[ OPEN ] I Still Feel Alive

[sulahnan]

WHO: Character(s)
WHAT: Catch-all
WHEN: Drakonis (but other times welcome)
WHERE: Around
NOTES: Should be pretty tame, mention of trauma will ofc be labeled with CW. Starters in the comments.

Well then.

The month of Guardian came and went like a beating: brutal and cruel and over faster than the lasting pain it inflicted. Now, it's Drakonis, and the goal is a return to something resembling normalcy.

Athessa can be found studying and taking lessons with Ser Marcus in the library or in Enchanter Julius' office, snooping around Kirkwall, and trying her best to stay out of trouble around the Gallows. Her late night hypothetical musing via crystal has all but ceased, and gone are the days of icing the floor to skate on socks.

Maybe she could do with some cheering up, or a good tussle.

Comments

who throws a book? [ closed to fitz ]

[sulahnan]

At this odd hour, Athessa is wandering in a smoky haze, hair piled haphazardly atop her head and smoldering joint held loosely between two fingers. She doesn't quite realize it but she's also humming a little tune to herself. It's the kind of thing where you think you're just thinking it but it's actually coming out of your mouth, which is very common with the amount of elfroot she smokes.

But it's kind of hard to miss the book that whizzes past, hurled out of the library by forces unseen, bringing both her socks-and-sandals shuffle and her humming to a petering halt.

She looks at the book, then into the library. "He-llo?"

[technologist]

The library's rarely empty, and it's saying something for the oddness of the hour that it's almost empty when she looks in. Most of the freestanding candles have been moved, hoarded alongside chaotic stacks of books onto an overcrowded table with one conspicuously bare corner. That stack's been relocated, apparently: upended books and loose paper pepper the floor in front of it, scattered in the direction of the door like incriminating buckshot.

Behind it all is Fitz, one hand tightly pressed against his eyes and the other planted on his hip. Difficult to tell if he's more likely to throw another book or start crying. He goes for the third option, blindly answering the uncertain call without bothering to look up.

"Yes," he says, terse, then adds with dubious earnestness: "Sorry."

[sulahnan]

"I take it this one's no good?" She picks up the book and shuffles into the library proper, glancing at the chaos without much of a reaction.

"Wow. It's like a crime scene."

lost in the inbetween [ closed to deimos]

[sulahnan]

Maybe she shouldn't have sought him out. Maybe she should have gone to someone else, or no-one at all. Let the pain fester and rot inside of her like she'd done for thirteen years already, what's the worst that could happen?

Maybe the best place she can be is with him. He always managed to hold her together when she's falling apart at the seams. Makes her feel like something when falling apart doesn't feel like anything at all.

It doesn't matter what she should or shouldn't do, because she finds him somewhere away from prying eyes and grasps for the comfort she seeks, only within reach because he happens to be sitting down. She kisses him, heedless of whatever he was doing before, desperate to feel normal again but so many months this side of normal that it's hard to describe exactly what it is and how it should feel. Does it feel like her fingers curling under the strap of his armor? Or threading into his hair? Does it feel like caving in on yourself, or being an open wound in the chill air?

Maybe it's like tasting tears before feeling them rolling down your cheeks.

[justashotaway]

Laura has been stuck in her room for too long; even with excursions out to learn how to plait hair, she's grown bored with everything around her. Fortunately, the grippe has finally loosened its...well, grip. And that's how she ends up climbing the walls of the Gallows on a cloudy afternoon, trying to make her limbs remember what to do. It feels mildly dangerous in a way she's not used to--her body still doesn't feel quite like it usually does--but there's only one way to fix that.

And there's Athessa, up at the top. Laura pauses once she's hauled herself onto the rooftop, trying to slow her breathing. (This should not wind her.) But then she walks over, curious. "Do you still have the grippe?"

[sulahnan]

"I would say no," Athessa ventures, sitting with her forearms draped over bent knees. "But I've been trying to muster the energy to climb down for about an hour so..."

On the mend, but with lasting effects, then. The occasional cough, wheeze, some hoarseness still but nowhere near as bad as not being able to speak above a whisper.

"How're you feelin?" She swaps her joint--which doesn't really help the cough even if it soothes the aches--to her right hand and pats the roof beside her with her left.

[justashotaway]

"My arms are weak," she responds, taking a seat beside Athessa. The scent of elfroot is strangely reassuring today--it smells like a friendship, not only smoke. "I did not know being sick was so frustrating."

[sulahnan]

"Yeah I don't think I understood the extent of it, either," she nods. Sure, she's been sick before, but not this bad. It's one thing to get the sniffles, and another to barely be able to get out of bed. "Have any weird fever dreams?"

[justashotaway]

Laura shakes her head, drawing her knees up to her chest. Nothing feels quite as weak when she's compact like this. "Does that happen?"

[sulahnan]

"Sometimes. I thought I was dreaming that a spirit or something was taking care of me at one point," She laughs out the smoke of a light drag. "Turns out it was just Lady Asgard checking up on me."

[justashotaway]

This, Laura thinks, is the nicest idea of spirits she's heard of outside the stories she's read. A pity it wasn't true. "Lady Asgard is kind. She leant me a dress."

[sulahnan]

"Yeah, she's--" The first thought is of how Lexie talked to her in the hot spring. "--nice. Worries too much, I think."

[justashotaway]

Laura considers this in silence. She doesn't know Alexandrie well enough to have an opinion on the matter, but it doesn't seem impossible. When she does speak again, it's to say, "I'm glad you did not die of the grippe."

[sulahnan]

Athessa laughs, amused and touched by the sentiment. She nods and smiles at Laura. "Glad you didn't die of it, either."

Not only would that have been awful, but it wouldn't have suited them, either. They deserve to see the sun again many times before they die. Athessa looks at her joint, considering offering it to Laura, but knowing how she handled it last time.

"I'd rather die in summertime."

[justashotaway]

"I would rather not die." But there's a little smile that comes along with the words--it's a joke, or her best attempt at one.

[sulahnan]

"Oh, of course," she agrees, mock-solemn. "But it's always good to have a Plan-B."

[justashotaway]

"Plan-B?" This one's new to her.

[sulahnan]

"Yeah, you know, like a back-up plan. Your first plan is Plan-A, back-up is Plan-B, the plan you come up with when Plan-B fails is Plan-C..."

[justashotaway]

"A contingency." The phrase makes sense when Athessa explains it. "My plan-B is being injured."

[sulahnan]

She brightens at contingency and nods. "Exactly! So plan-A is don't die, plan-B is injury, any other steps before a comfortable summertime death?"

It's not only because Laura brought it up that Athessa is thinking about death, but she did bring it up.

[justashotaway]

"No. You live, or you are injured, or you die." She says it seriously, but casually, as though it's obvious there are no other options. What other statuses could possibly exist? "So we will not use plan-C."

[sulahnan]

There's an argument right there at the tip of her tongue, but what about such and such? But she doesn't voice it. Instead she just shrugs and takes another drag.

"Mmkay. Plan-C will be the death then."

[justashotaway]

"If anyone will die, it will be our enemies." That's the only sensible way to approach death.

[sulahnan]

Athessa sits with that for a little bit, long enough for her smile to fade. When she speaks again, her tone is more serious, if casually delivered.

"Mine died. My enemy."

[justashotaway]

Laura's fingers dig into her knees. That can only mean one person that she knows of--only one that Athessa could expect her to know. Her gaze cutting across to Athessa, head moving not at all, she asks, "When?"