faderift | [Open] Tell me would you kill to save a life?

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[Open] Tell me would you kill to save a life?

WHO: Anders and, at last, fully open!
WHAT: Anders is back in Skyhold after the revelation and Warden mission
WHEN: Around mid-Drakonis
WHERE: around Skyhold
NOTES: It's Anders. Beyond that, if someone does swing for him, he will be defending himself or we can have a handy-dandy Warden NPC Joeth Smithicus step in, up to you!

1. The Healing Tents

He's more quiet than he was before as he works, trying to stay out of the way while still being available. The atmosphere isn't a pleasant one, and he knows there's a lot of anger, but how is he going to help out if he's sitting in the Warden camp all the time? Even more, how is he going to keep Justice in check if their hands are figuratively tied?

The fact of the matter is that staying somewhere safe where people don't loathe him isn't an option so he's here. He only wishes it wasn't putting a weight on the shoulders of someone he's directly hurt.

Whenever someone comes in he looks over, focusing on the fact that it's all right however many times he hears no as the answer to his question - "Can I help you?"

2. Wardentown

It's not the most glamorous setting, but the life of a Grey Warden rarely is. There had been nights at Vigil's Keep... but those are long gone, and now it's tents and fire pit and keeping snow from piling up.

a) Magic-

Anders is currently kneeling near the tent that he shares with Nate, working on creating a pair of small walls of earth - one around the tent, and another small, circular one nearby. Earth isn't something he struggles with, but keeping them level and not causing any extra dips in the surrounding ground is a challenge. His lips are pressed together as he works on precision, and an approach gets a sharp glance and no words, but he's not annoyed someone's come over. A moment later he'll raise an eyebrow, but he's not starting this conversation.

b) Kitten

No matter how many times he has to keep drying her off and warming her up, Hero of Purrelden doesn't want to stay in his lap today. She's insisting on pouncing on snowbanks, batting at ice, and attempting to climb tents. The latter she's pulled away from each time while protesting loudly, but there's a little smile on his face as she misbehaves. It's nice to have a cat again, no matter how much more difficult than Ser Pounce-a-lot she is.

"Still better than a mabari," he'll say to anyone who comes close.

c) Foraging

He's not alone, which sometimes puts him on edge, and sometimes makes him feel a little safer. All the same, Anders is in the area outside the Warden camp with another Warden, looking to see what foodstuffs can be found to add to the pot. They're not in danger of going hungry but it's best to be prepared and know what's growing out here. There's no telling how long the Wardens will be near Skyhold, after all.

There's also no telling who he'll run across out here, and he's more on edge and defensive due to the fact that he doesn't know how someone might react if they come across him when not anticipating that he might be around.

"Watch the snow back that way," is what he says, though, tilting his head in the direction he's come. "There's some hiding a nasty drop. I've marked it with stones." Let them react to that how they will.

3. Wildcard me!

[[ooc: Come at me bros! Skyhold, Warden camp, whatever. If you've got a question about a scenario, feel free to private plurk me @ Nadat or PM this journal.]]

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Taas had always through that his first real visit to the healing tents would be some battle injury or just too much alcohol. After the chase after Zevran, his wounds had already been seen to by the time they were home, so he never really had to use them.

Safe to say that he was pleasantly surprised to see the same healer as on the journey in the tent when he limps in. The massive qunari almost doesn't fit in the tent and has to lean his head down slightly to not hit the ceiling.

"Hi. Sorry for barging in like this, but the steps nearby gave out when I was passing and I fucked up my foot somehow." He'd had stupider injuries, but it was definitely up there with the really dumb ones.

Qunari tend to be pretty intimidating. There's the height, for one thing. There's also their disturbing tendency to sew mage mouths shut. The latter especially means that Anders has a habit of being a bit wary of most of them... except the ones he's starting to recognize. He wasn't sure he knew the guy's name, but this guy helped save Zevran without any disparaging comments about mages.

This means, though, that Anders has to fight amusement at the explanation of the guy's injury.

"I assume you're used to things being built to be more sturdy?" He has a faint smile on his lips that he's fighting back as he gestures for the guy to take a seat. "If it's any consolation, I've run face - first into a tree. I've little excuse for that one."

The blind panic of a thirteen- year- old actually might excuse it, but some details need to stay out for the comment to be a joke. His hands start to glow green as he takes a look at the injury.

"Does your name happen to be Taas?"

Anders should thank Korrin for the faith Taashath has in mages these days. He was on the 'maybe they should have a leash' side for some time before she turned that around quicker than a caught pickpocket in Denerim.

The warrior moves over to the cot and takes a seat, pleased to see it held for him - probably made to withstand a man in armor. "Yeah, stone usually seems sturdy, but I apparently found a thousand-year-old crack to break open just today." There's a little roll of his eyes and he starts unlacing his greaves so he can get his boot off.

"Face first in a tree? Ouch." He'd agree that excuse was quite legit, but as it was it worked as a joke. Fuck, he was probably drunk or something, right? Either way, that last strap is untied and he slides off the boot. As he does, he frowns at the look of his big toe. That was definitely not the correct position. Shit.

