set your heart against the scales, keep your head above the tide

[dashing]

WHO: Ambassador Amsel & others
WHAT: a Herian catch-all
WHEN: through the month
WHERE: Kirkwall
NOTES: closed and open starters to be added through the month, I have a hideous cold atm and am even more forgetful than usual, so if we have discussed something and I've neglected to follow up or set something up, please don't hesitate to contact me.

Comments

[dashing]

( Herian, for her part, is surprised that Sarah doesn't just keep walking. )

She told me that she has many sisters, though you were none of you raised together, for the sake of an experiment to study how different circumstances might shape each of you. That all of you were lied to, and subjected to experimentation and examination without your permission, and at times betrayed by people you trusted. Personal agency was... rended from herself, and all of you.

( There have been so many small conversations these past two years, Herian not eager to push or demand, and Cosima perhaps guarding herself in a different way than Herian does. Where Herian lets ice crawl over her, Cosima acts as if the world is sunny and warm even when terrible things lurk. )

Your world sounds a dark and dangerous place, even without magic and demons, but she... told me that she trusts your word.

[coppelganger]

What you've got to understand is that we're all in danger. We're self-aware, and the last time that happened, thirty eight innocent people were killed. Entire families. Cosima doesn't know that yet. There are only a few people we can trust. For the most part, we can only rely on each other. We've got to look out for each other.

[ Sarah adjusts the damp towel in her arms, crumpling it into a smaller ball so she can carry it without getting Cosima's shirt wet. She feels like she's definitely overstayed her welcome and moves to leave again, then thinks better of it and adds, ]

She's known you two years, but I don't know you at all. It's nothing personal.

[dashing]

( Herian opens her mouth, closes it, and leans against the desk. )

Maker. ( And Cosima doesn't know? She seems like the breath has been taken out of her. ) That's... horrifying, Sarah. Are you— do you mean to tell her?

( A moment, and she flexes her fingers to resist the urge to fidget. )

I understand that you cannot know me or trust me as she does, but if you've questions you ever wish to ask, please know yourself free to. I will answer as ably as I can. And... though I do not know the horrors you all of you have endured, I have known... I have known some horrors. They are hard to explain without... without context.

[coppelganger]

I don't know. There's a lot she hasn't experienced yet. It seems unfair to dump it all on her.

[ To the rest, she just listens. When Herian is finished speaking, she nods in acknowledgment. ]

[dashing]

Do you think it more more fair to allow her the knowledge so that she better understands you, or leave her without it?

( Because... there are pros and cons to both. ) I understand your concerns, though I suspect she would prefer honesty, and if she were to learn of it and find that you kept it from her, that would injure her greatly.

( She's not implying that she'd tell Cosima, under the assumption Sarah is telling her in confidence, but... weird shit happens, accidents happen, and so on. )

[coppelganger]

Look, to be honest, there's a lot of shit happening back home that Cosima doesn't know about yet. It's not just one thing. And she doesn't seem very interested in hearing about it, so I haven't said much.

[dashing]

( Herian thinks for a moment. This is a thing with her, long pauses before speaking, a sort of defiance and carefulness mixed together. )

Have you asked her explicitly if she wishes to know? I fault you not for your conclusions, but it could be that she has misinterpreted information, or conveyed her wants poorly to you.

[coppelganger]

No. I haven't.

[ She bites at a thumbnail, nervous at the thought. Which is stupid, 'cause it's Cosima, not some stranger. But it's Cosima from a point in time where they barely knew each other. It's not the Cosima she's come to rely on and view as one of her best friends. Yet. ]

[dashing]

( With a quiet sigh, Herian takes a few steps closer to Sarah. )

Sarah, I cannot offer you any advise that would not be... hypocritical, in truth. Communication is hardly something that comes naturally to me. Cosima, though— Cosima is understanding. And you are her family, and even if much is different between you, it remains that you are a piece of home that she has been denied until now, and you matter to her.

( Herian shrugs a little. ) I made the mistake of concealing information from her because I thought that would grant her happiness. I was very wrong.

[coppelganger]

[ That makes Sarah look at Herian more sharply. She's been trying, very hard, not to compare Herian to Delphine. It's a completely different situation, and it's not fair to her. But if that doesn't sound like something Delphine would say... ]

Have you?

[dashing]

( There is a stretch of silence. This is still new, raw, and exposing the weakness to one she barely knows does not come easily. )

I did not confide in her when... things were becoming overwhelming. I thought that self destruction was the better path, before telling her that I was struggling.

[coppelganger]

[ Well, okay. Sarah can relate to that. ]

Yeah. Well, we've all done shit like that. The good thing about Cosima is she sticks with you anyway.

[dashing]

( A quiet huff of laughter, or close to it. )

We are both very lucky in that regard.