faderift | [Open] Tell me would you kill to save a life?

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[Open] Tell me would you kill to save a life?

WHO: Anders and, at last, fully open!
WHAT: Anders is back in Skyhold after the revelation and Warden mission
WHEN: Around mid-Drakonis
WHERE: around Skyhold
NOTES: It's Anders. Beyond that, if someone does swing for him, he will be defending himself or we can have a handy-dandy Warden NPC Joeth Smithicus step in, up to you!

1. The Healing Tents

He's more quiet than he was before as he works, trying to stay out of the way while still being available. The atmosphere isn't a pleasant one, and he knows there's a lot of anger, but how is he going to help out if he's sitting in the Warden camp all the time? Even more, how is he going to keep Justice in check if their hands are figuratively tied?

The fact of the matter is that staying somewhere safe where people don't loathe him isn't an option so he's here. He only wishes it wasn't putting a weight on the shoulders of someone he's directly hurt.

Whenever someone comes in he looks over, focusing on the fact that it's all right however many times he hears no as the answer to his question - "Can I help you?"

2. Wardentown

It's not the most glamorous setting, but the life of a Grey Warden rarely is. There had been nights at Vigil's Keep... but those are long gone, and now it's tents and fire pit and keeping snow from piling up.

a) Magic-

Anders is currently kneeling near the tent that he shares with Nate, working on creating a pair of small walls of earth - one around the tent, and another small, circular one nearby. Earth isn't something he struggles with, but keeping them level and not causing any extra dips in the surrounding ground is a challenge. His lips are pressed together as he works on precision, and an approach gets a sharp glance and no words, but he's not annoyed someone's come over. A moment later he'll raise an eyebrow, but he's not starting this conversation.

b) Kitten

No matter how many times he has to keep drying her off and warming her up, Hero of Purrelden doesn't want to stay in his lap today. She's insisting on pouncing on snowbanks, batting at ice, and attempting to climb tents. The latter she's pulled away from each time while protesting loudly, but there's a little smile on his face as she misbehaves. It's nice to have a cat again, no matter how much more difficult than Ser Pounce-a-lot she is.

"Still better than a mabari," he'll say to anyone who comes close.

c) Foraging

He's not alone, which sometimes puts him on edge, and sometimes makes him feel a little safer. All the same, Anders is in the area outside the Warden camp with another Warden, looking to see what foodstuffs can be found to add to the pot. They're not in danger of going hungry but it's best to be prepared and know what's growing out here. There's no telling how long the Wardens will be near Skyhold, after all.

There's also no telling who he'll run across out here, and he's more on edge and defensive due to the fact that he doesn't know how someone might react if they come across him when not anticipating that he might be around.

"Watch the snow back that way," is what he says, though, tilting his head in the direction he's come. "There's some hiding a nasty drop. I've marked it with stones." Let them react to that how they will.

3. Wildcard me!

[[ooc: Come at me bros! Skyhold, Warden camp, whatever. If you've got a question about a scenario, feel free to private plurk me @ Nadat or PM this journal.]]

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It hurts. It hurts and it cuts at them both and while Compassion has focused to a narrowed dart to concern themselves over the physical this is an ache that transcends guilt and frustration to settle in her bones. In whatever scraps of a heart he might have left. "I am Orlesian and of noble blood. The only reason most had for associating with me outside of our studies was what they could try to get from me. What use I might have to them in the game."

Which had been precious little- but the words hurt. Saying them hurts and Compassion roils on the other side of the veil, distressed. "It is not too much to assume the pattern may yet hold true here."

Even if he was not Orlesian. Even if he is as he said he might be- how can she trust that?

"You know the only things worth knowing. Everything, everyone is a tool for a dual purpose, the sweeter the appearance? The more venomous the intent." Whether it is frustration or self disgust that twists her words- she can't say. Perhaps both. "Bards are spies. Assassins. Even in the Spire we knew this and I will be damned before she takes that life. It will destroy her"

Funny, I think I already answered most of that a few moments ago.

