faderift | (no subject)

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(no subject)

WHO: Felix and Adelaide. Then Felix and OPEN.
WHAT: Felix isn't feeling well and collapses. Adelaide tends to him. After, he's up for visitors but is still very weak.
WHEN: Current.
WHERE: The main hall. Then, Felix's private room.
NOTES: Description of illness?

[For Adelaide]

Felix was probably pushing himself too hard, if he was honest. It was becoming more and more clear every day that his time was running out. He didn't have much left and he wanted to try to get as much done as possible before. He had been up all night drafting letters home urging those he had ties with to support the Inquisition.

Then early in the morning he had gone to visit his father. The elder Alexius had fussed more than anything, but Felix still made the effort to try to see his father as much as he could, while he could. Then came arranging the letters to be sent north.

He was exhausted just doing those few things, though the lack of sleep hadn't been helping. He felt the headache coming on. There was a pounding in his head. It was rhythmic. A song. His ears were ringing with it and his head felt like it was swimming.

He made his way up the stairs to the main hall of Skyhold. He was planning to use this path to get to his room while picking up something to drink along the way, but when he bent to pick up the cup he felt his head swarm. His vision blacked.

He heard the gasps and exclamations from those in the hall as his body fell to the ground, but he wasn't aware of much else outside of that.

[OPEN]

Later he's in his room, resting. His body feels clammy. He's sweating but his skin feels so cold. There's very little color left in his cheeks which seem hallow and thin.

Still, he knows rumors are spreading about his health and he's willing to see visitors if anyone wants to see him.

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"It's not for the clan. It's not for anybody except those I feel won't hate it. And that's because I... I have heard beautiful singers, and I could never be one of them." Suddenly her feet start moving before her mind can catch up and she's standing alongside the bed instead of at the foot.

"Whatever you'd like, Felix. A song, a story. Both? I would do a terribly silly dance for you or find someone to throw pies at if you only ask for it."

He chuckles a bit, though the sound is strained and he has to rub at his side as he does it.

"Oh, at times I wish I had met you when I was well," he says without considering it first. It's a bit too much like admitting to something they could never have. He had meant to request a story, not express that kind of regret.

The admission makes her heart beat faster and her cheeks go pink. It's possible she's reading too much into his words; that she's only thinking he means something he doesn't because it would be so nice to imagine something like it without barriers in their way.

"I wish I had left the clan earlier. I could have traveled, come to Orlais... maybe walked past the University one day as a man came by with his nose buried in a mathematics book. He'd bump into me and say how sorry he was, and I'd tell him it was all right. And I'd say 'My name's Ellana,' and he'd say, 'I'm Felix,' and--" And she stops herself from saying more as tears gather in the corners of her eyes.

He watches her and feels his own heart in his throat. It's so strange how he had accepted and been ready for his death while in Redcliffe, but now it just seemed like such a waste.

"Ellana," he says carefully. "It will be all right." He can really only think of how the last time he said that had been to his father. "You'll be all right."

But you won't be, she thinks to herself. She nearly says it too. It's on the tip of her tongue, but she holds back. He knows that far better than anyone. Instead she looks up towards the ceiling to keep the tears from falling and sniffs back any more. And when she thinks she has them under control, she looks back at him and forces a smile. She sits on the edge of his bed and sets her hands in her lap. It probably would have been polite to ask first, but she can't worry about that right now.

"You said you liked the way elven sounds, so this is for you, all right? No one else." Ellana has songs she sings with Merrick and those are their songs. But this one she'll only sing to Felix.

Hahren na melana sahlin
Emma ir abelas
Souver'inan isala hamin
Vhenan him dor'felas
In uthenera na revas

Vir sulahn'nehn
Vir dirthera
Vir samahl la numin
Vir lath sa'vunin.

She knows her fellow Dalish would hate that she was singing such an important elven song to a human. Especially a song about Uthenera, which they lost with the coming of humans. But she doesn't care what anyone else thinks. She just wants Felix to enjoy it. To hopefully find peace even though he doesn't understand the words.

Felix settles into the sound of her voice and finds himself far too lulled by it. It seems to calm the pounding in his head and gives him something else to remember when he feels his head is too noisy.

When she's done he realizes his vision is blurry with tears.

Focusing on the song and keeping her voice steady has prevented her from crying anymore, but on seeing his own tears, she clutches her hands together tightly in her lap.

"I'm sorry," she murmurs. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"You haven't," he says. He reaches up and wipes his eyes. "Your voice is beautiful. You should sing more often."

His words cause her to exhale something like a laugh, but it's hard to be in good spirits right now.

"That's what Merrick always says too. To my ears, it doesn't sound as pleasing. But I thank you for thinking so. I'm just glad you enjoyed it."

