faderift | [CLOSED] Crush Story

WHO: Jamie McCrimmon and Kallian Endris
WHAT: Talking and FEELINGS. Maybe good feelings, maybe bad feelings, who knows? Also maybe a picnic, depending on how things go.
WHEN: At some nebulous point after Zapp's post, in the tried and true vein of wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff.
WHERE: Halamshiral
NOTES: No warnings yet, but will add if needed.

For months now, it's probably been obvious to anyone who's cared to pay attention that Jamie has a crush on Kallian. They are friends, granted, so it's given that they spend time together, but it's also not at all hard to catch the occasional glances he's sent her way when he thinks she's not looking, or his obvious tendency to want to try and protect her or come to her defense when it's needed - something that's made all the more obvious when Zapp attempts to hit on her over the crystals. There's more than a few moments during the course of that conversation that Jamie desperately wishes he'd been there in person, simply so he can have the pleasure of punching the man in his smug Orlesian face, and as usual, he does a terrible job of hiding it from anyone who's listening in.

But he doesn't care at all about that, or any consequences that might come about from that attitude at some point down the road. Right now he's more worried about Kallian, and how she might be feeling after that conversation. So maybe it's not such a surprise when he turns up outside her quarters not too long after that, although the bag he's carrying in his hand may be a bit of a puzzle. There's a reason it's there, to be sure...but first things first, and that's to make sure that she's not too upset over what's happened. After that then maybe he'll let on why he's got it with him.

"Kallian? Hey, are you alright?"

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She bites her lip thoughtfully.
"I... I guess I'm not quite sure. This is all very new and strange to me, and I'm not quite sure what to do..." she admits. "Friends is easier, but... When I thought I was going to lose you at the rift... I was so scared... I was sure if I revealed myself as a mage, my life would be forfeit... but I was more scared of losing you. I didn't want to live in a world without you in it. I... I haven't felt like that about anyone else before... I don't know if that's what 'more than friends' feels like, but it's new to me."

She cants her head, genuinely bewildered.
"What do you mean, 'kiss back'? I don't understand. We're just supposed to keep still and not resist..." She suddenly puts a hand over her mouth. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. You startled me, but I didn't want you to think I was resisting. I promise, I'll be good. I won't fight or resist. I... I'd rather you than a stranger... Just... Just, please, make it quick and merciful..."

Friends may be easier, but it's not entirely the answer he'd been hoping for, even despite the words that sound to him as though maybe, just maybe, there might be something there after all. He's trying to think of what to say when she suddenly claps her hand over her mouth, leaving him confused at first - and then visibly alarmed as what she's saying actually sinks in.

"What? No, no, that's not what I meant at all." God, what must the men around here be like if that's her first reaction? "Kissing me back because you liked me, and wanted to kiss me. Not because I'm expecting you to do- och, how do I even explain this?"

There's a part of him that wants desperately to touch her, to reassure her that he won't hurt her, but he also knows if he does that she's likely going to think that he wants to use her like some sort of...of whore, only worse. The thought of someone doing something like that to her is enough to send a curl of disgust through him - and anger as well, a vague thing directed at a mythical man that still makes him have to resist curling his hands into fists. He manages not to do that, but only because there isn't anyone here who's actually hurt her like that. Instead, he keeps his distance and gives his head a quick, violent shake, trying to use that to at least get rid of part of those feelings.

"I'd never force myself on you. Never. And anyone who thinks that you should have to keep still and not resist while they have their way with you is wrong. I don't care what your society says about it. You don't treat women that way, and if I ever found out someone tried to do that with you, I'd kill them."

And that's only part of it. He hates the idea that she's thought, even for a moment, that all he wants is to use her and throw her away, like the other humans that seem to think she's so much garbage, and that shows in his eyes before he closes them and turns away a little, his voice going quieter once more.

"Look, I'd not meant to make you think that's all I wanted. I don't, I just- I-I shouldn't have said anything to you in the first place. All I've done was make things worse. I'm sorry."

"Someone probably will eventually. I've been trying to stave it off, but luck can only hold for so long..." Her tone is matter-of-fact, but she visibly trembles at the thought.

"I do like you, Jamie. I don't think that's the only thing you want. If I didn't feel safe with you, I wouldn't have asked you to stay with me during those nights. I trust you. And I don't think you'd hurt me more than necessary."

She toys with a lock of her dark hair.
"I'm sorry if I upset you. I didn't mean to. I've never been wanted before. I've usually done a decent job of keeping that from happening, and I've never had anyone to want, so now... I just... need a little time to get my head around the idea... I-I'm not saying no, just... Go slowly, maybe?"

"More than necessary? Kallian..."

He doesn't want to hurt her at all, but it doesn't seem like she's quite understanding that - and even if he wasn't upset by the idea (which he still is) he simply doesn't have the words to try and get her to see what he's trying to say. Maybe it's true that she just needs some time, but he knows how impatient he tends to get. And even if he does try to take things slow, there's the chance that he'll do or say something stupid without meaning to and then she'll be right back to thinking that he wants to take advantage of her. Or someone would see them and take steps to stop them, and one hand comes to up to rub at his forehead.

"I don't know, Kallian. Maybe you're right, and I shouldn't try. If I did something to hurt you, or said something wrong or-or if anything happened to you because of me, I'd never forgive myself. I- it's just better I go. Just...have someone send the cloak back to where I'm staying, alright?"

Not that he'll be there for a bit yet. What he needs is a walk, to clear his head - but even so, his shoulders slump a bit as he turns and starts to head away. No matter how much he tells himself it's for the best, it still hurts - and likely will for some time to come.

"Jamie..."

But he's already walking away, leaving the bewildered elf behind him. Kalli waits a few minutes to see if he comes back, but no, there's no sign of him. Silently, she collects the remains of their picnic, unable to rid herself of the sense that it has all gone horribly wrong, and more, that it's her fault it's ruined. Equally quietly, she builds the walls around herself a little higher, a little stronger. It's for the best this way.

Still, when Jamie gets his cloak back, he'll find it as part of a neat bundle. The bag and bottles are with it, everything meticulously washed and mended as needed. A single raven feather is carefully tucked in on top.

[CLOSED] Crush Story

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