faderift | OPEN: To see a perfect forest through so many splintered trees

WHO: Nathaniel Howe and visitors
WHAT: Nathaniel's rocky convalescence in the weeks after the defeat of Vengeance.
WHEN: Justinian 19-Solace 17
WHERE: Skyhold healing tents + Camp Shady
NOTES: Illness/fever, blunt trauma to the chest, close brush with death. Options inside.

Shallow Breaths - Justinian 20-28

Nathaniel is in and out of consciousness for the first few days. There are many breaks in his sternum and ribs, and some sort of bruise on his lungs. Something of that sort. The point, to him, is that he can hardly breathe. The healers have him sleeping on the wounded part of his chest every night, and despite the pain, it does seem to help him breathe without fighting against gravity. Abrasions and burns are healed quickly, but the bones are taking time to mend even with magic, and the cartilage is damaged for good. His face is white, his lips bloodless, his eyes dazed when you come to visit. Speaking is laborious, but he will try.

Peak - Justinian 29-30

For a time, Nathaniel seems to be getting better. The pain is lessened, and he is conscious more often. He is also hungry, eating everything offered to him and practically licking the plates clean. It's less difficult to breathe, though deep breaths are all but impossible. For all appearances though, the worst is behind him.

Fever - Solace 1-5

Weak lungs develop pneumonia even as the bones are on the mend. The coughing is weak, but the wet sound of it is unmistakable. Three days in, Nathaniel suffers delirium, muttering inanely and sometimes writhing in pain. It's impossible to sleep long in this state, though he never seems awake. His face is grey, and at his worst, he is too weak even to speak or move, but watches the world through half-lidded eyes, helpless but to see the things that his mind creates.

The next day, he is lucid again, though still feverish and desperately weak. That night, he falls asleep and doesn't wake until morning. His fever breaks the next day.

Awakening - Solace 6-12

Breathing is labored still, but there is a light in his eyes now. He can take visitors and have a conversation, but not for too long. He still can't leave the cot, but he slowly starts to sit up a little more, and his appetite is coming back quickly. Sleeping through the night now speeds his recovery.

Recovery - Solace 13-16

These days Nathaniel is taking slow, short walks, each day with more exercise and less support than the last. He has trouble with shortness of breath, and pain in the tendons of his ribs when he moves too much, but he is determined to get out of here. Color is returning to his face. His feet and hands are swollen from so little exercise early on, but the swelling goes down as his circulation improves. When he is not exercising, he is permitted to sit outside on a nice day, drinking in the sun and breathing the clear air.

Home - Solace 17

Today, Nathaniel is sufficiently recovered that he may spend the remainder of his convalescence in his own bed in the Warden camp. He requires help getting down there, but once he's there, there's a triumphant smile on his drawn face. Lady, his miniature mabari, yaps excitedly and kisses his face when he lies down in his own bed. And snuggles hard against him, and growls at anyone who disturbs him when he sleeps.

But now Nathaniel is well enough to be restless. Late at night, he wakes and steps outside, wrapped in blankets and watching the stars.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

He's fairly certain he'll never get tired of hearing the word 'love' from Nate's lips.

"I wanted to try my hand at teaching, but it's not certain they'll let me." What he's done will follow him around for the rest of his life, but he's at least not in a cage. "I do have healing." Weaker. He's still strong, but not a spirit healer without a spirit. And he's not in any shape to approach one right now, either.

"But I've you with me. And Purrelden." Who is now relentlessly trying to groom the dog back. "I've Kalli to look after, and there are some people who like me who I didn't get set on fire or broken." This is actually a little daunting. He's free and it's a lot to take in.

Nathaniel takes his hand and draws him in, down, so he can kiss him.

"You will always have me. Always. The rest of our lives and after, if you wish it. You never have to be lonely."

Or hurt, or sick, or hungry.

"Whatever comes. I will be at your side, and I will love you."

He kisses Nate back slowly, carefully, making sure that Nate doesn't wind up out of breath.

"I wish it." The cot gets a glance before Anders climbs into it with Nate, curling up with the archer for now. "You loved me even when it was dangerous. You didn't leave me lonely then. You've been there, supported me." He can still hear every word Nate had yelled at Vengeance on the field, and Anders kisses his love again.

"You've made sure I wasn't starved. I love you too, and I will love you. Though for this next mission, you're going to be here, my love. They need some Wardens in the Deep Roads, and I'm uninjured enough. If you weren't recovering I'd say no, but you're looking better. And Sam will be here."

A spirit healer who still has a spirit, who can do more for Nate than Anders can at this moment.

"I'll return to you, and I'll take my place back at your side soon." He reaches for Nate's hand.

