faderift | [ CLOSED ] A little light in the shadow

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[ CLOSED ] A little light in the shadow

WHO: Zevran, Mia
WHAT: Zevran receives an unexpected delivery
WHEN: Current
WHERE: Skyhold, Zevran's Quarters
NOTES: The reason for Zev's mysterious absence.

All told it is a relatively short conversation. Shorter than Zevran might have expected, longer than he would have had were it the other way 'round and he was the one depositing this particular surprise upon someone else's doorstep. Quick and lilting Antivan winds back and forth between he and Serena, hands flicking to the basket on the bed, the door to the hall and the world beyond. Now and then a curt phrase in common- "You can't-"

"I must."

And there is no arguing the point when she has her mind made up. His for a night some time ago but he remembers that well enough. It is not the worst leaving, truly. She murmurs an apology and kisses Zevran's cheek, Zevran presses a purse into her hand of coins that she declines but the once before clinging both to him and the weight in her palm. It is no easy thing for all that the talk is short but...as quickly as she'd swept in, Serena swept out once more, leaving Zevran blinking at the basket on his bed. He is still staring at the basket when the contents snuffle themselves awake and begin to fuss. With shaking hands Zevran forces himself to scoop out the infant, all tanned skin and blonde curls, and rest him against his shoulder. Luciano, she'd said, his son.

Brasca.

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"Oh, dear Maker."

It's not unheard of, as tactics go, but still completely horrifying. And the child surely doesn't need to hear such talk. He may not understand what's happening but he is listening, after all, attentive little eyes darting about.

Mia's brow furrows heavily. "So she tracked you down all the way here, to Skyhold? In the middle of this bloody war?" No place for a baby at all, but better odds than certain death wherever she was off to.

"She does not trust any of her extended family with him and I have none to speak of." He will have to find somewhere for him, Zevran decides. This is a war. He is an assassin. Skyhold is no place to raise a child.

His child.

He'd thought it before, alluded to it, and while it still seems so terribly foreign and impossible a thing- the reality crashes into him and he goes tense. It is a subtle thing, the knotting of his shoulders, the stiffness in his hands- but it is enough for a fussing child to tip over the edge from squirming to crying. This he is woefully unprepared for. Zevran's eyes go wide as he attempts to pat Luciano on the back, to do something to sooth the infant but his mind goes blank.

He does not DEAL with children.

Luckily for him Mia is right there at the ready. She's dealt with more than her fair share of children, and rather than reaching in and scooping him away she puts a hand to Zevran's back.

"Talk to him. He's frightened," she murmurs, watching the tears brim to the surface. Quietly, she glances about for a spare rag that might be draped over Zevran's shoulder, for the worst of the crying. Babies came with all manner of things you did not want soaking into your clothes, after all.

"We'll need to see about milk for him. I'm sure something can be arranged with the kitchens without too much fuss. What is his name?"

"He's frightened?" Zevran manages a wry attempt at humor as he tips Luciano against his shoulder, rubbing his back in smooth strokes. "What is there to be frightened of, mm? He is in one of the most secure holds in all the South, protected by the most fearsome assassin in much the same. Possibly all of Thedas, depending upon who you ask."

Surprisingly enough, it works. Too young to understand the words but the thrum of Zevran's voice does seem to head off the possibility of shrieking tears for the moment. Not that the crying has stopped, oh no. Now there are tears and hiccups.

"Maker's breath- Luciano Pagani Arainai, now that is a mouthful. How about Lucci, ah? Little Lucci." Zevran hopes he doesn't need to make much sense with what he's saying, because sense is in short supply at the moment.

"Babies understand very little in the way of fine details, you'll find." Mia tries not to look too terribly amused, watching the child resign himself to those little hiccups and whimpers in Zevran's arms. "All he knows is that the one person he's always known is gone, and there are a number of strange voices and faces and smells. And all he really needs to know is that there's still someone here with him."

Her fingers stroke against his back gently, brow furrowing as she glances from him to the fussy babe. "So. Why don't you introduce yourself to your son? I think that's only fair."

And perhaps there's a chance of this sinking in, beyond the unpleasant shock of having this suddenly thrust upon him, with no warning at all. This isn't just some foundling left on the doorstep, after all.

"Shhh, shhh, shh." That is what one does, yes? The shushing? The patting of the back- what else has he seen wetnurses do? He shifts his grip on Lucci, one hand on his bottom, hte other on his back, and- rocks? Rocking. Rocking is important. Shushing, patting, rocking- talking. He must talk.

"Ah- how does one speak to an infant? Hello, I am Zevran Arainai, I am your-" The word catches in his throat for a moment, clicking when he swallows. "Your father. And for that I must apologize. Your mother loves you very much but it is not safe for you in Antiva so you have been left here with me and this lovely woman here. This?"

He turns a little, enough for wet blue eyes to blearily take in Mia. "This is Mia Bella, one of the kindest and prettiest women in Skyhold. Give her a smile, mm? Show her the Arainai charm."