[He's not listening after all. It really was too much to hope. People wanted to be angry, and he's an easy target, right here and present. Forget how much had gone wrong for him to have to act. Forget what else had been done since. Justice is angry, Anders is angry, and he can pretty much feel the anger yet again off--

--Anders takes a step back, eyes going wide. It's not Bruce alone. There's something else there. Bruce is possessed. That's the sense of Fade he's gotten off the man. Not simply a mage, not even a spirit healer, possessed.]

Have you always been in control? Always been satisfied with the choices made by whomever you have when you weren't?

[It's something of a stab in the dark to assume that the spirit in Bruce has taken control, but if Anders can feel its anger it seems a safe guess.]

It's all been use, he wants to point out. Every mage has been used since the first one was locked in a Circle. It only ends when no one can hold what they are over their heads. When freedom is a reality. But he's hurt and angry and doesn't care to share any more of his feelings or thoughts on mages in general with her as he doesn't want to know how they'll get twisted around.

It makes him fear the fact that they've found something they agree on. Kalli cannot take that life. He will not let her be used to betray and steal and lie and kill, no matter the hypocrisy of the thoughts.

"It's not her dream. It was her mothers." His voice is ice. "It will not be too difficult to dissuade her if she can find a dream of her own." And if she can be kept as far from Vivienne as possible, but considering Adelaide's feelings on him and Kalli, he's not about to say as much.

"The last thing I want is to see her hurt." The look in Anders' eyes challenges Adelaide to even try insinuating that's a lie. "I'll not let her suffer that fate."

"Her mother painted a kinder picture than exists." But that is what one does for children. Hope for a better future, make the world seem less cold, less cruel. Well- that is what parents do when they are not Orlesian. The rules, for them, are different. "Were she more comfortable with her magic, with being known as a mage, I would recommend that. But she is not. The moment Vivienne learns what she is..."

Adelaide has no way of knowing what might come of that. One day it will slip. One day. Fate is not kind enough to leave Kalli this shield forever.

"For her I have done all I can. A few letters dissuading interest from some of the more unsavory houses, sent before the soiree." Her connections are not what they could be, given her family name, but they are growing. For a long moment she stares at the herbs diced fine under her knife before looking back up to Anders, dead in the eye for the first time since she sent him from her tent. They cannot work like this. She cannot work like this.

"...swear to me you will do nothing foolish to protect her. Such things must be handled delicately." If she can extract that then, perhaps...if she can trust that he means it. To her, for her- she can trust nothing. For the girl? That might have weight enough.

The moment Vivienne learns is the end of everything for Kalli unless there's distance by then, some reason for her not to take further interest in the girl. He needs to find out what can make that happen that won't harm Kalli.

He's pulled from wracking his brain for any ideas by her request, and Anders looks Adelaide right back in the eye.

"Because you'll believe me. You've already made it clear you doubt everything I've said and been." Mistrusting him on some things is one matter. Everything? A different matter entirely. Not only that... He exhales heavily, looking down. One last tiny opening. He might not be able to afford the risk, but he'll take it anyway. Foolish is practically his real name. "I can't even swear it. That I can stay calm and attempt to be tactical, yes. That Justice can? If he sees a young mage endangered? It's not a promise I know that I can keep. Promise me that if she's suddenly endangered you'll be able to give us something to do, some way to help, and yes. I'll swear it. Otherwise..."

Otherwise he's already said.

"Pain does not lie." It is the only honest thing about him, that ache, that anger threaded through it. "The idea of something happening to her guts you."

Easier to look at that than the cold, hard ache of what broke between them. She is not yet ready to forgive him his trespasses. "I am not asking for Justice's word on this, for he cannot and will not give it." How a spirit came to understand the nuances of semantics and twist them about in a way better suited to a man is disconcerting to say the least, but that is for another day. "I am asking for yours."

He could snap. He could lash out with a question of if she'd known that, why would she even say he should avoid Kalli, when she'd known what it would cost?

But he doesn't.

