faderift | god damn it

[ Poor Myira, frankly. Kitty is stiff-necked and thin-lipped, furiously avoiding looking at or engaging with Lakshmi. Lakshmi, meanwhile, is doing the same. The anger between them is palpable, and it lasts for a damn long while, through multiple days of travel as they take the road north.

The three of them are traveling with supplies and extra horses, enough to extract the Inquisition's contact and his family from Tevinter lands and bring them to Skyhold. The road has been uneventful so far, which is good - but also bad, because with the silence, it has been boring. ]

[ Of the many things you could say that Myira is, an expert in human psychology is definitely not one of them. All the same, she knows enough about how to read a room that the last few days of stony, pointed silence between Kitty and Lakshmi has frayed her already taut nerves. Her thighs hurt--both the muscles from sitting astride a horse in a position she's not used to and from the chafing from sweat (Skies, she hates sweat) combined with the motion of the horse which she also isn't used to. This was going to at least be a bit fun, she'd thought. Spending time with her two favorite(ish) people in the Inquisition. But no. They had to be fighting about something.

Finally, she's had enough. Reaching up she pushes the broad-brimmed hat she's been wearing to keep the sun off a bit further back on her head, then looks between the other two. ]

So are you two gonna open your gabs or do I have to put up with this the whole way?

Edited 2018-08-07 02:37 (UTC)

[ She had been doing a marvellous job she thinks, of saying nothing particularly troublesome other than - yes, no, we ought to stop here, the horses will tire in the heat and so will we. Glad she is here, in that grit. Because she knows what it is to be on the road for days like this - ]

I would gladly talk with you.

[ Her eyes are still forward, sitting straight-backed, heels down in the stirrups. Dodging the rest of that question firmly. ]

[ Kitty, by contrast, keeps her jaw clenched shut. Go on, you two. Have a conversation. ]

[ Myira glances towards Kitty, but when she doesn't speak she finds her attention drawn back to Lakshmi. By contrasts, Myira sits on a horse much like a sack of flour. She grumbles, half to herself. ]

Fine be a pair of great idjits why don't you?

[ Why do they both have to do this? ]'

Well talk to me about why you an' Kitty ain't talking then.

[ G u h. ]

We had a disagreement about what respect means.

[ Kitty's lips thin, but she still says nothing. ]

[ Myira groans and slumps even lower in her saddle. If it's possible. ]

Well can the two of you make up? It's makin' my tail feathers ache.

[ Grumbled. ]

Or it might be the damn horse...

[ that at least, she can sigh over a little more kindly. ]

We ought to rest them soon, so we can take a break. They'll overwork themselves in this heat. I can show you how to stretch your legs out.

Where?

[ The question is terse. Yeah, Kitty isn't about to make up any time soon. ]

A little further up, I think.

[ Looks up, hand over her eyes, squints at the sun briefly. ]

Half an hour or so, and the side of the road will do fine.

[ Myira sighs again, but at least it's something. ]

Ayuh. That'd be grand. My thighs feel like they been turned to mince meat...

[ Kitty doesn't agree verbally, but - she really does feel miserable. She hurts all over. She hates horse-riding, hates horses - she would give anything for a simple ride in a simple bus. Or not going anywhere at all. Another half hour sounds like torture. ]

And it's really hot.

[ Raniji, when can we stop? Baba says that there will be a river and we can - She smothers the laughter, fixes her face. They are neither of them her children, and yet. ]

Only a little further then. Around the next corner.

Grand. I could use a drink and somethin' to eat...

[ Myira leans back in the saddle and arches her back a little to pop it. ]

Ugh.

Here. I've got -

[ Kitty fishes in her bag and holds out a bit of jerky to Myira. ]

It's nasty, but it's something.

[ Fortunately, Myira isn't exactly picky. She reaches out to take the jerky and begins gnawing on it with obvious relish. ]

Nasty? This is good meat, it is...

[ She speaks around the a mouthful of the tough, dried meat. Who needs table manners when you're on a horse? ]

[ DISGUSTED FACE. ]

[ Kitty watches as Myira gnaws. Against her will, a little smile plucks at the corner of her mouth. ]

Well, you can have all of mine. I think if I put another piece of that in my mouth, my tongue will leap out of my head in protest.

If'n you're not gonna eat it, I will.

[ Myira beams, heedless of the disgust her enjoyment seems to spark. ]

Yer all too picky.

[ How did this happen, where did she go wrong. ]

I am not... fond of meat. [ Is the stiff response. Awkward. Gathering up the reigns in her off hand. ]

What? Why not? Meat's good.

[ Myira stares at Lakshmi as if she's just said she doesn't like breathing air. ]

[ It's hard not to dig, to flick her eyes over to Kitty, then back to Myira, guiding her horse along. ] I am Hindu. It is a ... religion. Like the Chantry, in this place, even if we believe quite differently, and it forbids the hurting of animals. Not that all of us keep these tenants, and indeed we have rules about how it is to be done, and many still do eat meat and some would argue other verses - but - [ Complicated, is the short of it. But what did it matter here and now? She's quite sure Kitty would roll her eyes at half of it, and the rest would just go over Myira's head and... Lakshmi knew her own stance on the matter, if not a strict scholarly matter. ]

We believe in minimising our hurt to others, and others includes animals. Hurting, mistreating or killing animals is no different to doing that to a man, woman, or child. If it must be done, it is to be done with compassion, and all kindness shown to the animal in question.

[ Myira blinks as she processes this new information. She'd never thought there'd be a religion to forbid eating meat but... she understands it, now that it's been said. ]

Oh, aye... that makes sense. Can't say as that we have anything like that. The Skies just tell us to live and to fly and respect all things beneath the Skies. Don't do no harm if you don't have to, but if you gotta eat, you gotta eat.

Ugh.

[ That noise of disgust and frustration isn't quite sufficient for Kitty's frustrated-disgusted purposes. And so she tries again, fiercer: ]

Ugh!

[ The refugees are, as it turns out, not the vitally important researcher and his family that were promised. They aren't even really in distress. Frankly, they'd probably be safer staying here than going onto the road, with all the risks that entails. But they want to go, want to go desperately - and so - ]

Are we taking them, then?

We are.

[ She doesn't like it, flat in her tone. They don't need this, it's fraught with a dozen problems as she watches between Kitty, Myira and the refugees a little while off, huddling together waiting for the verdict. ]

The people here mean well, but they will starve come winter with so many mouths to feed. Let alone if the war breaks into fresh battles.

[ Old pains, she digs her right thumb into the meat of her opposing hand, harsh between forefinger and thumb there. Working at it in a fixed irritation with the situation. ]

[ Myira grimaces at the thought. Minding a bunch of chattering, skittish hens and and their chicks all the way back out of Tevinter sounds miserable. She exhales, sighing loudly, and rests the ball of her hand against the pommel of her sword in a way she's decided is quite dashing and important. ]

Ayuh. I don't like it none but now that we're here I guess we don't got a choice.

[ Myira's not trying to sound callous. Honest. She reaches up and awkwardly scratches at the line of her scalp underneath her hat. Sweat. So much sweat. ]

They're gonna slow us down though. And they'll attract wolves.

[ Perhaps not literal wolves but Myira knows a nice, fat, easy bit of prey when she sees one. She's seen enough wolves hunt enough deer to know what it looks like. ]

[ Of course, the moment Lakshmi speaks, Kitty starts feeling contrary. And so she responds - ]

I think that the farmers probably know whether or not they're going to starve better than you do. I'm fairly certain they've had rather a lot of experience figuring out how to feed themselves. If they think they can support these extra people, they can.

[ Really Kitty? But this is - this is much more than their squabbles. When it was just them, squabbling and snarling over who had what shift at night? So be it. Even if they were making Myira unhappy.

But this? She has her lines, and this is so surely one of them. If it was her own daughter she would twist her and drag her to.

No, this - this she will not allow. This goes far enough, right here. ]

Londoner. Talking like you know beyond your walls, have you even bothered to leave the Square Mile? [ Snarled, but low, between them. Things maybe, that Myira didn't understand.

But Kitty ought to know the inflexion to the tone she has heard used often enough. City-brat. Townie. How is it behind your great walls? ] Look with your eyes rather than your pride. They speak with generous hearts, but that doesn't fill up their grain stocks. With this many mouths to feed, come winter, I suspect they won't have enough spare grain for the chickens to eat, and then they will have even less food. Let alone for the cow to produce milk. Should the animals starve, or the children, after that? [ It's hissed, lent in, using Myira as the block point so that at least, the family can't see them fighting. ]

[ Really when it comes down to it Myira would much rather that they didn't make her unhappy. But here they are. As the two begin to hiss back and forth at each other about London, Myira lets out a low groan and covers her face with one hand. This was supposed to be simple. Go get some people, go back. ]

...Let's just take them, that's what we're here for, ain't it?

