"I was on my own in the office, I couldn't do that in front of people." Pretend it isn't happening or do what you can to make sure no one sees it, limit the witnesses to your horrible breakdown when it might be happening again until someone comes to collect you because no it's not just you, you have to come along with me now. "It was real, you know, it's always the thing that happened. And the more I say it, the more real it is. That yes it did happen to all of us who were there.

"I asked Bruce about magic and healing and lyrium after because everyone wanted to give me potions or use spells and I couldn't. I couldn't do it." Her voice climbs too sharply for her liking, enough for her to take a shaking breath to try to reel it back in again, an inhale through the nose, a quick huff out. "He said to think of the lyrium the same way as wine; too much and you have a hangover but they've always had it, haven't they? All the way back. It's in the Chant, if it's in that then it's so normal to them and their way of life that it stops becoming a question at some point."

If it ever was. If it's in the Chant, dominant religion that's survived for ages and centuries now is even the red lyrium going to sway minds?

There's an indelicate snort; if it were someone else, she'd dredge up the arguments. Instead: "If we were hesitate or do something someone calls foolish at the wrong moment because suddenly you're back there again remembering then they might call that a risk. But I have no idea if they have people for that. Even spirit healing is for the body. Not deeper."