OPEN - I'm gonna do my best to take my place in the sun

[mythalenaste]

WHO: Pel Ashara and YOU
WHAT: Catch-all/open post for May/Bloomingtide
WHEN: All month
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Will update with any warnings as needed.

1 - Outskirts



A grey wolf is haunting the slopes outside of Skyhold.

She doesn't appear to be stalking anything. She is simply roaming the hillside, taking in her surroundings, occasionally sniffing something out. Her yellow eyes do not search; she is only taking everything in, as if she is discovering the world.

She hears and smells you before she sees you, and isn't worried, though her ears turn to listen. If you come closer, she will look up at you, waiting for you to do something to make her reveal herself.

2 - Library

The hour is absurdly late, but she can't sleep knowing this paragraph is not written. More accurately, it has been written a great many times, but she doesn't quite like any of them.

You might find her toiling. You might find her asleep on top of her own drafts.

3 - Hot spring

For whatever reason, you have just arrived, are in whatever state of dress or undress as you are in, when the water is disturbed and Pel's head pops out. She wasn't under longer than fifteen or twenty seconds--not long enough for you to get much done, but long enough for her to, perhaps, surprise you a bit. Though she looks surprised herself, seeing you.

4 - Wildcard

Pel's Daily Schedule

Comments

[judgemewhole]

"Well, I helped her with a demon that was following her through the Fade ... and found myself in the tent of the abomination Anders." He stopped, then sighed. "I apologize. I am not sure if he is a friend or not. Needless to say, we had a confrontation and ... then we had a conversation. About what he had gone through, as a Circle mage."

[mythalenaste]

She can only think of two things when it comes to Anders anymore: how delicately he handled the acorn she had taught him to sprout, and his care of her after she was attacked. People aren't simple, and a death sentence is permanent.

"Did it surprise you? That someone driven to such an extreme had an extreme reason for it?"

[judgemewhole]

"No ... but it surprises me how much anger he still carries, and how he can draw that anger out in others. I should feel sympathetic for his plight but whenever I see him -- I just want to rage at him. For Kirkwall, for everything that happened after .." He sighed, running his fingers along the reins.

"For Lydia, and for Commander Swann. If not for him inciting the rebellion - they never would have died. Yet, if he had not exposed the corruption, how much worse would things be now? I cannot wrap my head around it, or my conscious. He should make amends, bow to justice and make things better. But can I honestly say that he could manage that without making things worse?"

[mythalenaste]

"He's trying. It's why he risked coming here."

She doesn't look at him.

"A couple of months ago, someone attacked me. Broke...broke my collarbone and a rib or two. Because the Inquisition is watching Sina, and imprisoned Galadriel, he was mistrustful of elven mages. Someone cuffed him and I got away, but...I went to Anders. He's never revealed it to anyone. He was kind and didn't make a mission of it. Didn't use it as a reason to get up in arms. He just. Tended me over the next few days.

"Don't try to fit people into boxes. Don't try to say if he made things worse or better. Things are what they are. Anders might have been executed once, but he is alive and he's trying to do good. He doesn't have any more of a say in what follows than you do. He never did. He wasn't some guiding force for the rebellion, he was just a man who endured more than he could tolerate. I see people like that every day. I have to care for one of them every single time he breaks. I can't blame them because we're not built to endure endless pain. And punishing them for reaching that limit is what makes it happen again and again."

[judgemewhole]

He frowned again, looking off to the mountains, listening to what she had to say. Pel had seen a side of Anders that he had not ... truly gotten to see, if he was honest. A sharp stab of anger went through him at the thought of someone hurting Pel -- but she had gotten away, and Anders had helped her, without letting anyone know.

"A man pushed too far ... " He answered soberly, before he looked down at the grass again. "So if we are not to punish him, but we cannot forgive him, where do we stand? Just ... living?"

[mythalenaste]

"It's not that he can't be punished. He was already punished. That's what it's like to be oppressed, James. People punish you every day you're alive, till you either become some mumbling servile survivor or you break like Anders did. Maybe it's better to think of him as a consequence or a casualty than a criminal. Count him with the dead and leave it be."

[judgemewhole]

He sighed heavily, before he nodded his head. "That ... I can do. Consequence and casualty, all in one."

Then a faint snort. "What does that make me? The walking dead as well?"

[mythalenaste]

"It makes you lucky. You've survived with the strength to keep fighting, and learned from the mistakes of those who came before. It might even make you someone who can keep someone else from breaking like Anders did. Human, and a Templar to boot, with a good heart."

[judgemewhole]

"Luck is not something I am sure I believe in anymore." He sighed again, before he looked over at her. "I pray you are right, Pel. I pray I do not break as he did. I do not want to think of what could happen if I did."

[mythalenaste]

"Blessed, then. By your Maker."

A fluttering smile.

"If you think you will break, come to me. I will always listen. I will always help you."

[judgemewhole]

He looks over at her, and smiles gently back in kind.

"Thank you, Pel. That ... that means a great deal to me."

[mythalenaste]

There was a time when they would have kissed at this point. But no. He should have a little wife, one who won't bring so much of her own pain along with her.

"I never wanted us to stop talking. I miss being your friend."

[judgemewhole]

Considering everything that happened here, he's not sure if there is a woman alive who does not carry her own pain. Still, perhaps, they needed both to find the light, and not the darkness.

"I never wanted to stop being your friend either. I am ... sorry I pulled away for so long."

[mythalenaste]

"It wasn't just you who pulled away. The only other time I've been in a relationship, it had--no, that isn't a good excuse. No excuses. I was a coward, and I'm sorry."

[judgemewhole]

"Well, we have both made mistakes based on our past -- I say we leave those there, and we ... keep what we have. Which is a very good friendship, in my opinion."

[mythalenaste]

"It is a good friendship." She feels suddenly lighter, and smiles. "With a very good man. And now you even know what I look like as a wolf. Not many people do."

[judgemewhole]

"With a very good woman as well." He smirks faintly. "Yes, not precisely the way I would have wanted to find out ... but it is an excellent spell. Quite useful."

[mythalenaste]

"It's not a spell, it's shapeshifting. I don't just look like a wolf, I am a wolf."

[judgemewhole]

"Shapeshifting ... completely changing your form into a wolf. Isn't that dangerous?"

[mythalenaste]

"All magic is dangerous. But I'm trained."

[judgemewhole]

"Have you ever got stuck?"

[mythalenaste]

A soft laugh. "Only as an elf."

[judgemewhole]

He snorted softly. "Being stuck as an elf is never a detriment, except to the foolish and the ignorant."

[mythalenaste]

A slight, brief widening of her eyes.

"Well. The wolf's all I've been able to manage so far, and I want to be sure to get it right before I start working on something else. Maybe something I can escape across Skyhold as that won't have people panicking."

A beat.

"Don't tell anyone I was attacked. If Merrick finds out, he'll be ill again."

[judgemewhole]

"Like a raven."

Another beat.

"Mm. Merrick does seem to have ... a very deep protective streak."

Green eyes narrowed.

"The person who attacked you, he wasn't a templar, was he?"