you still can't look me in the eye

[fightingale]

WHO: Leliana & various!
WHAT: catch all for July/Solace
WHEN: from roughly the 8th on throughout the month.
WHERE: Skyhold, various.
NOTES: set ups all in prose, but will happily match brackets if you prefer them! Open starters and a bit of a timeline on Leliana's health in the post (more to be added as we plod through the month), closed starters in the comments. If you'd like to do something that isn't in the open feel free to get in touch with me via pm or pp @karmacharging!
WARNINGS: Likely reference to illness, attempted murder, actual murder, and the range of terrible things that come with being the Nightingale. Will update as necessary, and endeavour to label subject lines.

OOC Recovery Deets.
After the team returned from the Brecilian Forest on the 27th, Leliana was given a series of potions with the ingredients that the team has acquired. Her recovery was not immediate, given the brutal effects of the poison, but the groundwork was laid. By the 1st of Solace she was able to speak again, although her voice sounded terrible, and some of the scarring had receded. By the 4th she was able to stand, although No One Approved. Since the 6th she has been walking, but only a very little. She normally has to sit in the presence of others, but from the 14th onward her strength has noticeably improved, although she's still thinner than she was before. Report on the Plot here.


OPEN.
8th - 11th - The Rookery.
It is safest to linger about her tower, still. Better that she be seen beyond it and that her recovery be confirmed, and yet if she were to falter or fall or appear weak that would only do harm. Her mind has recovered far more quickly than her body, and some motions still feel strange and foreign. Writing takes longer than it used to, but she is nothing if not determined. A hideous sort of stubbornness has been one thing that has never changed, not since she was a little girl.

She is writing or reading letters and orders and reports near constantly. Beleth and several scouts did much in the way of dealing with smaller matters, while Charter saw to other more pressing matters. Despite their efforts, however, there were a good many things that only the Nightingale could see to.

Pausing in her writing, Leliana flexes her hand, shaking it out a little, before looking towards the staircase. "Enter."


14th - the day after the Snow Battle Royale.
Though she did not stray down to the valley for the fight itself - such a move seemed a singularly poor decision. The Nightingale was not a social butterfly, and though it would have been an opportunity to assert her good health it would have been... inappropriate, she suspects, to attend.

That is not to say she didn't watch from the Rookery, and receive regular reports from her scouts on the progress and any Events of Note, whether they were interpersonal reactions or displays of skill, or just particularly amusing instances of people being decimated with snow.

Now she walks through the valley, observing the remains of the fortresses, still largely intact with the cold that always lingers this high in the Frostbacks, snow and ice crunching underfoot as she moves carefully, curiously, through the field. The cold bites into her lungs, and she swallows a cough that threatens to rattle her back, resting her gloved hand against the polished ice.

Comments

[fightingale]

It is gratifying to see the children so vital and energetic in the wake of such trials. Up in her tower it was easy to forget in the haze of fevers and agonising pain that made unconsciousness almost desirable even when nightmares hounded her. Life went on. There was vitality yet.

Her mouth is caught in the most fractional of smiles as she turns to face Ariadne. It is not wholly a surprise to be greeted, and her memory and acuity are much recovered, but she still takes long moments to respond, as if she has to disentangle her thoughts from some other matter first.

"Ariadne," she replies, nodding slightly. "I hope you have been well." There is much to catch up on, and she is not entirely abreast of who has been doing what these past few weeks, beyond the most pressing missions.

[demonicbeauty]

"I can't complain," Ariadne replied.

There was plenty to be upset about, even forgetting the fact that she remained so far away from home. But really, Ariadne understood that there were far more pressing matters than her own predicament.

Also, she was pretty sure that was just a pleasantry.

Maybe ninety eight point six five four percent sure.

"I understand you've been ill," she added sympathetically. "I'm glad to see you up on your feet."

[fightingale]

A reasonable level of certainty, although Leliana being Leliana, she does tend to look below the surface of everything. Perhaps it is for the best that she is tired, a little less pointed in her investigations.

"Ill, yes." It was rather a severe euphemism, but she is disinclined to list the myriad issues and weaknesses that feel as though they are riddling her. "Thank you. It is a relief to see beyond the same walls." There is a note of wryness in her tone. Nodding to the ice castles she continues,"I am sorry I missed this, though. I understand there were a number of impressive escapades. Did you attend?"

[demonicbeauty]

Ariadne shook her head. It had looked like a fun time but...well. She was still a Rifter. She didn't feel like she belonged. And anyway, games like this had a tendency to bring out some of Ariadne's particular skills. Skills she preferred to keep close to the chest. It was always easier to be the frivolous little girl no one noticed than the deadly threat she could actually be.

"My sister did though," she added. As if Katniss had somehow represented her.

