faderift | (no subject)

Entry tags:

{ inessa serra }

(no subject)

WHO: Kain and YOU
WHAT: Open post for December/Haring
WHEN: The earlier half of the month
WHERE: Skyhold, training, battlements... etc
NOTES: Mostly Kain brooding around about his shard! (He just came across a random one while out exploring w/Inessa and Garahel).

Training Grounds

The first thing Kain does when he’s back in Skyhold is throw himself into his training. He comes back more often than usual to let out his frustration. He’s held back all this time how he feels about accidentally getting a shard… and now he’s letting it all out in one outburst of rage. Maybe hiding it had meant denying it to himself a little too...because now he’s clearly not holding a thing back.

With a growl of anger, Kain moves with intense ferocity to attack the targets repeatedly with his large two-handed sword. Is he maybe getting a little too violent here? It sure does look like it...

Battlements

Sometimes, it’s just relaxing to be somewhere high up, away from most people. The view is always impressive too. Kain is seated on the edge, staring off into the distance forlornly. Eventually, he holds up his left hand, slipping off the glove. The bright green of the shard pulses back at him. Can he accept this as part of him? He… really would rather not have to.

“Wrong place at the wrong time…” he grumbles as he stares at it, a deep frown on his face.

Wildcard!!

Bring it on! Kain is likely to be brooding about the shard somewhere, anything goes.

Library: Closed Prompt for Inessa

It’s not right for them to be upset with one another. Kain feels deeply guilty for not telling Inessa sooner, and still wants to make it up to her. She has to know that he trusts her, more than anyone... and that he's painfully aware of what a mistake he'd made in hiding it. He keeps his distance for the first few days they’re back, figuring they both need some space, but eventually he can’t bear to stay away…

So, finally he seeks her out, heading toward the one place he knows she’s bound to be. Sure enough, after entering the library and glancing around, he finds her. He even has an offering of atonement in the form of tea for Inessa and mabari treats for Garahel. It’s easier to, well, just ease into this whole matter. So. Peace offerings first.

“It seemed unfair to keep this tea to myself, and I know how long you usually spend here. It’s an Orlesian tea… I think you’d like it.“ He sets the cup down for her, one for himself as well. “And I… thought Garahel might be running low on these.” He shakes the bag of treats.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

When angry, Inessa doesn't shout or throw things or otherwise make a scene. Instead of flaring up, her demeanor grows increasingly chilly, her tone utterly calm even as her eyes are hard as ice. Since entering Skyhold, few incidents have gotten such a reaction out of her, but the revelation that Kain was hiding a shard certainly prompts it.

Since finding out, Inessa hasn't exactly been avoiding him (or at least she wouldn't admit to that) but her demeanor has shifted, being purely professional. Until Kain realizes the grave mistake he made, he'll get nothing else from her. Garahel doesn't like that at all, but Inessa is nothing if not quietly stubborn.

So when she hears footsteps, Inessa looks up and raises her eyebrows at what's evidently a peace offering. Her expression thaws a little as she sets the book down and Garahel instantly perks up from him nap, heading over to Kain. "...I suppose he has earned some more, for putting up with my presence here."

Lifting the tea cup to her lips, she takes a sip. "An interesting blend...thank you."

Being avoidant is Kain's way of dealing with things. He probably would have stayed away entirely if he... well... didn't care so much. It's confusing, for certain. He just... doesn't want to ruin one of the closest friendships he has left. He has people he cares for in the same way back home, but, well... he'd left their life, and didn't belong there anymore. She's almost all he has.

Kain takes out a treat, holding it out and fully prepared for an arm covered in slobber. He reaches his other hand to pet Garahel's head fondly, before looking toward Inessa. One thing at a time. Ease into it. Right. "He most certainly deserves an extra couple of treats in that case. Right, Garahel?"

"You're welcome." He sips from his cup slowly. Then, after setting the cup down, bows his head sorrowfully. "I've been so foolish. More than usual, I mean." Sigh. It's not even like it should have become a big deal- plenty of people have shards, even other natives like him. But his holding things back had just overcomplicated things. The story of his life, right there.

Garahel happily responds by snagging that treat as fast as possible, rumbling happily as he inhales it and receives petting at the same time. It's been ages (a few days) since Inessa allowed for this. He has to enjoy it for all it's worth.

