faderift | You don't expect to be bright and bon vivant

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You don't expect to be bright and bon vivant - OPEN

WHO: Cosima, Anders, Herian, YOU?
WHAT: Catchall open post for Kingsway
WHEN: Your choice if it needs to be specific within the month - Cosima's not going anywhere that I know of
WHERE: Various around Kirkwall
NOTES: If you want a specific starter, hit me up on plurk/discord/etc.

I - Infirmary

Kirkwall has seemed to agree with Cosima, overall. It's easier to breathe, out of the cold, and as vertical as the city is, at least it comes with stairs. Still, she's careful not to miss her scheduled sessions with the healers all the same. Given the unknowns about her disease, her anchor shard, and whether or not they affect one another, she's not eager to take unnecessary chances.

It's been over a year now, so she's on a greeting basis with a lot of the people who work in and around what used to be the healing tents. But she's ready to greet new faces too, if they seem open to it. (Especially right after treatment, which is inarguably the best she feels all month.)

II - Library

Doing formal research for the Inquisition has offered the advantage of focusing her efforts, at least a little. But after her recent discussions about microscopes, she's come to wonder if trying to have a simple one built might be a good idea after all. She can think of several uses, both regarding the Fade and red lyrium, and maybe someone higher up will be willing to secure the funding necessary.

She's working on some detailed sketches, with concentration, but not so much that she can't be interrupted.

III - Tavern

It's important not to burn out by working all the time. Cosima would be quick to tell that to anyone who asks -- but no one does, really, she's just reassuring herself. It's true, though, and she can let herself relax into an evening out now and again. She wears gloves and keeps an eye out for trouble, but she also has a few drinks and even joins a friendly card game now and then.

Kirkwall doesn't feel like home; Thedas doesn't feel like home. But she's sometimes surprised how much it's come to feel something like normal. Especially with some friendly company.

IV - Wildcard

[Choose your own adventure]

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"Sometimes I think about putting together a guide to the basics for the Rifters, but I always come back to the first starting block: I don't know what they don't know upon coming here and they don't know what they don't know either."

He gives her a half-smile. "Would you have any interest in a collaboration? I'd keep my name off it, help it have a greater chance of getting spread out there. Or maybe that question should wait until you've the answers to what questions you might have about me."

While the chances of losing her friendship tonight due to her finding out more about him seem slim, they're still there. The weather this evening may be nice, they may be passing through people who aren't taking much notice of him, but he's still nervous.

"Ruby and I used to talk about that sometimes - did you know Ruby? She's been gone a while now." She'll always have a special place in Cosima's heart, though, as the first real friend she made in Thedas. "Part of the problem is that we're not even consistently from the same place. So sometimes even rifters don't know what to explain to each other. Hermione and I come from worlds that seem very much the same, but I don't know if mine has magic and it's just hidden from me or if they're actually different places."

It wasn't a total surprise that no one had put together a definitive welcome package yet, really.

"But, that said, I think it might make sense to standardize at least some basics. What's the Inquisition, what are we doing and why. That sort of thing." Cosima doesn't seem especially worried that their friendship is about to abruptly end, for what it's worth.

"I knew Ruby. And you're right. Even among rifter mages there's a great deal of difference. Sarkan, Hermione, Galadriel, Jefferson..." Anders trails off and shakes his head. "There are so many worlds represented. So you're right, there are differences between each."

Cosima has her science, Kirk has his ships in the sky, Iskandar has been brought back from the dead as a spirit.

"But an introduction to those things, and what we take as given and known here that's surprised Rifters, would it help, do you think?" They've arrived at the tavern he's chosen, a large stone structure with what seems to be a pair of spread legs on the sign. Anders holds the door open for her. A pretty lively violin-and-drum duo is playing in the stage between the two levels, and it's a rather well-lit and clean place considering most of Kirkwall. "The table in the corner to the right looks like a good one, if that suits you?"

It's nice to have his back against the wall and be able to see everything that's going on, even when he's with someone who seems to have faith in him.

"Perfect." Relatively clean and not so loud you can't talk are pretty much her only real requirements these days. "Uh, in advance, I warn you - I don't eat meat, so my orders in Thedas tend to be potato-heavy. Though you can actually get, like, green things in Kirkwall, which is a nice change. Some people get weirdly sad on my behalf, though."

She doesn't think Anders will, necessarily, but she still thinks it's worth warning him ahead of time just in case.

