Cannot Find The Words

[el_tybs]

WHO: Samouel Gareth and ANYONE
WHAT: A lots happened since the Fallow Mire. Sam reflects and keeps busy before getting shipped out again.
WHEN: Between returning from Fallow Mire and leaving for War Table operations
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Just the usual.

{Magic Lessons - Before/During/After}
Even though Fallow Mire had been trying, it doesn't mean that he can just take a break from his lessons. Sam is progressing with his Spirit magic with the help of Lady LeBlanc, as well as learning to control Ice spells to a point, though having difficulty. He's also trying to get the grasp on Storm magic with the help of Roul.


{The Armory}
With the new shipment of ores from the Fallow Mire there have been numerous orders for armor and weapons. Seeing as his sparring lessons with Krem have been put on hold for now for... reaons, he spends most late afternoons/early evenings helping with the forges.


{The Library}
He's still having issues falling asleep since the bog so Sam spends a good amount of time in the library in the evenings. That's not the only thing keeping him up. There are a number of crumpled up papers on the floor as he tries to figure out what to say in a letter.


{Wildcard}

Comments

[el_tybs]

"Well... it isn't very nice to do that to the cooks. Never a good idea to upset the person making your food. I always make sure to thank them or bring them something," he chuckles at seeing how Pel lights up at that. "But it is nice. It's filling and tasteful to boot."

[mythalenaste]

"Even without it being cooked, it's there. We're so lucky to be here. Food everywhere and places to sleep inside buildings. I've slept on the ground, I've slept in aravels, but there's nothing like sleeping in a building. I never want to go back."

[el_tybs]

Sam continues to chuckle at how increasingly excited Pel gets about there being food and having a place to sleep. It was cute. Especially when she smiled like that, a small thing, not quite there, still staying a bit reserved. The first time he had seen it was when he had brought some snacks as a way of thanks for her help with Salem - even if she tried to push it off as it being a sister's duty - and noting that she often spent long periods of time at her desk researching. And he thought he enjoyed desserts.

Still, as nice as it was seeing Pel content, that last part does seem like a serious claim. There was still a lot about the Dalish that he didn't know, but from what he knew, separating from the clan was kind of a big deal. Pel isn't the first Ashara that he's heard that claim either. "What would you want to do if you didn't?"

[mythalenaste]

"...Sleep outside or in an aravel?" Because she's realizing the broader implications of what she just said, and is deflating a bit. Is that what she wants? Never to go back to the clan? It's certainly not in the near future, or even the foreseeable future. She might be better equipped to help the elves from outside the clans.

[el_tybs]

It's obvious that Pel knows what he was asking about, but it seems that even though she had said it, she wasn't quite sure if that was actually what she wanted. "Don't think about the going or not going part. What would you like to do? You seem to really enjoy your research, surrounded by the books."

[mythalenaste]

"I do. I love it." She turns a strand of hair around one finger. "It drives me mad sometimes, but I love it. And I think I can do real good with it."

[el_tybs]

"Sometimes the things we love can do that," he chuckles remembering a couple times hearing Pel mutter in frustration when he was close enough to hear. Research definitely did that to ya.

"You're doing amazing work, Pel. You should consider following what you love doing."

[mythalenaste]

She soaks that in for a second, then raises her eyes to him.

"I have barely been here at all and I'm already translating messages that date from around the time of Halamshiral. So much garbage I sorted through, but that...I need to keep doing this. I don't know how I'll live in this world of shems, but I need to keep doing this. I'll die of wasting if I don't."

[el_tybs]

"Honest truth, Pel? Even for a 'shem' it's pretty hard. Well some of us. Can't say it's the same for everyone." He gives her a reassuring smile at how she's looking up him. "I can't say I know how things are for the Dalish, but as a fellow mage? Don't trap yourself."

[mythalenaste]

"My Keeper set me free. That's what she told me." It's still hard to admit how much of a prison she lived in, fettered by a duty with no room for self. "I don't know the first thing about how to be civilized, about money or any of those things. But if I go back, I could be Keeper, but no more. I can't help my people in that cage, living hand to mouth every day while running from everything that moves. Here, I have libraries and fireplaces and four walls with a roof on top. There's a big gaping hole in this part of the world, a need for the sort of knowledge I've spent my life learning, and can pursue now in ways I never could before.

"But if I don't go back...can I really say I'm helping the Dalish if I leave the Dalish? In pursuit of one part of me I could never have before, would I lose what I already have of myself?"

[el_tybs]

"Who said you're uncivilized?" The Dalish did things different from humans, but Sam didn't think Pel was not civilized. Sam sighs, shaking his head and the very idea, but then again he thought differently on things then others at times.

"Do you think you would be helping if you didn't go back, find stuff you wouldn't otherwise that would benefit your clan and the rest of the Dalish?" Leaning over, Sam gives Pel a light nudge with his arm. "And in my personal experience you will only lose what you used to have if you let yourself do so. Just because I'm a mage I didn't stop myself from pursuing the skills my father taught me. Why should you?"

[mythalenaste]

She thinks about that for a moment, then sighs softly.

"I'm not leaving the Dalish. I'll always be Dalish. But I can't go back, not for good. You're right. This is what I have to do."

[el_tybs]

"I'm not trying to be right, Pel. I just want you to be happy. Whatever decision you make I'll be around to support you."

[mythalenaste]

"That means a lot. But you are right. This is what I want. It's what I owe to myself and the People."

[el_tybs]

Sam smiles at that, nodding a bit at her choice. Pel was doing amazing work, and she truly looked like she enjoyed it. After a moment he gives her a small nudge with his arm. "Well all that got me hungry. Should we go see what they have in the kitchens?"

[mythalenaste]

"I'd love to. Maybe I could cause a distraction while you nuck some cake."

[el_tybs]

"We could just... 'ask' you know for cake," he chuckles, an amused frown planted on his face. "Why do you think I'd be better at sneaking?"

[mythalenaste]

"I don't. It just means you're the one who gets in trouble if we get caught."

[el_tybs]

She had a point. "... Sneaky. I'm game."