faderift | [open] we sit and grow our roots into the floor

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[open] we sit and grow our roots into the floor

WHO: Cade and his many friends and admirers
WHAT: a dumb sulky baby got hurt at the Winter Palace because he was dumb and now he is sulking about it
WHEN: post-Halamshiral, simultaneous with red lyrium plot hell
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Injury stuff, nothing ridiculous

The Healing Tents

For the umpteenth time in the span of two years, Cade is under supervision. But this time it's not because he was violent-- well... it was, but indirectly-- it's because he got a couple spikes of red lyrium through the thigh after flipping out and battling Red Templars completely unarmored in the Winter Palace.
He ingested red lyrium once before, and from what anyone can tell it caused him to smack an elf. This is a lot more of the stuff, and Cade is notoriously unstable, so he's being watched to make sure it doesn't alter his personality.

He's the first to reassure the healers that lyrium doesn't work like that, you have to take it daily and it slowly builds up in you and so forth, but, you know, caution is caution. He respects it. But he hates being fussed over, so periodically he'll sneak off a small ways just to have a bit of solitude.

Near the Healing Tents, Being a Renegade

Usually this means sitting up on the ramparts and watching people, reading, anything that gets him a little peace and quiet. For someone who seems to thrive on being told what to do, no one can tell Cade what to do and he will be stubborn for as long as it takes for him to be deemed Safe again.

This is pointless.

Choose Your Own Adventure

Whatever else! Hit me up if you want a specific scene, or just start one here and I will accede to your whims.

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Cade nods when she says he's awake, not that he feels... that awake. He's groggy, and closes his eyes at the pleasant feeling of her cool hand on his forehead. "I'm fine," he mumbles, even if he is thirsty. It seems wrong to ask her to do anything for him.

After a moment of thought, Beleth decides the question was rhetorical, because he needs to drink water, so he's getting water. She stands up, and disappears for a minute, only to reappear with a pitcher and a cup. The cup is filled, and handed to Cade, pitcher set on the ground.

This accomplished, Beleth settles back down in her chair. "You lost a lot of blood, Cade. You need to rehydrate." There's a pause, and her lips twist. "I hope that you're quite pleased with yourself."

Cade timidly accepts the water and takes a drink, murmuring 'thanks' before Beleth speaks. He nods silently, accepting the first admonishment, though he looks shocked at the second. He looks up at her like a frightened rabbit. "What?" Nothing about this is pleasing!

"I told you." And now Beleth straightens up, energized with Righteous Indignation. "I told you when you went to the vestibule, I knew you were going to overextend yourself--which you did!--and I knew you were going to get injured--which you did!--and I told you not to do it! And you did it anyway! Left me alone in the middle of the Winter Palace with nothing but a dagger and a prayer. I got chased up a bookcase by a bunch of Freemen--A bookcase!--And we both were lucky we didn't die, because you didn't listen to me."

And with that, she crosses her arms, staring at Cade. She knows, in her heart, that she's not being fair. But she feels like she has a right to it. She'd spent so much of that night scared. Scared for Cade, scared for herself, scared of everything that was happening. He can handle a telling-off for it.

Of course, this is all news to him. Cade barely remembers what happened that night, which should come as a surprise to no one, since his little lapses in memory always tend to happen at times of great stress and violence.
...but he still feels bad about it. Cade looks increasingly unhappy as Beleth talks, hunching his shoulders and looking down at his lap, his cheeks beginning to burn. Despite all his slip-ups in the past few years, he's never been dressed down so... frankly before.
"I'm sorry," he murmurs, fidgeting uncomfortably.

Ugh. Ugh, that guilty face. It makes a sympathetic guilt sink into her stomach, and Beleth finds that it's hard to stay annoyed at him, even if he'd left her to get chased up a bookcase. She knows--possibly better than anyone else--what his fits of violence are like. What happens when he gets like that.

"Apology accepted. And--I'm sorry for snapping like that. I just--" She frowns, digging her fingers into her lap. "--When I saw you go to the vestibule, I felt so scared. Not just for me." There's a pause, then hesitantly, she reaches to take his hand. It's a gesture meant to comfort, and to assure--but Beleth still watches Cade's reaction carefully, ready to pull away at the first sign of discomfort.

"A lot of good people died that night. I didn't want you to be one of them."

Reluctantly allowing his hand to be taken, Cade watches Beleth for a moment, then focuses on where their skin touches. It's a foreign feeling, even if it's become increasingly common.
"I'm glad you weren't either," he says without thinking, and stops to berate himself mentally for saying something stupid, whether or not it actually was. "Sorry," he says again, making a face. "I don't... remember most of it." No surprise.

The hand on his taps a finger against him, as Beleth studies his reaction. Before she says anything else, she leans over to Cade, eyes intent. "If I ever touch you, and you like me to stop, just say that. 'Stop'. And, I swear, Cade, no matter what it is, I will stop it immediately. No explanations needed, no apologies needed. I will stop, no questions, and no giving you any flak for it. I want you to feel comfortable around me. I want you to know that I will always stop whatever I'm doing if you want. It doesn't matter if it's just holding your hand. If you want me to stop, just tell me, and I will." It feels repititive, almost silly, but it's something she's taking seriously. And she wants to make sure Cade completely understands.

...She does allow a small smile when he says he's glad she's okay.