Instead his fists tighten as he still does not look at her, because he doesn't know if he wants to see belief or doubt in her eyes when he speaks. There's even still a complication, how is he to know what's foolish, but they can cross that bridge if something comes up. There are the crystals, after all.

"Then I give it. Take it or not." And any further doubts of his word will be on her, as she's asked for this.

"..." It's still there. That ache. In this they are in agreement, that something ought to be done to protect a fellow mage, a spirit healer of great potential, from the moves of the game. There should be relief, not pain.

Why?

Compassion offers little more than a sullen awareness like a broken bone slow to mend, radiating chill and heat in alternating waves somewhere in the vicinity of her chest. "And were I to ask you to swear to not lie to me again, by deception or omission?"

A tentative thing. The slimmest of olive branches- barely a branch at that. A twig.

He looks back at her now, really looks, past the anger that's been a poor shield, past the topic of Kallian, and at Adelaide. There is no risk so dangerous as hope, nothing that has betrayed him as bitterly, and yet how is he to take that as anything but a tiny reason to hope? If she's asking this of him she's offering to take his word. To actually give it one more chance.

Clearly he is the very definition of stupid, because he wants that fragile hope more than he wants to protect himself from being hurt again.

"I would swear it." His voice is quiet. Again it is hers to decide if she'll accept that or not. This time the stakes are even greater, though, because the truth holds so much that can be used against him.

"Then swear. On what you hold dear, swear you will not by deception or omission lie to me." Whether or not he keeps it, whether or not this fragile thread will be cut a second time-

She cannot offer this to one man that wronged her and not to another- no matter how distant the other's cruelty might have been. At least of the two Martel felt remorse. The situation with Anders is more complicated. Perhaps once they finally remove Justice will there be a clearer idea of what he had meant, what he had wished.

On the afternoon after the soiree, Bethany comes out with a covered plate from Skyhold -- for as much as they are watching the Wardens the kitchen staff still seems to think that saving them from the Blight is more important than being angry about Anders.

It made her wonder if there were mages in all the servants families, at that.

She came around to where he was building his wall, and lifted a stump up to put the plate down on while she watched him with amused silence for a long moment. When he finally lifted an eyebrow at her, she lifted up her own hand in a silent question to see if he wanted her help.

Then she spoke, "I've come to tell you, Papa Anders, that you should be very proud of your baby bird. She was brilliant."

The patients well enough to be outside have long since become accustomed to a young woman that scales the walls, and she tends to show off for them anyway because she can remember the relatively few times she's been stuck injured somewhere, how the boredom had made her wish to gnaw her own arm off.

None of those she met only during Zevran's rescue really count as first meetings, not in her opinion, not when there was too much going on on the way there and the way back. And there's a benefit to being a rifter too, an unknown quantity for the most part. A girl up on the rooftops and battlements, a girl that gambles most nights in the tavern and wins, a girl shadowed by a fox. What Korrin doesn't know won't hurt her, and Araceli prefers to sate her own curiousity anyway.

It's the fox that decides to wander into the tent while Araceli's back is turned, chatting to one of the patients, and she gets to her feet quickly, a curse on her lips.

"You little shit, get out here now!"

"My my, what grueling work. I don't envy you."

It's meant to be teasing, of course, regardless of Anders' expression. Twisted Fate doesn't immediately offer to assist, but he doesn't look angry with the other mage. Of course, it might be hard to read into his body language, but that is typical of how Fate bears his presence.

So here he is, arms folded, the signature smirk on his face.

"I did think to myself how Detlef wasn't a very convincing name, but then again, I'm always the last person to ever judge a man for the pseudonym he picks.

[It should have been a warning, the way Anders reacts to him. But Bruce is too far gone in his anger for now that he doesn't even realize it; all he feels now is rage, rage for what Anders has done, for all the lives lost, all the hurt he's caused. For what it had done to Bruce, because if it wasn't for Anders then he wouldn't have...]

