[semi-open] hold onto me

[onlyhymns]

WHO: Cade Harimann and YOU, also a few starters for specific people
WHAT: A thing has changed. Whether it's a good or bad thing remains to be seen.
WHEN: late Solace
WHERE: around Skyhold
NOTES: It's likely that some conversations will end up pertaining to things like suicide, child abuse/molestation, and so forth. Take care and feel free to ask first if you aren't sure about tagging in!

[open]

Early risers may have noticed a severely underdressed and clumsy Cade returning to his room just after sunrise on an otherwise typical day in late Solace. He had no shoes on, looked like he had just warn his sleep clothes out onto the battlements, and in fact appeared to be drunk. Perhaps Ruby was with him, perhaps she wasn't.

Or, you know. Maybe they didn't see anything at all.

I. Main Hall

If possible, Cade has gotten even hidier than before, resurfacing pretty much only for meals. The guy doesn't look good; he's skinnier than he should be, his skin paler, and the circles around his eyes darker. Needless to say, he sits alone, and eats as quickly as he can manage before disappearing again.

II. The Chapel

All of the above applies, though Cade usually goes to pray in the early morning or late at night, when he's less likely to be disturbed. He'll sit there on his knees for hours, and never seems to find any relief in it.

III. Not the Construction Areas

Though he has been assisting with the building efforts of the Inquisition's assorted laborers, after that morning he has been conspicuously absent. He can potentially be found in transit between the chapel, the main hall, and his tiny cell of a room up above the gardens, but never for long.

[for Beleth]

Unbeknownst to most, at least half the reason for Cade's absence is the fact that he made himself sick as a dog by sitting outside being sad in the cold all night. Since he'd almost literally rather die than ask for assistance, he has been keeping to his bed and leaving only when he absolutely has to, which is essentially to eat or compulsively pray or take care of basic hygiene.
what a dummy

[for Alistair]

With the note sent and presumably received, there is nothing left to be done. Cade can only assume that Alistair has made his decision about where they stand, and is at the very least grimly appreciative of being left alone.
He's eating by himself, a book laid open beside his bowl, as he sits placid and safe in the assumption that Alistair is definitely not anywhere near him at the moment. Absolutely not. I'm not hinting at anything YOU ARE

[hit me up if you want one! or just jump on in]

Comments

[arlathvhen]

She hadn't been sure what to say to him, exactly. She had seen him speaking to Ruby--seen enough to discern what was going on, but she couldn't bring herself to interfere. Maybe if someone else hadn't been there to try to talk him down, but crowding him didn't seem like a good idea. She'd just had to trust Ruby, and the trust had paid off. But afterwards--What can you say?

But Beleth hears things. She sees things. She notices Cade's absence, and how he looks when he's there. She has always taken it as fact that men are generally idiots, and humans are idiots, and it does not overly surprise her that a human man is being a particular idiot. She gathers up spindleweed and other healing herbs, she makes a soup taught to her by her mother, a balm for the ailing. And she takes it, along with a thick blanket and a jug of water, to Cade's door, and she knocks.

"It's me." Cade can probably guess. Maybe. Does he know a lot of women with Free March accents? "Can I come in?"

[onlyhymns]

Since negotiating himself out from under the constant watchful eye of the Tranquil, and also making distance from Zevran, there's... really no one Cade is expecting. Least of all Beleth, whose voice he recognizes on the basis of just how many times he's heard it recently.

His head spins as he sits up, and he manages an "uh," before beginning to take stock of himself: he's been in the same clothes for days, just putting on others over them when he has to go down and eat. He's kept himself clean (Cade is Cade, after all) but certainly not as put-together as he'd like, and... well, he's really not prepared for company.
"...why," he says helplessly after a long pause. He's addled, he'll need things explained to him in a bit more detail than usual.

[arlathvhen]

Well, that...wasn't the response she expected. Maybe she shouldn't be surprised, though. Maybe he thought that she'd been waiting for him to be sick to finally finish him off? Which was silly, because Beleth could have killed him at any point in time before he had gotten sick, but maybe he didn't realize that.

Anyway.

"Because, Cade, I have an armful of materials to help you. One is very heavy, one is very bulky, and one is full of hot soup that might spill on me, so I would appreciate if you would open the door before all of this falls." She explains, in that tone that is pretending to be patient, but would really just like you to get a move on, please.

