Let No Soul Hunger For Justice: Nothing But The Truth

[justice_is_blond]

WHO: Adelaide, Alistair, Anders, Bethany, Nathaniel, Varric, Vasran, Velanna
WHAT: The Second Ritual
WHEN: 10th of Bloomingtide (May 10th)
WHERE: half an hour outside of Skyhold
NOTES: Plotting post.

They've kept to the same clearing as the last, because the location's good. Far enough away that no one could stumble upon them by accident, near enough in case something went seriously wrong, it works.

He has scarcely more hope this time than he did the last, but at least there's no singing involved. This can't go as strangely. In theory.

Comments

[justice_is_blond]

I've never made anyone deliriously happy before. I'm glad it's you.

[This is a bit terrifying, talking without the teasing, having that stripped away. He'd pad it with something else, but there's nothing that's true that he can use to deflect with.]

I've never been this happy before either. And you should be glad I'm stuck telling the truth because otherwise I was going to regale you with a tale of how Purrelden made me very happy the other day.

[pinprick]

So I...make you happy? I make you happy?

[justice_is_blond]

You make me happy.

[His voice is absolutely confident.]

You do, Nate.

[pinprick]

[How strange it is, to hear what he knows must be true, but have such a difficult time believing it.]

You glow. With such a light. How can you not be bored with me already? How is it someone more interesting hasn't stolen you away?

[That was his jealousy around Zevran. Zevran is interesting and sparkling and pretty. How can he possibly compete?]

[justice_is_blond]

Nate.

[Anders wraps his arms around the archer and presses his cheek to Nate's stomach.]

You're not boring. You're amazing. And not only that? I don't need someone that's excitement at all hours of the day. That's been my life. I want you, calm, fantastic, compassionate, steady, you. I haven't... I've cared for people before, Nate, [and hurt every single one of them,] but none have made me as happy as you.

[Please ignore the fact that he killed one, betrayed the another when blowing up the chantry, and lied the entire time to the last.]

[pinprick]

[Nathaniel's arms curl possessively around Anders, but something gives in his chest. Relief, love, calm.]

Then...if we do bring in Zevran every so often, it wouldn't be because I'm...not right. It would be because we like him very much. As we do.

[justice_is_blond]

If we bring in Zevran, it's not because you're not right. It would be because it would be fun and he's a fantastic friend.

[He could have simply said yes, but he wants this spelled out.]

If we do not ever bring in Zevran I will not be disappointed and I will not feel... lacking, or deprived, or any of that. A threesome is no statement about you, and he is no threat. There is no threat.

[That, at least, he can say. Adelaide he needs to sort out, but he loves Nate and he wouldn't want to get away from that even if he could.]

[pinprick]

[Nathaniel touches their foreheads together with a sigh.]

Forgive me. I don't mean to burden you with my...insecurities. This is all so very new to me.

[justice_is_blond]

Forgiven. It's not like I'm without them.

[For a moment he just looks up at Nate, smiling faintly, before he shakes his head.]

Whenever you need to hear that, I'll tell you again. I don't mind. And I know it's... It's hard to have faith in me. I run, I came here and lied, I've killed so many. I understand.

[pinprick]

It's less a lack of faith in you, and more...you know what it is, when you were raised to think a certain way. About yourself, about the world. Trained to think you're a bad person. It takes a long time to think differently.

[justice_is_blond]

It does.

[And there are still so many mages trying to recover from that same thing, too. Or perhaps not even trying, wanting to go back because recovering from that takes work.]

You have the best heart of anyone I've met. You are genuinely good. And I find I really do not like your mother whatsoever.

[pinprick]

I think...you must be right at least to a point, regardless. I must have done something well, to deserve you.

[justice_is_blond]

[He shakes his head.]

I still don't know how you see me the way you do. I'm an idiot to question it and wonder, I know it, but I do anyway. You do remember the whole abomination with a spirit that gets very peeved with you thing, right? That doesn't exactly seem like a reward.

[pinprick]

You are my reward, not Justice. [Another kiss, very soft.]

[justice_is_blond]

[He closes his eyes and leans into the kiss a little. When he speaks, his voice is low and quiet.]

So it's the mage who ran away, who feels little guilt about taking Templar lives, who would kill Rolan and his friends a thousand upon a thousand times over, who destroyed the Chantry, and who was foolish enough to take a spirit in because he thought he could handle it. That's your reward?

[pinprick]

Anders, who against all odds left the Circle smiling and laughing, who spent seven years living like a pauper so he might run a free clinic in the worst place in the world I can think of, who loves cats and makes me smile and laugh, who was so desperate to end the suffering of others that he risked everything to take a spirit in, even though that was a bet that paid off poorly. Anders, who always worries about me even when his burdens are at their heaviest. Anders, who was so terribly hurt and still wants to give Justice a chance. Brave, wonderful, loving, gentle, kind, bright, beautiful Anders.

[justice_is_blond]

[He sits up enough to wrap his arms around Nate and lean his head against the archer's shoulder. He doesn't feel like enough of the man is left that Nate sees, but he's done all those things. Maybe they're both wrong and the truth of who Anders is now is somewhere between them.]

I don't know how this world hasn't broken you of your faith in people and your ability to see the best in them, but I'm so glad it hasn't.

[pinprick]

That isn't how it is at all. [He holds Anders close.] I know truly bad people, Anders. For a time, I knew almost nothing else. That's how I know you're not one of them. You've done things I consider terrible. But I know good people can do bad things. And I know you're good. Bad people...pretend. Nobody in the world is as important as they are. There is no one they will not burn, usually at a distance, to keep gaining for themselves. They don't try to atone. They don't have exceptions. They make decisions from their ivory towers and never think twice about it. You aren't like that. The worst thing you've ever done, you did for other people, and you're trying to atone for it. Bad people don't do that.

[justice_is_blond]

[He exhales.]

I can't see myself as good anymore, Nate. Necessary, but I crossed a line there is no going back from. Motivation doesn't change it, not enough. So maybe I'm not bad, but I'm not good. Something in between. Whatever that between is.

[pinprick]

Well. I'll believe it, if you can't.

[Nathaniel has to. Has had to, since he agreed to help Anders on the day they found each other in the Inquisition. He will always have to believe Anders can be saved.]

[justice_is_blond]

Thank you.

[It's quiet. If Nate can believe it, maybe there's a chance it can be true again. That he can one day be good once more.]