[OPEN] Running with my roots pulled up

[amygdalae]

WHO: Bruce Banner and whoever else
WHAT: Rumors abound. Bruce is good at pretending he can't hear anything. A dracolisk makes everyone's life hell.
WHEN: Across Justinian
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Belated open log thing for the remainder of June; prompts and such are under the cut. Starting in brackets but feel free to switch to prose and I will follow. If you want specific prompts/starters, let me know @ knightblazer or PM this journal!

one. trouble on four hooves. (stables)

[It's not exactly the first time the horsemaster is on his case and it probably won't be the last as well, if the current situation is to go by it.

Horsemaster Dennet wasn't exactly thrilled with the dracolisk that had decided to trail all the way back here with him (muttering along the lines of 'as if one of them wasn't enough'), but the one that Bruce... was stuck with had a tendency for more collateral damage. Nothing major, at least, but after breaking three gates and four fences in its apparent nightly ritual of getting out of the stables there were some lines that needed to be drawn. Thus, this current situation.

The hammer in his hand pounds loudly against the nails as Bruce does his best fixing up the damage the dracolisk had caused in the last few nights. The sleeves of his threadbare shirts are rolled up, for even with the chill here pounding away like this still made him sweat quite a bit, especially as he continued to toil away the hours.

Beside him the dracolisk chewed delicately on some hay, clearly much calmer and less prone to violence now that its human was around.]

two. not quite back to business (healing tents, courtyard)

[It was impossible to ignore the rumors, even if they weren't that hotly circulated, for better or for worse. But still the damage had been done and it would be a lie if he said that things were the same as before.

Nothing was the same as it used to be. After the fallout with Adelaide things didn't really quite look up. Patients who once came to him for help now avoided his gaze entirely and went to others, and the new ones who came in now looked at him with wariness, with all the suspicion that frustrated Bruce more than anything else. This was one of the reasons why he hid his magic away, why he stuck to herbs and what he could do with nothing but his head and his own two hands. He was here to help and he didn't need his magic to do it. It wasn't worth any of this.

(But of course, he deserved it. He knows that. He deserves every bit of this.)

Still, regardless of everything, he came here to do a job and despite all that had happened, there were always going to be people who needed help. So Bruce does the best he can, going around the courtyard to treat whoever was willing to accept his help and aiding anybody who came to his tent while he was in there.]

three. midnight mulling (battlements)

[The battlements had, in a way, become something of a sanctuary to him now. When the night gets this dark and most of Skyhold is asleep, the biting chill of the cold and the silence of the night comforts him well.

On most other nights he'd have the excuse of potion brewing to be up here but tonight that desire isn't there. He sits on the floor, back against one of the walls as he glances out to the mountains that surround them, the sky above that twinkle with countless stars. When everything feels so vast and overwhelming its easy enough to lose himself into the sight, to let them take him away from the chaos of his mind and his soul. To find that momentary peace within himself again, when every part of him rages for something else otherwise.]

wildcard.

[Feel free to throw in your own prompt or PM/contact me to plot out stuff!]

Comments

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD MAGE

[fleurdesel]

Fine. [ Is this an argument? it's an agreeable argument. But she waits- and keeps half an eye on the back end of the tent.

If he attempts to run, she will give chase. It will not be dignified but she is not letting him run away from this. He has obligations, now, and she will make certain he keeps to them. ]

[justice_is_blond]

[His expression turns cold in an instant, and while it softens back to neutrality once Bruce has apologized, Anders' eyes are still a little narrow.]

Skyhold's population grows by the day. Spirit healers keep being sent out on various missions. The least you can do is to pitch in magically now that your secret is out. Don't mess with the one thing, that's fine, but sticking to measures that aren't nearly as effective is a waste of your time and the time of every other healer here.

[Plus there's no telling yet if Anders will be dead in a day or so here, and that would bring them down another spirit healer.]

LYRIUM FOR THE LYRIUM KING

[amygdalae]

[It would be a lie if Bruce hadn't thought about making some sort of escape. But it wouldn't end well for anybody, and--Adelaide doesn't need any more on her plate, honestly.

Honestly most of the five minutes is used to keep himself calm and prepare himself mentally on what's to come. Physically all he does is to drink from his waterskin and grab his old, tattered cloak and wear it for comfort more than anything else.

Once the five minutes are up he steps back out, giving Adelaide a brief glance before gesturing for her to lead the way.]

[amygdalae]

[Both of them know that his magic isn't the only secret - or the real one. Bruce almost says as such, but stops before he does. It's not like saying that is going to help the situation in anyway.

Instead he exhales sharply through his nose again and turns to glance aside, not quite meeting Anders' gaze.]

It's not a waste of time. Forcing things on people who don't want them is only going to make things even worse.

[justice_is_blond]

Please.

[He gets wanting to hide, but it's not an option now.]