[onlyhymns]

If only he weren't infuriatingly cautious, perhaps Cade would have friends. ...perhaps.
"...oh," he says in a small voice, hesitates for several moments, and then concedes, "...all right." Steeling himself, he gets up to shakily walk to the door and crack it open, only swinging it back fully when he sees that it is in fact Beleth and she is not in fact carrying a pile of knives.
He stands there still holding it awkwardly to admit her.

[arlathvhen]

Maybe the blanket was to hide the pile of knives!!!!

No, not really, and it's readily apparent once Cade opens the door and lets her in. She needs no further invitation to march in, glancing around before setting down the soup and the jug. "The jug has water in it, drink some of it." She doesn't leave room for argument, already busily arranging the extra blanket on his bed.

If Cade can't take care of himself, then she'll have to. Who else will? "Then get back in bed. If you need help with the soup, I can feed it to you." Her tone is undeniably bossy, but there's a soft edge to it. After all, she's trying to help him.

[onlyhymns]

Though he's a bit startled by Beleth's immediate shift into giving orders, there are worse things. Being told what to do is what Cade does best, and he's long since learned better than to argue with that kind of tone.
He pours himself a cup of water and drinks it down, following directions to the letter as he then goes to sit again on his bed, looking as concerned as he is confused, but not about to put up a fight.

[arlathvhen]

It's a relief that he's listening, instead of arguing. She's never heard of him arguing with directions before, but she has no real authority over him. Briefly, she wonders if it's because Cade is just that whipped, or because it's her, and their relationship is complicated enough that Cade won't argue with her, specifically. Well, it hardly matters.

She tucks the new blanket around him, then plops on the stool, holding the soup out to him. "Are you strong enough to drink this yourself? You can just sip it from the bowl, if you need to. If not, then I can help you." She pauses, then takes the spoon, and takes a quick sip of it herself, first. Just in case Cade might worry that this is some kind of very complicated poisoning attempt.

"It's a Dalish recipe. It'll help you feel better."

[byblow]

Alistair--who is DEFINITELY NEAR HIM AT THE MOMENT--sits down across from him without invitation or preamble or a bowl of his own to justify his need for sitting. He isn't here to eat. He's here to eyeball Cade, eyes slightly narrowed in a way that indicates thoughtfulness rather than hostility, and then after a moment to exhale and tip his chin toward the book.

"What are you reading?"

WHAT A COINCIDENCE

[onlyhymns]

Because Cade loves being eyeballed, everyone knows it. He nearly jumps out of his skin when Alistair plops down right in front of him, and though at first he cringes back, expecting the worst, he's caught by surprise when the first thing out of Alistair's mouth isn't a jab.
"...um," he fumbles, and looks down at the book, "....nothing." He starts to slide it off the table towards himself. It is a copy of Swords and Shields.

[byblow]

"Wow," Alistair says. "Me, too. That's a coincidence."

He catches a glimpse of the title, but—not being much for sitting still and reading unless there's a good reason—doesn't recognize it well enough to know that Cade deserves to be mercilessly made fun of for it. Which is good. If he knew he might not be able to resist, and this whole conversation would never go anywhere.

"And since we're both reading nothing," he goes on, "you can talk to me. Right?"

[onlyhymns]

It's the sort of thing that would make Cade smile, if he weren't so afraid of what would come next. He has always enjoyed Alistair's sense of humor, except when it's turned on him, which it has been for most of their interactions lately. It seems unwise to let his guard down.
And yet... there doesn't seem to be any aggression. Alistair isn't picking at him or invading his space. He's just... sitting there.
"I suppose," Cade says uncertainly, eyes darting left and right before his gaze returns to the man across from him.

[byblow]

Alistair puts his elbow on the table and his chin in his hand to gaze steadily at Cade and says, "Super."

Pause for effect. Maybe to let the dread build. He can still pick on him a little. But after that attempt to make him squirm, Alistair smiles--crookedly, not widely, a little sadly. A lot sadly.

"You didn't have to apologize to me, Cade."

[onlyhymns]

That gesture brings the walls right back up, and Cade steels himself for mockery, though it's with far more resignation than incredulity. This is just the way people talk to him, and he can't change it, at least until he--
Oh. That's... not what he was expecting Alistair to say.
He watches him for a moment, expression quizzical, and he swallows hard before speaking again. "I left you and Beleth," he says quietly, "and... well. You. Long before that."

