Clarisse squeezes her eyes shut just for a second, like she can't bring herself to meet Ellie's gaze. She can tell there's no pity in Ellie's voice, that it's not about that, but she's kicking herself for ever admitting to Ellie that she'd never killed someone before, because look where it led to. Look what Ellie feels like she has to say to her now.
When she opens her eyes, Ellie's still looking at her.
"If you're waiting for me to say I'm sad or something, you're going to be waiting a long time," she says, the words as easy to spit out as it was to dig her boot into flesh and twist.
"That sucks you've tortured people before and you feel bad about it." Flippant, dismissive. Later she'll feel like shit for pushing Ellie away for doing nothing but trying to share a piece of herself that she clearly doesn't give to many people. But right now it's too fresh, too close, and Clarisse can't begin to process her own feelings and intentions, much less anybody else's.
It's almost worse that it's Ellie, the person she feels closest to, who saw the whole thing go down. She wishes it had been someone else, someone who wouldn't give a shit about her feelings. Someone who made it easier to pretend she doesn't have any.
"But we're not the same. So... fucking stop already."
no subject
Clarisse squeezes her eyes shut just for a second, like she can't bring herself to meet Ellie's gaze. She can tell there's no pity in Ellie's voice, that it's not about that, but she's kicking herself for ever admitting to Ellie that she'd never killed someone before, because look where it led to. Look what Ellie feels like she has to say to her now.
When she opens her eyes, Ellie's still looking at her.
"If you're waiting for me to say I'm sad or something, you're going to be waiting a long time," she says, the words as easy to spit out as it was to dig her boot into flesh and twist.
"That sucks you've tortured people before and you feel bad about it." Flippant, dismissive. Later she'll feel like shit for pushing Ellie away for doing nothing but trying to share a piece of herself that she clearly doesn't give to many people. But right now it's too fresh, too close, and Clarisse can't begin to process her own feelings and intentions, much less anybody else's.
It's almost worse that it's Ellie, the person she feels closest to, who saw the whole thing go down. She wishes it had been someone else, someone who wouldn't give a shit about her feelings. Someone who made it easier to pretend she doesn't have any.
"But we're not the same. So... fucking stop already."