Those who don't want magic won't want you around them anyway anymore. Something you've likely already discovered. You are a mage, a healer, and we've plenty of people who can pass out elfroot and wrap a sprain. The only way to avoid all of what you are is to leave. You're not about to do that. Fix those you put at risk by being here with all of your abilities, not what anyone can do.

[amygdalae]

[Leaving has occurred in Bruce's mind more than a few times at this point. To be fair, its been on his mind for more than a few months already. Recent events have made him consider it again, but--its true, he can't leave. Not when he still has obligations beholden to him. People who still need his help.]

There is more to what I did besides passing out elfroot and wrapping a sprain. [His voice is just a little tight. Bruce doesn't like the fact that what he did in the past is belittled like this; just because he has reason to use magic now doesn't invalidate what he did before. Years of choosing this life, if anything, has given Bruce more of a reason to live without the need of his magic. He's managed it all this time and he sees no real reason to change it.]

[justice_is_blond]

Semantics. You know what I mean, and what I'm saying.

[He's deliberately simplifying when maybe he shouldn't have. But his point still stands, and he crosses his arms and tilts his head.]

You are one of us, no matter how much you don't seem to want to be. It's no choice. And if it's self-loathing that has you in hiding, perhaps you should considering wandering outside of Skyhold and punching yourself in the face a few times.

MANA FOR THE MANA QUEEN

[fleurdesel]

[ He comes without arguing which...is better than she'd expected.

An excuse and some stalling is not all that terrible compared to some of her more troublesome students- the hour is ungodly after all- but whatever kindness this might have earned him is yanked back at the reminder of why they must do this in the first place.

She cants her head and stalks off, winding her way to the garden. The pace is clipped and certain, sparing no time- the handful of students they meet there are all bleary eye'd and yawning, one or two dozing where they lean against their staffs. There is a scramble to look more aware as they catch sight of her- and a great deal of puzzled glances when they see Bruce. ]

[amygdalae]

[Self-loathing is only part of the reason - though it is a big factor. No, he has many reasons why he chose to hide. Reasons he can never talk about, even with what Anders is already aware of. There are some things he will never speak of.]

Being a mage doesn't change what I did. [He was still helping, even before any of this. Just because he chooses not to use magic doesn't invalidate what he had done.] I don't need to use magic to help.

MAGIC FOR THE MAGIC STOCK

[amygdalae]

[Bruce trails behind at a respectable distance, huddling a little closer into his cloak as the morning chill greets them. Its early enough that there isn't that many people awake yet, though he knows that will change by the time he's done going through Adelaide's lesson.

Familiar faces greet him when he steps into the garden - Adelaide's students, some of them who he worked with before. He can see their puzzled looks, and that only brings up another swell of loathing from Bruce. He really doesn't want to do this, but at the same time Adelaide isn't going to let it go until he goes through with it.

The urge to run and flee bites at him but Bruce ignores it, stopping in his tracks once they arrive at their destination, waiting for the next set of instructions.]

[justice_is_blond]

You can help without magic. But we've so many more of those than we do of people who use magic to help, Bruce. If you are staying, then you need to step up. Do what you are capable of, rather than wasting it out of... what? Fear? Disgust?

[He shakes his head.]

Hiding does not help. Skulking as if you're a danger, even though you are, only hurts other mages because if you seem to believe it, so will others.

SCHOOLS FOR THE SCHOOL YARD

[fleurdesel]

Bruce will be demonstrating a few techniques and spells for us this morning.

[ There is a rustling murmur of surprise- Bruce isn't a mage, is he a mage? No he's not he's that surgeon-

So on and so forth as Adelaide takes a spare staff from where it's propped by the wall and offers it to Bruce. ]

I craft a target, you destroy it. Simple enough?

[amygdalae]

[The whole point is that he is a danger - Bruce knows that, and Anders said as much. Maybe if he had been a 'normal' mage... sure, perhaps. But he isn't a mere mage; he has more dangers lurking within, dangers that bring so much more harm.]

I do what I must in order to keep people safe. Doing otherwise completely ruins the whole point of what I've accomplished.

TARGETS FOR THE TARGET FIELD

[amygdalae]

[Bruce flinches a little at the murmuring, but aside from that he manages to keep himself stoic as he reaches out and takes the staff offered to him. It's far too heavy and entirely unfamiliar in his hands, and without any of the adrenaline that he had when fighting in the Fade everything just feels all... off.

He doesn't voice out any of that, of course, only brings the staff to his side and gives a curt nod to her words. Whenever you're ready, Adelaide.]

[justice_is_blond]

Which is... what? Managing to not lose control so badly your name is known everywhere for it? Yes, that's something you've done, congratulations, but if you are here, the danger is also already here. You're not keeping people safe; you're making others work harder. Why keep hiding?

[The whole fact of the matter is that simply being in proximity with people was dangerous. Bruce had slipped in his control with Anders, it would be altogether too easy for him to slip up again. Anders knows.]

