faderift | [open] you're like a mirror, reflecting me

WHO: Iron Bull and all comers. That means you. Yes, you.
WHAT: Keeping the fort down at Skyhold.
WHEN: End of Kingsway (August)
WHERE: Sparring Ring, Tavern, and other varied locations around Skyhold.
NOTES: n/a, will add as needed.

He was going to need to find something to fight, soon.

Not that a break wasn't nice and all, but after being laid up months ago with that shit that had happened in the Fade, and sitting out all the bullshit going on in Halamshiral, Bull was getting restless. An itch was building that was hard pressed to find a good outlet for scratching. Next big fight that came rolling around? You weren't going to be able to keep him from going.

Some of the newer recruits could use some breaking in, so Bull would occasionally take a break from the training of his own Chargers to take on anyone who thought they might be able to handle themselves in the ring against him. And of course, any sore feelings would find a balm in quickly being offered a jovial pat on the arm and a drink in the Herald's Rest, where Bull occupied his usual corner.

But that restlessness saw him wandering a little more than he was generally prone to. Taking in the battlements, straying towards the garden in the keep's courtyard, poking his head into the library or the rookery, or stealing into the kitchen for a few midday snacks. And hey, if they needed anything heavy moved around the larder, fair was fair.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Fair enough.
Cade actually nearly cracked a smirk at that, but then he remembered who he was addressing and stilled it. Qunari. Giant Qunari, up here on the battlements. Spying? Some other mischief? Cade wasn't in any position to stop anything, but he felt uneasy all the same.

"What's, um," he began, stopped, cleared his throat, and proceeded, "your business up here?"

"You keeping guard up here or something?"

Not that Cade would last long if that were the case, and Bull were any kind of active threat. That's not the sort of dangerous Cade is, and Bull's not too worried about being bullied by the smaller blond.

Nor is he in the mood to instigate him into one of his fits. Too nice a day for that.

"No," Cade sighed, realized how pathetic he sounded, and cleared his throat to amend it with "...maybe." He glanced at Bull and away with a frown, not entirely sure what he himself was playing at. Posturing? He'd never been any good at it, and now seemed a poor time to start. And yet... it made an odd sort of sense, for someone always on the lookout for ways to punish himself.

Really? He's going to try to pull one over on the spy? Bull chuckles, leaning over the edge to take a look at the templar that just got slopped on, before straightening again.

"What've they got you doing these days, anyway? Just saying out from underfoot?"

'Pulling one over' is a bit generous for what's going on-- Cade is an abysmal liar, not that that's really what this was. More of... a sad embellishment.

And the fact that the qunari already knows who he is, and his situation, doesn't help Cade's mood. He sighs out through his nose and nods, twisting his mouth so he doesn't say anything stupid. "Trying to," he admits after a moment, "though... I still find a way." Out of nowhere, a joke; he nods at the remains of his lunch, the faintest of bitter smirks creeping onto his face.

Alright, so the kid's damaged, but there's humanity left in him. That's good to know.

The corner of Bull's eye crinkles. "Sounds like quite the talent you've got there." And see, he's playing nice. No reason to get jumpy over him, not unless he's actively planning on causing any trouble.

This elicits a sigh, and Cade's pale face colors a bit as he nods. "It seems to be the only thing I have a talent for," he admits, some of the humor leaving him.

"Pretty sure that's not true. Everyone's got a use."

Bull cocks his head slightly. "Heard you're a hell of a fighter. That's not nothing."

Cade lifts his eyes to meet Bull's, visibly surprised, and for once not dismayed. At least not right away; after all, there's a reason he has that reputation, and is now stripped of any weapons or combat duty.

"I was," he concedes, with some difficulty, "...but it's too much. I'm too..." How to say it, without outright calling himself crazy. "...when I've started, I can't stop." He purses his lips and looks down.
"I'm dangerous."

"Yeah."

He doesn't argue the fact. Doesn't need to. On this, the kid's not crazy. He understands the risk he poses just fine. That level of self-awareness, though? That's a little encouraging.

Bull lifts his chin. "I was at that point, once. Remember what it felt like. Not a pretty place."

Curious. Cade never thought he'd have something in common with a Qunari, but here they are. At the back of his mind, he has the decency to be a little ashamed of his prejudice.

He looks up at him, curious but guarded, and gives a hesitant nod. Then, mustering some courage, he clears his throat and asks, "..how did you...?" Clearly it didn't last forever.

"How'd I come out of it again?"

Bull snorts. He'd been broken, knew he was broken, knew he had to be broken down the rest of the way in order to be built back up again. To be of use to anyone. Might be of benefit to someone as messed up in the head as Cade, but no guarantee it'd work.

No guarantee it wouldn't kill him, either.

"Not sure you really want to know."

After Bull clarifies, Cade nods shyly. Then, when it seems the information might be withheld, a new intensity comes to his eyes, and suddenly it doesn't matter anymore that he's talking to a Qunari. This is someone who understands, who could potentially offer insight on how to unbreak himself. Or at least... be less broken.

"I do," he says, his voice quiet but intense. He watches the man fixedly, imploringly.

Yeah. Maybe he does. He doesn't see an inch of this guy that doesn't want to fix himself, just lacking the knowledge. Someone like him? The Qun could do a lot of good for. But a guy like him was also far too steeped in the Chantry to ever accept the Qun fully.

Which was a shame. He might be happier for it.

"I let 'em break me down the rest of the way. Build me back up again. Wasn't fun. Wasn't easy, either. But the Qun doesn't let go of anyone who can still be of use to the community. Everyone's got a purpose, and a place. You just gotta be willing to fill that role, do whatever it takes to get right again."

Oh. The Qun.
Again Cade feels that spike of revulsion, and perhaps it shows, but he's polite enough to know not to pick a fight about it. Not when someone is taking the time to explain something to him, something that sounds... awful, and yet...
He watches the Iron Bull with a look of contemplation, his usual dilemma of having a lot of thoughts on something and knowing how to phrase or having the confidence to say exactly none of them. Is there such a thing outside the Qun? How would that even work? Where does he sign up?

"...I..." he begins, about to say something, then wimps out at the last second. "..I see."

He can see the confusion, the revulsion -- which doesn't prickle at him personally, he knows what he is and what happened to him -- and the morbid curiosity. Cade's at a point where his system is failing him, where he isn't getting the help he needs.

And Bull hates leaving a puzzle unsolved.

"Doesn't have to be as extreme as that, though. If you want, I've got a few techniques. Might do you some good."

Cade looks at him, then looks away. Then back. He nods silently, but rather than offer assent right away, he clears his throat and softly asks, "what, ah... what kind of techniques?"

"Finding channels for that aggression. Wringing it out of you, like water from a rag. You can put a stopper in it, shove it to the back of your mind, but that doesn't stop it being there."

Might as well be frank with the man, if he's asking. There seems to be an honest curiosity there, so yeah. He'll be upfront with him about his options.

"Taking it, in turn, can be good for you. Long as you do it with someone who knows your limits. Found it helpful after dealing with those demons in the Fade."

[open] you're like a mirror, reflecting me

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