OPEN POST - there's a green glow coming from the library window

[mythalenaste]

WHO: Pel Ashara and everybody in Skyhold
WHAT: Pel returns from the Fallow Mire with crazy amounts of research and will wall herself up doing work and being totally antisocial unless you save her!
WHEN: 19 Firstfall...or is it the 20th? Today. Today and really, really late tonight.
WHERE: Skyhold courtyard and library
NOTES: This is prior to the general return from Skyhold, obviously. Pel just caught a ride back to Skyhold well ahead of the crowd.

Arrival

It turns out a large caravan full of pious Andrastian humans will leave a tiny heathen elf-woman alone if she carries herself like she's about to kick someone's ass. The trip from the Mire to Skyhold was uneventful. In fact, there was never a good enough reason to use her magic, so none of the van was tipped off that Pel is a mage.

Unfortunately, she had no pack mule, so she's having to haul a lot of crap around by herself. One of the nicer people let her keep her heavier things on his cart, but now she's having to get it all unpacked carrying it with her own two hands. She's too proud to ask for help, but you can offer it if you like.

Library

From the time she arrives, she's in the library. During the day, she can be found bent over books. Sometimes, she's asleep on top of one.

At night, long after the keep has gone to bed, a green glow can be seen in the library window, flickering like flame. If someone chooses to check this out, they will find Pel standing over a stone slab with a veilfire flame in her hand, held over her work like a candle. A rune on the slab gives a faint green glow in response. The fire reflects in the elf's eyes like a cat's as she stares suspiciously at you.

Comments

[the_effect_she_has]

It's on the tip of her tongue to ask and she very nearly does ... but then again she doesn't want to know. Perhaps it was better to stay that way, to never know what really happened to her mother. She doesn't know what would be worse - finding out she had died, or finding out she had finally abandoned her and Prim totally.

Instead, she says quietly, and with a grudging note of respect, "You must be very smart."

[mythalenaste]

She shakes her head. "I work hard, is all. Just like anyone can. No doubt you do as well."

[the_effect_she_has]

"I do. But I work on improving my aim, my balance and my stance. I work on being able to take someone out with my hunting knife if they get too close for me to shoot effectively, or to take my arrow and use that instead. I work on my tracking, I work on my hunting practices - what parts of an animal I can use to craft other items. It's mostly ... well."

She took one hand off the book she was carrying, smirking. "Hands directly on."

[mythalenaste]

"So's magic. And reading. It's all practice, just like anything else."

[the_effect_she_has]

Katniss considered that, hugging the book to her chest, "Well ... I'd point out that you're born with magic - but that doesn't mean mages know how to use it right off the bat. So, I give you the point. Everyone is good at something."

One corner of her mouth quirked, "Some of us are just better than others."

[mythalenaste]

A faint smile.

"Magic...it's like having a third arm. Except for whatever reason, everybody is worried you're going to punch people with that arm. Not the other two, just that one. And you go through a lot of teaching about how not to punch people with that arm. I guess it's not like that for every mage, but I can't help but think you're going to be more vulnerable to possession if you're taught you might not have the willpower to resist it."

[the_effect_she_has]

"Hm." Katniss leaned up against the bookshelf, her grey eyes quiet as she considered her answer. "I think mages are given a gift that they can either fear, or revel in. Like any other gift, if it's used the wrong way then it becomes a curse on everyone else." She sighed deeply, "... and sometimes there are a great deal of curses around."

[mythalenaste]

Pel shrugs.

"It has its uses. If the same thing can be accomplished without it, that's better. Though I've heard Circles of Magi are filled with books and teachers. I don't see what advantage it gives them with regard to possession, but damned if it doesn't make me a bit jealous. They probably have shelves of books about elves."

[the_effect_she_has]

"I heard that the library for the Circle of Magi in Fereldan had bookshelves twice as tall as I am, filled to the brim with all kinds of books on ... well, all the species." Katniss murmured quietly, thinking, "I think some elf managed to get her way in, somehow."

[mythalenaste]

"So many things we've lost about our own history, and they could be sitting on a fraction of it, knowing we're looking for it. Or thrown it out because it's inconvenient for the Chantry to think of elves as people."

Pel traces the spine of a nearby book with a fingertip.

"Every other race has their history. But we...elves keep losing everything, first to Tevinter and then to Orlais. And we don't have enough of our history together to find any pattern, anything we're really doing wrong, we just blame it on everyone else. We ought to have our mistakes back, so we can learn from them."

[the_effect_she_has]

"And all we have left are stories of Arlathan, and Elvhean. Whispers upon whispers of what was and what could have been." Katniss's gaze looked off across the library, her eyes narrowing slightly.