You don't get to ask questions. You're the one who went out killing people, going out to hurt them, make them bleed--

[And now he wants to do the same back to Anders. To make him feel that same pain. To make him know--

With a snarl Bruce raises up one of his clenched fists and swings it towards Anders, attempting to sock him right in the jaw. He swings it as hard as it can so if it does hit, its sure to hurt and leave quite a mark on him.]

The little creature's slipped in, and Anders already has Purrelden in his arms, hand out to cast and deal with the fox when he hears the voice. Pet. It's a pet. It's not a wild creature that came in to attack his cat. He takes a breath, still not setting the kitten down, and waiting to see who comes in after the fox as it doesn't seem inclined to simply leave.

"It's in here." Interrupting is left unsaid, because it seems fairly obvious. What else would a fox be doing? They're... foxes. Do they even have any use? He's suddenly curious. "Does it have a name, or is it Little Shit?"

Papa Anders. He hopes for Kalli's sake that few people know that's her view of him. If Vivienne knew... but that's a fear for another time. Bethany's safe. Bethany's even trusted, which means she gets a slowly growing smile as a response. It still aches that he hadn't been there for her, but the choice was taken out of his hands. At least he's not dead, and he can be here for her in other ways.

"Of course she was," he says as he takes a seat near Bethany. "She couldn't be otherwise. ...But I'm glad to hear it."

Anders' expression gets a little speculative. "Did she reveal that, or did I?" He's bad at hiding things and he knows it, but this is something he needs to work more on because otherwise Kallian could be in danger due to him. Closeness is one thing. Treating him like an adoptive father is another thing altogether.

[Not a spirit.

The realization hits him and freezes him, unable to dodge, because Bruce is held by Rage. There's a flash of pain when Bruce connects and it's enough for Anders to snap out of it and just barely cling to control while casting to fling Bruce backward. If Justice comes out now, one of them is going to die because the Spirit won't stop, and Rage is unrelenting.

A barrier spell follows that one, as well as a paralysis glyph, left glowing brightly, right between the two of them. If Bruce, Rage, charges forward, they'll be stopped. Then he's healing, needing to get the pain down if he wants to walk away. Even if he 'wins' a fight against Rage, his life will be over and he'll be executed. Anders absolutely cannot afford this battle.]

So you're going to hurt me, Rage? Because obviously the answer to pain is to cause pain back? Does that sit well with you, Bruce? Are you fine with that?

[How is he not completely an abomination? Demons twist and destroy. Was Bruce first possessed by some sort of spirit of Patience? Is this some variation of Anders' future, whatever is left of it?]

Edited (icon fail) 2016-03-18 23:46 (UTC)

...What does he hold dear, anymore? His friendship with Nate, but that's nothing to swear by. Kallian, but you don't swear by a person. A few other relationships, but they're not... Ah.

"I swear by my hopes that mage freedom lingers and grows that I will not lie to you again by deception or omission." It's what he has left. Nearly all of it. If it isn't enough for her, then nothing will be.

A smirk is better than outright scorn, really, and Anders knows he should really start choosing his battles. Though the last comment gets a snort as he finishes for the moment and stands, dusting off his hands despite them... not being dirty.

"It's exceedingly common in the Anderfels. The problem here is that no one here has ever been." Sure, there's probably a few who have, but he's not trying for accuracy here. "But considering I doubt 'twisted fate' is the name you were given at birth, you're right. You've really no room to judge on the topic of aliases."

So there they are. Apostate to apostate. Man still clearly hiding something with someone who has nothing left to hide. Idly Anders wonders if maybe he should have simply tried the other tactic, been obvious about using a fake name and having a background he wouldn't go into details with, but the moment passes. It wouldn't have worked. He has no game face, and 'blond spirit healer with a Fereldan accent and something to hide' is like him walking around carrying a sign that says 'ask me about Kirkwall.'

"What brings you here, Twisted Fate? I'm going to assume it's not the next novel in the series; I returned all of the books I'd borrowed." Before going to what he'd thought was his death. It seemed polite.

