faderift | and if I only could make a deal with God

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and if I only could make a deal with God

WHO: Mia Rutherford, Cullen Rutherford, and YOU
WHAT: Councils and meetings are well and good, but someone's got to see to the damage done and the people who need reassurances.
WHEN: Haring 12, 13, 14
WHERE: Closed thread in Cullen's office. Then, all over Skyhold. Mostly wherever an extra set of hands are needed.
NOTES: Possible discussion of traumatic events.

And she'd thought Darkspawn were terrifying. They had been, certainly, every bit as deadly and in numbers that could shake even the bravest of men. The images of Honnleath falling to the horde would never leave her mind, as long as she lived.

But that creature that had gone tearing through the castle...

Of course in its wake people wanted to turn it into a point of argument. The mages were quick enough to engage the more political side of the issue to protect their people. Not unwise, when blame would shift so quickly their way. But politics weren't her concern, certainly not those of the mages and templars. There were instead many in the hold who might need help picking back up after the nightmarish encounter with the monster.

Simple things could go a long way. Bandages and herbs for the injured. Mending torn clothes. Warm food and blankets as a comfort to those for whom the effects could not so easily be mended. They were not grand gestures, they would shape nothing in the grander course of things, but someone had to look out for the little people. She'd gladly take on that role.

----

Then, of course, her mind would turn to her brother. He'd faced abominations numerous times in his life, and being here meant she finally had the chance to look him in the eye, to see if he needed anything, and make certain he was holding together. That business tended to be harder to take care of through letters alone.

So her last stop of the day was the Commander's office, where she knocked sharp and brief before waiting exactly ten seconds. Then, answer or not, she was coming in.

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"Mia!"

The call goes across the Great Hall, where Mia is doing her good works, and the tall form of Katniss appears between the groups of nobility and workers, all who still looked some degree of shaken. She slipped around them, easy as as a fish around the stones, making her way to the older woman.

"Thank the Maker, you're all right." She breathed out, going to her. "Were you hurt at all? How is everyone?"

Afterward. There was much to mend afterward. The ruin of the garden, the injured that survived, the friends of the mage that turned. Attention split between soothing their aches and pains and attempting to ignore her own, Adelaide kept tabs on all those that she could. Healed them or spoke to them, attempted to reassure them. Much as she would argue against possession being a diseases- heightened fear and anger and grief were like a sirens call to demons.

Mia's efforts and generosity were noticed, it was hard to not. Anyone that extended this kind of hand to the injured and frightened afterward earned Adelaide's respect. During a quiet moment between their tending to the mages and apprentices Adelaide brings a mug of tea to Mia, rather than a patient. "I would like to thank you for your help."

"Ah. Thank you."

The tea was accepted gratefully as she let out a breath, sinking back against a nearby bench. She'd been at this all day, and though she wouldn't have thought for a moment to complain it did sap one's reserves after a time. The tea would certainly help.

Still, after that first sip her focus turned back to those around them, her expression grim. "I hoped to never again see suffering like this. And yet it persists, in one form or another. Maker save us."

"They're as you might expect, with a demon having taken root in what was a sanctuary from the chaos outside," she replied dryly, tucking a basket of herbs under her arm. Another moment and she'd waved a hand dismissively. "I'm fine. I've seen worse, truly."

She took a step forward, one hand pressing to the side of Katniss's head, smoothing her hair back into place. "You look exhausted, dear. Did you run all this way?"

Truthfully, the last thing he wanted was visitors at the moment. He's slept some, but not as much as he should. In the wake of the attack, there were so many things that needed his attention that he actually had been ignoring most knocks to his door all day. If they were important, they'd know to enter and he'd take care of it.

When the door opened and closed, he looked up. He had long shed his armor, having placed it back in his quarters. He ached from the battle, and while he had seen several small burns from the attack, he had made sure the healers had taken care of everyone else. He'd find time later to have himself checked out. "Mia," he starts, and truthfully, his spirit lifts. There's something to be said about having family close, something he hasn't been wanting to admit since she'd arrived. He had missed his family.

"I am glad you're here, I was going to find you." Eventually is left out, for when he's eventually dragged himself out of the office.

A hand lifts to stop him almost mid-sentence. "I'm fine, Cullen. You needn't have worried." Because of course, that's the only fathomable reason he could have come looking for her, some assurance that the monster hadn't gotten to her. Much the same as she'd come to see him now, though if the Commander had been gravely injured in the fighting she would have surely heard such a thing before now.