[ Arguments about whether or not people will starve or are starving or whatever are over her head and she just wants Lakshmi and Kitty to stop arguing over their stupid human nonsense. ]

Will you two jus' stop already? I've been dealin' with you two not saying a damn thing for the whole trip and Skies knows that was bad enough but if I gotta listen to you lot argue with each other over this lot I'll lose my mind! [ Myira's puffed her cheeks out out, trying not to appear too emotional and failing utterly. ]

Edited 2018-08-09 04:58 (UTC)

I'm just tired of her not showing respect to the common folk. They know their business a lot better than some rich lady does, though that's the thing about rich ladies - they always think they know the most.

[ That's said with acid in her voice, a look of smothered fury directed at Lakshmi. Then she turns to Myira, and says, with her voice a lot less furious and a lot more quiet - ]

But - yeah. It's what we're here for.

[ Breath, count the names of Shiva. Breath again. Flatly quiet, her eyes following behind Kitty, but moving on. ]

I'll tend the horses. Tell me when we are ready to move.

[ She turns on her heel, flat as that. Done with this. ]

[ Myira stares at Kitty for a moment, her face blank. Rich ladies? Common folk? What? None of this matters. What matters is the two people she's come to like the most since she got to this place won't stop squabbling. Her face twists for a moment, torn between something like anger, annoyance, and pure unhappiness. ]

...That's what this is about? All this not talkin' to each other and glarin' and me having to sit here miserable an' hot an' covered in Skies-damned sweat while the two of you sulked? 'Bout who knows best?

[ She's not sure what she's feeling any longer. Her lip begins to tremble and then fat tears born of stress and anger and sheer exhaustion start to roll down her cheeks. She makes no effort to hide them--why should she be ashamed of what she feels? Ever? ]

You're both bloody stupid.

[ She trembles, resists the urge to kick out at something and then turns to stomp off towards the horses, scrubbing at her face with both hands. They're not presenting the most confident image of the Inquisition are they? ]

Edited 2018-08-09 15:02 (UTC)

[ Kitty was not going to go after Lakshmi, and maybe she wouldn't even have gone after Myira, except that she had to start crying. And Kitty, who is not a good English girl but who is still an English girl, can't help but feel flustered and embarrassed by that show of open, shameless emotion. ]

It's not - Myira, stop!

[ Kitty follows along, feeling anxious an embarrassed as she says - ]

It's not about who knows best. It's about her looking down on me and insulting me.

[ They most certainly aren't any one's idea of the Inquisition, right now. But it's less of a concern to the tears on Myira's face. Her fingers grip hard into themselves. Holding, holding, holding.

Though, she doesn't dart closer. Let Kitty do that - chances are, they would do nothing but fight again. Does as she meant to. Goes to the horses, checking them over, but she's half ear turned, waiting. Just in case. ]

[ Myira is still stomping her way over to the horses. Her thighs and ass and everything is one big massive ache. She'd wanted this to be, well, not a lark but something diverting and they were fighting over nothing. She speaks without stopping to turn around, still crying. ]

Don't go pulling my tailfeathers--! It's stupid! How's she lookin' down on you? Or me?

[ Myira makes it to her horse and reaches out to take the reins from Lakshmi, then falters. She hiccoughs and lets out a muted son and presses her face into the horse's neck. ]

You--this ain't how it's supposed to be.

[ Kitty shakes her head, and studiously avoids looking at Lakshmi. ]

Look, it's - it's a human thing. It's a stupid human thing. Humans decided long ago that certain people are better just 'cause of who their parents were and who they marry. And as far as humans are concerned, 'cause of my birth and my circumstances, that I'm worthless. But I won't put up with - I don't put up with - anyone treating me like that.

[ Then - ]

Don't be upset. I'm sorry.

[ Shit. Her mouth fixes, flat, hard, watching them, carefully so.

Pride is an ugly thing, she supposes, and she has more than most of both halves of it. But she would betray her father, the streets she was raised on. Because does it matter? What does a girl care for pride half writ in blood?

But there was an order to it. At least that she could be a sightless awkward as she steps around. Reaches for Myira first. To pull her close, arms around her shoulders hands still rough, but at least familiar to the motions.

