OPEN: To see a perfect forest through so many splintered trees

[pinprick]

WHO: Nathaniel Howe and visitors
WHAT: Nathaniel's rocky convalescence in the weeks after the defeat of Vengeance.
WHEN: Justinian 19-Solace 17
WHERE: Skyhold healing tents + Camp Shady
NOTES: Illness/fever, blunt trauma to the chest, close brush with death. Options inside.

Shallow Breaths - Justinian 20-28

Nathaniel is in and out of consciousness for the first few days. There are many breaks in his sternum and ribs, and some sort of bruise on his lungs. Something of that sort. The point, to him, is that he can hardly breathe. The healers have him sleeping on the wounded part of his chest every night, and despite the pain, it does seem to help him breathe without fighting against gravity. Abrasions and burns are healed quickly, but the bones are taking time to mend even with magic, and the cartilage is damaged for good. His face is white, his lips bloodless, his eyes dazed when you come to visit. Speaking is laborious, but he will try.

Peak - Justinian 29-30

For a time, Nathaniel seems to be getting better. The pain is lessened, and he is conscious more often. He is also hungry, eating everything offered to him and practically licking the plates clean. It's less difficult to breathe, though deep breaths are all but impossible. For all appearances though, the worst is behind him.

Fever - Solace 1-5

Weak lungs develop pneumonia even as the bones are on the mend. The coughing is weak, but the wet sound of it is unmistakable. Three days in, Nathaniel suffers delirium, muttering inanely and sometimes writhing in pain. It's impossible to sleep long in this state, though he never seems awake. His face is grey, and at his worst, he is too weak even to speak or move, but watches the world through half-lidded eyes, helpless but to see the things that his mind creates.

The next day, he is lucid again, though still feverish and desperately weak. That night, he falls asleep and doesn't wake until morning. His fever breaks the next day.

Awakening - Solace 6-12

Breathing is labored still, but there is a light in his eyes now. He can take visitors and have a conversation, but not for too long. He still can't leave the cot, but he slowly starts to sit up a little more, and his appetite is coming back quickly. Sleeping through the night now speeds his recovery.

Recovery - Solace 13-16

These days Nathaniel is taking slow, short walks, each day with more exercise and less support than the last. He has trouble with shortness of breath, and pain in the tendons of his ribs when he moves too much, but he is determined to get out of here. Color is returning to his face. His feet and hands are swollen from so little exercise early on, but the swelling goes down as his circulation improves. When he is not exercising, he is permitted to sit outside on a nice day, drinking in the sun and breathing the clear air.

Home - Solace 17

Today, Nathaniel is sufficiently recovered that he may spend the remainder of his convalescence in his own bed in the Warden camp. He requires help getting down there, but once he's there, there's a triumphant smile on his drawn face. Lady, his miniature mabari, yaps excitedly and kisses his face when he lies down in his own bed. And snuggles hard against him, and growls at anyone who disturbs him when he sleeps.

But now Nathaniel is well enough to be restless. Late at night, he wakes and steps outside, wrapped in blankets and watching the stars.

Comments

[pinprick]

"I take myself less seriously now," Nathaniel chuckles. "Do you have any idea how much of a relief it is, not to be as serious as you believed? Everything isn't dire anymore. Life moves on no matter what I do. That's something you gave to me. There is less..weight, to everything. And a great deal more laughter."

[justice_is_blond]

"You've an excellent smile, you know." It's said as he's carefully reaching down to find a blanket, working hard to not jostle Nate in the process. His lover's naked. Warmth might be welcome. "Seeing it brightens my day every time. And it's dreadfully heavy to be serious all the time."

He'd carried that weight for so long as well. Coming here, finding out that he could have connections with people despite everything, has slowly helped ease some of that burden off of his shoulders though he'll never be the lighthearted man he was back when he and Nate met. There's too much to do, and too much he's already done.

"There's still so much ahead to do. But I've you alongside me." That will make the future easier.

[pinprick]

"And I have you." He cups Anders' cheek in one palm. "You must understand...you are a gift to me. All my life, I was taught restraint. My own restraint, not anyone else's. Hide everything, love is a weapon, and every weakness is used against you. You are so far in the opposite direction from that. You make it safe to be who I am. Weakness is something you fix instead of exploit. Expression is a right you champion. Can you not see why I need you?"

[justice_is_blond]

"The Circles try to teach something similar. I couldn't... I couldn't accept it." He turns his head to kiss Nate's palm gently. "You give me the strength I need to continue being a champion. To try to find a way to do things right. You complement me. And you've no idea how fulfilling it feels to know that I complement you in return."

He gives Nate's hand another kiss before scooting close with care and wrapping an arm around his lover. "Rest, my love. And I'll be glad to be your champion."

[pinprick]

Nathaniel wraps his arm around Anders, not caring how little room there is on the cot. His eyes slide closed.

"Thank you," he sighs. "For the bath, and the attention. I feel like a person again."

[justice_is_blond]

Nate gets one final kiss, this one to the forehead.

"You are always a person to me. Now sleep. I'll watch over you." It's about time he protected Nate back.

[pinprick]

Nathaniel releases a long sigh, eyes closing as he settles Anders against him.

"I love you."