"I've thought for a long time that maybe we should just let go of that time, those places. We're never getting them back. We're in the here, and now, and should start to build a new world for ourselves. Stop ... hiding in the slums and in the forests. Stop hating ourselves for what we've lost, start looking for a new history to be started instead."

[mythalenaste]

Pel now supposes Katniss must be elf-blooded, to speak like this. But she frowns.

"Easy enough for you to say, while you humans are overflowing with history. Biased, obviously, written in ways that suit the Chantry. And you don't know the histories the Dalish have been keeping since Halamshiral, or how many generations it's been since a great many people had the same thought you did."

[the_effect_she_has]

Katniss looks back at her at that, and her gaze is a lot sharper now. She straightens, clearly her back already up, grey eyes blazing. "First of all, it's not 'you humans' because you can't just lump everyone together and scream out 'your fault your fault!' You're just falling into the same trap all over again. Did members of the Chantry lie? Oh hell yes. Are all of them lying bastards? No. Or perhaps you've never had the chance to read Brother Genetivi."

Her chin came up, "Secondly, I'm not human, I'm a half-blood. Something that both sides of my particular bloodlines like to remind me makes me neither. Thirdly, no, I don't know the great histories that the Dalish have been keeping since Halamshiral, because the Dalish don't share them! You have a thousand years of knowledge that a goddamn city elf would cut off his own ears for, and you turn your nose up at them because they didn't grow up on the right side of the trees! So take responsibility for yourself, da'len, because honestly, the Dalish can be their own worst enemies when it comes to perserving the elven way of life."

[mythalenaste]

Pel doesn't appear greatly affected by this speech, especially considering how much of it seems to be drawn from Katniss' experiences of people who are not Pel.

No, the thing that raises her hackles is that word, da'len, aimed at her by a young woman who does not know her.

"Feel good to get that out? Good. First, never call anyone older than you da'len again. Lethallan is the word you want.

"Now listen to what I am actually saying: you were raised outside our culture, so you've no ground to criticize me on about how badly we keep our own history. You don't know how we keep our history. Stop lecturing me on my own culture and I won't lecture you about city culture.

"Lastly, taking responsibility for ourselves is why we need our history back. At the moment, the entire explanation for the fall of Elvhenan is 'the humans polluted us with their mortality.' Until we have some evidence pointing out a real reason, people are going to believe it. It's part of our mythology now. And it doesn't help that humans attack us any time we're near cities, so no. I haven't read Genitivi, and I hadn't met city elves until I came here. I'm perfectly open to city elves learning the old ways, but they're kept in and we're kept out because even if humans would let us into their cities, I couldn't go in because I would risk running into templars. I'm prepared to say with a great deal of confidence that the Dalish aren't always good at upholding the old ways, but we are far from their worst enemy."

[the_effect_she_has]

Katniss folded her arms over her chest, lips held together so tightly that they appeared white and bloodless. However, she did listen, because she could almost hear Bruce in her head, chiding her not to get into a fight in the library, of all places.

So she stood, and she listened, and she waited until Pel was finished. Which was good because yes, Pel made some rather good points. And since this was a discussion and not Katniss brawling with a mage over what looked like seriously important Inquisition Research, she had time to mull over Pel's words.

She was still mulling in silence for a moment, before she stated quietly, "You use the term 'da'len' to refer to a child, or in certain cases, someone you think is acting childish or in a child-like manner. Lethallan is for someone closer to your age, a peer. I'm calling you out on your ignorance -- not on your actual age."

She sucked in a breath, "As for growing up outside the culture - my mother gave my sister and I all the knowledge of the Dalish that she possessed, but no, we were never part of her clan because ... well." She gestured to herself; her height, her ears that were not pointed. "Half-bloods look 'too human'. We also weren't raised in a city - we were raised in the Hinterlands, by our father, a human. My mother was only there for a few months out of the year, when her clan was in the area. So ... you are right. I don't know all the Dalish ways, because from my experience ... the Dalish want nothing to do with me, so I usually do not want to have anything to do with them."

Here she looked down for a moment, brooding, because this part was going to hurt but swallowing crow was part of being an adult. She set her shoulders as she looked up, "But then I guess I'm falling into the same kind of assumptions that I accused you of. Not all the humans are the same, and not all the Dalish." That was a hard one to admit, but she kept going. "I also didn't realize that you can't go in and out of the cities freely - my mother made it sound like you simply chose not to. And ... I should have realized. As a mage, it wouldn't be safe for you around the templars. So I am sorry for my outburst."