III Not Construction

[judgemewhole]

There was the thing about being the Templar Liasion for the Inquisition, whenever there was any problem with any Templar, James had to step in. Even if it was a small capacity, like glowering menacingly. However, when one of the construction fellows came to him and let him know that Cade had not shown up to work ...

Well, it was professional and it was personal.

So James went hunting for Cade, catching him right between, and his eyes widened, "Templar Cade, a moment if you - Maker's Breath!"

The man looked awful. Legitimately awful in all ways.

[onlyhymns]

Cade turned when addressed, and immediately seemed to share some of Norrington's surprise, if only because the man had exclaimed like he'd seen a ghost. Which, in a manner of speaking, perhaps he had.

"Ser," Cade said awkwardly, giving a little wince as he looked at Norrington's face. That probably wasn't a good 'Maker's Breath'.

[judgemewhole]

"Cade, why didn't you tell anyone you were sick?" He thought about where the man had been serving last, and his expression fell, "Do you have the Blight? You're strong to have put up with it for so long, but we're going to have to get you to the healers, son. You look as if you're on death's door."

[onlyhymns]

Cade doesn't seem to comprehend right away, but quickly becomes self-conscious with Norrington's line of questioning. Blinking rapidly, he shakes his head-- does he truly look that awful?
He must.
"I don't have the Blight, ser," he says quickly, in his quiet, slightly raspy murmur, "I just... um." Lying is hard. ..."haven't... been sleeping well."

[judgemewhole]

James's frown says that yes, lying is hard and that Cade is not particularly good at it. His lips press together, before he speaks curtly. "Cade, you look like you haven't slept in a month ... and if you haven't slept in a month that means you've been letting something weigh on you."

He exhaled, softly, before he tipped his head upwards, "You and I are due a conversation, Templar Harimann. Please accompany me up to my office."

[onlyhymns]

Welp, busted. Cade would much prefer to just keep evading notice indefinitely, but clearly that will not be possible.
He sighs, his shoulders giving a slump of resignation as he murmurs, "yes, ser." As he trails Norrington to his office, his hands fidget lightly in front of him, his brow creased with anxiety. How could things get worse? He actually doesn't have any ideas for once, but he always finds a way.

The Chapel

[lettersfromhome]

She prays every day, like any good Andrastian, though the time found in-between gets more sparse and sporadic as time goes on. Still, she never forgets, always finds her way to the chapel at least once a day, and not simply out of obligation. Not entirely, anyway.

She's a little surprised to find the chapel occupied when she arrives, but pleased to see who it is. She worries about Cade, after all. The young man is rather worrisome.

[onlyhymns]

When he hears the door open, Cade begins to get to his feet. Rather than deal with the discomfort of occupying a room with someone who doesn't want him to be there, he generally yields the chapel to anyone who comes in after him. Whether or not they're actually upset by his presence, he is fully convinced that he is not welcome among the generally decent population of Skyhold.

He pauses, however, when he turns to see that it's Mia. It's been a while since they've spoken, and naturally he's never felt compelled to bother her with his problems, despite her proving to be a sympathetic ear. It would be a waste of her time, and possibly his.
"Sorry," he says automatically, not even entirely certain what-- or which offense-- he's apologizing for.

[lettersfromhome]

And Mia simply shakes her head. "No need. Please."

One hand gestures for her to remain, if he would care to. His presence certainly won't trouble her at all. This solitary prayer isn't quite the way things used to be in Honnleath, after all. Even in South Reach there'd been a proper Chant at the end of the week, and the whole village would attend.

This sort of quiet is peaceful, but vastly different.

[onlyhymns]

Cade isn't sure what he cares to do, but the graciousness of Mia's gesture isn't lost on him. He almost smiles, lowering his gaze instead to ask, "how have you been, Lady Rutherford?"

[lettersfromhome]

"Well enough. I hope the same can be said for you."

And no matter what he cares to do or not, she takes to a knee before the statue of Andraste, arranging her skirts carefully around her. She does not take to the words of the Chant immediately, however.

"...at times, one could be forgiven for forgetting the danger we are all in. Things progress, the world goes on, as though it might always."

[onlyhymns]

It really can't, but that's nothing Cade would concern a lady over. He opens his mouth as though to answer, but just closes it again and nods, stifling everything back down. When she goes to kneel, he tentatively follows and resumes his place.
"It is... difficult to forget," he confesses, directing his gaze to Andraste's feet. "There is always something wrong."