As Anders is looking at his mess, he can't read the man's lips for that last part and doesn't answer. "Uh, if you're saying something you have to look at me."

He flashes a smile at the comment about the crack breaking over and the eye-roll. At least the guy's in a good mood despite the pain. And wow, that toe is definitely broken. He's ready to focus when Taas' comment brings his head up.

"I'm sorry. I'd forgotten." Taas seems fine much of the time, but Anders needs to do better. He's the healer here. Being inattentive to the patient is beyond rude. Being inattentive to a friendly patient? Even worse.

"You're known as Taas? And are you ready? Because getting the toe back in the right place is going to hurt at first, and more than a little."

Pain isn't really an issue for him - he could dissociate it from his own body in battle thanks to his berserking state, and something like this might hurt like a bitch, but he endures it almost the same way. Seeing it like that did make his stomach flip a bit, though.

Damn you, Skyhold.

"It's alright. I know the lip-reading makes me appear like I don't have a problem." He's forever grateful for that training and the fact that he could pick it up fairly well. Even in Trade.

There's another little smile as he nods to the other man in reply to the question. "Taashath, but I usually go by Taas... and you're Anders." The tone of his voice doesn't really tell what he thinks about that at all. Instead he grips the side of the cot a bit.

"I'm ready."

Taas knows and is here. That's all Anders really needs - people who are still willing to work with him when it's clear no one is getting hurt. Beyond that, Taas had smiled. It's more than enough.

Anders nods at the words

"Breathe," he says quietly, then senses the breaks, positions his fingers... and shifts the toe quickly and precisely, magic already flowing in to start mending the bones. There's no doubt it's going to hurt, but Taas took the toe breaking before, and they can see about something the qunari can take if the pain winds up being too much.

He grunts, fingers tightening around the cot's edges so hard that it protests in warning - but then Taas takes a breath and tries to relax. The toe was back in place and the healing magic was numbing the pain a little.

"Impressive," he says with a half-smile through the ache. "Quick and effective. Thank you."

Magic was still a little weird to him, but Anders had excellent bedside manner and seemed skilled - if resetting a toe was anything to go by. It looked like all the raving and screaming about the man hadn't been about the healing skills, at least.

"I heard you're not exactly everyone's favorite person right now."

The smile lingers for a little, this time. Anders keeps his face up despite his focus being more on what he's doing further down - he could probably heal a minor break blindfolded, and in general patients prefer to be able to talk rather than watch silently.

"That's the first time someone's said thank you quite so soon after I've shifted the break around. I'm glad you approve. And... No. I'm not. But if I'd wanted to be everyone's favorite person, I would have pretended to not be a mage my whole life." His smile's become wry, now.

"Being liked isn't exactly something I've a good track record with. Not that I've helped that along. But when helping it along costs what it does for a mage, no mage with compassion would get anywhere." Turning a blind eye, allowing blows to fall, letting things go on as they had, it's all things he's not capable of doing.

"Well, I'd rather not walk around with my toe in the wrong direction, so the thanks is definitely warranted." Taas grins again, honestly quite happy that he didn't have to pull it right himself. That could end badly.

Watching Anders' face as the man's smile turns wry, he shrugs slightly. The warrior knew little about the story behind the Kirkwall thing beyond what he had heard from the Qun's side, so he doesn't really feel like he could judge.

"Before I came here, I honestly didn't have a high opinion of mages. I was raised under the Qun, and learned young that Saarebas are dangerous things even if they're honored for their sacrifice." He looks almost ashamed to admit that. "It didn't get much better after I was Tal-Vashoth as I rarely if ever worked with a mage. This place has really changed my opinion."

Another shrug. "Saarebas are only dangerous because we don't educate them in how to control their powers. Just collars and rods." The warrior finally smiles again, nodding to Anders. "Now my closest friend is a mage, and I'm glad she doesn't have to hide it. Standing up for what you believe in isn't a bad thing."

Taas gets a slight wince when he calls them Saarebas a second time. It makes sense in the context of the first, but the second...

"They're still mages, not saarebas, even if they're qunari and chained," he says gently. Justice is annoyed, more than annoyed, but Taas is talking about how he's gotten to know mages. Letting the spirit scold judgmentally would be counterproductive in the extreme. Plus Taas has been kind, talking, smiling. Anders would like to stay friendly.

"But a lot of humans are taught to fear mages too. It's not just under the Qun; the Chantry likes to take a fair share in causing issues. At least now we can be met. Seen as people. That's all it should take to keep the momentum going."

Edited 2016-03-31 05:15 (UTC)

He notices that wince and holds out his hands in an apologetic gesture. He didn't think 'saarebas' would upset someone not qunari or (tal)vashoth, but it seemed he was wrong. "I know. I just... it's easier for me to differentiate between mages here and those under the Qun."

He would like to stay friendly as well. Everyone and their uncle seemed to hate this man, but Taas would prefer to form his own opinion, first. If anything was obvious, it was that Anders was passionate about mages. "The Chantry confuses me in general," he admits. "You blew one up, I heard. Seems people took that very hard."

