That reaction is mirrored in how taken aback Benevenuta is by the initial question. It isn't the first time she's been startled by what she can't simply assume the Dalish elves will understand, and probably won't be the last time; there is no sense dwelling on it, but she gathers her thoughts and considers how to put it, leaning back a little in her seat, setting the teacup down.
"I am saying," she says, finally, kindly, "that they are not thinking of you at all. Your confidence will serve you well in cultivating a thick skin to their unkindness, but you must understand that it is not about you. They can say these things to you because it is easy, because it is meaningless, because it requires nothing of them and bears no consequence. They think of what it makes you feel to hear no more than you think of how your boots feel to be worn. Perhaps it would annoy you," lightly, "if one day your boots decided they did not care for it, and gave out."
A little gesture - "You would not apologise and mediate with your boots. You would have them mended, or buy another pair."
Benevenuta shakes her head; "To influence a person - any person, in anything - you must understand what drives them. Why do they act as they do? What are they protecting? What do they care about, dream of? When I come to a meeting," she says, smiling slightly, "I am not planning what I will say as if it is a speech. I am considering what will be said, and by who, and for what reason. I am considering what I value, and what I can compromise on. I am prepared to be persuaded to see another point of view. And I speak when I have something to say that is a part of that conversation. It is the very same principle, more gently applied."
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"I am saying," she says, finally, kindly, "that they are not thinking of you at all. Your confidence will serve you well in cultivating a thick skin to their unkindness, but you must understand that it is not about you. They can say these things to you because it is easy, because it is meaningless, because it requires nothing of them and bears no consequence. They think of what it makes you feel to hear no more than you think of how your boots feel to be worn. Perhaps it would annoy you," lightly, "if one day your boots decided they did not care for it, and gave out."
A little gesture - "You would not apologise and mediate with your boots. You would have them mended, or buy another pair."
Benevenuta shakes her head; "To influence a person - any person, in anything - you must understand what drives them. Why do they act as they do? What are they protecting? What do they care about, dream of? When I come to a meeting," she says, smiling slightly, "I am not planning what I will say as if it is a speech. I am considering what will be said, and by who, and for what reason. I am considering what I value, and what I can compromise on. I am prepared to be persuaded to see another point of view. And I speak when I have something to say that is a part of that conversation. It is the very same principle, more gently applied."