[ The Hero of Purrelden isn't the only creature who wants to play in the snow. Barkley is just as ridiculous about it, snapping at snow flurries and pouncing on snowbanks, only to fall in them. His tail is getting crusted with snowballs, but Merrill lets him run. She intends to come to the Warden camp to visit her friends, but today she's looking for one in particular.

Anders isn't dead, hasn't been killed, hasn't even really been exiled. Plenty of people want to, but the Inquisition has upheld Hawke's judgment, and the Wardens protect their own. Merrill is so happy she doesn't even notice the kitten at first (though Barkley does, pausing and tilting his head to watch while the cat climbs up a tent). Instead, she's more or less throwing herself at Anders in yet another hug, already sniffling. ]

[Maybe being preoccupied by Purrelden isn't the smartest of choices, but he's in the Warden camp so he doesn't expect to be attacked. Which means he topples into the snow, shocked, reaching for magic to defend himself until he realizes he's being hugged and not dealing with someone trying to kill him. As the magic dissipates awareness also sinks in. Merrill. It's Merrill hugging him, because of course it is.]

Hi.

[It's far less wordy than he usually is. What really is there to say, when the elf you've snapped at for years for being careless has knocked you over in affection? ...And is sniffling. Again, of course. This is how a blood mage manages to survive. By being... this.

Anders pats her back, trying to deal with the vast difference between how he's feeling about this and how Justice feels. Anders wins.]

Let's... get up, shall we? And then I'll hug you back. And probably catch something from frostbite, but that's what being a healer is about.

A mock gasp escapes him as he places his hand to his chest. "That's rude to Mother. She worked very hard on that name," the elf says, clearly less than truthful. "But yes, I hardly ever begrudged you for it. I still don't."

At the question, Twisted Fate gives some consideration before he removes his hat. It leaves him slightly less mysterious as he glances over Anders before shrugging.

"I suppose I wanted to talk to you now that who you are is less of a mystery. I wouldn't say more defined; rumors don't always establish who a man is." The smile he wears is far less smug, and his eyes curious. "How are you managing since the grand reveal?"

Bethany smiled over at him, before she takes the napkin off the plate of food she got from the banquet the night before, all well preserved so he can have a taste of what is there. She got some for the other Wardens as well, but she knew Anders would like the finer things first.

"Oh, naturally." She smiles for a moment, before her expression softens, "Anders, I lie as well as Nathaniel shows his emotions, which is not well at all. But just because I am a horrible liar, doesn't mean I can't see what's veiled in plain sight of me. You take great care with her, and she clearly admires you. The father-daughter relationship is not something you can miss."

She folds her hands around her knees, her gaze thoughtful. "And I'm glad you have it, honestly."

"I'm fine standing, thank you." A glance down at Anders' boots has him giving a small huff. "Not like you can go anywhere it seems." 'You're kind of tied up,' he wants to say, but they are kind of past jokes and humor at the moment.

Fortitude could possibly become a pain in the ass, but there is a reason this spirit chose him, and it's because of those reasons Sam is able to stand here so calmly. "I'm going to make this clear. I do not agree to what you did." A pause and a deep breath. "But I'm here to hear what you have to say about all of it. I owe you that much for all the help you've given me, and what you've given others despite having been lying about who you are."

[Lately, Kain’s days have been filled with training and attempting to dodge the parrot that seems to have taken too much of a liking to him. He’s been able to start pushing himself more again, trying to get back up to speed before the next mission that comes up… Of course, that means he’s used up all his potions yet again. So he decides to ahead and stop by the healing tent while he's out this way.]

[He’s just planning to head in quickly, get what he needs and head right back out. That’s when he notices the familiar sight of the healer. He nods in his direction. Whatever he may have been told about Anders, his impression of him is nothing like all of that.]

Ah… Anders. My thanks again for the healing out in the Western Approach.

[He knows he can be... difficult, to healers, especially when he insists he's fine to run off and fight still... so he tries to be grateful later after the fact.]

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[Open] Tell me would you kill to save a life?

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2 - Magic!

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2, option kitten & tears

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