Taas shrugs again and looks down at his toe. "Thank you for this. Can I walk on it as normal right away, or should I wait?"

Most people probably hadn't tried to free a mage who thought of themselves as a saarebas and set themselves on fire rather than embrace life, so Taas isn't generally far off. But that's an image that will stick with Anders for the rest of his life, someone he couldn't save no matter how much they'd done.

"They take it hard because it's easier to take it hard than step back and think about all of what was going on that lead up to the Chantry's destruction. It's easier to be angry at one single person for what he did do, than it is to look at the system that failed a myriad of times that made it needed in the first place. There's unfortunately little enough that's straightforward about it to make it not confusing." Especially if you'd not grown up with it all around you.

"...And yes. You're welcome, and you can walk on it. The break was simple enough, but take some care. If you find any furniture with it, it could wind up with tiny breaks and then we'll have far more work ahead of us. I'd have work. You'd have pain."

"I'm fairly certain the Wardens have worse offenders in their ranks than people who blew up a building. I suppose the Chantry means a lot to people, but I've never had anything to do with it other than a few nasty looks from the Tama...uh, 'Mothers'. It reminds me of parts of the Qun... only less including."

He had been turned away once or twice from Chantries while guarding an employer. Almost got one of them killed, once.

"I don't know anything about what happened before that, though, so again, I cannot judge." Instead, he wiggles his toe carefully. It seemed a lot better. "I'll avoid kicking things for a while, then."

...Oh. Taas thinks it's just a building. He wishes he could let that confusion linger, but he doesn't want to be a jerk. No more misleading and lying. He's done enough damage with the fake name.

"It wasn't just a building." Anders glances down before recalling that Taas needs to see his lips and looking back upward. "I blew it up with people inside. One was a target, a high Chantry official. The rest... I destroyed it during the evening, when few would be there, but there were some caught in it who had never intentionally hurt a mage. They chose ignorance, but... they didn't know why not to."

They were part of the system, but they were still exceedingly close to innocent and Anders had killed them. He wishes he could look away from Taas' face, because he hates the looks that spread over peoples' expressions when they see him for who he is.

Taas pauses at that, frowning as he gets more details. Anders is honest, but it's not good. Not good at all. Now he can understand more about the anger and outright hatred of the man.

Yet he was here, healing people. With smiles and good bedside manners. Not what you expected of a mass-murderer.

"When I first left the Qun, I let myself be taken by the madness and the thirst for blood that my Sten had fostered in me. I joined a bunch of roving Tal-Vashoth bastards and wrecked havoc on the countryside. It wasn't until I killed an innocent woman that I snapped out of it." There's a pause, and he looks at Anders thoughtfully.

"I spent years trying to get my rage under control to atone for what I had done. Is that why you're here?"

Every time someone reacts with mercy, with some sort of understanding, he's surprised. So much of his energy is devoted toward defensive anger anymore that he forgets not everyone will reply with upset. Anders blinks, surprise showing on his face briefly before he nods.

"That's a large part of it. I can help here. There are more injured coming through those gates than there are wandering through any village, for instance. And the rest... After the high cost, the price paid, I need to be here. I need to see us keep the freedom we've attained. If we lose it and I wasn't here trying to assist, I'd never... I couldn't be all right with that."

He has to be here. Justice doesn't want to be anywhere else, and Anders wants to see things through as well.

He's not sure if it's mercy or understanding. Maybe it is acceptance. Asit tal-eb. The way things are meant to be. What happened had happened, and now Anders had to deal with the consequences.

Just like Taas did.

"Do you have any regrets?"

"Yes."

That he'd not found a way to take out Elthina alone in a way that would deliver the message. That seven years of trying every possible peaceful option had failed. That no one had woken up. That he'd killed people who had never actively harmed a mage, only by inaction.

That even that hadn't been enough to break the Circles, they'd needed a Seeker to reportedly go mad as well and Wynne to disappear.

That people didn't understand that fear only imprisoned, never protected.

He says none of these. Yes suffices. Taas neither wants nor needs a confession of what weighs Anders down.

"But there is nothing to do about them. What's done is done, and today is what matters. I can only move forward. It's all anyone can do, truly."

Taas seems a bit thoughtful again, taking his time to stand up and try his foot before he faces the healer again. His honey-brown eyes are easy, accepting - not warm, but there's still a slight curve to his lips. "You're honest. That's a plus. Smart, too."

He's really pleased to see that he can hardly feel the way his toe had snapped now. Just sore, nothing else. The man knew what he was doing. That was an asset.

"Keep those wits about you, Anders - and thank you, again."

"Damn straight I'm smart." His eyes sparkle for just a moment. "I'd like to remind you I tried to get everyone away from that monstrosity back at the Crow Fortress and instead most of the group insisted on nearly dying on it until I came back in."

He's exaggerating a little for effect as he nods to the thanks.

"You're welcome, Taas, and watch out for steps and furniture."

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[Open] Tell me would you kill to save a life?

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