faderift | [Open] You'll think "how did I get here, sitting next to you?"

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[Open] You'll think "how did I get here, sitting next to you?"

WHO: Anders and anyone who wants to come pester him or be pestered by him
WHAT: Anders Does Skyhold
WHEN: Through Harvestmere
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: He's Anders.

1. Healing Tents

His robes are dark blue today with silver trim - Warden colors - swooshing around a little as he works around the tent. He likes these robes, which is one of the reasons for his faint smile. The main reason is far more simple; this is where he feels like he's accomplishing something good. Which is why, as long as you're not dripping blood all over the place when you come in, the small smile stays in place as he asks what brings you in today.

In the slight event someone is dripping blood all over the place, they'll be greeted with bandages and help down into a chair.

--Alternately--

He's got much of their dried herbs set out in front of him so he can take a measure of what they have and what's still good. Even in the cold mold can still set in. Supplies look mostly good, though, and he takes notes as he starts pulling some of the fresher herbs out to begin a drying process on them.

2. Training the Hero of Purrelden/Garden

Ser Pounce-a-lot had been a very special cat. He'd been easily trained, for one thing, and Anders hadn't needed to worry about hauling him down to the Deep Roads to deal with Darkspawn. Purrelden? Isn't as brave. In fact, she has a habit of being timid when first encountering new insects. Which means the best thing to do is to have her in the area where the most bugs are found - the gardens.

"You're fine. It's smaller than your paw, you can take it on." She doesn't look sure, but he has dried meat and by now she at least seems to know that batting at a bug will get her a treat. "You can do it. You're a fierce warrior. You can take on anything."

He probably looks like he's talking to a bush if someone's coming up from behind or the left, but his attention is on her. And really, talking to plants is about the least harmful thing that could be done to his reputation.

3. Teaching

Since the conference, Anders has let it be known that he's open to working with anyone who wants to learn more about the practical spells he has under his belt, as well as learning in return, or even working on trying to make new ones together. There's a few stumps left set up where the conference was, and he can be found here some evenings to teach or learn or work. Until someone drops by he's reading or playing with his cat or both. Most of the time both.

4. Mess hall

He's trying to be better about eating all of his meals. It's a work in progress. Which is why he's eating his lunch 'late,' sometime in the early afternoon, and eating is a relative term. There's food on the plate in front of him, yes, but Purrelden's batted some peas off of it and Anders is more focused on notes than actually shoveling food in his mouth at the moment.

5. Wildcard

[ooc: Want something you don't see here? Toss it up! He gets everywhere so there's no worries about coming up with a reason for Anders to be somewhere. If you have a question or want to run an idea past me first, hit me up on Plurk at Nadat or Discord at Nadat#4647!]

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Because it's him. But he doesn't want to simplify. Having this company is nice, and right now it's uncomplicated. Anders almost looks forward to rifters arriving, truth be told, because he gets batches of this peacefulness before they find out who he is.

"We'd not been that close before. Friends, a friend I'd been glad to see, but it had been some time. I didn't expect him to give me something." Trust, time, support, heart, any of it. "Especially not her. I'd had, I'd had a cat before. Nate giving me a new one meant a great deal to me."

He clicks his tongue and Purrelden trots over, bumping her head against his hand and getting a headscratch. "I don't think he knew quite what it would mean, but he did know some of it. He had to. Hence unexpected."

He had looked away from the cat to observe the man. Anders was remarkably easy to read in moments like this and he wondered if the man realized that fact. It was possible he didn't but he knew that he didn't require all the details to paint a partial picture here.

A man who had been hurt. Perhaps he'd done terrible things and perhaps he hadn't. Either way he'd been kicked around as a result and spat on rather than receiving kindness. Enough so that the little things surprised him and kept him cautious of them.

"My friend, I think that you have lost sight of hope in your darkness. If you really want to know then you could always ask. However, I truly feel it is as I say and it was simply because it would please you."

He looks directly at Iskandar now, swallowing. Sometimes he forgets how easily read he is despite how he tries to cover and seem fine. For a moment he's tempted to say he doesn't know what the man means, but then he simply shrugs instead. Lying isn't the path to take.

"It could be. He's that sort, the type to care no matter what. He's a very good man." Who is with a murderer. It doesn't make any sense at all, but love likes to do that. "You should meet him sometime. Nathaniel's one of the best people here, easily."

Anders looks back at his cat and turns her around so she's facing where another beetle is lumbering through. "Come on, little one. You can take it."

"I've met him actually. Not that long ago."

Unless there was more than one Nathaniel here anyway. He doubted that but it wasn't like he'd had the chance to meet literally every person that was here. One only had so much time in a day when one was also busy learning about the new world they were in! Still, he was doing quite well with getting out there and meeting so many new people along the way.

"We met over his unique musical talent." He laughed softly then.

Anders fought a smile, trying to not look too amused. Unique musical talent likely could only mean one thing - Nate had been trying to sing.

"He has... heart." Not talent, not for singing, but definitely heart. Anders loves Nate for his successes as well as what he doesn't do that well. "I don't mind when he sings because he means it."

There are so many who do things without meaning, or who say things and don't mean them at all. Nate is earnest, and it warms Anders' heart.

Iskandar chuckled at that. "Of course he has heart. I can see that clearly just by looking at you when you speak of him. He is good for you."

It really did not take a genius to see that much. Just the sheer joy on Anders' face when he spoke of him said it all. He knew that look so well because it was how he felt about those in his own life that he loved so dearly even if he couldn't see them anymore.

"He is. Better than I deserve, by a long shot."

Purrelden catches sight of Iskandar's sleeve and decides it's more interesting than the beetle, scooting forward to bat at it.

In a way, the words are a testing of the waters, an attempt to see what Iskandar has heard or not. Rarely does he come across someone this gregarious and caring; he's a little nervous about getting to be too close as far as friendship goes before the man finds out.

"You know, I'm not sure if you are testing me or if you are really that hard on yourself. However, you often speak of you not deserving things. Have I given you an impression you should feel this way about yourself?"

He'd been noticing that. It had been rather interesting to say the least. Like there was plenty that involved this man that he hadn't told him. Certainly he'd heard some rumors but he'd made sure not to really take them seriously until he had actual information. People could say a great deal but with how much was based off fear that didn't say much really.

Sometimes he doesn't know what he wants or what would be better. Would he prefer rifters know what he's done, or would he prefer to tell them? He dislikes it either way, but maybe this is better.

Anders takes a breath and gently gathers his cat back up. Nothing about Iskandar says he's the type to harm an animal; rather, Anders wants to feel Purrelden against him as he explains.

"It's not you. It's me. I've... I've done something unforgivable, that everyone hears about before long. I just never know who has heard what about it when. I don't, I don't want you to walk away, but I'm not the best person to befriend."

"I'd say it is my decision whether or not I forgive you as well as whether or not you are worth befriending. Such is not a decision you should take from me."

Iskandar waved his hand as he rested his head on his hand, content to be on the ground stretched out on his side. It was just dirt. He'd certainly been in far worse. Like his own blood or the blood of others. If he was going to be covered in something he knew he'd rather it be the earth.

"So tell me what it is that you have done and then I will decide. I have heard many a rumor but I do not base my decisions upon those."

Nope. He much prefers when people get some of the context beforehand, he decides. Then he can ask what they know and fill in the picture rather than having to sketch wide lines and hope to fill in a fraction of it.

"Mages were kept in Circles, before, where some managed to suck up enough to be pampered, but many were abused and killed for imagined slights, whims, or simply being stubborn about being prisoners. A whole Circle could be killed off if the lead Templar thought it appropriate, and Kirkwall's lead Templar had been escalating toward that, toward an Anullment, for years."

He takes a breath. "I moved to stop it, thinking blindly that I was the only one who could. I blew up Kirkwall's chantry, the religious building, with the religious leader inside it. ...As well as others. It was later at night, not a whole lot of people would have been out and about then, but there were some who didn't deserve it that died that night. An Anullment was called, but mages had a chance to fight back, and battle broke out in the streets. There are so many other details, that's the barest outline of what happened... but it's enough, for now."

His face is carefully neutral, something he's been practicing a lot of late because he's needed the practice.

Iskandar listened to everything that he told him without saying a word. He wanted Anders to get this out in his own pace without interruption. That was how he'd learn the story of what had happened, to get an idea of why the world would feel as they did. There was a reason for it otherwise Anders would not be as cautious as he was now.

When the story finished, he sat up and brushed himself off. However, he didn't make a move to leave. Instead, he actually reached out to settle a hand on the man's shoulder as he gave him a warm smile.

"Thank you for telling me your story. It took great courage to do that and it is an honor to have chosen you as a friend of mine."

Just like that, he tilted his head to look back under the bush again. "Now, how are you doing, dear Hero? Have you faced your foe completely yet?"

Just like that. Anders blinks, staring at the man, as Purrelden takes the opportunity to loudly tell Iskandar all about how her day has been going. Never before has someone faced what Anders did so casually, so calmly, and Anders isn't entirely sure this is really happening.

Deep down he knows he shouldn't push. He should just take this at face value and enjoy it. Life is a great deal easier when he does things like that... but he doesn't understand how this is possible and Anders isn't content when he doesn't understand.

"Honor?" he finally manages to ask. In the meantime, Purrelden has decided her new target is Iskandar's hair, and she's batting at that, entirely distracted from her prey.

"Of course."

Rolling onto his back, he made it easier for the little Hero to reach his hair to play with it. He clearly didn't seem to mind at all. In fact, he made sure to hold quite still so that way she wouldn't be startled away from her current target of choice.

"To know that someone I have made my friend would be open about a dark time in his past and to see that he was growing from it is an honor. It takes a great deal of bravery to open yourself up to what could be another painful experience. So I thank you for doing so with me."

She's utterly entranced by his hair, combing little paws through it and batting at it, trying to catch the strands that escape her. In the meantime, Anders is on the quiet side. That's a view he hadn't thought of, but he's also still pretty sure he's not actually brave.

"I think you overestimate me. ...But thank you." Compliments aren't the most common thing for him, and he'll take them if they're given. "I'm touched that you'd still want to be my friend."

Especially without all of the context that might make his story more sympathetic, despite all he'd done.

"I do not see why I would not want to be. Obviously people here trust you and I can see you are working to do good. I hardly see you going out of your way to do things that will hurt the innocent. I have seen monsters in my time and you are not one of them, my friend."

It was as simple as that really. He'd listened and decided that mistakes had been made but now Anders was atoning for them. Why should he continue to condemn him when obviously Anders was doing that perfectly fine all on his own? He certainly didn't need his help with that so why not move onto something better and more positive?

He doesn't want to believe himself a monster, though it's difficult some days. Hearing that Iskandar doesn't believe him to be one is helpful. Anders takes a slow breath, relaxing and dipping his head for a moment.

"Some trust me. Some are waiting for me to make the smallest misstep so they can have my head. I work to make sure that doesn't happen."

"You could be one who has never made a mistake in your life and there will always be those waiting for you to do so." He considered a moment then grinned as he came up with something. "However, if you were truly terrible or evil or a monster or anything of the sort then this innocent little Hero wouldn't love you as she so clearly does. Animals have very good instincts when it comes to the sort of person who is worthy of love and she has chosen you."

He glanced upwards at where she was playing with his hair. "So why should we care what the world thinks of you? I rather like trusting her judgment. She's a clever little thing."

Anders reaches over and gently rubs Purrelden's chin, getting a chirp because she's busy playing with Iskandar's hair, can't he see?

"She's clever indeed." His voice is quiet. Not terrible, evil, or a monster. It's nice to have said again. Nate and a few others don't think him such, but they care deeply for him and of course wouldn't see him like that. Newcomers? They can only see what they have before them, without emotional baggage or filters. "Though it's lucky for me that she is. Nate picked her. I could have just as easily gotten a cat that wasn't as clever or adorable."

Purrelden is above most cats, in his opinion. Granted, he might think that about any cat he gets, but he's not going to change his mind on her.

"There are many things that could have been but as it stands this is where things are. And there is a beauty in that for the three of are here now as if perhaps destiny has led us to be together like this in this moment." And perhaps that wasn't the case and he would be okay with that too. Either way, he was rather amused by that noise from the feline. Clearly she knew what she wanted and Anders was not helping her to get that in any way shape or form.

"Ah I think that you have displeased her! How dare you distract her from the red wavy monster before her!" He let out a laugh then which clearly said he was only teasing the man.

"Who would have thought I'd grown something so dangerous? I should have known to be more careful."

"You should have." There's amusement in his voice as he lets Purrelden have her way. That's a far easier task than contemplating destiny, but he takes a breath.

"I don't believe in destiny, for the record. I don't want to. There are too many cruelties in this world for me to dismiss them as destined to happen. It's people who do things, not an overarching, pre-written fate." Karl was not born to be made Tranquil. The world was not meant to be like this; it had simply come to pass.

"Hm? Destiny is what we make it to be, didn't you know? No higher power can make me do anything I do not wish to for I will not allow it. There are too many free wills to say there is such a thing as a pre-written fate." Iskandar studied his expression a moment.

"Someone was hurt. Someone you cared about. Is that what happened?"

Clearly he'd misunderstood what the man had meant when he'd mentioned destiny. He can't say he's heard it described like that before.

"Many," is what he says, though, rather than discussing definitions. "The Circles and the abuses I mentioned weren't hypothetical. They were places of pain and loss. Not just of others, either. Have you seen the people walking around with sunbursts burned into their foreheads, empty eyes, always distant, never smiling or living?"

"I have." He said nothing more than that though, leaving Anders to have room to offer further explanation about them. He'd begun this so he wanted to hear what this meant from his point of view. Especially since he clearly had only an outsider's point of view on all of this.

Anders' eyes are downcast as he continues, but his voice is angry.

"Once, they were mages. And then those in charge decided to strip away everything that they were. Their personality, their individuality, their joy, everything that made them unique. Some were deemed too troublesome. Others, too fearful to be thrust into the Harrowing, when a young, oft times barely trained mage is sent up against a demon alone, when the demon knows the only way to get free is to kill the mage. Others were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, and still others had that done because they had enough willpower to say no to Templar advances. They are now the Tranquil. They work mindlessly, they'll follow orders, and they're trapped in their own minds until or unless a cure is found."

A beat, and he looks up at Iskandar. "There's... Exposure to the Fade, indirectly, can cure them temporarily. But the one who was cured like that begged to die before he became Tranquil again, before all of the colors and joy in the world faded away, and it only lasted moments before he was buried once more. Finding a permanent cure is something the Chantry utterly opposes. And of course they do. They lose their last hold of power over us if we find it."

[Open] You'll think "how did I get here, sitting next to you?"

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