He looked battered, but unbeaten. Good, there was at least that. She moved forward, toing away some debris from the ceiling of his office that had fallen to the floor before peering upwards. Her lips pursed, but she chose to keep her thoughts on the condition of the tower to herself. For the moment.

But it's easier to be annoyed with poor living conditions than it is to look at him and feel that stab of guilt. He's gone through worse, so much worse, and she wasn't there for it. With another deep breath she'd stepped closer, a hand lifting to his shoulder.

"Tell me truly. Are you alright? And I should warn you, if you insist on being stubborn and trying to just wave me off, I may actually hit you. I've got no patience for heroes today."

Needn't worry? His sister was in one place he had thought safe and then they are confronted with abominations. He'd have plenty to say to some of the elder mages in regards to the state of their young apprentices. He had seen first hand the damage an unharrowed mage could do in even peaceful times, and they were the last thing he needed to worry about while here.

"I-" It sounded like he was going to protest. I'm fine, he wants to say. But he's not fine, and fine is a far, far place from here. He doesn't look at her, because he feels the guilt. People got hurt because of decisions he had made. His tone drops low, and he sighs. "I am far from alright, Mia. I should have been able to do more."

After a moment's pause to shoo away someone that looked as though they meant to request something- directing them rather to another of the mages so that Mia would have a moment of peace, Adelaide joined her on the bench. Work was well and good. Working oneself to the bone did more harm in the long run- they would haven need of such kindness int he days to come.

She would rather Mia not burn herself out quite so soon.

"Gather enough mages, leave them frightened and uncertain- I hate to say that I have been expecting something- a rash of terrible dreams, nightmares, illness- but I did not quite expect something so terrible as this." She should have.

"You can't save everyone from themselves. Believe me," she murmured, brow knitting tightly. "I know how responsible you feel for these people..."

The sternness bled from her face at Cullen's confession, suprisingly candid given how prone he was to internalizing. How haunted he looked now, shadows in his eyes that were too recognizable, too familiar. Maker, be kind to him.

Gently she lifted a hand, pressed it to his cheek, imploring him silently not to turn away. They were family. And there was nothing he could do that could make her feel ashamed of him. "But I don't believe for a moment that if there was something more that could have been done, you wouldn't have done it," she finished, a firm edge to her voice.

"But there is something more that I could have done," he starts, then corrected himself. "Should have done."

He regrets it, even now, that for once he had put himself and his well-being first and people ended up dead because he could not do more. He doesn't pull away from her touch, but instead turns to look at her. If he can't trust his own sister, who could he even trust in this world?

"I stopped taking lyrium when I left the Templars in Kirkwall. If I ha still been taking it things would have ended differently with that abomination."

"They carry a heavy burden. I have no doubt that the mage who did all this had no intention of hurting anyone, as much a victim as the others," Mia replied, perhaps a bit too crisply. "But more people seem appalled than shocked. This can't occur again."

As much sympathy as she might have for the curse the mages suffered under, everyone's safety should be a concern. There was no call to lock them all away in what would amount to a new circle, but this couldn't be ignored.

Her lips pursed, a hand lifting to her temple with a soft noise.

"Those poor people..."

"Steps are being taken. Or- discussing steps to be taken will happen-" She sighed. "We are doing what we can. It was not enough before. We must do more as this is unacceptable."

And inevitable for all their foolishness and arguments- the should have done more. They should have done better to protect the younger mages, those that were most vulnerable. And now the garden was ruined, people were dead, and a youth had been lost through no true failing of his own. She grimaced at the memory of Lauren at the end, eyes terrified, body warped. "Keeping them calm and helping them feel safe, now, is all the more important- for the mages and for everyone else in the hold."

"Stopped?" At first she simply looked confused, her hand lowering. No, that was impossible. Stopping lyrium use was dangerous, she'd heard as much. Templars could go mad, even die, without the proper dosage provided to them by the Order.

"Did they stop giving it to you when you left the Order? Surely the Inquisition could provide it if you needed it." She drew herself up a little straighter, eyes sharper. "They can't just expect you to do without, not with the danger you put yourself in to be here in the first place. Who do I speak to?"

"So ... terrified. Probably angry. And looking for someone to blame." Katniss sighed, before her mouth twitched up at the corners, "Should have figured you'd say that."