"I will definitely take some ale, though."

He shrugs, not sure why people would be sad on her behalf.

"You're eating what you choose to eat. I can't say I see how you not eating meat hurts me. Ale it is, and I'll ask after their menu." With a quick smile Anders heads up to the counter and orders two ales before grabbing a menu and bringing it back to the corner table. It's a little stained, but at least the thing is legible.

"I'd avoid the stew, and likely the cottage pie is more of a meat and potato thing than an actual pie, but you should be good on most of the other entries."

"You rock, thanks." The criticism of her vegetarianism is something she's used to from home, weirdly familiar in the continuing culture shock of Thedas. (Minnesota wasn't thick with non-carnivores.)

"So," she adds as they settle in, "how've you been holding up?" After the can of worms he opened a bit before -- or even just with Kirkwall, generally. They've never talked about it in detail, but that doesn't mean she's clueless about his ties here, at least in broad strokes.

He rocks? She says it like a compliment. Anders decides to just take it like that and let it pass aside from a momentary very confused look. There's a question to focus on, and ale in front of him, and a small loaf of bread plopped down in front of both of them a few moments later.

"It's funny, or maybe it's not, actually. I'm not sure. The last time I was here was worse. It was seven years of straight failure and a looming, clear end in sight that was unbearable. Now? Now there's hatred, but it's..." Anders shakes his head. "I can take it, most of it, because I'm not failing daily. There's not a new dead mage or more every day."

And Justice isn't there constantly pointing out how Anders had failed to save lives, either.

"Or I tell myself that I can take it, and then go and do something stupid." He snorts self-deprecatingly before looking back up at her. "How is the City of Chains treating you?"

She shrugs, taking a drink of her ale. "I don't have a lot of the... baggage, I guess, for lack of a better word. I've heard about what happened, yeah, but it doesn't have this heaviness for me the way certain places in my own world would. And I've got to say, I'm better suited for a city on a bay than a fortress on a mountain."

Which is not to dismiss the many good reasons why people might not want to be in Kirkwall -- even for a Rifter, the Gallows can be creepy, for one -- but she also wasn't really attached to Skyhold in any way. One place is as good as another, and at least here she can swim sometimes.

With a crooked smile, she adds, "Probably less of a strain on my respiratory system, but you'd know as much as I do."

"Air that's not as thin? Most definitely less of a strain. Most people who aren't even dealing with a chronic illness such as yours do better out of the mountains. My theory is that more air helps everyone but it could just as easily be the warmth."

He gives her an amused smile and shrug.

"Or maybe I'm biased toward the warmth. The Anderfels were far warmer than Fereldan or the Frostbacks. And far more religious, so perhaps it's..." The amusement fades. "I can't say this is better. I don't know how things would or wouldn't have turned out. Matters could have been better, but I don't think they would have been. At least not for my people."

"I grew up... well, it wasn't warm always, but it never got very cold either. Temperate, more like here." She runs her thumb along the edge of her tankard, thoughtful.

"As for what ifs... I know it's hard not to sometimes, but I try not to linger on them. Better to think of what you can change now. What you want the future to look like. Or at least less frustrating." Easier said than done, she knows too well. But she thinks it's worth trying.

"At least I'm ahead in one of those ways," he says, amusement returning. "I know what I want the future to look like for my people. Freedom. Us being part of normal life for everyone around us, not... terrifying creatures. And it will help the mages who are afraid of themselves too. There's nothing quite like someone jumping back from you to say, well."

What it says is pretty clear. What it would do is too, he feels. Cosima's smart; she can connect the dots easily enough.

"It's hundreds of years deep, a key part of so many cultures, but if we chip at it, maybe we can eliminate it. Maybe we can help with the fear that so many have about other things and groups too, like your own."

"Look, I'm not going to come in as an outsider and say 'Yes, this is how things should be.' We don't have mages where I'm from as far as I know. But. I think people should have self-determination, whoever they are. Autonomy matters." She tilts her head slightly, and adds a little softer. "I may not agree with securing that autonomy at absolutely any cost, personally, but that doesn't mean I think it's an unworthy goal."

It's the closest they've gotten, really, to talking directly about why he isn't happy to be back in Kirkwall. (Weather aside.) She purposely leaves it vague; he can engage or not. His choice. But you don't spend over a year in the Inquistion -- or several months dating Herian, to be honest -- without hearing more than one version of what happened, and she wants to be absolutely clear that she's not simply talking to him because she's ignorant.