Inessa lowers the tea cup but doesn't set it down, instead cradling it in her hands. She nods, not about to sugarcoat her words, not in a matter such as this. "Yes, you were. There is no reason to hide a shard, not when so many others have them. Or did you think by doing so, that it would go away? Really, Kain. You know better." And that's not even getting into what upset her, but they have to start somewhere.

Good boy... It's very easy to make amends to a mabari anyway, Kain reflects, as he gets another treat out to give to him. His expression remains as serious and downcast as ever, though, as he sighs heavily. That's a really good question, one he himself has struggled with. He knows she has a right to be upset over this, but he assumes it's largely because he'd withheld something from her, not trusted her enough. He won't make that mistake again.

"You're right, there's no reason. I still hate it, I hate knowing it's there, I hate seeing it. It's... it's unnatural, not truly part of me... every time I look at it, I'm reminded of demons, of horrors from the past." But that's no excuse, so he carries on. "You deserve to know the truth. Why I came here... Yes, I do believe the Inquisition can help me repent for my past, and yes, I needed the change of scenery. But I also believed that they would have the answers about this. I'd heard of the rifters and other shardbearers here, and hoped..." He sighs. "I thought that maybe I could get it taken care of before I had to say anything. I didn't want to worry you. But... not confiding in you was the worst thing I could have done..."

Glancing over at Garahel's inhaling of treats, Inessa would normally be amused by right now is too focused to enjoy their interaction. She nods, her lips a thin line. "Yes, it was. You know I hate being lied to, even a lie of omission. I know there isn't anything we can do about the shard at present, but that's no excuse not to mention it. That could make an enormous difference when we're on the field, for good or ill. You're a Warden, Kain. You don't have the luxury of keeping valuable information to yourself. And that aside, I care about your state off it as well. Those shards have been known to cause pain. I don't want you suffering in silence."

Kain dispenses one more treat, at least for the moment. There will be more where those came from. But he's likewise focusing more and more on their conversation. It's Important, he knows this. He nods, eyes downcast before glancing back up at her.

"That was the worst part about it. That it was a lie, and one carried for so long that the thought of bringing it up became even more difficult than continuing to hide it." He knew she'd be furious as she'd gotten after he'd accidentally unveiled it. So he'd avoided, it had been easier. But wrong. So very wrong. "You're right, though, it went against everything I'm supposed to stand for, as a Warden. I cannot withhold such information again." He sighs, glancing down at the hand. "The pain isn't always so bad... sometimes I barely notice it. But it hurt terribly when it first happened... and it flares up the worst around a shard, evidently." The ache had built until he'd had to let it out. He'll never forget that sensation.

He looks at her intensely for a moment. He's often in pain, in some way, so that can't be the only thing worrisome to her... can it? "There's no other danger, though, is there? Nothing worse than the occasional pain and closing rifts? I've heard some others gained powers related to it... but that didn't sound awful."

More treats, more nuzzling. That's the rule. Inessa, however, ignores this and only focuses on Kain for the time being, taking another sip. "Even if it had been some time, revealing it to me would have been better than finding out as I did."

It was a shock, and a worse one than if she'd had time to adjust. Learning of it just as a rift had to be sealed was less than ideal. Lowering her tea cup, she takes a deep breath and avoids his gaze, staring instead at the shard for a moment. "I...can't say. It's true that others have gained power from their shards, but even so, it's a magic far beyond what we've seen before. Such power never comes without a price."

Finally, her eyes meet his. "I know it's against your typical behavior, but I need you to be careful, as much as you can manage. Perhaps I am wrong -I don't have any desire to be right- but we don't know what will ultimately come of this. It's best to err on the side of caution. And I know that Grey Wardens aren't known for their longevity, but we need not rush toward our end, either."

Kain is glad to keep petting Garahel after that, stroking him absentmindedly as he listens to Inessa. That was a bad idea, then. Waiting, and putting it off, it was all among the worst things he could have done. Had he learned nothing from that whole mess with Golbezza? Where all those things he'd repressed had been turned against him...

"You're right, I know. I came close to saying something to you a couple of times, but I always found some excuse to put it off. I wanted to keep some sense of pride. This... this thing, it feels like it lessens me somehow. I don't know, it's hard to explain." It's a foreign, unwanted thing on him... and it's a problem he can't resolve.