The cot is so small, but it manages to bear them both, and Nathaniel gratefully clings to Anders as he listens to what he says. Wardens for the Deep Roads. Of course this is as it should be, though Nathaniel doesn't want Anders to go without him. He'll be fine. Nathaniel must believe he will be fine. Anders is free now, and that means he is free to do these things with or without consulting Nathaniel or Justice or anyone. There is fear, of course. Any mission like this has risks. That's the price of being a soldier of any sort, and a Warden most of all.

He spends a moment revelling in the peace and warmth of this comforting moment. Anders is free. They are both free. And Anders remembers his words. Anders remembers what is important.

"Hurry back to me," he whispers, and kisses him once again.

He fits himself to Nate, taking so much comfort from the man beside him. He's trusted, he's loved, and for the first time in his adult life, Anders has the freedom to make his own choices. For the first time since he was twelve, in truth.

"And here I was thinking of lingering in the Deep Roads and taking in some of the sights, mingling with its inhabitants." For a moment his eyes go a little out of focus as he waits for annoyance that... doesn't come. Anders blinks and shakes his head. This is another first - the first time laying with Nate and not getting commentary or aggravation. "I will hurry back, because there's nowhere I'd prefer to be than with you. You'll be in good hands, my love, and I'll return with haste."

"I'll be fine, and so will you." Nathaniel touches his forehead to Anders' for a moment before finding it's much harder to breathe that way. He squirms back into a comfortable position, still as close to Anders as he can be, hand stroking golden hair.

"Perhaps they will have released me to do recreational activities by the time you return," he breathes with a chuckle.

"Mm." It's a pleased, thoughtful sound. "I'll be stricter than them, though. So they can release you, but I have to make sure before I release you."

While it might sound like he's mostly teasing, only the word play is meant to be a joke. Nate's been hurt for him. Anders has already failed to not hurt Nate; the least he can do is make sure he doesn't make it worse.

"I'll call on the crystals, check in on how you're doing. If you're out of breath you don't have to say anything, just... clap, or something, so I know you're there." All the signs are good for Nate's recovery, though.

Anders' proximity has been steadily growing more physically painful, and Nathaniel is reaching his limit as to how long he can endure it.

"I'd like that. Hearing from you." He shifts uncomfortably as the pain becomes sharp. "Though don't trouble if it's going to be dangerous. Things echo, in the Deep Roads some places."

When Nate shifts, Anders realizes that he's hurting the man and he pulls back quickly with an apologetic look on his face.

"I'm sorry. I..." No, he's apparently going to keep hurting Nate. Has anything really changed at all? At least he can try to ease some of the pain a little, and as soon as he's gotten off the cot he's casting. Justice is gone and already Anders is doing more damage. "No, I'll check up on you. There will be places. I can manage it."

Maybe that's one thing he can't get wrong.

Nathaniel keeps hold of his hand as he draws away, at once relieved and yearning. He knows what that apology is for, and he can't stand it.

"Don't," he breathes. "Don't blame yourself. You have never hurt me. You're the thing that heals the hurt. Justice...Vengeance broke me like this. You're the reason I want to heal. You're...the reason I've tried to get stronger, every day. Because I know I'll be coming back to you. So you shouldn't say you're sorry, my love. You've given me life."

There's still guilt written all over Anders, his expression, his shoulders, the way he can't quite meet Nate's eyes.

"You'd a life before me, too. A safe life. One that didn't see you so injured, or loved by someone a great part of this world wants dead. One that didn't carry this burden. You could have died." Now he looks up and meets Nate's eyes. "He hated you at the end there, I could feel it peak as we got ready for the ritual. This could have cost you everything, and it's put you in so much pain."

Anders leans forward and gently kisses Nate's hand. "You've given me so much. You don't deserve this."

"That isn't for you to determine. You've...given me whatever it is Justice might have taken from me. I seldom see my sister. Or nephew. I...had only the Wardens. Friends. Now I have love. You have given me...so much more than Justice might have taken. Don't...don't doubt it, my love. I went into it willingly...and..."

Harder to breathe when he's getting worked up.

"I don't...regret it for a moment. I would do it again."

"Shhh, shh, love." He appreciates the words more than he can say, but Nate's struggling. Anders leans in to slowly kiss the archer's lower lip, being careful to not make it difficult for Nate to catch his breath.

With his free hand he gently rubs Nate's cheek.

"I love you," Anders whispers after breaking the kiss. "There was a time when I thought there was no way I could ever be happy again. You've proven me so very wrong, and I'm thankful for that every day." He'd honestly thought he couldn't be loved anymore. Nate's proven that wrong too.

"Rest, and heal, and I'll return to your arms as quickly as I can."

One last weak squeeze of Anders' hand before he releases a long breath and smiles up at him.

OPEN: To see a perfect forest through so many splintered trees

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject