[Open]

[eternalsquire]

WHO: Kif Kroker/Kiflas Croquet and you!
WHAT: Kif is back in Skyhold and getting back to doing all of Zapp's chores.
WHEN: Second half of Harvestmere, after he returns from Crestwood
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: None as of yet.

1. On the way to the laundry

See an elf. See a shorter-than-average elf. See a basically tiny elf, struggling under a pile of laundry that looks like it weighs more than he does soaking wet. Under it, he can be heard muttering about all sorts of various things, most of them centered around 'self-obsessed overlarge pompous poppinjays' and the like. Will he make it down under his own power? This is a good question.

2. In the stables

Kif sighs heavily, looking into one stall in particular. It's not even that he minds having this mount; she's efficient and she's easy enough to climb up and ride. The problem is that she's a tiny pony and he looks ridiculous with her.

All the same, he's not upset with her. She does her job. And she's more than he could have afforded on his own, so after he's done sighing he's going inside and gently starting to brush her and get her ready for a ride. He'll deal with Zapp's monstrosity later.

3. In the tavern

It's hard to be social. It's hard to deal with people he doesn't know. Back in Halamshiral he knew generally how people would react. Here, there are so many unknowns, and so many faces that seem friendly without reason.

His best attempt at being around people involves this, sipping water in a mug and sitting in the corner of the tavern trying very hard to look like he's happy to be here.

4. Wildcard me

[ooc: Want something you don't see here? Hit me up on Plurk at Nadat or Discord at Nadat#4647. Kif isn't a social butterfly but I can give him reasons to be places/do things.]

Comments

2!

[conqueredhearts]

Iskandar was here to check in on his horse after having himself a meal and had an apple in hand. It was tiny compared to him really but he knew that Bucephalus would love the treat. Of course, he paused on the way over when he saw the smaller creature and the elf with it.

"What a fine animal you have there!" He leaned over the door of the stall to look in and have a better look. "Is that one yours?"

[eternalsquire]

Fine animal. Kif looked around to make sure the giant was addressing him and not someone else before giving the... human? Hornless qunari? a bemused look.

"She's mine, yes." Fine, he's not sure. She probably thinks so, bumping his arm looking for a treat, and he pulls out some apple slices for her. "Given to me so I didn't have to walk everywhere since we were going traveling. To here."

Kif doesn't sound that impressed about being here, but who would be, in his opinion? It's drafty and old.

[conqueredhearts]

Iskandar laughed at the reaction he was getting. "And what is so wrong with this place? It is quite splendid if you ask me!"

Apparently it was this man who was impressed with this place and about being here. Then again impressing Iskandar wasn't all that difficult...

"This is a fine operation they've set up!"

[eternalsquire]

"...Have you seen a city?" Plenty of people around here seem to be used to the country, and to them, Skyhold probably seems very impressive. Kif has been all over Orlais; this doesn't really stand up.

[conqueredhearts]

"As a King I'd say I have. Not to mention all the cities I conquered and the city I was in before I was brought to these lands through the rift. It would make all cities here pale in comparison." So he had a lot of information to fall back on. Yep.

1

[circleprodigy]

Upon hearing the grumbling, Inessa follows Garahel, who comes to a halt by one large pile of laundry...and the person overwhelmed by it. Wincing in sympathy, she steps forward. "Allow me to assist?" Please, before you fall over. Garahel sniffs at the fresh laundry but doesn't try to butt in for pettings, realizing this isn't the time.

[eternalsquire]

"Would you?" He can't see who is talking past or over the pile, but she sounds nice and she's making an offer. Kif is more than glad to take help.

"Thank you. I don't know how he manages to go through so many shirts. And pants. And sashes. And everything else. I was gone for barely a week and he got everything dirty." Zapp Brannigan is a human disaster.

[circleprodigy]

Taking what she can manage, which she worries is inadequate given her size and strength, Inessa straightens upon seeing the even slighter elven man behind all the laundry. Well. It's not often she has someone almost at eye-level, though it does explain why this bundle would be even more burdening to him. She smiles in sympathy as Garahel wedges between them, offering his help if they need to rest anything atop his back.

"That's often the way of things, isn't it? Perhaps if he had less to soil, he would be forced to treat his clothing with better care." Or not, but Inessa doesn't realize who his master is yet.

[eternalsquire]

She's an elf, and not Dalish. This day is looking better already. Kif gives her a small smile back.

"He'd just buy more things. That's the problem with idiots with a lot of money. They don't have to be careful or think, they can just do and everything gets cleaned up behind them." Which is what he has to do.

"I'm Kif. I have to clean up after him."

[circleprodigy]

An elf in Grey Warden armor and with a staff on her back, which might make her offer to help with such a mundane task seem a bit out of place. Nonetheless, Inessa's offer is sincere and she waits for Kif to lead the way. "I'm Inessa and this is Garahel. My parents were servants, and while I have not been, I remember their frustrations." The tales themselves might be blurred, but the emotions were not.

tavern

[fightorfright]

For the better or the worse, the elf sitting in the corner of the tavern drinking water piques Amélie's curiosity. She makes her way over, a glass of ale in hand.

"You're not drinking?" she asks.

[eternalsquire]

Human but friendly enough, clearly, is his initial assessment. After all, she's just chosen to talk to an elf. Kif straightens a little, clearing his throat and looking down into his cup for a moment as if it has an answer.

"I'm... not good at drinking." When he glances back up at her, he looks both a little sheepish and embarrassed. "Just a little and it goes to my head too fast, and I've got so many things to do that I can't spend time stumbling around drunk. And I don't know about the taste. It's so... bitter, or it has bubbles and they go up my nose. You... You like it?"

It's not the best attempt at a conversation on his part, but it's certainly not the worst he's made either.

[fightorfright]

"I've heard it's a bit of an acquired taste," she says with a quick downwards glance at her ale. "Think I'm still in the 'acquiring' stage, myself. Mind if I sit?" She gestures at a nearby chair.

[eternalsquire]

"Please." He's definitely interested in a human who wants to talk with an elf. Especially one that's being honest about ale, seeing as most can't be honest about anything that might stand in the way of their pride.

"Why are you acquiring it?" That's one thing he's never understood about acquired tastes. Wine, ale, spicy foods, they don't seem worth the effort.

[fightorfright]

"It was a novelty at first," she admits as she takes the seat, staring into her mug thoughtfully. "Then after some time, I realised I enjoyed its effects."

a card of wild design

[anacardiaceae]

They are going to have dinner, Pamelia has decided, because Kif...well. Because she feels he probably doesn't have many friends, and works for a terrible excuse for a human being or a chevalier. He deserves a break.

So. She sends a child along with a note, asking what he is unable to eat, and once his chevalier has passed out in a slightly induced stupor, Pamelia raps at the door.

[eternalsquire]

The answer had been simple - he can eat anything. He has to be flexible when working with Zapp; if there's anything he didn't want to eat the Chevalier would find it out and taunt him with it.

Though he's not the biggest fan of really smelly foods, and he had mentioned that to the child just in case. It's a little chance he's taking, a little risk, and it's more than he's taken in quite some time.

He answers the door with a blank look that turns into a small smile when he sees who it is.

"Pamelia." A glance back confirms that Zapp will be out of it for a while, and Kif slips out, closing the door behind him. "I didn't know if you'd..." Actually come. His life is a series of disappointments, but he doesn't want to clue in to that so he shrugs and leaves it vague. Someone's deliberately come to meet with him. This might be what having a friend is like and he doesn't want to sink that before it has a chance to set sail.

[anacardiaceae]

The problem with "smelly" is that Pamelia doesn't know if that means "stinky" or "strongly seasoned" but she decides to be careful and assume it encompasses both when she sorts out just what they'll be eating. For now, it is something of a surprise.

She smiles at Kif when he comes to the door. "It's all right." It really is; she can imagine that he hasn't had many friends. To that point, neither has she, but she's determined that this will work out to the best of their advantage one way or another.

Kif puts up with a lot in the name of keeping his family safe and cared for and Pamelia respects that. Plus he's nice, once he isn't quite so exasperated.

Anyway. A smile, and she pulls her arm through his. "It's good to see you."

[eternalsquire]

Oh, that's nice. He's holding her arm, and it's almost like he's a noble or something. Kif straightens himself up as much as he can (which isn't much) and gives her a small smile.

"It's good to see you too." Annnnnd now he doesn't know what to say. Kif swallows, scrambling to think of small talk. "Are the plants behaving?"

Yes. Yes, that's clever, except it isn't, it's threadbare and he knows it. Another swallow, and he tries to hastily follow up with, "are we going to eat among them? There could be bugs there, but I'm sure they never, uh, bug... you..."

It could have been worse, he tells himself. Somehow.

[anacardiaceae]

"The plants are doing well! A few are crowding their fellows and a few others don't like the colder climate, but it will all be sorted eventually. They don't squabble, or get out of their pots and behave awfully, so at least there's that."

Bumping into Kif's shoulder with a smile. She understands; small talk is terrible, honestly. "There's a courtyard that is less populated by things that crawl and fly, I was thinking of eating there if you don't mind? It's got open space, but we could go inside if that were easier?"

4 - Breakfast with Zapp

[thezapper]

"Kif!" Zapp called as he looked up from the various missives lining the table. He didn't bother looking up to confirm where Kif was; he didn't have to, really, Kif was always on hand. Kif was efficient like that.

"I say, man, have you found us something to eat? I'm about to keel over," Zapp said--er--cajoled--er complained? He lifted one letter, something from a Lady in southern Orlais, and snapped the paper so it stood upright. She was being exceedingly complimentary about his family (between veiled complaints about him, personally, and his conduct at her last party).

"Remind me to take a trip to the southern estates some time soon; it seems I have a lady admirer."

[eternalsquire]

Kif leans forward to try to see the seal on the envelope before sighing and bringing over a tray of breads and cheeses.

"Is that the Lady Allard, sir? I'm not sure she's wanting a visit so soon. Didn't she say something about needing time to appreciate your vast," incompetence, "personality? Maybe give it a few months, sir."

In a few months Zapp will probably have forgotten all about her, or at least Kif can hope as much. There are plenty of women here, after all.

"Will this do or do you need me to run back down to the kitchens?" And have five minutes of peace and quiet on the trip down and back up.

[thezapper]

"Playing hard to get is she? Very well, I'll let her stew a while," Zapp replied, his tone lace with a comfortable sort of smugness. He set aside the letter and regarded the tray that Kif had brought.

It was a bit...rustic.

"What, no champ-a-gne?" Zapp asked as he regarded the table. "I know we're in the countryside, here, Kif, but we're not animals."

[eternalsquire]

"Yes, that's the way, sir." Maybe Zapp would even forget, and Kif won't have to deal with that particular headache. There wwould be another, certainly, but for now Kif coud breathe with the Allard situation.

"And I think they don't drink that with every meal, sir, only the celebratory ones." The more sir he could put in there, the less likely it was Zapp would figure out Kif was frustrated. "They have other varieties of wine. Would you like a glass," no, "a bottle of that? I can get it on ice."

[thezapper]

"Well, if they don't have champ-a-gne, I suppose a nice chair-d-o-neigh will do. Fetch up a bottle on ice, man, and see if you can't scrounge up a pen and some parchment while you're out, eh?"

Zapp waved to the mass (mess) of correspondence in front of him with a gloved hand. Apart from his sleeping gloves he was still clad in his dressing gown. It was a less than flattering sight.

"I've got to get a handle on this paperwork before half of Orlais catches fire."