She shook her head, and while it didn't completely displace all of Mia's work, a few tendrils curled at her cheek. "Rode. I need to speak to your brother, and Scout Harding, as soon as I've checked in. Have you seen either one of them?"

One such little person was grateful to receive an extra blanket once she'd awakened. Still in shock from what she'd witnessed in the garden, and how badly her shard had reacted to it, Sina was spending a lot of time huddling in the tent she shared with Nari. When Mia made her generous delivery, Sina thanked her as profusely as she could without tiring herself out.

Sam, thankfully, had been safely out of the way when the Abomination had attacked, sleeping soundly tucked up next to a statue of a woman in a room just off the gardens. He'd heard the noise and commotion, but he'd been so scared he'd stayed right where he was, hoping against hope that whatever was out there wouldn't rip the door off its hinges and expose him. It had seemed to stay just outside in the gardens for a long while, leaving him quivering with fear, but eventually the shouting and madness had moved off, and when he'd dared to emerge hours later he'd found the gardens wrecked, but quiet.

He was still shaken all the same, and he spent the next day hiding in safe corners when he could and sneaking around as quickly and quietly as he could the rest of the time, shooting nervous looks over his shoulder at the merest sounds. He still wasn't quite clear on what had happened, and while the danger seemed to be past, there was no knowing for sure.

He happened to be giving the yard behind him one of those quick, nervous searches as he turned the corner, and he ran straight into a pair of legs with an oomph.

"Oh!" he said, flushing with embarrassment as he turned to look up at the woman. "Begging your pardon, I - I wasn't looking where I was going."

A dwarf, perhaps? They were tinier than she'd imagined.

Well it hardly mattered what he was, the poor thing looked frazzled beyond belief. Unsurprising given the state of things. She'd managed to keep a hold of the basket in her arms, but her expression turned quickly from surprise to concern.

"Maker's breath. Are you alright?"

"That, we are agreed on."

She took another sip of the tea in her hands, taking a deep breath. Perhaps she had been running herself a little hard, but it was difficult not to want to. Even now all she could consider was that these people deserved better, deserved to know someone had their interests at heart.

"Everyone agrees that there is a problem. And it seems that is where agreement is fated to end."

"Hush. Calm yourself." The blanket was pressed into her hands with a tired smile. "I know it's frightening, but we're going to help where we can. You're not hurt, are you?"

Even a few moments spared might help. The elf looked as though she were still recovering from the shock of it all.

Though surprised at being silenced, Sina understood the sentiment behind it. "I will get better," she decided, in answer to the question. The shard in her chest had stopped crackling and spitting after the abomination had left, but her body was still recovering from when it did.

She'd only meant to keep her from exhausting herself with all those thanks. The girl needed to save her strength, though it seemed she was already prepared to do so. How well she remembered that answer.

Are you alright? I will be.

"I'm certain that's true," Mia replied in firm but gentle tones. "Do you have anyone here to look after?"

By now Sina was no stranger to the effect the shard had on her health, and she was smart enough not to push it. In response to Mia's question, she nodded. "Nari," she answered breathily, patting the empty bedroll next to her own, "...and the garden. And I help with patients, when I can." She had little time to slow down.

"Unfortunately. Attempting to wrangle a passable or workable solution requires compromise which not a great many are willing to give. Meanwhile-" She gestured to the people around them. "Everyone else suffers for it."

They had made no plan, no motion to prevent this. Oh noises had been made and arguments stated but not one of them could give ground. Now they must. How could they not when so many were caught in the crossfire?

"Yes, stopped. And of my own free will, under no one's order. There's enough of a supply for the current number of Templars we have."

He had a feeling she might react like this. She's worried, after all. They all know the risks that come when stopping lyrium; it's not just someone goes into without knowing all the risks. He's seen plenty of his fellow Templars go mad on and off the lyrium that tied them to the Order.

"It's not for want of supply. I want no more ties to the Order after Kirkwall. I don't want it defining my life or who I am anymore."

"...you said as much in your last letter home. I knew you meant more, but this?"

Her eyes flashed over him quickly, trying to see if she could pinpoint the damage that had likely been done. He'd looked tired, but it was hard to say if that was unusual for him or not. Had she simply not noticed how much he was straining under this?

"I understand wanting to cut ties, but is this worth it? Worth your health, potentially worth your life, just to make a point?"

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and if I only could make a deal with God

On her drive-by visit ...

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The Healing Tents [can just be a handwave unless you feel like responding!]

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