[fightorfright]

( She starts for a moment, so unused to being called by her family name. It reminds her of her past life - a better life. )

Yeah. I mean. I wasn't looking for you in particular, but. ( She shakes her head. )

I was just wondering if you needed help with anything.

[amygdalae]

[To be fair that moment had been... it was an intense moment for Bruce, and one that comes by very rarely. He's clamped down much more on his emotions since then - and after what had happened in the Approach. The reminder of what the Nightmare gave to him had done well to keep himself in check.]

I don't need to use magic just because I'm a mage. [His jaw sets as he says that; this is one thing Bruce isn't going to budge. He's built the little he had of himself around that and he isn't going to turn on one of the few things that he can still hold onto.] If people ask then yes, I will provide. But if they don't, I'm not going to force it on them, either.

[amygdalae]

[He waits patiently as she responds, and when she does he shakes his head, giving her a small smile.]

Nothing that I can't handle by myself, though I do appreciate the offer.

[fightorfright]

It's fine, but. ( She shifts her weight from foot to foot. ) I didn't mean right now. I meant just...in general. If that makes sense.

FIRE FOR THE RAGE DEMON

[fleurdesel]

[ It is a simple enough target formed of ice, a single pillar roughly ten yards away. Nothing difficult to start- all the better for her to gauge exactly what it is he does and how he does it. ]

burn baby burn

[amygdalae]

[He debates on the pros and cons of making a 'mistake' as Adelaide creates the target, a pillar of ice that isn't too hard to break with enough force. He can easily lower his abilities, make it seem like he's not as adept as he is - but he also knows she can probably see through it, especially after what happened in the Fade. As much as he'd like to, he doesn't really have a chance to fool her.

The tip of the staff flares bright red for a moment as Bruce channels his mana, bringing out only what is strictly needed before waving a hand in the direction of the ice pillar and casts his spell. In an instant the air around the pillar heats up violently, and then a ball of flame explodes right where the weakest point of the pillar would be. The force and the heat is enough to shatter the pillar, and the fragments of ice instantly melt from the flame, wetting the ground below.]

[amygdalae]

[In... general? Bruce tilts his head a little, momentarily confused, but eventually reasons it out within himself. Perhaps she just wanted to do something more? Things like that would always be appreciated.]

Of course. [Brief pause.] The people here are always appreciative of any help that they can get.

[justice_is_blond]

So hold out unless people know who you are and aren't struggling too much to ask for far more efficient help, continuing to not help as much as you could... why? Are you just that selfish? What's wrong with you beyond the obvious? You are what you are. You've magic for a reason, and that reason is not hoarding .

[He'd known Bruce was an asshole from the attack. He just hadn't realized how much of one the man is. Despite trying to remain calm, Anders is glaring as Justice rants.]

[arcaneadvisor]

Yet more will join, I cannot imagine where they will all be housed.

[Even after all these years removed from the Wilds, she still values her solitude and her privacy, and always having so many people around with incessant questions or simply the lack of true silence grates on her towards the end of the day and she's lucky enough to have more escape options - to fly, to run, to slip through the eluvian.

Yet she wouldn't leave when this is where the next age will be shaped. When she can offer aid, and when the Inquisition will be able to aid her in the future though that day seems so very far away still.

Watching him, she frowns. She has never understood mages making themselves this way, the hiding, the secrecy, the shame, whatever any of it may be when she has always stood so proudly and she does so now, her shoulders back, head tilted to better look at him.] Were you always an apostate then? I never did hide, not precisely, though I was raised to be a Witch of the Wilds, something rather different to a mage. Villages fear strange girls as much as they fear anything.

[Especially strange girls with pretty faces lacking in manners.]

Kieran is a special lad, very curious. He will not cause trouble, I assure you. [A special boy with a great deal ahead of him but he has a good heart and she is proud of that.]

[foxsays]

Everywhere I live is surrounded by the sea, anything big lives in the water or in other countries, it's too expensive to try to keep them. I only saw pictures of horses until a rift spat me out here.

[There is some land and some larger animals but they're generally pigs or goats, the few hardy things that can eat anything and don't tend to take up all that much space on islands where it's sand and rocky shores where they haven't built upon, and where any soil is heavily laden with salt. Castileos is the place that farms salt, not animals or crops.

Even war was only a memory there. One war terrible enough to never be repeated. It makes her feel like a naive girl when she tells people that though.]

How does being numb do that? [Giving Lux a nudge out of the way, she crouches before him so he can see just how confused she is because really, Bruce, any mask she might have worn is gone because that made absolutely no sense to her.] I have been shot. It was so painful. But it's a little ball and sometimes it goes through and out the other side, or sometimes it doesn't and you have to get it out, and you can't always see a doctor. When I had to fish it out with my fingers… [A shudder passes through her, Lux puts his paw on her leg in apparent sympathy.] I downed a whole bottle of rum between readying myself, getting it out, cleaning it and stitching it shut.