He looks at her thoughtfully, he'd been afraid of the warning of course, the need to be more careful than usual. Now she'll worry for him and it worries him to have her expend energy on him in this way. "I'm in no rush to meet my end, promise. That's reserved for the Calling alone." He is determined to last that long, as his father had done. "Inessa... is there anything else I should be wary of? Anything at all? It doesn't... have any unwanted longterm effects I'm not yet aware of or anything, does it?"

"It's a tie to the Fade, so anything longterm will be related to that. Beyond that, I really don't know. It's too new a phenomenon and too foreign to our usual magic. But whatever symptoms you experience, share them. You will do no one any favors by keeping them to yourself." There's a very stern look sent Kain's way, making it clear that she won't appreciate another attempt at lying by omission.

"As for pride...take care with how much you let that rule you. Did I ever tell you about my Harrowing? The demon that found me was a pride demon, though it didn't appear as such at first. I simply thought it the spirit of a mage who failed their Harrowing. It -he- supposedly assisted me against the rage demon I thought was my nemesis. After it was no more, he spoke of how capable I was, how I could assist him, free him from his limbo. He appealed to my sense of pride...and had I been less aware, I might have listened. If I had, he would have gained what he wanted...and I would have lost myself to possession. It's easy to believe yourself capable of overcoming anything, especially when you have talent. But it's wiser to know what our limitations are, and work within them."

"Just what I've always wanted, some creepy connection to the Fade." Yeah, so much sarcasm there. Kain isn't too thrilled at that, or the fact that so much is still unknown. He'd come here for answers. For certainty. Now, he has anything but that. It's beyond frustrating. But he looks at her seriously and nods. He's guilty after what he's done, so he'll take her word. "I promise, I'll let you know if so. Thus far, I've tried ignoring it as much as I possibly can." Some days, he almost can, too, as long as it's covered.

Kain listens curiously to her talk of her Harrowing and what had transpired. He's heard some from her at other times about it, but it's certainly an important story to be reminded of. "And you passed your Harrowing with flying colors because of your strength. I've... I've always found that admirable. You have such mental strength, such control..." He knows in part it's because she has no choice but to build up such strength, or risk possession. Still, it's a quality he appreciates. "I understand what you're telling me, but... isn't it better to believe I can overcome this, that I have a fighting chance? I'm not one to give up so easily, after all. Besides, it's not as if I'm about to get possessed or anything."

That promises eases her mind for all of a few moments, until Kain makes it apparent that he doesn't understand what she's telling him about caution. Setting down the teacup, she sighs heavily. "Yes, you can get possessed. Demons focus on mages because of our power, but we are not the only targets. A rifter -who coincidentally had the same name as you- was possessed shortly before your arrival. He was not a mage, not even close, and yet he fell because that very pride allowed him to think he could escape what the rest of us could not. Do not follow in his footsteps, Kain.

I'm not just speaking of possession, either. There is a difference between self-confidence and blind arrogance. You retain the former by holding onto a sliver of caution, the reminder that you are not infallible. The more powerful you are, the more this reminder is necessary. Defeat can come precisely because we don't think it will."

Not only that, Kain knows he should know better. It's not unheard of for others aside from mages to get possessed, Templars, Grey Wardens... he's felt the influences of blood magic firsthand, and who knew what else that demon in Golbezza would have made that mage do to him. He shouldn't consider himself immune, especially not after what he's been through.

But when she mentions the rifter, something suddenly clicks. The reason why so many people had looked so creeped out when he'd first arrived... that green-haired rifter carrying the remains of her dead friend named Kain, even the overprotective way she acts toward him... and now Inessa's reaction to the shard. It's not only because he'd left out the truth, but because... of what had happened to that other...

He lowers his head. "Forgive me. I certainly didn't come here to upset you further. And... I don't want to end up like that other Kain. That must have been a nightmarish way to die, I can't imagine. I... I've met the rifter from his world, but never thought to ask what happened..." He'd even held the urn containing his ashes which is really, really creepy the more he thinks about it. The man was eerily similar to him in ways. "I'll try my best to keep all of this in mind, I give you my word. I'll try to find some balance, so that my battle confidence doesn't get the better of me."

This time, Inessa's slower to relax, gaze intent on him until he finishes speaking. She stares down at her tea for a moment, needing a moment to compose herself. That mask of stoicism has slipped, however justified, and she'd just as soon have it back. However, days of bottling up her feelings on the matter make that easier said than done.

