[Open] Tell me would you kill to save a life?

[justice_is_blond]

WHO: Anders and, at last, fully open!
WHAT: Anders is back in Skyhold after the revelation and Warden mission
WHEN: Around mid-Drakonis
WHERE: around Skyhold
NOTES: It's Anders. Beyond that, if someone does swing for him, he will be defending himself or we can have a handy-dandy Warden NPC Joeth Smithicus step in, up to you!

1. The Healing Tents

He's more quiet than he was before as he works, trying to stay out of the way while still being available. The atmosphere isn't a pleasant one, and he knows there's a lot of anger, but how is he going to help out if he's sitting in the Warden camp all the time? Even more, how is he going to keep Justice in check if their hands are figuratively tied?

The fact of the matter is that staying somewhere safe where people don't loathe him isn't an option so he's here. He only wishes it wasn't putting a weight on the shoulders of someone he's directly hurt.

Whenever someone comes in he looks over, focusing on the fact that it's all right however many times he hears no as the answer to his question - "Can I help you?"

2. Wardentown

It's not the most glamorous setting, but the life of a Grey Warden rarely is. There had been nights at Vigil's Keep... but those are long gone, and now it's tents and fire pit and keeping snow from piling up.

a) Magic-

Anders is currently kneeling near the tent that he shares with Nate, working on creating a pair of small walls of earth - one around the tent, and another small, circular one nearby. Earth isn't something he struggles with, but keeping them level and not causing any extra dips in the surrounding ground is a challenge. His lips are pressed together as he works on precision, and an approach gets a sharp glance and no words, but he's not annoyed someone's come over. A moment later he'll raise an eyebrow, but he's not starting this conversation.

b) Kitten

No matter how many times he has to keep drying her off and warming her up, Hero of Purrelden doesn't want to stay in his lap today. She's insisting on pouncing on snowbanks, batting at ice, and attempting to climb tents. The latter she's pulled away from each time while protesting loudly, but there's a little smile on his face as she misbehaves. It's nice to have a cat again, no matter how much more difficult than Ser Pounce-a-lot she is.

"Still better than a mabari," he'll say to anyone who comes close.

c) Foraging

He's not alone, which sometimes puts him on edge, and sometimes makes him feel a little safer. All the same, Anders is in the area outside the Warden camp with another Warden, looking to see what foodstuffs can be found to add to the pot. They're not in danger of going hungry but it's best to be prepared and know what's growing out here. There's no telling how long the Wardens will be near Skyhold, after all.

There's also no telling who he'll run across out here, and he's more on edge and defensive due to the fact that he doesn't know how someone might react if they come across him when not anticipating that he might be around.

"Watch the snow back that way," is what he says, though, tilting his head in the direction he's come. "There's some hiding a nasty drop. I've marked it with stones." Let them react to that how they will.

3. Wildcard me!

[[ooc: Come at me bros! Skyhold, Warden camp, whatever. If you've got a question about a scenario, feel free to private plurk me @ Nadat or PM this journal.]]

Comments

[justice_is_blond]

Taas gets a slight wince when he calls them Saarebas a second time. It makes sense in the context of the first, but the second...

"They're still mages, not saarebas, even if they're qunari and chained," he says gently. Justice is annoyed, more than annoyed, but Taas is talking about how he's gotten to know mages. Letting the spirit scold judgmentally would be counterproductive in the extreme. Plus Taas has been kind, talking, smiling. Anders would like to stay friendly.

"But a lot of humans are taught to fear mages too. It's not just under the Qun; the Chantry likes to take a fair share in causing issues. At least now we can be met. Seen as people. That's all it should take to keep the momentum going."

[quietblade]

He notices that wince and holds out his hands in an apologetic gesture. He didn't think 'saarebas' would upset someone not qunari or (tal)vashoth, but it seemed he was wrong. "I know. I just... it's easier for me to differentiate between mages here and those under the Qun."

He would like to stay friendly as well. Everyone and their uncle seemed to hate this man, but Taas would prefer to form his own opinion, first. If anything was obvious, it was that Anders was passionate about mages. "The Chantry confuses me in general," he admits. "You blew one up, I heard. Seems people took that very hard."

Taas shrugs again and looks down at his toe. "Thank you for this. Can I walk on it as normal right away, or should I wait?"

[justice_is_blond]

Most people probably hadn't tried to free a mage who thought of themselves as a saarebas and set themselves on fire rather than embrace life, so Taas isn't generally far off. But that's an image that will stick with Anders for the rest of his life, someone he couldn't save no matter how much they'd done.

