faderift | Let No Soul Hunger For Justice: Nothing But The Truth

[Bruce can't help but tense for a moment when Adelaide suddenly leans against him like this. It's nothing like what she normally does, and he realizes that it's probably due to the alcohol she had been drinking. That and the fact that all of this must be tiring her a lot. He already knew that, but perhaps the extent of that tiredness was more than what he had thought.

So he forces himself to relax, reminding himself that its just Adelaide, and she won't hurt him, and he cautiously reaches around with the arm not wedged between them, gently setting his hand on her lap, giving her a soft pat.]

Just do whatever you have to do. [Pause.] I know you can do it. Your hard work will be rewarded when the time comes.

This needs to work. The answer can't be killing them. It can't. That's what it's been for centuries and the only reason it is this difficult and terrifying to manage mages is the Chantry's own damn dogma. When every moment you're a little afraid of what you might become- they feel that. Demons feed on strong emotions, they are drawn to it. They takes us from what is familiar and safe, tell us we are dangerous, we are monsters, and tell us not to be afraid because they can fix us.

What manner of fix is a knife to the throat? That is not a fix.

[ Muttering bitterly, she tips her face back out, still leaning against him but no longer speaking into his shirt. ]

They make us ripe for the taking and tell us to resist. The Dalish, the Avaar- they do not have the same troubles.

[All that Adelaide says - Bruce knows that its true. He knows it all too well, deep in his bones, underneath his skin. He knows the truth of what she says, has experienced it for himself. In a way, is a product of it. Somebody who shouldn't exist, a monster worse than even the abominations. (Then Anders, he will admit deep inside, but Bruce doesn't want to face that part of reality just yet.)

He lets himself pat Adelaide's leg one more time before pulling his hands away, keeping them back to himself. Monster. Abomination. Freak. That's what he'll always be now, regardless of everything.]

You can think about all of that later. [He says, voice quiet. He keeps himself quiet because he doesn't trust himself right now, not really.] Just focus on the main task you have right now. The rest will come once that's done.

[Not the best answer - or even an appropriate one - but its the only one he can say right now.]

[ A part of her settles at that. Quiets and stills, that is all she can do. He is right in that regard. She closes the bottle she'd been holding and instead takes a sip of tea. For a little while it could be like their usual meetings- although a touch more familiar. ]

I envy you. [ It's soft- but honest. ] TO not have to deal with this. With demons or magic or- anything.

[ Maker, what a wonder it might be to be a healer without the magic. To do good for people that aren't afraid of you, to sleep without fear of possession. ]

What is it like for you? Dreaming.

[Bruce can't help but feel a tinge of guilt at her admission to him. The fact that she thinks that he didn't have the same struggles when he did have them - and possibly more, too. He doesn't remember a night where the Fade didn't touch his dreams, doesn't remember a time from before his magic - they're only snatches of memory, if anything. He was only five when his magic manifested itself and nothing had ever been the same since then.

And now at this point, its impossible to imagine a normal life for him.]

They're... [How can he explain to her something he's never known for himself? Bruce can only extrapolate, guess from what he's been told by the patients and build on that and hope that it works, though he knows he'll have to deflect as much as possible.]

It's just... things, I suppose. In your head. [A small shrug.] Usually there's not much to remember.

I'd love to forget.

[ The dreams, the demons. Everything. Times come, now and then, that she thinks of the brilliant glow of a Tranquil's brand and think perhaps Robert had not been so great a fool to ask for it. She wouldn't. She couldn't, truly, she enjoys being herself far too much but...

The magic.

There are days she could do without the magic. ]

Even before I manifested my dreams were strange. I could remember. I never wanted to. I never wanted...this.

[Bruce, of course, can relate. His dreams in the Fade were... it was a rare moment if there was ever a pleasant one. There were always demons, so many voices, all of them drawn to his pain and agony and fear. He remembers them when he was young, telling him how he could get away from his father, when he was in the Circle, saying how they could prove himself... now, when they tell him to give into the anger, into the rage, to let it all out and show everyone what its like to have a life where everybody has wronged you, where even your very existence is denied.

He knows, but he can never speak about it. Will never speak about it. These are his own burdens to bear.]

I'm sorry. [Its all he can say instead of I know or I understand. Things he will never say for what it entails, the meaning they hold.] You don't... nobody should deserve that. [So many people never wanted this, he knew, but it happened anyway. And with Tranquility as the only option out... Bruce could understand how hard it much be, even if he has his own sentiments on the matter.]

And this is why I'm drinking in the vault instead of my room where one of my students could walk in and see me like this.

[ A mess. An uninspiring, despairing mess. She does not look forward to trying to sleep at night. Pride might let her be, she is as far from proud as she's been in years. ]

None of us do, truly. And yet we are all treated as though we chose this, asked for it.

[There's a silence that comes after that, silence because Bruce knows what whatever he says probably won't do anything for her. The reality is still there and nothing is going to change. Any platitudes he could give now doesn't seem fitting, considering the truth of the matter.

So he does the next best thing that comes to his head.]

Stay in my tent tonight. [He glances over to her when he says that.] Sleep off the alcohol. It's been a long day for you.

[There's not much he can do but at least he can try his best to provide some comfort, some relief from what she has to deal with.]

[ She hadn't thought that far ahead when she'd cracked open the brandy. The plan was to sit, to drink, to drift, then sober up and return to work. She can't be seen like this, she knows that. There is too much riding on her reputation that she has fought so hard to keep sterling.

Sans Tache.

It haunts her as much as the demons.

Adelaide finishes her tea with a grimace and sits up, gauging her ability to walk straight. Or at least her ability to sit straight. ]

...Thank you, Bruce. Truly.

