a struggle. "I— would not—" she starts, trying to navigate, "I do not think you're incapable of making mistakes, just that— I would feel inclined to trust your instincts on most occasions."

Nailed it.

But that second point, that makes her exhale softly, gaze drifting to the setting sun. The sky is turning to dusty purples and pinks, now, as the sun sinks lower.

"I worry," Herian admits, clenching her jaw as she pauses to collect her words again, like the motion could clear away some of the anxiety in it all. "The longer you are here, the more I hope that it means you won't ever go home. And I know that is selfish, and that it is no guarantee. I'm not sure that if you did disappear, I would not— would not tear apart the rifts trying to find a way to follow you." She lightly runs her fingers along Cosima's jaw, and leans in to kiss her cheek, voice still soft. "But I want to make sure that each moment we have together, I am entirely present, and entirely yours. Not worrying about what may be."

"That is... unfortunate. Or maybe not unfortunate, just frustrating. I'd hoped to be able to go home one day, but..."

Alacruun shrugs, "If I don't, I can't imagine that I'll be too put out. Things are... better here, even with the thread of annihilation hanging over all of us."

"Mm, it is true. I think most of us have a willingness now to get our story out, but those of us in different fraternities view things in different ways. Neither side is completely quiet."

As is often the case, those who speak loudest are the ones with the most extremist views, who tend to make their own side look unreasonable. Christine has always thought herself a strict Libertarian, but her views have softened these last few years and she admits to some Aequitarian leanings as well.

"I suppose if you hear any of us freely speaking of our experiences, asking questions would not be unwelcome."

Once they're sitting, she leans her head against Herian's shoulder. She doesn't point out that it seems increasingly likely that she'd be back in her world, the more they learn; more likely in the Fade, or nowhere at all, but it's not helpful to say.

"I think that's good. I mean, I worry too. But actually... it's weird. I might end up having longer here, than I did at home. Spirit healing can treat my illness, but we don't have it where I'm from. I was working on a treatment, but there was no guarantee I was going to find one. So I guess... I try to do that too. Be presented here, now, and not try to worry too much about things I can't do anything about."

She turns her head and kisses Herian's neck. "I wouldn't want to leave you, either."

"It's different for everybody, I guess? Where you come from, what you're leaving. Though I hope you're not offended if I point out things must have sucked pretty bad if Corypheus is a step up."

She's not trying to pry, but it's an invitation to share. If he wants it.

"That makes sense, I guess. And I know Herian would talk to me, if I asked, it's just..." She shrugs, a little unsure. "We're all so busy, all the time. With really important shit. When we have a minute, I think I'd rather let people rest. And I've picked up a lot in two years and change, so at least now when I ask questions I feel slightly less likely to just step in it through total ignorance."

"It's a long story. Suffice to say I was unjustly imprisoned, with very few prospects for escaping..." Alacruun's expression tugs into a frown, "Here, at least, I have the capability of free action. I am at relative liberty. It is... much better. Even with the threat of annihilation hanging over one's head."

As Cosima leans against her, Herian wraps her arm around her, thumb gently rubbing the crest of Cosima's shoulder. The more she thinks about how Cosima's illness might not be cured or managed at home, how much she relies on magic, the more she is thankful for the gifted magical healers they have amongst the Inquisition ranks. Magic healing was not, generally speaking, readily available, and it makes a quiet anxiety twist in her gut that she tries to press back.

A flicker of a smile, though, at the kiss. "It would be a sorry day if you were waiting for an opportunity to escape my clutches," she replies, faintly dramatised.

She pauses for a second, before going on. "When I think of being in the Circle, and I remember that what we have would be forbidden, and that if the Circles still stood, we may never have met..." Herian sighs, and shakes her head. "I have so resolutely called myself a Loyalist for so long, but I wonder if I am lying to myself on that count."

It seems silly, though, and she clears her throat, and tilts her head to kiss Cosima's temple. "I love you." Quiet, a reminder, even if it's unnecessary.

"It is kind of you to take such things into account," she says with a thoughtful tone. "You are always welcome to ask me, or we could just enjoy the cookies and relax, hm?"

"Ours swept over every nation but one, we still feel the ripples now in little ways so it's hard to say if those stop." Maybe when people keep leaving those who started it and lost, maybe that's when the jaws unclench but the treaties are carefully, painstakingly written; she should know, she had to study them. "It only makes me sad sometimes that this is going to end and they'll have a new reason. Border disputes. Trade deals we negotiated. Alliances of convenience that aren't that. It's deeper than the Abyssal Rift here."

Her plan for after is sailing. Off the edge of the map. Take a ship and go with her arm cut off as much as she must if it aches with the miles.

"If enough left they could. Maybe." Cosima might understand that idea more, and Araceli certainly looks to her for some sort of confirmation of if a mass walkout might be sustainable.

"I love you too," she says, leaning into Herian's embrace. "And I don't know. I mean... I think anyone who didn't live in a Circle has less of a right to an opinion about it, in some ways, but I do sometimes wonder if they took a real thing, that you actually need to be careful about, and used it to justify a system that was more about making sure people don't have to actually deal with mages in their everyday lives than about keeping people safe."

Maybe not! But Cosima's seen enough to wonder. And it's not as if she has no context for systems of segregating one group from another.

"There's all kinds of reasons we might not have ever met. But I think that's part of what's beautiful about the universe, you know? It's this improbable mixture of order and chance. And here we are."

Herian kisses Cosima's temple as she listens, and makes a quiet sound of agreement. Or, if not entire agreement, consideration.

"I know not. I... think there was good in it, at some stage." Maybe she needs to think that, and that much Herian can acknowledge, even to herself. "I know that... an abomination, should that be what becomes of a mage, can destroy towns entire, and that the fear of that can lead to the persecution of mages, and a spiral of— of fear and desperation on both sides. The more and more I think on it though, I cannot but wonder if... with so many choices taken from mages as an inherent aspect of the Circles, if that potential for despair and desperation could make resisting the offers of a demon all the more difficult, and makes us all the more alien and alarming to the outside world. If there could be Circles but where... where there is freedom to be a person and not have that be all you know, then surely that would be the safer thing for all people."

She chews on her lip, worry etching itself into her expression despite herself. Herian shakes her head a little, and smiles apologetically. This is perhaps not an uplifting topic for date night. "And here we are."

"Maybe," she says, unsure. "The mages got a seat at a table with a boycott, but they also occupy a different position than we do. They're splintered, but not as splintered. And if you mean just setting out on their own, indefinitely... I don't know if any of us have figured out how big a group you'd need before that was even logistically possible at length." Quieter: "I saw what happened to Sina. I bet you did too. I don't want to just wander off away from the most information anyone has about the anchors, and I wouldn't have even if I hadn't chosen to join the Inquisition for real."

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(Open) They'll steal your patents for the sun

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