run boy run

[foundmyselfagain]

WHO: Gareth and YOU
WHAT: Gareth adjusting to being back from his surprise extended stay in Tevinter
WHEN: The week or so after the rescue
WHERE: Around the Gallows
NOTES: Probably gonna be talk about trauma and how not to deal with it, gareth being gareth, etc etc

i. work

Gareth is a ghost.

He is, however, a ghost with a job, and while his superiors (Salvio? Thranduil? Whatever) would probably be willing to give him a few days off to get over the whole...captive thing, he would prefer to have something to do. Something to occupy his mind, his hands. He's had plenty of time to sit around in a small room.

So he idles around the library, or more accurately, lurks, fidgeting with books in the background, rearranging them, making sure everything is where it should be. He stays away from anyone else, stays silent, and close to the shelves, as though he can make himself invisible simply by not speaking or getting too close to anyone.

When not at the library, he's in one of the vaults, or poking around at one of the old, dusty corners of the cellars of the Gallows, inventorying and tidying. There usually isn't much company in these places, which means anyone who comes here will probably be trying to seek him out to speak.

ii. night

He doesn't sleep much. Dreams provide little comfort, and there's always an unpleasant lurch when he first opens his eyes, wondering if that cell will greet him again.

So, he makes his way to the shore, book in hand. Because, if you're not going to be doing something for a few hours, you might as well read. If the moon doesn't provide enough light to read by, he simply raises the hand with the anchor shard in it, soft green light spilling over the pages.

iii. break
[[ooc note: closed to close cr only!]]

At some point, something in him snaps. Something that had been repressed since he was first captured, waiting to come out, snarling and angry and hurting. He doesn't wait for the Gallows to fall again to let it out, and takes his staff into the training room, hoping to burn that energy on something constructive.

But it isn't enough. Each time his staff makes contact with the training dummy, he imagines a new face, the Venatori, Corypheus, even the ones who broke him in the first place. Templars, Meredith, even Orsino, and it's not enough, he has to hurt them more, give them that yawning pain that he had to live through, that he had to relive, that seems to never leave him.

Fire and thunder break out, sizzling across his staff at first, and then growing stronger as he lashes out with all the mana he can muster, until it runs out and Gareth, with one final swing to the now rather singed dummy, falls to his knees, panting. It doesn't feel better. Not like hurting the Templars did, during the war. Like seeing the people who sought to strike him down fall to their own comrades sword. But he's supposed to be better now.

He doesn't feel better.

Comments

[altusimperius]

Gareth is quiet, and Bene can't really blame him. The situation in Tevinter was traumatic for most everyone involved, including himself, and often he can't even bring himself to think about it.
He can only hope Gareth was in decent shape, but after the whole world was turned inside out, he can't be certain.

"...don't mention it," Bene replies with a smile that's small but warily genuine. He'd had to lie to people he's known his whole life-- and not that there isn't always all kinds of lying and mischief at court, but it mattered this time. Strangely, he finds he doesn't regret it.
"Erm..." How to even...? "...how are you?"

[foundmyselfagain]

"Well, I can't look as awful as I feel, or you wouldn’t be hanging out with me in public," The joke is bad, but Gareth is trying, albeit in a morbid manner. "So it can't be that bad." The smile is a bit lopsided, but also genuine. Not genuinely relieved that Benedict will be seen in public with him, of course. But glad to simply have someone around that he can call a friend.

He doesn't say that, though, because it would be horribly sappy.

"What about you? Are you going to be alright? I mean—I don't know." He slides his hand through his hair with a sigh. There’s no subtle way to ask if someone's home and family have been burnt to the ground, so he defaults to a simple shrug. "How are you doing?"

[altusimperius]

This is awkward. But something about Gareth brings out the genuine side of Bene, and he smiles faintly in response to the jokes, hunching his shoulders a little in a shrug.
"I... mm. Fine. I suppose." As the tea arrives, he takes both cups and hands one to Gareth, allowing the servant to pour into both. "...everything's different."

[foundmyselfagain]

Gareth accepts the tea, holding it with both hands. He doesn't answer Benedict right away, turning his focus to the tea, instead. He's listening though, and thinking. Trying to think of the best way to word what he's about to say, to make sure that it's taken in the spirit of helping that it's intended.

"Yeah. That happens sometimes. Sometimes, it happens a lot. No warning, and suddenly your entire life is just...not the same. And it'll never be the same." It's certainly happened to Gareth enough times. Sometimes it's by his own volition, but occasionally, shit just goes really wrong. After another pause, his eyes flick up to Benedict, and there's a half-smile tugging at his lips.

"But you're alive. And that means you can adjust. It's not easy, I mean--look at me." A quiet huff of a laugh, one that carries little humor. "But I think you can do it, Benedict. You've already been through a lot, and here you are."