The rest is... less familiar. She made it such a habit after all. She admitted only the faults in not doing enough. Destroyed buildings, battles, the sword in her hand. ]

Kitty. [ Specific, her name. And what a name it can be. ] I made a mistake. [ She breathes in. My father deserved better. A slower breath out, it's awkward in her mouth. ] I'm sorry.

[ Kitty draws back when Lakshmi approaches, giving her the room to embrace Myira. Her face is hard and suspicious when Lakshmi addresses her directly. Wary. At the end of the day, Kitty's a girl who's more accustomed to having oaths uttered at her than apologies, and so she can't help but search for the danger when an apology comes. ]

What d'you mean, a mistake?

[ Myira goes quiet as the two finally speak to each other. There's comfort in Lakshmi's touch and she's grateful for it but she doesn't want to talk anymore. It feels as if she's done the lion's share of it for days and now she can let them work it out. She slumps against Lakshmi, shoulders still shaking as she lets loose more tears, releasing the stress and anger and sheer frustration that has been building the whole way here. ]

My pride spoke and my anger spoke. It was... wrong of me.

[ Adjusting, her arm settled around her shoulders, tilting her head so Myira could settle as she pleased where it was comfortable. A little too big, after all, to pick her up. But enough space there for her to bury all her tears. ]

When you have been at war... [ Well, long enough. ] You forget how you seem. How you are. What you are. It was not right of me to do... disregard what you were saying, simply because of that, and my position has often meant I do.

Oh.

[ Kitty shuffles her feet. ]

It's - whatever. It doesn't really matter.

[ Which is a rich goddamn thing to say when she's spent the past weeks giving Lakshmi the silent treatment. ]

[ Myira tucks her head into Lakshmi's shoulder and seems determined to stay there, at least for the immediate future. As the two speak, she seems to calm down a little and when she does speak up, she's only a little teary. ]

...I was afraid you were gonna hate each other th' rest of time or somethin'.

[ Myira, honey. ]

[ That at least - she can huff for laughter. Carding her fingers against the top of Myira's head in an off way - practised to something similar, maybe. An easiness to the motions. ] I think it is no more than Kitty and I... both have something of a temper.

[ And a strong sense of ideals that took no quarter, on top of it. Something she can meet Kitty's gaze with easily. ] It matters. Enough people will trip over their pride when sense is being spoken to them, and cause even more suffering because of it. I will not be one of them.

I - Yeah, maybe.

[ A little bit of color comes into her cheeks as she agrees. She finds herself flustered by the apology, uncertain how to react to it. So, after a bit of internal struggling, she says - ]

I guess - I just - [ A huff. ] You didn't do anything that bad. I just - You're not from my world, and you're not like the people I knew, and I need to remember that. Sorry. And sorry, Myira. I know this has...really just stunk for you. This whole experience.

[ She's not here to drag it on, to drag Kitty over it - what good would that do. So her head bows, measured and the once before she like ever: gets on with it. ]

Our apologies, little one. Humans are quite often fools. [ Soft as anything, she kisses the top of Myira's head. Careful against her hair. Just a peck and no more. Even then, it is straightforward as she detangles from her. Smoothing her thumbs against her cheeks to mop away the tears. Smoothing her hair back. Putting her back together that is absent, really, of much thought. Practised tending. The soft tsk that is looking at her. ] Water. You should be drinking it.

[ And she lets go, because want as she might, act as she does - neither of them are her children. ] Kitty, you're still in charge, I believe. [ And they have made enough of a show of themselves for the time being. ] Do you want to tell them to get ready to move?

[ Myira scrubs away what remains of her tears and makes a motion to grab her waterskin from her saddle, nodding. Water--she definitely feels a little headache coming on from the crying and the damned heat. ]

Aye. You two're... real important to me here. It's like I got an auntie an' a sister almost. [ A small laugh. ]

I'm ready when you lot are.

[ An auntie and a sister? That's...a very strange thought. Kitty is altogether discombobulated a moment, at the thought that Myira considers her to be like family. Families are broken easily, after all, but building them? That's not something that can be done in a moment. Is it? ]

Yeah. I'll - erm - go and let them know. That they're coming with us.

[ She huffs out a breath, awkwardly, and then turns away. ]

god damn it

On the road

Re: On the road

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Deciding what the hell to do

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