"You, ah. You saved me. We were chased by Freemen, and you grabbed me and got me into a room. Then they threw an incindiary grenade in. We had to get out, and one of them grabbed me and dragged me out of the room. Then, uh. You killed him. And the rest of them." Her eyes flick up to Cade, a small smile on her lips. "You protected me. Then you saw Seeker Reed in the vestibule, and went to join him." She raises an eyebrow at him then, but feels like he was adequately lectured already. "...Do you remember dancing with me?"

It's almost more unnerving to be intensely told to say stop than it is to even be touched, but Cade nods quickly and silently. Yes ma'am.
He doesn't tell her to stop, but now he is incredibly aware of her hand on his, and doesn't know if that's a good or bad thing. Perhaps he'll file it away for later.

"Oh," he says faintly, and looks aside, trying to line up his memories with what Beleth tells him. At her last question, he hesitates, but then nods, smiling slightly. It's the last thing he does remember.

"Oh, um--good." The smile's returned for a moment, before her head ducks down. Embarrassed, maybe. Or. Something. It's still nice that he remembers the conversation that they had that wasn't about possibly dying. It's not like anything that went on between them after that was particularly moving.

Out of things to say, she lets the silence stretch on for a while. Then, she glances up again. "Is there anything you want? Any, um. Books or anything?"

She speaks just in time for Cade to not get too anxious about the silence and the touching-- the drugging helps-- and, upon considering, he nods lightly. "Um... books would be great," he says with a timid smile, "I keep finishing them."

"I can handle books. What have you already read? I don't want to give you duplicates." She smiles cheerfully, glad to have an easy way to be able to help him. Then she pauses, studies his face, and withdraws her hand, settling it with her other one on her lap. Her head is cocked to the side as she looks thoughtfully at Cade.

"Whenever I see you smile, it's always...almost like you're unsure if you're allowed to. Like you're worried that you might get yelled at for it. Is that just something you do to me...?" Surely no one had actually yelled at him for smiling, at least lately. But then, that sort of thing can stick with you. She would know.

Of course, the moment Beleth mentions his smile, it drops right off his face. Cade clears his throat and looks away, faced with yet another impossible question.

"..no?" he guesses. He's never had a reason to be conscious of his own smiling, and now he is, so he doesn't know what to do with his face. On the whole, he's not afraid he'll get yelled at, he's just afraid to be happy about anything that could go sour at any moment.

A small sigh follows Cade's drooping face, Beleth's head ducking down. Damn. Well--maybe she can try to use this as an opportunity to try to help him...? Sometimes, you had to be awkward and weird to get things done.

Beleth is...pretty sure that's true. Maybe.

"...I'm just asking because I'd like to see you with a smile that's more...relaxed, I guess. You should try it some time. Unless there's something that you're worried about? I can try to fix it, if there is." She's not sure how, but she is sure that she can give it her best shot, whatever it may be. Until then, examining her hands thoughtfully, she recalls a very vital and important lesson her brother taught her, once.

"What do you call a seagull flying over a bay?" A short pause, and then: "A bagel."

Ba dum tss

Oh no. The more she talks, the more aware of his own face Cade becomes, until he is too busy focusing on what he is or isn't doing with his mouth muscles to even continue listening to Beleth. Does he look like an asshole? Or unnatural? How do you look natural? Does he ever look natural, and is he doing it right now?
He doesn't realize until several seconds after her joke that this is happening, and he snaps abruptly to attention. "What?"

He definitely does not look natural right now, because Beleth looks more distressed as he worries over it, pulling back from him and starting to wring her hands.

"Cade, I'm sorry. I really am. I didn't want you to get worried about it. I just--" She shifts, looking more distressed than the situation probably warrants, but. That's not that unusual for her. "--You look fine, Cade. Your face is fine." She reaches over, and pats him on the cheek. Look, you're fine, please stop freaking out because you're making me freak out.

Now she's freaking out and it's freaking him out more. Is she nervous because he's making her nervous? He has that effect on people, he makes them n--
His thoughts screech to a halt when Beleth touches his face, and he stares at her, dumbfounded. It's not that it would be that surprising of a moment for someone who's touched more often, or even who's spent more time around Beleth, but in the confusion of the moment he has no idea what to do.
Processing...
Processing...

Oh, no. She broke him. Again. This is probably a new record for them.

"Cade...?" Hesitantly, she pokes him in the cheek, like there's a switch there that can turn him back to normal. Immediately realizing that's a stupid idea, she elects to withdraw her hand entirely, settling it back on her lap. "...Are you okay?" That's a stupid question, because he obviously isn't, and she's not sure if she's ever known him to be.

"Can you just--tell me how to make you not upset." Because, clearly, she's incompetent on her own.

"I don't know," Cade says quickly, flinching after she pokes his cheek, "I'm fine. I'm fine." If he could tell her how to not make him upset, he would tell everyone, and then either not be upset anymore or be upset always.
"Sorry," he adds.

"Cade--" She wants to press him, tell him he's clearly not fine, and how does he not know what upsets him? How is she supposed to not upset him if he can't even tell her? But Beleth does learn from her mistakes, or she tries to.

"You didn't do anything wrong. I'm not upset at you." She pauses, staring at her lap thoughtfully. "I just don't want to make you upset." She glances back up at him. "Your face is fine, Cade. I like it how it is."

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[open] we sit and grow our roots into the floor

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