"I think he'll feel much more like being charming once things become a little more familiar." The words are for Zevran, but they absolutely sound as though they're being directed to the child, not overly sweet or syrupy but soothing, calm, and above all pleased.

She gives little Lucci a warm smile before reaching to delicately stroke the back of one pudgy hand.

"I am going to have to make a few calls." He cannot simply resume his usual schedule like this. Not with Lucci adjusting, needing him. As uncomfortable as he is with the idea, as uncertain as he feels? He needs to at least make a token attempt to do this properly for the child.

His son.

"...This truly is happening, isn't it?"

"It appears so." She cocks her head slightly at him for a moment before humming quietly. "And people are going to have all manner of advice for you. They'll want to tell you a great number of things, regarding how little Lucci came to be to how he should be raised and taught. I've seen it happen a number of times with girls in our village. I feel like you should be forewarned, at least."

Rather than expound upon that, she lets silence settle in for a moment or two, letting Zevran collect his thoughts. This was a great deal to take in all at once.

"...are you alright?"

"...The fact that I truly have no idea what it is I ought to be doing likely does not help matters." Children are distractions, are liabilities in the job. A crying child can call away a guard or call danger upon an assassin that is not careful. Now he has his own and...

He cannot-

This is not how he saw his life going.

"You are sure this is not a fade dream? A nightmare? You know me, Mia. You know I am no father."

"Do I?"

Because from where she's standing, he looks exactly the part of a father. Fretful, the lines of his face wearing deeper as he gently rocks the babe in his arms. He hasn't set him down yet, has made no effort to distance himself, only to worry that he will not be enough to protect the little one.

Fathers start in worse places than that. Mia's smile grows gentle as she sets a soothing hand to his shoulder. "No one starts by knowing what to do. And you needn't do this alone."

"You've a solid grasp upon my character." He should think. He hopes.

So small. His mind keeps circling back to that. Luciano is so small, so fragile, he knows every way in which a life can be ended and a few more besides but this- How does he raise someone and raise them well? how does he take care to ensure they will live happily? Zevran leans back into Mia's hand, turning wide eyes to her. "Truly?"

At that look, she almost laughs. Does he truly think she'd let him flounder? Initially it might be amusing enough, but neither one deserves more distress over this than has already been managed. She's not cruel.

"I've cared for enough children that I may know a thing or two. I certainly wouldn't keep it to myself if I thought the two of you might be able to use that." Her eyebrows perk higher. "And if you're needing things retrieved from the kitchen, it wouldn't do to leave him alone, would it?"

"At least one of us knows what we are doing." He manages a faint laugh, shifting his grip on his burbling son. Burble. A verb most often given to little streams and rivers but what other word is there for soft cooing and babbling that is highly nonsensical?

"Ah- Serena left a note with what she'd been feeding him and what would be best as he grows. She even wrote it in Common." Since he truly has no idea one way or the other.

At least the baby is no longer fussing so overtly. He must realize he's safe. Lucci might not realize it, but there are few places safer for him in the world right now, in the heart of Skyhold and the arms of one of its most skilled and beloved defenders.

"I could fetch what's needed, if you'd like. Or watch Luciano while you go. However I can best help," she offers, tipping her head to catch the baby's wandering gaze and smiling. One hand lifts to gently touch those curly wisps of blond.

"I think..." He turns, carefully, to offer Mia the little bundle. "I think we shall see how he takes to you- and if it is well I shall go. If it is not? I shall remain."

But with how calm the boy has become, his bright eyes flicking up to Mia's face as his own splits with a smile? Zevran thinks all shall be well.

The eyes are most certainly his mothers, but she can see Zevran in the child without question. The thought tugs her smile wider as she reaches for the baby, firmly cradling his little bottom under one arm and supporting his back with her free hand. It had been some time since she last held a child, but she remembered how.

"Hello there. What do we think, mm?" Carefully she shifts her hold, allowing him to recline comfortably in the crook of her arm, swaying slightly from side to side on her feet. "What does our brave little man think of all this?"

Perhaps it is her ease with the infant- or the familiarity of a woman's voice and warmth that has the beginnings of burbled laughter bubbling up from Lucci. A happy baby sound. That is...very unfamiliar to Zevran, but proof enough he could slip away to gather what he'd need from the kitchens.

"I think he finds you quite agreeable. I shall be back in a moment, yes?" he could flee, he thinks. He thinks and shakes off entirely. If he could stand before the crows, before dragons, before the archdemon? he could stand before a child.

"Of course."

Her gaze lifts to watch him depart, though it never crosses her mind for an instant that he will flee and not return. She knows him to be a better man than that, who wants better for those that he considers his.

And there is no one closer, no one more indelibly his now, than this child.

So she smiles down at the little one, fingers stroking the back of one tiny hand. "It's alright. I think the idea is growing on him," she murmurs conspiratorially, before lifting her brow knowingly.

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[ CLOSED ] A little light in the shadow

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