"...I will hold you to that promise, Kain. Garahel, too. Don't think we won't." Letting out a soft whine, Garahel rests his head on Kain's lap and looks up at him with those big eyes. Don't make him said, Kain.

It's not easy to see her usual stoicism slipping, and Kain knows all too well how he would feel about that sort of thing happening, given his similar temperament. He looks down as Garahel places his head on his lap and gives him some reassuring petting.

"Inessa..." He hadn't realized until now just how deeply this has upset her. Now he knows, and feels bad how he's dealt with this whole thing. He always assumes he's strong enough to make it through anything... but then, so might have that other Kain as well. "I promise. I won't let you or Garahel down. And I really am sorry I kept this from you... I won't make that mistake again. I'm going to be better about informing you about things, from now on. I trust you more than anyone... I have to start truly doing so."

At least Garahel is easily appeased, and the petting and promise have him responding with a content grunt, not moving his head so as to receive more. Inessa's own frown eases, even as she has to wonder if Garahel and his guilt-tripping eyes had more of an effect than herself. But his statement about trust gets her attention, and she manages a genuine smile for what feels like the first time in days.

"As long as words are backed up with results, I can accept that. And...I feel the same way. Barring Garahel, you and Ciri are those I know I can trust without question." That's what upset her so much, thinking that was now defunct. Without Ciri or Kain, Weisshaupt would have been a lot more difficult, perhaps not even survivable. She doesn't want to think of breaking such ties.

Garahel is hard to resist, Kain has to admit. Mabari charm can win out most anything. Of course, though, he's aware of Inessa, too, and seeing her face relax into a calmer expression makes him feel better too. Maybe he didn't completely ruin things, after all. He'd been so afraid of that during their time of barely talking.

"Likewise. I don't... I don't speak of this sort of thing much, but I value our friendship. I respect you greatly." They'd been through a lot out west, and he'll always feel closer to his fellow Wardens as a result. Moreso than he does for most in the Inquisition. "I've hated keeping away... but I know it was necessary. You needed time." He glances at his tea, remembering it, and takes a long sip. "But I understand now... No more secrets. I just wish I'd found better answers here about these shards."

Leaning over a little, Inessa rests a hand on Kain's. "We will, at some point. I still believe that the Inquisition is our best chance at discovering the truth, whatever it may be. Have faith, Kain. This war isn't over yet, and we have plenty of opportunities left."

Garahel wags his tail in response to that, the mabari ever-optimistic.

Edited 2016-12-15 15:39 (UTC)

Kain appreciates that small gesture a great deal. Already, he feels a lot better about things than he has in some time. He should have told her a long time ago, if anything to get her opinion and reassurance on the matter. "I've never been more certain that I've come to the right place. This was the second best decision I've made, after joining the Wardens. I think... you're right. If any answers are to be found, it'll be here."

So he hopes. He looks toward Garahel, offering more head pets. "Knowing that you both believe this means a great deal to me. I'm... I'm going to be a better friend to the both of you in return." He will make up for what he's done, or at least failed to do.

Garahel's response to that is a belly rumble and Inessa's lip twitches. "A subtle message that I have been holed up in the library for too long, is it? Very well, we can depart to the kitchen and you can tell Kain how to start being a better friend through food." Glancing up over to Kain as Garahel moves away and stares back at them in anticipation. "You knew this was coming."

"Oh, Garahel... where do you put all of that food?" Kain says with a bit of a grin toward the mabari, drinking down the last of his tea. He nods, and looks at Inessa again. "Thank you, for giving me a chance. It means a lot and... I won't let you down."

He glances somewhat hopelessly at the shard, with the tone of someone resigned to fate for the time being. "And if you're ever in need of a reading light... you have only to ask."

"It's a mystery for the ages."

Finishing off her tea as well -because it's a crime to leave any behind- Inessa stands. That last remark gets a thoughtful look from her, as she's often summoned wisps for such purposes, but Garahel tends to get distracted by them. This might be a better option. "I wouldn't say no. Perhaps back at the Warden camp when we have less of an audience?"

Kain nods agreement, glancing down toward Garahel. Ah, he's missed being around him, lately. Just his presence alone is enough to lift the spirits. And... Inessa. He's really missed her, more than he'd realized. He lets out a long sigh of relief, feeling better now that things are on the mend. He's determined to keep his word, too.

"Yes, I'd like that... it'll be much more comfortable that way." He still may not be fond of the shard, but maybe this will help a little.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only