Seriously, her throat hurt. This might make the most she's said to someone for months. However, she was not someone who thought apologies should just be words, so she reached into her satchel and pulled out a battered copy of In The Pursuit Of Knowledge. She pauses, for a moment, before offering to Pel, "Here. You can borrow it, if you like. It's ... well. It's his best work. My sister read it so many times that it will fall open to her favorite places." Her mouth twisted, "We all have something to learn, I guess."

[mythalenaste]

Pel relaxes as Katniss speaks, especially after the apology. When offered the book, her eyes light up. She takes it reverently in her hands, as if it could crumble if she's not too careful.

"Ma serannas," she breathes. Two deep breaths, and she looks at Katniss and repeats that. "Ma serannas. Knowledge is the greatest of gifts."

Her fingers trail down the spine as she considers.

"The greatest threat to the old ways is death. War, plague, people ignorantly at each others' throats. It's so hard to stay alive, as a Dalish. Cold and rain, clean water, a dry place to sleep, shemlen thinking we're stealing their babies...it's so hard to stay alive, let alone keep other people alive."

She looks like she's rummaging around for a way to say the next thing, for a moment.

"When I was nine years old, a plague broke out in our clan. I was Keeper's First, so I was helping nurse all the sick and dying. And, more and more, looking after the orphans they left. It's impossible to keep things clean when that happens. Also impossible to keep anything dry, and not being dry is a big problem in the wild. Makes you catch a chill. When half your clan is sick, hardly anyone's hunting. There's so much work to do to keep even the healthy ones alive and nobody's doing it because everyone's either sick or tending to a loved one who's sick, or helping bury the dead. Nobody could fight if we'd been attacked. All it takes is the one thing, to wipe out a whole clan. We were lucky."

Deep breath.

"And...I've always had this image of city folk--anyone who lives in a house, not just in a city--in their dry beds up off the ground, with a floor under them, with big hearths and chimneys, and roofs keeping the damp out. They can keep all manner of things, maybe even extra bedding because they don't have to regularly pack it all up and cram it into an aravel. I always thought it must make them soft and spoiled and lazy, and they hated us for living without those comforts they depend on. Like having a hard life makes us savage, and they don't like anyone who doesn't remind them of themselves."

Her eyes, which had wandered, return to Katniss.

"So that's what I assumed of you. It's what I assume of nearly everyone. And it was wrong. It's always wrong. But that wariness of strangers isn't going to go away. Being wary keeps my people safe. It's not because of your blood, it's because we always have to be afraid if we're going to keep ourselves alive. Sometimes even around other Dalish clans."

[the_effect_she_has]

Katniss lets out a sight of relief at the care that Pel is taking with the book. She had been uncertain about lending it out, it being one of the few things she had left of Prim, but she needn't of worried. The woman held it like it was the precious thing that it was - for completely different reasons. Still.

She looks thoughtful at that, before her gaze narrowed. Her mouth twisted - god, what a way to live. Trying to hold on as best one could, against those sorts of odds ... but then again, so had the city elves. So had the ones living out in the villages and tiny hamlets.

"Ir arabals, Pel." She said quietly, "It's not easy, watching people you care about die. I ... have stood over too many graves myself." She sighed as she rubbed her own finger down the spine of her book, "You're right to be cautious - every city elf I know lives in the same kind of dread, the same kind of fear even after they've left the slums. They have fear of the plagues that will ravish through the alienages - hopped up lords coming into their homes and taking their sons and daughters for ... the Maker knows what. The country is better - but only just -- and I still slept with a knife under my pillow, awaiting the day for one of the stupid louts I called a neighbor to come in and try to hurt me, or Prim."

Her smile is bitter, and tired, older than her years, "I guess there is no easy answer, no easy life for any of the Blood. We have suffered, and now, vir suledin nadas. I've done it for ten years on my own, what's another ... how many more." She sighed, looking at the book then up at Pel, "But at least you have your clan, still. You're not alone."

[mythalenaste]

"You ought to pray with me someday," Pel suggests softly. "I could teach you any of the old ways you don't yet know. Maybe there's truth in what you say, and the elves have followed the example of humans in placing our value solely on the shape of our ears. But someone who yearns for their elven heritage like you do...I'd never deny it to you. You hunger for it like I do."

[the_effect_she_has]

"I ... " She pauses, before she gives Pel a brooding look. After a moment, she nods her head slowly, "Very well. I would like to learn more - I would like to know this side of my soul better. I know altogether too well what my human side has to say."

One corner of her mouth lifts, "And like I said - we both have to learn something."