[fightingale]

"Your sister." Leliana has to think a moment, filtering through her thoughts as she did not need to prior to the poisoning. Some things were still in need of polishing and oiling, in terms of her mind, though she would see to it. She shakes her head, uncertain. "I do not believe I have met your sister."

Or has she? Ugh, it was not an easy point to talk oneself away from with vagueness, and certainly not when Ariadne could well have mentioned her sister to Leliana before. Her mouth tugs at the corner, apologetic. "I am afraid I have been much occupied with catching up. Doubtless there are details I am neglecting."

[demonicbeauty]

From what little Ariadne knew of Leliana--which was little indeed--it seemed incongruous that she wouldn't know that Katniss had adopted her. But whether that was the result of illness or something else, Ariadne couldn't say.

Not that she minded much, though. It wasn't any secret. Nor was it especially important, she imagined, in the greater scheme of things.

"Katniss Everdeen," she said politely. "She's allowed me to join her family clan and take on her family name." It was exciting. Ariadne had never had a last name before. "It was something to do with needing more aggressively cheerful people in her life." She shrugged, smiling just slightly. "I couldn't say no to an offer like that."

[fightingale]

"Scout Everdeen. Of course." The words alone make the memory of knowing flood back, and she shakes her head at herself. If nothing else, it was embarrassing, though the Spymaster forgetting details did not bode well. It would all come back, it simply required time, and Leliana was impatient. "Please forgive my forgetfulness. I have been much occupied, of late."

Even so, the tale coaxes a very thin smile from Leliana.

"Aggressively cheerful? Impressive indeed." Words she remembers being applied to herself, in years past. "If you have the opportunity to return home, then, would you opt to stay with your new family instead?"

A more gentle curiousity than the sharp edges of before, at least.

[demonicbeauty]

Ariadne smiled sadly, lowering her eyes, ducking her head. "No," she admitted. "As much as I care for Katniss I couldn't stay. My people are at war. I'm needed there." And as much as she loved Katniss, she loved Aunt Lysia too. And Uncle Tahafra. Princess Amanda. And all the members of her fledgling team.

Well. Maybe not Sito. She just didn't understand him.

She shrugged. "But the probabilities aren't on my side. Right now, it seems to me that there is a perfect possible future where everything will turn out just fine and the odds of creating that future are only one million, six hundred and seventy-one thousand to one. More or less. And that's before calculating the odds of my ever getting home."

Those odds she couldn't calculate. There were too many variables she didn't understand. Thedas was an alien landscape Even after nearly a year.

[fightingale]

"I understand."

Leliana pulls her gaze away from Ariadne, for a moment, allowing her a modicum of privacy with which to deal with the unhappy reality of the situation. "Our situation at present is such that returning yourself and your fellow rifters home has not been our most pressing concern." A truth, but one that it would be disingenuous to soften too greatly. The rifters were, she suspected, rather aware. "Fighting to save this world has given me the..."

She hesitates, then, thoughtful and hesitating a moment before committing to the particular word, "the hope that once that matter is tended to, we can commit all the genius of our collective experts and energies to see you all home."

That aside, she can't quite help her curiosity. "Are those odds ones you calculated precisely, or did you speak in jest?"

Rifters do, after all, have extraordinary abilities. She probably shouldn't be overly surprised.

[demonicbeauty]

Oh, did Ariadne know how low a priority the Rifters were to the natives. And as much as it stung, she knew she couldn't blame them. A person's first love had to be the world they were forced to live in. It wasn't quite so simple to leave it behind.

She only wished the Rifters had more wherewithal to try and fend for themselves on that front. Unfortunately, they were somewhat lacking there.

Laughing softly, she shook her head. "Nothing is completely precise," she said. "But I've spent the better part of my life studying the siege. I know it as well as I know my own name."

[fightingale]

"Ah."

Understood, and noted. Leliana approves somewhat, though her gaze flickers back ahead. The air is still cool and fresh, a little moreso than usual, and Leliana enjoys the challenge to her lungs even as she dreads the risk of prompting a coughing fit.

"Better we try to find a means for you to return home sooner, rather than later. It is a challenge to endure one war. Knowing another awaits you seems intolerable."

[demonicbeauty]

"I would never ask the Inquisition to shift its priorities for me," Ariadne replied, bowing her head a little. "And I like to think that while I'm here, I might be of use to someone."

Beyond entertaining the children. Although she did enjoy that.

"That's why Cole sent me to you in the first place."

[fightingale]

"If we do not save this world we will be in a poor position to return any of you to your own," Leliana replies, by way of agreement. "But we can do what we can."

Surely there would be something. Surely understanding more of the phenomena would help them, in some strange way.

Ah. Leliana nods. "You efforts are much appreciated." A pause, and— "Cole is a very perspective young man. Do you speak often?"

[demonicbeauty]

"More often than I speak to most other natives," she admitted. Katniss aside, of course. "And he is...perceptive."