"They take it hard because it's easier to take it hard than step back and think about all of what was going on that lead up to the Chantry's destruction. It's easier to be angry at one single person for what he did do, than it is to look at the system that failed a myriad of times that made it needed in the first place. There's unfortunately little enough that's straightforward about it to make it not confusing." Especially if you'd not grown up with it all around you.

"...And yes. You're welcome, and you can walk on it. The break was simple enough, but take some care. If you find any furniture with it, it could wind up with tiny breaks and then we'll have far more work ahead of us. I'd have work. You'd have pain."

[quietblade]

"I'm fairly certain the Wardens have worse offenders in their ranks than people who blew up a building. I suppose the Chantry means a lot to people, but I've never had anything to do with it other than a few nasty looks from the Tama...uh, 'Mothers'. It reminds me of parts of the Qun... only less including."

He had been turned away once or twice from Chantries while guarding an employer. Almost got one of them killed, once.

"I don't know anything about what happened before that, though, so again, I cannot judge." Instead, he wiggles his toe carefully. It seemed a lot better. "I'll avoid kicking things for a while, then."

[justice_is_blond]

...Oh. Taas thinks it's just a building. He wishes he could let that confusion linger, but he doesn't want to be a jerk. No more misleading and lying. He's done enough damage with the fake name.

"It wasn't just a building." Anders glances down before recalling that Taas needs to see his lips and looking back upward. "I blew it up with people inside. One was a target, a high Chantry official. The rest... I destroyed it during the evening, when few would be there, but there were some caught in it who had never intentionally hurt a mage. They chose ignorance, but... they didn't know why not to."

They were part of the system, but they were still exceedingly close to innocent and Anders had killed them. He wishes he could look away from Taas' face, because he hates the looks that spread over peoples' expressions when they see him for who he is.

[quietblade]

Taas pauses at that, frowning as he gets more details. Anders is honest, but it's not good. Not good at all. Now he can understand more about the anger and outright hatred of the man.

Yet he was here, healing people. With smiles and good bedside manners. Not what you expected of a mass-murderer.

"When I first left the Qun, I let myself be taken by the madness and the thirst for blood that my Sten had fostered in me. I joined a bunch of roving Tal-Vashoth bastards and wrecked havoc on the countryside. It wasn't until I killed an innocent woman that I snapped out of it." There's a pause, and he looks at Anders thoughtfully.

"I spent years trying to get my rage under control to atone for what I had done. Is that why you're here?"

[justice_is_blond]

Every time someone reacts with mercy, with some sort of understanding, he's surprised. So much of his energy is devoted toward defensive anger anymore that he forgets not everyone will reply with upset. Anders blinks, surprise showing on his face briefly before he nods.

"That's a large part of it. I can help here. There are more injured coming through those gates than there are wandering through any village, for instance. And the rest... After the high cost, the price paid, I need to be here. I need to see us keep the freedom we've attained. If we lose it and I wasn't here trying to assist, I'd never... I couldn't be all right with that."

He has to be here. Justice doesn't want to be anywhere else, and Anders wants to see things through as well.

[quietblade]

He's not sure if it's mercy or understanding. Maybe it is acceptance. Asit tal-eb. The way things are meant to be. What happened had happened, and now Anders had to deal with the consequences.

Just like Taas did.

"Do you have any regrets?"

[justice_is_blond]

"Yes."

That he'd not found a way to take out Elthina alone in a way that would deliver the message. That seven years of trying every possible peaceful option had failed. That no one had woken up. That he'd killed people who had never actively harmed a mage, only by inaction.

That even that hadn't been enough to break the Circles, they'd needed a Seeker to reportedly go mad as well and Wynne to disappear.

That people didn't understand that fear only imprisoned, never protected.

He says none of these. Yes suffices. Taas neither wants nor needs a confession of what weighs Anders down.

"But there is nothing to do about them. What's done is done, and today is what matters. I can only move forward. It's all anyone can do, truly."

[quietblade]

Taas seems a bit thoughtful again, taking his time to stand up and try his foot before he faces the healer again. His honey-brown eyes are easy, accepting - not warm, but there's still a slight curve to his lips. "You're honest. That's a plus. Smart, too."

He's really pleased to see that he can hardly feel the way his toe had snapped now. Just sore, nothing else. The man knew what he was doing. That was an asset.

"Keep those wits about you, Anders - and thank you, again."

[justice_is_blond]

"Damn straight I'm smart." His eyes sparkle for just a moment. "I'd like to remind you I tried to get everyone away from that monstrosity back at the Crow Fortress and instead most of the group insisted on nearly dying on it until I came back in."

He's exaggerating a little for effect as he nods to the thanks.

"You're welcome, Taas, and watch out for steps and furniture."