He's quiet for several moments, looking into his mug.

"I don't know that I agree with it at any costs either," Anders finally says, a little quietly. The barkeep might be neutral on many matters, but she doesn't know his name because he likes this place and doesn't want to risk it.

"You have to--" Anders breaks off, stopping himself. "You don't have to understand or do anything, actually. But what happened that night was less about the fight for freedom and more about how many people were going to die that night whether I acted or not." He takes a slow breath before looking back up and meeting her eyes. Part of the reason for coming out tonight was to give her this opening, even when he's as nervous as always when talking about it with someone he gives a care about.

"That night, it was going to be several hundreds of mages dying, or several dozens of people in general. That's not to say I had the right to make the call that I did. I murdered somewhere around a hundred people that night, justifying it as a fair trade, justifying it as justice because the city and the world would not have cared if it had been the mages who died. As evidenced by no one save mages caring when Darsmuid's Circle was slaughtered. But I was not right to do it."

She nods, more an acknowledgement than she understands what he's telling her than an indication she agrees. Cosima is thoughtful, and doesn't rush into responding. On the other hand, she doesn't want to leave him hanging, so after a moment, she says:

"It's a shitty position to be in." Quiet. "I've never had to make a call like that, so I don't know what I'd do. It's like... there's a famous philosophical problem in my world. Lots of variations, but at the base: Do you let a bunch of people die through inaction or do you actively kill a smaller number of them to save the others? I guess... I'm a scientist, not a philosopher. There aren't a lot of circumstances where we only have two choices in real life."

She's not saying he wasn't in one. But if he was, it was a rarity.

"I don't think many ever wind up in a situation like that."

He exhales slowly. "When I worked with the Hero of Ferelden he faced something a little similar, but not quite to that point. The Darkspawn were attacking two places, the city of Amaranthine and the fortress of Vigil's Keep. He had to choose where to make his stand and the city won out despite how many lived at the Keep. At the end of the day, though, we held the Keep as well. I don't... If someone in authority had listened, had helped, maybe no one would have died in Kirkwall that night. Or maybe Meredith was far too gone from the Red Lyrium and her own paranoia. No one can say. But no one has suggested any alternatives other than let the mages die, so..."

Anders spreads his hands. He doesn't know. It's a complicated mess that no one had an answer for.

"I spent seven years trying to do things the official, Chantry-sanctioned way and then time was up. Now we'll see how much time we have to try to establish something that allows all mages choices. It's not easy when the ones who benefit by stalling won't talk with you about what they valued about the Circles."

"And now you heal people,"she points out. "In the meantime. It's not... I don't think you can pile up people you hurt one one side of a scale and people you help on another and just take the difference, but the fact that when left to your own devices you heal people means something. I think so, anyway." It's one of the reasons she's willing to have this kind of talk with him, to engage.

"I have heard some Circle mages talk about what they valued about it, though," she adds, after a short pause. "Maybe because I'm a rifter? It might seem like it should be self-evident if you're from here, but I'm used to asking really basic questions. And maybe because I don't have a personal stake about it, beyond caring about people who happen to be mages." There was no risk, after they dealt with Corypheus, that anyone would be asking Cosima, personally, what she thought they should do about mage freedom.

She's right. There's no scale. There's no actual point when he's atoned enough either. All he can do is live in the now, whenever his yesterdays aren't weighing him down. Cosima gets a dip of his head, silent acknowledgement and thanks, because there's nothing else he can really say to that.

The other gets an eyebrow. "There's no obvious bias in your asking, you're right. My asking raises suspicions that even fully explaining doesn't ease. Would you mind relaying the details? If I'm to build something that give them what they need while giving all of us who want freedom what we need, I have to understand what the system gave them. I can't wrap my head around it currently."

She rubs the back of her neck, idly, thinking of how specific to be. "I don't want to put words in anyone's mouth. But from what I've picked up... some Circles were less restrictive than others, which means people had different experiences with the system while it existed. Some people mentioned getting an education and resources they never would have had access to otherwise. Elves being treated reasonably equitably. I think... I haven't met anyone who said to me, at least, that they wouldn't change anything about what was if it was up to them."

She exhales, not quite shrugging. "But I think some people worry about an over-correction. That absolutely everything about the Circle will be lost, even for people who might choose that kind of life if given a choice. You know?"

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You don't expect to be bright and bon vivant - OPEN

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