"Merrick is your clanmate?" Felix asked, wanting to talk about anything that wasn't his illness. That and he was very curious about her life.

"Yes. He's here at Skyhold too. He's only twenty, but never tell him he can't do something or he'll prove you wrong. And that would be after the black eye he'd give you." She shifts a little closer and smiles, just as willing to talk about other things as he is. "Though he's always been good to me. He saved my life once, in fact. It was years ago, but I was out gathering wood when a pack of wolves found me. Even with my magic, I would have been overwhelmed, but then he appeared and helped fend them off."

"Then he's a hero," Felix said. "The world have been much worse off without you in it."

"Oh," she says, looking down at her hands. "I think the same can be said for most, if they're good people." The world will be worse once Felix is gone; she feels that for certain.

Her eyelids close and she draws in a deep breath. Coming to Skyhold, she knew she'd have to face some humans who would hate her just for being an elf, but she had hopes that plenty wouldn't mind. And she's been proven right. Felix is just one of those who has shown her respect and kindness, and she doesn't want to imagine this place without him.

"I, um... would you like another story? Or you could tell me one, if you're feeling up to it."

He doesn't think he has the strength to speak that much. His chest hurts and breathing is difficult. He would like to tell her a story about his family, his mother perhaps, but he can't do it.

"Tell me a story," he said after a moment of thinking it over. "Your voice is beautiful."

He doesn't have to keep complimenting her, because she would stay here and entertain him no matter what, but his words sink into her so she can savor them. After a moment, she nods and begins to speak.

"I'll tell you of Elgar'nan and Mythal -- our father god and mother goddess. Elgar'nan's father was the sun, who was jealous that all creatures of the world loved his son better, and so he reached down and burned them to ash. Elgar'nan defeated his father in battle, plunging the world into darkness. His mother, the earth, begged him to release his father so the world would have light again, but in his pride and need for vengeance, he refused, and the earth wept. And so Mythal rose out of the sea created by the earth's tears, and laid her hand upon Elgar'nan's brow, and her touch calmed him. He realized the world needed the sun, so he released his father on the promise he would return to earth each night. Together, Elgar'nan and Mythal rebuild all the sun had destroyed, and Mythal gathered together the pale light that surrounded the sun's bed in the earth and hung it up in the sky to become the moon."

Felix listened to this tale earnestly. The sound of Ellana's voice washed over him, comforting him.

"I think I like the way that Mythal works," he says after a moment of thought. "She sounds like a goddess worth worshiping."

"Yes, she is the one I revere most." Briefly, she passes her fingertips across her cheek. "I've chosen to honor her with my vallaslin. It represents her. She is the goddess of love, family, and justice given to those truly wronged. I hold dear the same things she does."

Felix lets his eyes focus a bit on her blood writing. "I have to say I'd feel devoted to her as well, if I were an elf." He pauses a moment, uncertain if that is offensive to say.

"Did your vallaslin hurt? I know other types of tattoos do, but I think yours might be a different process?"

While Ellana can see why others would choose the other gods, it pleases her to hear Felix say he'd choose Mythal too. "It did hurt, but we're not allowed to show it, otherwise we're not ready to have it done." She smiles softly and lowers her voice, as if not wanting to be overheard.

"We're not supposed to discuss our vallaslin with humans. You won't tattle on me, will you?"

"Oh, Of course not," he says. "I apologize. I didn't meant to cross a line. I've said before, I want you to keep what you have. Tevinter has taken too much away from the elves as it is."

"It's all right, really. There are some things that I could never share, because they're too precious to my people, but others... I feel maybe humans would understand us better if we were more open about who we are. Then the wild stories wouldn't take hold in people's minds. Apparently there's a prominent one saying we sacrifice human babies." Ellana sighs, shaking her head.

Felix made a face. "The same rumors are said of Tevinter."

"At least we know better, don't we?" She thinks she can learn a lot about Tevinter from Felix. Surely there has to be good parts of it too. It produced a person like him, and a person like Krem. And Dorian's not bad either, though she only knows him from his observing the mage council meetings and making a flippant remark every now and again.

"At least in my case there are parts that are better," he says thoughtfully. "I wish it was a place I could say was well all around. Hopefully one day."

"That's what I keep thinking of. One day. One day maybe my people will look towards the future too, instead of just the past. Maybe we'll have permanent homes and won't have to keep running. Maybe Tevinter will be different. Better. Maybe things will be better for mages in the south." Ellana blows out a breath. This is a very heavy topic all of a sudden.

"I think it all starts now. We have to stop Corypheus first, and then rebuild everything. And hopefully it can be better than before." It's only after saying all this that she realizes that Felix won't be around to see any of it, and that starts up a pang in her chest.