[Bruce helps her a little when she sits up, although once he can see she's alright he quickly pulls away. She's already in a bad enough place as it is and trying to help her more probably won't help - he knows that she doesn't want to depend on people, and he can understand that.]

It's all that I can do. [A small, smile as he says that.] I just hope it can help.

If you do not mind how absolutely unbearable I shall be in the morning? It will help a great deal.

As long as no one assumes I am following you to your tent to sleep with you. I mean no offense, Bruce, truly I do not- you are quite handsome and very kind and I count you as a dear friend, but it would look poorly for one and I do not much think us compatible that way for another. We are too much alike.

[ They work too hard and forget too much of themselves in the work. It wouldn't, between them, work out. ]

[The words have Bruce pause, and then he makes quite a bit of a face because 1) he had never thought of Adelaide as more than a... closer acquaintance (friend) and 2) even if he did have feelings, its not like he would ever act on them. Not when he knows how it will already end.

So the fact that she is thinking about that has him baffled, and confused, and so very perplexed because if anybody even thought of them as a couple they probably need a reality check. She deserves somebody much better than him.]

If it makes you feel better, I stay elsewhere to keep your virtue intact. [Just a hint of wryness, here.] I have no desire or intent for anything of that sort.

[Not like he could, anyway, so the point is moot right from the start.]

Compelled to tell the truth, exhausted, intoxicated.

[ She lists off the reasons for saying as such one by one, even as she works her way to her feet. ]

You don't need to abandon your tent for me, Bruce. Your word is enough. I trust you. [ She spares a hand to pat his shoulder, bracing her own against her staff. She lists a little on her feet- but can hold straight and certain while they walked. She'd be able to hid this as long as she needs. ]

Nor need you fear for your virtue. Again- you are a very kind man, but no.

[Bruce helps Adelaide up the best that he can, and once she's up he takes the moment to bend down and pick up the half-empty pot of tea and their cups. it's going to be a bit of an effort to bring all of these up while supporting Adelaide, but he'll manage somehow.]

That makes two of us then. [Trust, she said. She trusted him. His stomach churns a little at that, the guilt swelling up. She truly deserves better. Somebody who actually would appreciate her for what she is instead of depending on somebody like him, a monster pretending to be human, a liar and a hypocrite to the highest degree.

Deep inside, Anders' words from earlier echoes in his mind.

He glances over to Adelaide and attempts a smile.]

Alright. Let's get out of this dismal place for some proper fresh air.

[ Between her staff, Bruce, and the distressingly frequent practice she's had taking these stairs slightly tipsy or exhausted or both, it is not so difficult a thing to see them out of the vault. At least the walls are close enough for her to stop and lean for a moment if the world swims a little more than normal.

Keep up with Dorian, she'd thought, it would show him what this did. And all that has come of it is a new crutch.

In the morning she'll be disgusted and swear off. In the morning she'll mean to keep to that until the next failure. ]

Fresh, you say, when it is thick with mud and dogs.

[For the most part, all Bruce does is to try and support her when she needs it, though he does keep it as subtle as he can. He knows she wants to do this (mostly) by herself and he doesn't begrudge her for that.]

It has its appeal. [Soft amusement as he says that, as said air full of mud and dogs finally starts to greet them as they emerge from the depths below.] Though I wonder if I should be offended on behalf of other Fereldens out there.

Would it be offense in truth, or a token thing done out of obligation?

[ Ha, she can still sass. She's sober enough.

Relatively speaking.

She can walk, sass, and talk, that's all anyone can ask of her right now. ]

Could be both.

[There's a wry tinge to his words, although he's also smiling at the same time so its hard to say exactly how he feels about it.

Either way, its not anything important. Bruce huffs and continues to guide her in the direction of his own tent. Just in case the drink does something with her sense of direction. It's hard to be certain.]

[ The rest of the trip was blessedly without incident Adelaide managing to hold herself mostly upright the entire walk to Bruce's tent. Once inside she finds the nearest chair to settle into, slumping thees as though, perhaps, to sleep. ]

Thank you again, Bruce.

[The chair that Adelaide settles onto isn't really much - more 'stool' than actual chair - but Bruce gives her a few moments to rest first as he goes around to prepare the bedroll for her. There's not much cleaning up to do in his tent at least, with as spartan as it is - there's only a few personal effects and a collection of kits and bottles on a small workbench to show that he even lives here at all.]

It's nothing. [He waves off the gratitude, taking one more moment to lay out the bedroll before he gestures at it for her.] Here, you can take this for the night.

One day we will have rooms enough and you are getting a proper bed, Bruce.

[ One day- some day. Not anytime soon with how renovations have been going, but eventually. Healers deserve a good rest. She sets her staff aside and settles on the bedroll, curling up in her cloak, hair still pinned, arms tucked tight around her ribs. Making herself as small as possible- either out of habit or out of chill, she can't quite say. ]

One day.

[His response is mostly indulgent, for Adelaide's own peace of mind because Bruce doubts he'll ever let himself take something that good. He's not one to really allow himself any sort of real creature comforts - not even a blanket, which while is of no concern to him doesn't exactly say the same for her.

He ponders for a moment before he shuffles around his tent, only taking a bit before he manages to get out his old travelling cloak. It's clearly very old and worn, but it serves its purpose and he brings it over to Adelaide, placing it over her and the bedroll without a word.]

[ It does not take much more for her to drift to sleep, huddling comfortably under the cloak, fingers tangled in the hem. Like this some of the years slip away, but none of the tension. Sleep has never been truly restful- less so after drinking.

It is what it is. The morning? Shall be worse. ]

Let No Soul Hunger For Justice: Nothing But The Truth

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i'm just /ugly laughter.mp3

So much awful laughter

yeeeeeppp

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