faderift | (no subject)

WHO: Felix and OPEN
WHAT: Felix returns home after being away doing Warden-related things.
WHEN: After Wintermarch 13th
WHERE: Skyhold proper and warden camp, feel free to place your reply in either as Felix will spend time in both areas.
NOTES: None

Felix had been gone for a bit longer than expected. The mission with the Wardens was supposed to take only a few weeks and had lasted for longer than a month. While away he hadn't complained and had dealt with his duties admirably. He still had some thoughts in his head that he wasn't good enough to be within their ranks, but none of the Wardens he had traveled with had made him feel that way. There had been a bit of teasing for him being the newest Warden among them, but otherwise it had felt like he belonged there. It was almost peculiar to think about.

Either way, he still felt relieved when Skyhold came back into view. There was time spent in the Warden camp, debriefing and discussing, and then Felix wandered back up to the castle itself. He had changed from his Warden uniform and cleaned a bit because he wanted to look decent when he showed his face within the castle's walls.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Now the tears fall and she draws in a shaky breath, setting her hand over his own.

"I know," Ellana murmurs. Every day now is more than he was supposed to have. But knowing that and understanding that seem to be two different things. She looks into his eyes, wanting to memorize every little fleck of color; never wanting to wake up one day having forgotten them. This hurts. It hurts because it isn't her just saying she knows he doesn't have much time left. Now she's realizing they don't have much time left.

"Is it possible to love someone too much?" she asks suddenly. "Is it-- I think of the future without you and it feels like I can't breathe anymore." After her first romance, she wanted to be smarter. She wanted to be more mature; to have learned something from her mistakes. But now she feels she must be the same stupid girl she's always been.

Felix moves his hand a bit to take her hand more securely. "My father loved my mother desperately, and when she died he was never the same..." He takes a breath and considers her carefully. "But I don't think he would trade a moment with her. All we can do is make the most of what we do have together, and prepare for whatever comes next."

"You're better prepared for it than I am. I-- I need to be. For you." Her expression, body language, and tone of voice all suggest that he's getting through to her. Acceptance won't come easily, but she's ready to listen now. She's ready to try and understand him.

"Tell me what you need me to do?"

"I need you to be passionate about something that has nothing to do with me, to start with, I think..." He pushes himself up and then settles next to her again. "I need you to know that your life would have meaning with or without me."

She nods, and even cracks a smile when he sits down next to her.

"Do you have any idea how difficult that is when you're so wonderful?" A weak laugh comes out before she wipes at her face. "All right. I'll try." Her heart does need something to be passionate about. It's simply how she's built. And right now, it's him. But that's the way it was with his father, wasn't it? That's why Felix doesn't want her walking down a similar path to destruction.

"Can I ever really prepare myself? Do you think I can do it?"

Felix takes a deep breath as he considers that. "I... I think you can. You're strong, and capable." He feels a bit like weight is on his shoulders. "I think you can do anything you put your mind to."

"At least you believe in me. I'm not so sure I can believe in myself right now." Not with the behavior she's exhibited here. Releasing a sigh, she looks him over a moment before adding, "You know, it frustrates me how calm you are about this. But I think that's because I look at your acceptance as giving up, and I won't learn to accept it too until I stop looking at things that way."

Felix sighs a bit and takes her hand again. "I've gotten used to the idea of dying," he points out. "That's not to say that I don't want to live though. Having this second chance means everything to me. The fact that I can share it with you means everything."

She squeezes his hand and moves to rest her head on his shoulder. "Well, I'm going to do my best to make it happy. I'm sorry about how I've acted. It wasn't very mature of me." She honestly feels a little ashamed. She may not have thrown an all out fit, but she was stubborn and annoyed with him.

"Let's be clear," Felix says. "You don't have to be mature around me. Your feelings aren't invalid just because they are feelings. You can feel how you need to feel."

"Oh?" she asks, raising her head from his shoulder. After a moment's consideration, she crosses her eyes and sticks her tongue out at him.

Hey, he said she didn't have to be mature.

He smiles and then chuckles a bit. "Now I just think that was cute," he points out, seemingly very amused.

"Cute and immature," she replies, feeling much lighter than she's been since they started on the topic of the Calling. "Are you needed back at the camp right away? You could take your boots off; stay awhile?"