Actually, it was almost unnerving. Not because Ariadne minded his observations of her. They were free of judgment and largely accurate. But more because she was used to being the most perceptive person in a room. It was strange to think that the way he made her feel was doubtlessly the way she'd made others feel.

And probably healthy too.

"perspective" clearly I need to not write tags after midnight

[fightingale]

Her brow flickers with just, just slightly. "Is there a particular reason why you keep to yourself so?"

She can well imagine the list; Cassandra's words and actions against Rifters, the lingering suspicion of them and belief they could be demons, the fear of the shards and what they can do. Part of her hopes there is some reason that is more mundane that base prejudice, but her hopes are not famously high things.

[demonicbeauty]

"I don't like to keep to myself," Ariadne admitted. She was a social creature by nature. Alastrians were, after all, descended from pack animals. Alastrian parents didn't just reproduce; they littered. It was still strange for Ariadne to think of a pair of mates only having one child.

Or even two or three.

She shrugged. "I'm not going to force myself upon people who don't want to trust me. That would mean living down to their expectations."

[fightingale]

Leliana inhales, and exhales a slow breath.

"A fair stance, though it seems as thought it could become more harmful over time. You remain unknown, they continue to be wary, each side suffers for the unfamiliarity. Your aid to the refugees has surely not gone unnoticed, and other Rifters offer their assistance with the medical tents, on missions, just as you yourself have."

A pause, as she weighs her words. "The help Rifters have given us with closing Rifts mean much to the people of the Inquisition, even if beyond our ranks the knowledge is taking longer to be understood." Her smile is very slight. "I hope that you do not deem such isolation a necessity for overlong."

[demonicbeauty]

She ducked her head, smiling just a little bit. That the smile didn't quite reach her eyes was her little secret.

"I wish I could do more," she said. And that much, at least, was entirely honest on her part. "I have skills of value that aren't being used. And any time someone goes unhelped, I think it's a crime."

[fightingale]

"I am ever in need of more scouts. At the network becomes more complex, those with skill are necessary to keep the existing and the new elements to it safe."

Though it is, perhaps, not what Ariadne had in mind. She suspected that the young woman was more concerned with people than with institutions, for all that she was involved in a war back home. "We are of a like mind in that, at least."

[demonicbeauty]

"I would be happy to scout for you," Ariadne replied, keeping her head down. "Cole told me that you're a good person, and I believe him." It had been the only question she'd really asked about Leliana. The only one that mattered, really. All else was just detail.

She was right, though. Ariadne was always more concerned with people than with institutions.

But most institutions, it turned out, were made up of people.

[fightingale]

"My causes are good ones. Freedom should not be a luxury, but I..." Her mouth purses a moment, before she shakes her head. "Cole may give me, personally, more credit than I deserve."

Her sickness had given her more time to think, and more to consider. The weights that hung from her had never been easy, but now they feel more unnatural than they had. And Leliana is not so cold as to be immune to their setting and the delighted laughter of children sliding and slipping on ice.

"Is this an inappropriate time to discuss the limitations of what work you are willing to do? We could arrange to meet at a later hour."

[demonicbeauty]

"Whenever you feel best," Ariadne replied, watching the subtle shifts in her breathing, listening to her pulse. "But there's really not much to discuss. Given the company that I keep, I doubt it would surprise you much to know that I won't kill. Nor harm anyone, except in self defense."

Which wasn't to say she wasn't capable of it. Alastrians were natural-born predators. And even if the Rift had robbed her of her natural skintone and hair, she still had her talons, her vocal chords, and her agility.

"I may be an idealist," she said. "But I'm an idealist whose home was burned to the ground. I know that wars are messy. That things aren't always clean-cut."

[fightingale]

Limiting, comes Leliana's knee-jerk thought, though not necessarily unkindly. There are allowances to be made with certain scouts. Ultimately, Leliana prefers it so, and prefers it that Ariadne is glad to be frank about her code. Specialised tools for specialised jobs.

"I will not forget, and I appreciate your candour." And, a pause, before she carries on. "I am sorry about your home, Ariadne."

[demonicbeauty]

Some people might have accepted such sympathy as a simple platitude to be acknowledged and forgotten. But Ariadne, who offered such sympathy with an open heart, took it as something deeper.

She looked genuinely touched.

"Thank you," she said softly. "I appreciate that."

A pause.

"And I'm sorry about yours."

[fightingale]

For all that Leliana appears cold, she is not. Not truly, or at least, not completely. She has become less ready with her sentiment than she had been twelve odd years ago, and yet it is that compassion and that feeling which has driven her to become as she is, which made the Nightingale so essential. She had a purpose.

At least, at one point she had a very clear purpose. She is still refining her understanding in the wake of so many events these past months. Bowing her head very slightly, Leliana allows her mouth to tug into a very slight smile. "We will do what we can, and save as many as we can in the process."