CLOSED: Though we share this humble path, alone

[pinprick]

WHO: Nathaniel, Inessa, Ciri
WHAT: Baby Wardens acting out, Dad Warden tries to talk with them
WHEN: After returning from Ansburg
WHERE: The Gallows, Nathaniel's office
NOTES: Will update with any warnings.

You are directed to come to my office at the time appointed below. You are to wear your undress uniform and it is to be marginally clean.

--Nathaniel Howe

Comments

[circleprodigy]

Since their return, Inessa knows they would have to answer for departing as they did in Ansburg. It's true that she had followed Ciri's lead, spoken purely to defend her and no more, but there's no intent to deflect blame in the affair. Actions have consequences, a fact of which she has been well aware. So, she'll urge Ciri to take this seriously as well and arrive on time, as instructed and for once short one mabari. (She's uncertain what to expect or how long this will take, and he's wanted playtime with Kain anyway.) Not about to keep their superior waiting, Inessa knocks on the door.

[ichaer]

There have been a lot of thoughts on Ciri's mind since their return from Ansburg. Honestly, she thinks could have gone a lot worse if she hadn't had the piece of mind to excuse herself even if it hadn't been in the best of ways. Of course, actions have consequences and all that other nonsense. So, although she listens to Nessa, she doesn't speak or say anything on the subject until its time for her meeting.

Idly stares off after she knocks on the door and ever so carefully traces her scar in habit, already done with this entire ordeal.

[pinprick]

"Enter." Nathaniel sets aside his pen and steeples his fingers, waiting for her to sit. There is a line between his brows. He looks at her with stern concern, if there is such a thing.

"I'm very glad you went after Ciri. I'm glad you were able to look out for one another. But it could have ended very differently. You understand that, yes? Why the two of you travelling alone through the Deep Roads is of concern to me, well past any concern about insubordination?"

[pinprick]

Nathaniel waits for her to sit, and appears to hesitate before speaking, as if rewording an opening line he has already rewritten repeatedly.

"You are not in trouble," he says carefully. "But it has occurred to me, quite keenly, that you and Inessa have suffered through a great deal, and we who were not there for that much of it have not done enough to help you."

[ichaer]

And Ciri, in turn, seems to hesitate herself after she has found a place to sit.

"Did you figure that one out before or after I suggested we burn down the Ansburg fortress if they attacked us?" It is said quietly before we cuts her eyes to him, frowning. "But that's why I removed myself from the situation, I thought it best."

[circleprodigy]

Sitting with the perfect posture of one who's well aware of her lack of height and doesn't wish to be seen as any shorter than that, Inessa nods gravely as her fingers intertwine. She's as calm and softspoken as ever, that incident in Ansburg a notable exception.

"I do indeed. The Deep Roads are dangerous even to seasoned Wardens, and we are not that." She hesitates for a moment, choosing her words carefully as she means no disrespect. "This is an explanation, not an excuse. Ciri and I...we're used to relying on each other solely, as a matter of instinct. Without that support in Weisshaupt, it's doubtful we would have lasted long enough for rescue. You have done us no wrong, nor have any Wardens here, but...trust in the rest is more difficult to renew that I had realized. When we were told those surrounding us were not to be trusted, it seemed that history was about to repeat itself."

Her lips for a thin line, a little frustrated with herself. It's not an easy thing to admit, that the past still has its hold to the degree where it can influence her present. Truthfully, she had thought herself past that only to be proven wrong.

[pinprick]

"I...see. In another situation, what you did might have made the two of you the only ones to escape and continue the good fight. I...hope you understand, however, that just because Teren spoke alarmingly doesn't mean the danger was imminent. Teren's job is to prepare for the worst case scenario. Big, strong bulwarks like Alistair and Oghren get us in safely, but Teren and I, and others of our skill set, are the ones tasked with getting everyone out when the situation turns dire. Teren saw something she judged to be suspicious and she drew our attention to it. That was her duty, and she did it well. But when you broke away from us, you were not part of our unit and we could neither rely on you nor protect you."

[pinprick]

"That is why you are not in trouble. You did not desert, you used your best judgment, told us where you would be, and left accompanied. We didn't have a process in place for the situation, so you did what you could. You did what was right. You should never have been put in a situation where you had to make an unsafe journey in order to do the right thing."

After a moment's hesitation followed by a well why the hell not, Nathaniel takes two glasses and a bottle of Fereldan peat whisky from a drawer, pouring about a finger for each of them and sliding one glass toward her.

"We accommodate a number of our people and their exceptional circumstances--Alistair is technically banished from Ferelden, Anders doesn't go into tight spaces, et cetera. What do you need from your leaders?"

[circleprodigy]

Inessa nods as she stares at her hands, unable to deny that truth. She wouldn't think to protest against it either, as it had been on her mind while with Ciri. "I understand, and it's not behavior I intend to see repeated. I could not leave her, though, not as she was." Drunk and angry could have lead to so many disastrous outcomes on its own. If anything had happened to Ciri, she would have never forgiven herself.

But she looks up again, her tone firmer, resolved. "It won't happen again. I won't say that such circumstances will ever be easy for us, but we'll be more mindful of our actions in the future."

[pinprick]

"That...is not at all what I'm saying, Inessa." Nathaniel looks grim. "I'm saying you should never have been in that position in the first place. Neither should we. And it is up to your leaders to take responsibility for putting you in that position. We know you and Ciri are not cowards. We know you listen to orders under normal circumstances. You should never have had to choose between your wellbeing and hers, and the disproportionately minor duty you were ordered to carry out. That is not a Warden's obligation. Next time, what I need you to do is speak up, not suffer in silence. We need to know if a mission is the wrong fit for you in a way we haven't foreseen. It would have been better for us to have left you behind than for us to leave you to carry each other home when one of you is already drunk. Do you see what I am saying?"

[circleprodigy]

Well, this isn't quite what she had imagined. Inessa was used to the demands of superiors, of constantly putting others before herself whether it be as a Circle mage or Grey Warden. (And as a prodigy, she had been expected to be more than capable.) Any failings on her part were hers alone to deal with, or so she had always believed. That her support network could be wider than a couple of fellow low-ranking Wardens is not a natural conclusion for her to make, and it's probably telling in her silence as she processes the notion.

"I think so, yes. Ciri and I truly believed it would be no issue, at the time; we had not foreseen it either, which was a mistake." Whether it be pride or denial, Inessa truly believed it would be fine, until it wasn't. Perhaps this is the wake-up call they needed, to be more mindful of their limits. Taking in a breath, she nods. "I'll do my best to be aware of such issues beforehand, and relate them as need be."

[pinprick]

"You don't need to foresee anything," Nathaniel says gently. "And I'm glad we are learning about this. Just be mindful. It does not mean things we ask you to do will always be easy or comfortable, if they ever are. It means we must work together to ensure you are the best Warden you can be. And you are a good one."